29 Comments to “Bloggy Question 32: Blogger Alert! Where Is She? What Should You Do?”

1. December 3rd, 2006 at 6:30 pm
   Mike Sansone said

   Write Her an Email:

   Subject: I’m here whenever and however

   Hey you –
   Whenever you have a need,
   Or However I can be
   I’ll always be here for you –
   As you’ve always been there for me

   With Love and Care,
   Me

2. December 3rd, 2006 at 6:32 pm
   ME Strauss said

   Hi Mike!
   I’m glad you’re my friend.

3. December 3rd, 2006 at 8:23 pm
   Kent Blumberg said

   I’ve had this happen to friends on occasion. I do everything I can to find them – googling, asking mutual friends. I like Mike’s idea, but I would also send a card via snail mail. It’s scary to lose touch with someone after such a downer email.

4. December 3rd, 2006 at 8:25 pm
   ME Strauss said

   Hi Kent,
   Yeah. It’s scary to just have someone go missing.

5. December 3rd, 2006 at 9:32 pm
   V-+a%S(p#E*rsT=`hE..]gra_Te[ said

   This person didn’t happen to be Katherine Stone of Decent Marketing blog, did it?

   She has stopped blogging, her last post is full of spam comments, and she does not answer her email.

   I Googled her name but found no stories of sickeness or death.

   How do bloggers just vanish, without a trace? This is a very important issue you bring up, and I have no easy answer. I’m grappling with it myself.

   A couple other blogger allies have vanished, and I cannot locate them anywhere.

   Creepy.

6. December 3rd, 2006 at 9:38 pm
   ME Strauss said

   Hi Steven,
   No, I didn’t write it about anyone in particular, though I know one or two myself. It’s sad and creepy. Yeah. I agree with you.

   The same thing seems to happen in life itself, but it feels differently. It’s as if they walk away then. Here it’s as if they disappear, vanish into space.

7. December 3rd, 2006 at 9:43 pm
   V-+a%S(p#E*rsT=`hE..]gra_Te[ said

   So this is a hypothetical situation, or a composite narrative?

   I speak of actual disappearances, unexplainable, unresolvable. Do we call the cops?

   Blogs and murder, God forbid, have been tied in the past, where a murder victim’s last entry contained a clue as to who the murderer was, and stuff like that.

8. December 3rd, 2006 at 9:45 pm
   V-+a%S(p#E*rsT=`hE..]gra_Te[ said

   P.S. Even if hypothetical, it rings true. What happened to Katherine Stone of Decent Marketing? Or Mac Swift of deleted blog “Vessel of Honour”?

   BTW, I did a post just now about this post and my reaction to it.

9. December 3rd, 2006 at 9:46 pm
   ME Strauss said

   It’s what the movies call based on a true story . . . hypothetical from a ways back. No emails exist, just memories.

10. December 4th, 2006 at 5:42 am
    Rick Cockrum said

    I’m with Mike and Kent about the email and the snail mail, then a prayer to keep her in your heart and send the best for her to her. Keep an eye on the police reports and obits for the town to which she move if you’re concerned enough. The only other option is go to her town if you care that much about her and you’re able.

    It sounds like the possessive guy turned out to be a jerk. If she’s basically centered, eventually she’ll work through it. People come and go from our lives, sometimes through our choice, sometimes their’s.

11. December 4th, 2006 at 5:52 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Rick,
    Yeah, attempts at mail seem to be a given. I wonder if there was a guy at all, or if he went away somewhere along the line too. Maybe she’s madly in love, quit that job, and they’ve gone to Mexico or Hawaii and that long email was just some fluke.

    I don’t know why people don’t put a “good-bye” or “I’ll be back” at the bottom of their blog.

12. December 4th, 2006 at 6:10 am
    Rick Cockrum said

    What person in a normal emotional state writes an email like that on impulse? If she did abandon her new life so quickly to run off, if it doesn’t turn out badly it will be a fluke.

    We haven’t developed the mores for ending an online presence that we have for ending a 3D presence. The lack of closure is the worst part.

13. December 4th, 2006 at 6:13 am
    ME Strauss said

    Yeah, Rick, impulse is a risk at the very best and a huge one. The lack of closure is inconsiderate if she didn’t have a reason — just didn’t do it — and unsettling if something got in the way of her getting to it.

14. December 4th, 2006 at 6:24 am
    Renée said

    Liz, I agree with your last sentence on comment #11. Bloggers should at least write a short post about their blogs’ “closure” or whatever. Especially when readers develop some kind of relationship with the blogger–virtually or physically.

    To me, this is a form of courtesy and respect.

    On Steven’s comment #7–blogs and murder. Gosh, so frightening! That’s why T won’t allow me to enclose any personal details on blogs. I’ve been stalked a few times before, which made it difficult for me to convince T about me blogging. Of course, I did manage to convince him with the exception of signing a few clauses. :p

15. December 4th, 2006 at 6:45 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Renée,
    I know. This is serious stuff. We form relationships in which people care about us. We need to realize that when we go away. It’s the only way to care back.

    Yeah, Steven’s post is frightening. I know one or two people who’ve gone away like that. I think about them and wonder whether they’ve just gotten overwhelmed or runaway . . . or whether it’s been something else. I try not to let my imagination do too much.

    My heart goes out to T and his care for you. I would be there, if such things happen again. I bet lots of folks around here would too. I’ve had a run in with strangeness once. It’s not fun.

16. December 4th, 2006 at 7:00 am
    Renée said

    I try not to let my imagination do too much.

    I like your thought and attitude on this matter.

    And thanks for your care, I appreciate greatly. Would do likewise for any bloggers I have some communications with.

17. December 4th, 2006 at 7:05 am
    ME Strauss said

    You’re a real person here. It’s clear that you would do the same. That’s the mutuality of an authentic relationship.

    We’re really lucky to have so many going here.

18. December 4th, 2006 at 7:13 am
    V-+a%S(p#E*rsT=`hE..]gra_Te[ said

    Stalkers and predators LOVE personal blogs. It’s their new favorite weapon. People are not smart to reveal where their children go to school, favorite restaurants, etc.

    Google “personal blog dangers” and you’ll see plenty to worry about and protect yourself from, esp. single women.

    The Cluetrain Manifesto web site set the pattern for us all, which I used in my old Streight Site Systems blog: This is Hereby Declared to Be a Read-Only Landmark Site.

    We must close our abandoned blogs like we close anything else. Heck, even a ma and pa local shop puts up a “Closed” or “out of business” sign on the door.

19. December 4th, 2006 at 9:12 am
    ME Strauss said

    Yep Vaspers,
    This site is finished but left for you to read. Any way you say that, it’s important that it get’s said. There are too many dead blogs out there anyway. Orphaned and floating with loose ends that people have just abandoned after 2 or 3 posts.

20. December 4th, 2006 at 1:19 pm
    Scorpia said

    Three weeks with no word after a very distraught email is unsettling. Especially the part about “missing three days of work again“.

    Since this person is someone I know as a friend, rather than just a casual online acquaintance, the thing to do is get in touch with the local police.

    If she’s dead (and we hope not), they will be able to find out. Not every gets written up in the obits; someone has to send it in.

    If she’s disappeared, they can look into the matter. If she’s still around, they can at least reassure you about that.

    When you care about someone, you don’t just shrug it off as “oh well, another vanishing blogger”. Especially not in a situation like this.

21. December 4th, 2006 at 1:23 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Scorpia,
    I think we worry that we will be a bother or that the police will just shrug us off. It could be that we watch too much television and too many movies about this kind of stuff.

    Then on the other hand, no one wants to feel foolish.

    You’re right though. When I put this in the real context of someone that I’ve actually spoken to on the phone. I think action would be called for. I’ve not had it happen to someone I’ve been THAT close to.

    Thank God for that.

22. December 4th, 2006 at 2:20 pm
    Scorpia said

    Exactly, Liz. The topper is the email, which is out of character for person as you know her.

    As for “looking foolish”, better to do it and feel foolish, than do nothing and always wonder. Besides which, she may be in a bad situation and need help.

    The sad thing is, it’s always so much easier to do nothing and ease one’s conscience with any number of rationlizations.

23. December 4th, 2006 at 2:22 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Yeah, it is easier to do nothing. We sure can find reasons that it seems the right answer if we want them. . . .

24. December 10th, 2006 at 7:08 pm
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25. December 11th, 2006 at 2:28 am
    carrie said

    some bloggers just don’t care about their readers… they are only blogging for themselves.

26. December 11th, 2006 at 5:14 am
    ME Strauss said

    Carrie,
    Welcome,
    You’re right some folks don’t care.
    Some don’t think. Some think that others don’t care about them. We’re a strange species when it comes to considering the feelings of each other. We often don’t give a thought to our impact on the lives of others. It’s sad.

27. December 11th, 2006 at 7:56 am
    V-+a%S(p#E*rsT=`hE..]gra_Te[ said

    Very true, Carrie.

    Everyone, Carrie is my longest term ally and online friend. She has a real knack for pinpointing the gist or essence of things in a brief, pithy manner. A very astute purveyor of all things bloggy.

28. December 11th, 2006 at 7:58 am
    V-+a%S(p#E*rsT=`hE..]gra_Te[ said

    P.S. Carrie would probably love the anarchy free for all turbulence of the fast chat Open Mic Night here.

    Liz…I gotta go to dentist, then to work, so could you invite Carrie to Open Mic night? She would really spice it up nicely. I think she likes things like Jabber and stuff.

    Thanks.

29. December 11th, 2006 at 8:00 am
    ME Strauss said

    Vaspers,
    Of course, Carrie is welcome to Open Mic night. I love everyone who knows how to say things as they are and say them well. Bring along with this week!