June 11, 2008

Are You a Leader or a Pleaser? Take the Test

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 6:13 am

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When I work with folks who are finding their path, we often talk about famous leaders and what made them what they are.

Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, Jesus, Mother Teresa . . . where they leaders or fools? Each did things that were praised as the ultimate sacrifice for the good of others, but were they leaders really or did they just give themselves away?

Ah, there’s the trick, figuring that part out.

I’ve known a few “victim types” in my time. They thought they were the next Mother Teresa or such, but it wasn’t who they were, I don’t think. Truth is I won’t ever know. The decision isn’t mine.

The reason I can’t determine the answer is because the actions look the same whether the person is a leader or a fool. The answer to question is fully inside the person’s own mind.

You can take the test for yourself. It’s easy. Pick the one that’s you.

  • Do you give others what they need, but give that same thing to yourself first? Then you’re dealing from strength. You’re a leader. You’ll have your proof in that it’s easy to say “no,” when you find that you can’t or shouldn’t give more than you have. You’ve got what you need.
  • Do you give others what they need in hopes they will give back to you? Then you’re dealing from weakness. You’re a pleaser. You’ll have your proof in that it’s almost impossible to say “no,” even when your whole being says that you should. You’re trying to get what you don’t give yourself.

Are you a leader or a pleaser? Only you know for sure. But I suggest you to for the first.

Give yourself what you need. It’s easier to say “no” to the folks who don’t deserve what you’ve got.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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Filed under Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog |



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13 Comments to “Are You a Leader or a Pleaser? Take the Test”

  1. June 11th, 2008 at 6:37 am
    Rick Wolff said

    I think this is the lesson of the oxygen mask on the airplane. Before you help a friend or loved one with his, you put on your own.

  2. June 11th, 2008 at 7:01 am
    Anthony Lawrence said

    I’m not sure if it’s just “leaders” and “pleasers”.

    I’m definitely not a pleaser, but I don’t think of myself as a leader either - in fact, I rather dislike the concept. I don’t “follow” anyone and I don’t expect anyone to follow me.

    As to giving, I think of it more as not hoarding. I give away what I have too much of, what I don’t need. Most of my giving is simply lack of greed: I have something I don’t need, so why not give it to someone who does need it?

    (Once in a while there is that “dig deep” stuff where you give more than you can afford because of some other reason: the person or the cause that needs your help is important to you, but that has nothing to do with what you are getting at here.)

    Giving with expectation is weakness if you are giving away things you can’t afford to give, but if you are giving away excess in hopes of compensation isn’t it more foolishness than weakness? Wishful thinking, maybe?

  3. June 11th, 2008 at 7:26 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Rick,
    I like that analogy a lot!

  4. June 11th, 2008 at 7:29 am
    Anthony Lawrence said

    I’m not sure I do.

    I would help family or friends first. Heck, I’d help strangers first.

    Now again, that probably has to do with excess: I’m healthy, strong, and arrogantly confident, so I’d feel that I could afford to help anyone who didn’t look like they could take care of themselves.

  5. June 11th, 2008 at 7:33 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Anthony,
    We could be dancing in the realm of semantics. I might have said “Are you your own person or someone else’s?” To me it would have meant the same basic thing.

    What I see is folks who give away what they need rather than supplying themselves first. Some folks teach others to find their potential, but never recognize their own. It’s the shoemaker’s children . . . makes me wonder if the kids thought he was such a wonderful dad. :)

  6. June 11th, 2008 at 7:35 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Ah, but the reason you’re healthy, strong and arrogant is that you’re already taking care of yourself.

    If you don’t take that oxygen mask for yourself first, you’ll pass out before you can help that kid in the next seat. :)

  7. June 11th, 2008 at 7:36 am
    Barbara Ling said

    I’m both.

    There are folks I know who are my fellow spirit-journeyers in this thing called ‘life’ - for them (as well as my family), I’d storm the gates of Hell with no expectations of return.

    Then there are people who look up to me for guidance and wisdom; I take that very seriously indeed and make certain the information shared is both valuable AND valued (I do not appreciate being taken for granted at all).

    I’ve been reiterating to my kids the qualities of leadership over the years and so far, they’ve seen me walk the walk I talk and have internalized the important points. I hope this will aid them as they continue to grow.

    Enjoy, Barbara

  8. June 11th, 2008 at 8:18 am
    Charlene said

    Great post, great comments. Like Barbara, I’m a bit of both, depending on the circumstances. Sometimes the act of helping someone (pleasing) is a form of leadership. In the office, we talk about these bookends a lot - are you a leader or a follower is usually where we net out in terminology.

  9. June 11th, 2008 at 9:20 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Barbara!
    Whomever we are is really how we see ourselves is the point I’m trying to make. What we give isn’t what makes us a pleaser or a victim or a leader or a saint. It’s how we feel about ourselves and the gift.

  10. June 11th, 2008 at 9:20 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Charlene,
    I think you’re saying the same thing as I am. I like the thought of that. :)

  11. June 11th, 2008 at 10:14 am
    Matt @ Face Your Fork said

    I think it depends on the circumstances in your life - I think some people are more inclined to answer A over B, or B over A, depending on their life experiences.

  12. June 11th, 2008 at 10:52 am
    Mike Ramm said

    Yes, Rick gives a great example - it makes a perfect analogy!

    I believe the most valuable thing in our lives is freedom and I try to give the people I live and work with the same freedom I give to myself. That makes me a leader, does it?

  13. June 11th, 2008 at 11:09 am
    My #1 Tip Plus 25+ Unique Blogging Voice Resources - Day 4 of 7 Days To Making Your Blog Blossom » Personal Edge Insights - Barbara Ling said

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