Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

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July 23, 2009

Do You Flinch When You Talk about Yourself or Your Business?

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 9:32 am

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When I was a little kid, my younger, older brother liked to play a game with me. He called the game “Flinch.”
Okay, kid, here’s how it goes. I’ll pretend to hit you, but I won’t. I’ll do it when you least expect it. If you flinch, I get to hit you for real on the shoulder. Then it’s your turn to try to make me flinch too.

It was a boy’s game and he was a big brother playing with a much younger little girl. I didn’t stand a chance.

He’d throw fast false punches at me. Sometimes I’d face them off bravely, but sooner or later he’d catch me off guard.

I’ve thought a lot about that game since I’ve gotten tall.

What Happens When We Flinch?

Imagine someone you hardly know flinched every time you walked by. What would you think about that?

I’m suspecting that most folks would want to explain that they had no intention of striking out … attempt to ease the concern that made the person move back.

But suppose the person kept flinching, even after you explained. Soon enough most folks would probably start to dislike the flincher, start to feel mad.

“Who does that flincher think I am? I’d never hit anyone. Why does that person think that about me?” Some folks might even get mad enough to want to give the flincher a reason to have something to be flinching about. Yeah.

You flinch and after a while people think they’re supposed to hit you.

Flinching when we talk says that we don’t trust the people around us as we move back defensively like that.

Flinching in Conversation

It’s not often that we see people flinch as if they’ll be hit by a physical blow. But if we listen, we can hear people flinch in conversation regularly.

We discount ourselves in little ways. Recently, in a conversation, a friend who is a successful business man, someone of high professional stature and who has achieved a certain level of fame said the following two sentences.

Sentence one: “I was telling a story much like Jack Canfield does.”
Sentence two; “Of course, I’m no Jack Canfield.”

Of course he’s not like Jack Canfield … he didn’t have to say that. His sentence two was backing off from the possibility that I might disapprove of sentence one. I wasn’t going to knock him down literally or figuratively. His example had been fine with me.

We learn to not promote ourselves by doing it wrong. We overplay something we’re proud of and we hear a reprimand. We puff with an accompllishment and someone comes along with a pin to take the wind out of us. It’s that feedback that has taught us to flinch when we hear ourselves talking nice about ourselves now.

When we take true statements back, we’re flinching. I wonder if that doesn’t bring out any conversational bully who might be around.

Do you flinch when you talk about yourself or business?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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6 Comments to “Do You Flinch When You Talk about Yourself or Your Business?”

  1. July 23rd, 2009 at 9:55 am
    David Griner said

    Great analogy, Liz. As social media marketers become increasingly self-promotional to help them stand out in a crowd, I often find myself downplaying our work and skills to avoid sounding like all the other ego-bloated blowhards.

    But there’s a lot to be said for expressing confidence in yourself, your work and your business. I’m sure finding the line between self-confidence and self-aggrandizement will always be a challenge for those of us who’d rather talk about others than ourselves.

  2. July 23rd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
    Andrew B. Clark said

    Liz, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this post.

    Flinching. Subconscious body language. Posturing and deflating yourself to assume a subordinate role in a conversation is terribly counterproductive. I know, because I catch myself doing it ALL THE TIME…

    It’s self-defeating. And although you know as well as the next guy what’s going on, you qualify and “kick dirt” until the confrontation is no longer an option. And, unfortunately, it’s the conversational bully that ends up dominating those opportunities.

    Advice to the deeply insecure (conversationally or otherwise): Step up and hold your words on high, for you will be heard and you will be validated. Damn those that may doubt your truth and passion.

    Keep Cooking!
    Andrew B. Clark
    The Brand Chef

  3. July 24th, 2009 at 11:27 am
    Lisa D Jenkins said

    I believe in the career path I’ve chosen. I know who I am, I am confident in what I know and still I fear being “found out”. The tendency for self-deprecation is ever present.

    For me, not flinching is a learned behavior that I practice each day, sometimes with success and sometimes - not so much.

    Thank you for sharing the knowledge that others I may look to for direction and information can feel the same way.

  4. August 6th, 2009 at 8:33 am
    MamaRed said

    Hi Liz

    Such a great analogy! Thanks for sharing it. We’ve been trained in many large, and small, ways to be self-deprecating, haven’t we? I find myself in phases…I catch myself doing this and make a conscious effort to stop…then I seem to slide into the habit again later on when I’m “off guard”. Your post is a great reminder of the ultimate effects of doing this…I appreciate your insights.

    love and light, hugs and blessings
    MamaRed
    igKnighting passionately powerful possibilities!

  5. August 6th, 2009 at 10:24 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi MamaRed,
    Just keep reminding yourself that we honor and protect what we value. :)

  6. August 6th, 2009 at 10:29 am
    MamaRed said

    Absolutely Liz, absolutely! And the more awakened I become, well the more awake I am!

    Big hugs
    MamaRed

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