How to let people help you

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Entrepreneurs are a bizarre lot.

The lone wolf mentality that enables them to strike out into the unknown can also be one of their greatest impediments to growth. There is a certain egomania and self-assurance at work in their make-up that helps the entrepreneur weather emotional, financial and other figurative storms in their lives as they press on toward a goal that sometimes only they can see.

They are resilient, resourceful and sometimes stubborn. They have to be, in order to protect their vision and dream.

But the best and most successful entrepreneurs have figured out how to balance their “independence trait” with the ability to accept help when it is needed. They have learned how to be “strategically weak” so that they can become even stronger and more capable in the long run.

There’s a saying that pride goeth before a fall, and in the case of those who haven’t learned how to ask for help, this saying especially applies.

Pride restricts. Pride reduces options. Pride weakens.

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” ~ C. S. Lewis

This is an important distinction when understanding esteem, worthiness and what you bring to the table during any ask for help. Sometimes the ask is framed as a “value proposition,” which is just a shiny term for energy exchange. Whether approaching a vendor, investor or potential client, you must balance what you get for what you give/offer.

The law of reciprocity is social physics.

However, this law also applies when asking for help. Understand that at every point at which you ask for help from someone, you yourself have something of value to offer. With this in mind, here are some suggestions when you wish to ask for help:

• Have a solid understanding of your strengths and capacity
• Be willing to offer those as “collateral” to the person/entity from whom you are asking help
• Don’t apologize for needing help
• Learn from the person/entity who offers help
• Pay it forward

The paradox is that we are at once at our weakest and our strongest when both accepting and offering help. It is a privilege to be both giver and receiver. Once you understand the physics of exchange, you will see that each participant in the equation benefits and expands.

“The dynamism / of like meeting like expands / both bodies in turn.” ~ MCK, Haiku

Letting people help you gives you a chance to strengthen yourself; allows a “stronger” person to give back into the karmaic exchange of energy and all benefit from the repercussions of the transaction. Have you ever helped someone else? Has anyone helped you? What was the result? How did you benefit?

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Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive Foundation) or “Like” them on facebook.

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

How accepting responsibility brings rebirth

Filed Under leadership / management, Motivation-Inspiration, Successful Blog | Leave a Comment

Do you know the difference between “naming” and “complaining?” Naming is identifying a challenge, unpleasant situation or unproductive practice. Complaining is whining. In the past, I’ve called chronic complainers “cymbals with feet,” because they make a lot of noise, but don’t do much (if anything) to change what they view as a problem.

Related to the chronic complainer is The Blamer. This is the individual who points fingers, makes excuses or otherwise deflects accountability from himself or herself. Neither the Complainer nor the Blamer will truly inspire others to greatness, nor will they fulfill their potential, because they are investing too much energy pushing opportunities away from themselves.

Accountability equals responsibility, which is the seat of abundance.

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins. ” ~ Bob Moawad

On the off chance that you’re going through something particularly crappy right now, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “what is the best thing about this crappy situation?” Take note of your answer. It is the seed of your renewal.

Boiled to its essentials, my perspective is as follows:

• Name, but don’t complain
• Accept the situation *as is*
• Seek the variable under your control that you wish to change
• Identify the gain or positive in any situation and build from there

“Sweat silently. Let’s have no squawking about a little expenditure of energy.” ~ Martin H. Fischer

Once you have named a difficulty or a problem, henceforth/going forward, cease to complain about it and begin to take steps to *fix it*. Complaining is a waste of energy and only draws more complainers to your chorus. People who are focused on solutions will avoid you like the plague. If you want help, stop kvetching and start working.

“We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.” ~ C. G. Jung

Acceptance means different things to different people, but in this instance it’s an acknowledgement without judgement of any given situation. This is very difficult to do, but it is possible. I know that bad things happen to good people. I’ve lived it. I’ve seen it. I’m not a caricature of Stuart Smalley sporting my yellow sweater, spouting platitudes. However, I choose optimism over cynicism and pessimism, as (in my opinion) both present a slippery slope to despair and inaction. Optimism begets possibility, the framework from which solutions spring.

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems – not people, to focus your energies on answers – not excuses.” ~ William Arthur Ward

You can always start somewhere, even if that somewhere is your attitude (which, paradoxically, is the most powerful). All forward progress stems/gathers its strength from your attitude. Your problems have *you* as their common denominator.

Blaming is a weak form of complaining, because it shifts the focus from the situation and transfers the energy to people. If you wish to change a situation, remove the blame from a person. Ask yourself, “what is it about me I see reflected in my anger towards this person/situation? What must I change?” Then change (even if that change means removing yourself from a dysfunctional construct or situation). Easy to say; difficult to implement (but not impossible).

We are reborn every time we face a challenge and overcome it. In order to become independent, vibrant individuals, we must incorporate that which would try to weaken us and use it as fuel to strengthen us instead. When was a time in your life that you conquered a fear? What did you learn about yourself?

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Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive Foundation) or “Like” them on facebook.

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

If you want to be happier at work, quit doing these 5 things

Filed Under Business Life, leadership / management, Productivity, Successful Blog | Leave a Comment

By John Murphy

Forests have been demolished for the paper that has been taken up by books written about things to do to be happy at work, and in you life overall. In my experience, I think it has been an awful waste! I would say that 10% of those books have been great, 50% are pretty ok, and the other 40% absolute rubbish!

However, I have not come across too many that talk about things NOT to do! Maybe it is just me, but I learn best by not just knowing what I should do, but also by what I should not do!

So, in the interests of those like me, here is a list of 5 things to quit doing – and I promise you that not doing these will make you happy!!

1. Being fearful

Fear is something that is so prevalent, but no one wants to talk about it. People fear losing their jobs, not getting their targets, not getting that promotion – and even, people finding out that they are not as good as they think they are.

They are afraid to start that new business, go for that new job, change their career. And what happens? They do nothing!

They do not take that first step today because they are afraid that this is not the right moment, the right time of the year etc.

Now is the right moment – take the first step today!

2. Moaning

Moaning about anything only makes you feel worse – along with those who have to listen to you.

There will always be something that is wrong or not to your satisfaction, but don’t moan – do something to correct it!

Focus on doing whatever it takes to make it right. Also, don’t participate in general moaning – be the one who demands that you all do something about it. Show leadership!

3. Interrupting

Let others speak! Yes, I know you have loads of pearls of wisdom to share with all and sundry, but remember the golden rule – if you want to be listened to, you must first be a good listener.

No one listens to the orator on the orange box! So, practice the art of listening, and then you will become the person whose opinions are valued.

Also, just so we are clear – being silent is not the same as listening! For most, when they are silent they are not listening, just thinking of what they are going to say next!

4. Lecturing

There is nothing worse than being that boring “know it all” who keeps telling others what they should know, and, by definition, what he or she knows!

I have seen it far too often as people progress in their careers they take on the air of the pontificator and the fountain of all knowledge. Very often it is well meaning, but it just doesn’t work – you sound like a bore!

The sad thing? Even when you do have something to contribute, no one notices!

Share knowledge with humility, don’t lecture.

5. Not letting go

Last, but not least, and this one is a biggie. Let’s be honest, this challenges us all! This creates such a bad atmosphere and destroys the culture you want.

We all work in teams, and not letting go destroys any hope of that team growing and flourishing.

We all make mistakes, we all get things wrong – so forgive and move on. If you don’t, you will let this become a cancer in your business – and I don’t say that lightly or glibly.

What would you add to this list?

Author’s Bio: John Murphy a business coach who writes about what makes executives and business owners more productive at www.johnmurphyinternational.com. You can find him on Twitter as @jmicoaching.
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