Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

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October 25, 2008

Can Someone Get Something from Being Nothing?

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 12:38 am

Look Up, Look at Someone Else

sad_man_by_ the _water

Yesterday I met someone who was nothing.

He wore his nothingness like a badge. It was his role, his definition of himself. He had tied himself too closely to “things” and a company he lost years ago. Now they were lost and he was nothing.

He argued for the reasons that his days held nothing, that he could do nothing, that nothing suited him.

His reasons were well-thought and often repeated. They listed his inability to compete with other people and things outside of him. They outlined every subject about which he couldn’t care and every task at which he was inept.

As time and conversation passed, it became clear that he planned on staying exactly where he was. Nothing got him something. Was that “something” attention or a reason not to try anymore? Maybe it was the opportunity to talk about the past?

Sane humans don’t stay in situations that don’t pay off. In some way we’re getting something. We always buy into the “contract” of what we’re doing and where we are.

When things truly aren’t working, we get determined. We change the situation.

Yeah we get something from being nothing, but when being nothing gets to be a problem, we become the something we could have been all along.

Ever met someone who got something from being nothing?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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22 Comments to “Can Someone Get Something from Being Nothing?”

  1. October 25th, 2008 at 7:17 am
    Yvonne DiVita said

    Wow, have I ever! I’m related to some! LOL Seriously, it’s very sad when a person allows the daily grind to determine tomorrow’s weather.

    I’m in a bit of a slump now - but, I know why and I know how to get out. At least, I know how to move forward and let yesterday lie in my wake. Because today is what counts. Today is the day I turn things around.

    In the soaking rain, in the cold and silence, I have high expectations: for myself.

    It helps me to remember that happiness is found along the way, not at the end of the road.

    Cheers!

  2. October 25th, 2008 at 8:16 am
    Karen Putz / DeafMom said

    Like Yvonne, I’m related to someone who digs the same ditch over and over. My sister has chosen a path that has stripped her of everything and she’s always had grand ambitions of improving her life, but it has remained the same year after year. It hurts to see this, because she’s an incredibly smart gal with amazing writing skills and a gift of storytelling. The world has never seen her gifts.

  3. October 25th, 2008 at 8:47 am
    John Hewitt said

    Most people have a specific set of values that they believe define a good life. They generally focus on such things as family, money, career, education, religion, etc. Not everyone defines themselves according to those values though, and it can be disconcerting when you run into someone who values none of these things.

  4. October 25th, 2008 at 9:08 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Yvonne!
    I love your first sentence, “Wow! Have I ever!” On a day or two, I’ve been that someone who in love with being nothing. It got me lots of attention — from myself.

    High expectations keep us going, don’t they. They sure do keep us knowing that happiness is our own thing to grab. :)

  5. October 25th, 2008 at 9:13 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Karen,
    Something about that ditch feels safe or attractive. Who knows how the world has made it so that someone could find it better to be there than in the sun. Wish we could find a way to undo that in a hurry.

  6. October 25th, 2008 at 9:18 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi John!
    When we let things define us, rather than defining ourselves by our values, we are bound to lose. We can’t hold onto things.

    I agree it’s disconcerting to meet a person who doesn’t see the life around him, doesn’t see . . . anything but things.

  7. October 25th, 2008 at 9:36 am
    rrcowden said

    Pain is the touchstone of growth.
    Whether it be an addiction or a stale or ended career. The quickest change occurs when we get sick and tired of being sick and tired.

    Then there are those that watch others and say “That is not working for them .Why would it work for me?” They decide it probably won’t , and say “I think I will do this instead.”

    Both changes are good but one is faster to achieve.

  8. October 25th, 2008 at 9:40 am
    rrcowden said

    After reading my comment again , I am not sure which one is quickest, Maybe the second way is easier on friends family and co workers.

  9. October 25th, 2008 at 11:24 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi RR
    Whatever sticks is the one that I’m voting for. :)

  10. October 25th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
    rrcowden said

    Sometimes when given two choices, one is not :-)

  11. October 25th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
    Melissa said

    I guess it depends on how you define “nothing.” I’m not sure if the post is suggesting that the man is nothing because he doesn’t have a lot of material possessions and has no business or career? I have to say that one of the happiest people I know would fall into this category. However, I wouldn’t call him nothing or his life pointless. I learn a lot from him on a regular basis about how to be happy. A man could be an amazing father or giving son, but not have a lot of money or a career, and wouldn’t that still make him something? I guess it inevitably comes around to how you define success, too.

  12. October 25th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
    Amy Derby said

    I’ve tried on that skin from time to time. Trouble is, it’s a hard one to grow out of. And it causes vision problems.

    In that place, it’s hard to SEE you’re getting something from the nothing. All you can see is the nothing. And it slowly eats you alive. You don’t realize you’re letting it, feeding it even.

    Yes, I’ve met many folks who have let themselves get stuck there. I’ve worked for some of them. They’re scary people.

    Inside, they’re dying, but they don’t realize they’re the ones killing themselves. Nothing you do for them will be right, because they’re the only ones who can save their own lives.

    I used to try to save them. Then I tried helping them learn how to save themselves. Now I just sort of step back slowly and give them the space to be their uncomfortable selves.

  13. October 25th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
    Joshua said

    Oh, the comforts of being down-and-out.

  14. October 25th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Yeah RR.
    I hear you!

  15. October 25th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Melissa,
    Welcome!
    The man argued for his nothingness. I did not. It was “his definition of himself.”

    I think much as you do. At first I tried to offer him much of what you say in your comment, then I realized he wasn’t listening. Other people around him got the same response.

    That’s what led me to write this — that he didn’t seem to want to feel otherwise about himself.

  16. October 25th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Amy,
    Well said. That so perfectly describes what I saw and what I know of having been there and the people I’ve met who’ve gotten stuck.

    Thanks for your wisdom.

  17. October 25th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
    jen said

    I just saw this link on Twitter. Nice answer Amy!

    I am that person sometimes. I have a music CD that is the soundtrack for owning the nothing. When I need to take a break, and being optimistic and driven and creative just gets to be TOO MUCH and I want to mourn my housing value and uncertainty of the next gig - I wallow in being nothing.

    Not good enough. Not smart enough. Not creative enough. I wallow in everyone having the answer while I’m still searching (not hard enough) to find it.

    I OWN IT. Me, and Tori Amos and Stereolab and Lush and the feeling that nothing I ever have is now, or will ever be, enough to make me happy.

    I cry.

    My husband used to try and talk me out of it until I explained it to him.

    I’m incapable of being dialed up to “11″ all the time. Sometimes, you just need to feel what it is like to not know your own divinity. To not feel like you control your destiny.

    To feel normal. Like, you know, how most people feel. The reason most people don’t start businesses and stay at jobs they hate with bosses that belittle them and make them feel worthless.

    Giving into the nothingness is the only way I can remind myself I don’t want to be that person all the time.

    Hey, I never said I wasn’t a beer short of a six-pack.

  18. October 25th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
    Melissa said

    Oops! Thanks, Liz! That’s what I get for reading too fast! :)

    Maybe by playing the victim, letting life happen to them and feeling helpless, they don’t have to face the consequences of what could have been if they acted. Whether it’s fear of success or fear of failure, or fear of making a fool out of themselves for trying, it is fear that is keeping them where they are. And maybe, they don’t face the fear and instead hide under the security of being nothing or playing the victim because labeling themselves as such is far more comfortable and far less scary to them than taking action and control of their lives would be.

  19. October 25th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Yeah, Joshua.
    Exactly. :)

  20. October 25th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Jen,
    If that’s your process and you know that’s what you’re doing, that’s something . . . but I hearing you say that you tell your husband NOT to try talking you out of it is important. That’s not what this guy was doing. :)

  21. October 25th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Ah Melissa,
    No worries. I do the same thing. :)

    I hear what you’re saying. I once asked a guy when he was last feeling worth something. He said “Sept 11th.” I said, “That was 7 years ago!!”

    A life isn’t bereft of opportunity for seven years.

  22. October 26th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
    Sunday night « Levite Chronicles said

    [...] Liz talks about a guy who is stuck on who he is. Don’t be like [...]

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