Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

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October 10, 2008

Can You Be Brave and Vulnerable?

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 9:53 pm

Be Brave and Vulnerable

Some folks are brave as knights in shining armor. Some folks are vulnerable — they are damsels in distress. Most are only one or the other. They list. They lean. They need things to stand complete.

The brave ones need an audience to know their strength. They need dragons to slay. They don’t understand why folks don’t thank them when they save the kingdom. I was brave in that way once.

The vulnerable need an audience to know they’re alive. They need to give until they’re all gone. They don’t understand why other folks have boundaries. I was that kind of vulnerable once.

prague_castle


I took my brave and my vulnerable out of their separate jars. They’re not broken anymore. In that way, neither am I.

Brave and vulnerable belong together, like two sides of one coin.

Brave and vulnerable touch us, teach us, and change us, each brave and vulnerable, deep and wonderful breath we breathe. We touch the universe together in large and small ways that hardly anybody knows.

Brave and vulnerable, eating tea and cookies in a big leather chair, watching me write this on a dark night in Chicago with a light on faraway.

Brave and vulnerable heart, my mind, and purpose in the same direction.

They are memories. They are imagination. They are two kids playing, smiling in the sunshine at six years old.

Brave and vulnerable − they are me and you.

Please . . . don’t let go of that. People will tell you other things.

Brave and vulnerable are like bittersweet chocolate — a rare and valuable combination.

They’re dynamic tension like poetry in motion, visibly authentic, and irresistibly powerful.

Are you brave and vulnerable?

Of course you are.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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49 Comments to “Can You Be Brave and Vulnerable?”

  1. October 10th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
    Chris Brogan... said

    I think that’s been my model all along. I like to show people my failures alongside my wins. I don’t suffer in public as best as I can help it, but I do explain the failures. How will others learn if I don’t.

    I think it’s a great plan, Liz.

  2. October 10th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
    Allison Worthington said

    wonderful post. you summed the secret up so well.

    xo, alli

  3. October 10th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
    TarotByArwen said

    Great post, Liz. I think the balance is the best thing in the world to strive for. To be all one is to be obnoxious (on either side of that spectrum.)

  4. October 10th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
    --Deb said

    You can’t be brave without fear.
    You can’t be strong if you don’t know weakness.
    You can’t be heroic without crisis.
    You can’t be outstanding without knowing mediocrity.

  5. October 10th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
    Ed Shaz/NextInstinct said

    Everybody’s telling me this sentiment defines me. I’m thinking “New Success” would sit well, in its stead. ;~)

    Thanks for postage,
    Ed

  6. October 10th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
    Robbyc said

    I think when you are been Brave you are exposing yourself and been vunerable thats what was the emotive spark that made you brave and extend yourself in the first place

  7. October 10th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
    Suzie Cheel said

    I like it and think it is important to be both. I think people can learn as Chris says from your failures. and often you are mirroring what they maybe be feeling and/or experiencing.

    Yes I am brave and vulnerable
    Thanks Liz and Chris

  8. October 10th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
    Albert Maruggi said

    Being vulnerable is a prerequisite to being brave. Without being vulnerable you are blindly obsessed, you know not where you are, you couldn’t even conceive brave.

    But when you realize you are vulnerable and exposure that vulnerability knowingly, then you have achieved bravery.

    It’s not love unless it hurts.

  9. October 10th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
    Lainie Petersen said

    Yes…

    The brave person is one who recognizes their vulnerability, recognizes that others (including “enemies”) can recognize that vulnerability, but still goes out and does what needs to be done.

    Thanks for this reminder!

  10. October 10th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
    Mike Smith said

    I’ve had failures publicized as well as accomplishments. I think you need both in order to excel. Everyone loves a success story, but we all love reading the failures the person went through before making it to the top.

  11. October 10th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
    Dawn @ My Home Sweet Home said

    Beautifully written.

    I’m very into photography and Photoshop and two of my heroes in this area are men who are brilliant but vulnerable, sharing both their successes and failures: Scott Kelby and Joe McNally.

    I’m a homeschooling mother of eight, web designer, blogger, etc. I get a lot of “I don’t know how you do it,” but I always make sure and keep it real (and my reality is a far cry from perfection). Pretending to have it together is a lonely place to be.

  12. October 10th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
    Emily Caswell said

    Showing and sharing vulnerability is brave. Being brave is opening yourself to the possibility of failure, making yourself more vulnerable. They do belong together, don’t they?

  13. October 10th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
    Sandra said

    I like to think so. I don’t know that I maintain a perfect balance but it’s something to strive towards. Have a wonderful weekend! We’re off to find some brave family adventures in the country for Thanksgiving.

  14. October 10th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
    Pat Williams said

    Very true Liz. We humans tend to move toward extremes and forget that tiny variances can result in big differences. After being brave for years, I’ve discovered I am actually quite vulnerable. I struggled and tried to throw the vulnerability off, but I’ve decided to embrace and listen to it. Perhaps if I’d listened sooner, I wouldn’t have had to spend so much time being brave. Thanks for your timely thoughts.

  15. October 10th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
    Rock and Roll Mama said

    Thanks for this. I think it’s crucial to be both, but hard to strike that balance. Especially in a context like social media, where we’re seeing only fractal bits of people that comprise the whole of our impression. I find it challenging to know when to be which.
    So far I’ve been going with my gut, and keeping boundaries to the best of my ability. I agree that authenticity is the key to SM, and that showing a different side is a welcome respite from the agendas. Cheers, L

  16. October 10th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
    Kristin T. said

    Yes, brave and vulnerable definitely belong together. It’s always tempting, especially as a blog writer, to play it safe and not expose your deepest self. But people are hungry for what’s real, even if it’s uncomfortable. We have to be brave/vulnerable if we want to get beyond the superficial. (And if I can’t get beyond the superficial with my readers, then I don’t see the point in blogging at all.)

  17. October 10th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
    Douglas Wade said

    Very true! And we should all help our friends to be the same way, balanced!

  18. October 10th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
    Nathan said

    I enjoy your writing style. I believe that showing vulnerability can be a good thing, but there are also many people that will pick at them because they can. You’ve got to have thick skin to go that route, but I see merit in it.

    On the other hand, I am very vigilant about trying to shore up my weaknesses and turn them into strengths.

  19. October 10th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
    Todd Smith said

    Wow, Liz. What a great post. Your point is simple, but it really hits deep. Being both vulnerable and brave seems to happen easiest when I share something that’s meaningful to me, and which I think might be valuable to another too.

    I really like what everyone in the comments section has said about the value of sharing your failures as well as your successes. I love Dawn’s comment: “Pretending to have it together is a lonely place to be.”

  20. October 11th, 2008 at 12:55 am
    Matthew Bibby said

    Thank you Liz for adding some goosebumps to my afternoon!

    I have to quote:

    “Brave and vulnerable heart, my mind, and purpose in the same direction.

    They are memories. They are imagination. They are two kids playing, smiling in the sunshine at six years old.”

    So very true . . . I have just come from the backyard where I have built a sandpit for the kids. The girls are out there playing . . . smiling in the sunshine . . .and as if that wasn’t timely enough . . . I have just made some big decisions in my life that involve my brave and vulnerable coming together.

    To become whole and be able to live my life with integrity is wonderful.

  21. October 11th, 2008 at 2:10 am
    Marc Dierens said

    This is how I want to be, but I would let others be the judge of that. My wife and I are currently going through a situation which requires us to be both brave and vulnerable, and we are doing a good job, so far.

    Tx for this wonderful post, and tx to Chris Brogan for Tweeting about it!

  22. October 11th, 2008 at 7:07 am
    Miz Liz said

    A perfect lesson in qi. Ensure that the energy flows in balance. Brave and vulnerable. Without one, the other stalls. Love the post Liz, thanks!

  23. October 11th, 2008 at 7:35 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    @Chris Brogan
    Being out there will all of who you are, learning as you go . . . that’s it. Yessir. Thanks for showing us how. :)

  24. October 11th, 2008 at 7:36 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Alli
    Imagine what will happen if we show everyone else how. :)

  25. October 11th, 2008 at 7:38 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi TarotByArwen
    Welcome! I agree, it’s the dynamic tension of the two that makes them powerful and attractive. :)

  26. October 11th, 2008 at 7:39 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    –Deb
    Everything we do badly teaches something about how to do it well. You said that so beautifully. Thank you for taking time to write those words. :)

  27. October 11th, 2008 at 7:40 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Ed Shaz/NextInstinct
    It’s a compliment, for sure, that folks say this defines you. I’ve always said my dad was strong enough to be gentle. To me, that means the same thing.

    You’re not a stranger anymore, Ed. :)

  28. October 11th, 2008 at 7:42 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Robbyc
    The vulnerable emotive spark is often what makes me brave enough to explore what I write. I think you’re on to something there.

  29. October 11th, 2008 at 7:43 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Suzie Cheel,
    I think you’re a beautiful example of what I’m talking about. You live your life. I admire that.

  30. October 11th, 2008 at 7:46 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Albert Maruggi
    Hi Al!
    Your point about exposing vulnerability knowingly is important. I would add without need to have it filled which I assume you meant. I’m not sure that love has to hurt, but it has to pull from the heart a true investment that cannot be denied.

  31. October 11th, 2008 at 7:47 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Lainie Petersen
    Welcome!
    I’ve been thinking while reading your comment that a brave person doesn’t let his or her vulnerability make him or her weak. That’s a new thought you brought out. Thank you.

  32. October 11th, 2008 at 7:49 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Mike Smith!
    Welcome!
    We all need our successes. I agree. Otherwise we might never understand our value or what we have that’s worth fighting to keep. But our failures hold the experiences that bring us what we’ll be able to pass on and teach.

  33. October 11th, 2008 at 7:52 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Dawn,
    Pretending to have it together is indeed lonely . . . yeah, it’s not brave, it’s not deep. It’s like a piece of rice paper — each punch holes through — it’s ultra vulnerability masquerading as competence. Even if people buy the act on some level they sense it isn’t true.

  34. October 11th, 2008 at 7:54 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Emily Caswell,
    Once someone experiences brave/vulnerability, I can’t imagine that he or she would ever want to know the two as separate ever again.

  35. October 11th, 2008 at 7:55 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Sandra!
    Enjoy your brave adventures!

  36. October 11th, 2008 at 7:56 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hey Pat!
    What a powerful thought . . . I struggled and tried to throw the vulnerability off, but I’ve decided to embrace and listen to it. Perhaps if I’d listened sooner, I wouldn’t have had to spend so much time being brave.

    I hope lots of people read that.

  37. October 11th, 2008 at 8:06 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Rock and Roll Mama!
    My goal is to bring identity into every cell so that even the fragmented bits translate the same to the people who see them.

    Breathing helps. :)

  38. October 11th, 2008 at 8:07 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Kristin T
    I agree that people come to your blog to find — information is every where, you are the unique value proposition that attracts. Being real doesn’t mean giving away what doesn’t belong to them. It means showing them what connects. :)

  39. October 11th, 2008 at 8:08 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Douglas Wade!
    Just making it safe and easy to be who they are is one way to do that. :)

  40. October 11th, 2008 at 8:11 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hey Nathan!
    I feel pretty strongly that there’s a difference between vulnerable and “needy.” The first attracts and takes care of itself. The second grabs and doesn’t know how to give back. Vulnerable doesn’t have to be about weakness and as you said weakness can be about strength.

  41. October 11th, 2008 at 8:13 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Todd!
    You’ve cut to quick . . . brave and vulnerable don’t happen about meaningless and trivial things. I like Dawn’s comment too. :)

    This has been an amazing learning thread.

  42. October 11th, 2008 at 8:14 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Thank you, Matthew, for sharing a glimpse of your life and a beat of your heart.

  43. October 11th, 2008 at 8:15 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Marc Dierens
    Welcome!
    May your brave and vulnerable hearts stay safe from harm. You’re in my thoughts.

    You’re not a stranger here anymore.

  44. October 11th, 2008 at 8:16 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Miz Liz,
    Without one the other stalls . . . Yep. Thanks for saying that.

  45. October 11th, 2008 at 8:26 am
    Albert Maruggi said

    Liz to your point about Love not having to hurt. we may be talking semantics, but for me it does.

    Love is an investment of part or all of you and when it’s gone, there is a part of you that has pain, always will

    Both my parents died by the time I was 20, love hurts.

  46. October 11th, 2008 at 9:54 am
    Rachel said

    YES! I’d definitely say I’m both.

  47. October 12th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
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