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September 19, 2010

Envy Jones: Do You Keep Yourself From Succeeding?

ME Liz Strauss published this at 12:44 pm

Fears as Tether
by Molly Cantrell Kraig

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Another entrepreneur’s fear is “Losing Ground to the Jones’.” Even though your business may be getting more profitable every year, you look at your old car in the driveway and the Jones’ new Lexus and feel that if only you’d stuck to being a corporate (fill in the blank) you’d have new toys, too.

New and improved. Four little syllables, but what a wallop they pack.

As someone who has been enthralled with advertising since she was a little girl, I notice the power of advertising. I notice how slogans and brands lull and hypnotize otherwise sane people into forking over their hard earned cash to have a bigger shinier do-mah-hickey in their driveway than their neighbor’s.

Ever since man has been able to drag a slab of meat home to the cave, he has been comparing his wealth to that of his neighbors’. Envy is such a pervasive and insidious force, it has achieved inclusion in The Big Seven, right up there with Sloth and Greed.

Like most sins, Envy is rooted in fear. Fear that what you have is not enough. How does this affect your independence?

When envy shows it’s green face, take a moment to really examine how you feel.

Do you REALLY want what you perceive you are lacking?
Why do you feel envious? What would you need to do in order to obtain that which you covet? Is it a fair trade?

As I mentioned in last Sunday’s post about tethers to independence, envy is a powerful chord binding you to your current state, for a number of reasons.

1. Fear of not being or having enough. Please make peace with the fact that there is ALWAYS going to be someone bigger, faster, more skilled, shinier and ‘better’ than you. We are all on a continuum here. We are each on our own path, and the only thing within our control is our attitude and our choices (and for what it’s worth, ‘better’ is subjective). You have NO concept of what some other Sword of Damocles someone else has hanging over their head, so stop trying.

When you spend all of your energy focusing on what you do not have, you haven’t the presence of mind to notice what you DO have, which leads to my second point:

2. Inability to recognize what you have. If you’ve ever seen the movie The Princess Bride, you’ll remember the scene where Wesley asks what tools they have in their arsenal when storming the castle near the end of the film. Almost as an afterthought, Inigo Montoya mentions the fact that they have a holocaust cloak on hand: an essential element of their success.

Recognizing, understanding and utilizing your own gifts are the keys to your success and your independence. Establish a baseline: write out times in your life where you contributed to a team’s success. It’s important to note the times in your life where your point of view was unique and also times where you had FUN. This is a clue, revealing gifts that you have which you may not recognize.

Most of the time, these gifts go unrecognized because most people assume that everyone thinks as they do, or sees things as they do. When you fail to honor that which makes you unique, you remain reliant upon others for your successes. They define your success, not you.

Also, it may sound trite, but IT IS TRUE: gratitude attracts. If I gave you a nickel and you threw it in my face, would I give you a quarter? No. Recognize and be grateful for the strengths you have and build upon them. That’s your ticket to independence.

3. Over-emphasis on the physical. Yes, Mr. Jones has just opened up his third location in Strip Mall Heaven. He’s “successful.” His wife is dripping with jewels and they are always seen at the Club every Saturday drinking the top shelf hooch.

Appearances may be deceiving: It’s quite possible that Mr. Jones is leveraged and mortgaged up to his eyeballs to the point where he is owned by his possessions.

These are tethers.

Even if everything’s paid for, keep in mind the mental attachment to Things as Indicators of Success. The physical is the tip of the iceberg. We only see 15% of what’s going on when we notice the shiny objects in our neighbor’s driveway. In order to be fully independent, it is essential that you can divest yourself from the physical. “You can’t take nothing with you but your soul,” or so it’s been said.

A show of envy is an insult to oneself. ~Yevgeny Alexandrovich Yevtushenko

In order to be independent, you must value yourself and what you have to offer: your abilities, your thoughts, your approach to solving problems. These singular skills set you apart. Appreciation for your own ingenuity conveys an assurance which provides you with ballast when you are faced with perceived lack. This confidence in your own worth is the launching pad from which you can gain your independence.

——-
Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole

Follow Molly on twitter as mckra1g or Women With Drive (WWDr1ve) at http://twitter.com/WWDr1ve

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Filed under Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog | 6 Comments »


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6 Comments to “Envy Jones: Do You Keep Yourself From Succeeding?”

  1. September 19th, 2010 at 1:11 pm
    Katja Presnal said

    I absolutely love this post. It is so true.

    Nobody else can’t define what is success for you than yourself – and how could anyone else celebrate your successes if you don’t value and celebrate them yourself?

    I am one of those people who always tries to make myself better, find new ways to do old things better, and improve and innovate. Sometimes I am so focused in the future that I forget to look back. I am my own Mrs. Jones and always trying to beat her.

  2. September 19th, 2010 at 10:45 pm
    Molly said

    Hi Katja,

    Thanks so much for taking the time to comment! You make a good point about using our own experiences as an opportunity to “compete” against ourselves. Sometimes it helps as we climb up the mountain of Self Improvement to take a moment to look back at how far we’ve come. My best, M.

  3. September 20th, 2010 at 2:45 am
    Kate said

    Wow! a great post. I recently started a blog and have been really pleased to see people have started to comment. I was happy until I saw someone elses blog that had over 20 comments….there is a lot I can take from what you have written here

  4. September 20th, 2010 at 4:21 am
    Ivin said

    I think success is being happy in what you are doing, and keeping up with Jones’ surely takes the fun out of everything – especially if they ARE in fact better off than you and you cannot accept that. For now :)

  5. September 20th, 2010 at 10:58 am
    molly said

    Hi Kate,

    It’s encouraging when people comment, because you (as a blogger) feel as though you’re truly engaging people. I learn a lot from the folks who take the time to comment. Congrats on launching your blog and best of luck! M.

    Ivin – “better” is a state of mind, and I agree that it’s difficult to compare yourself to others when you’re having fun. :) Thanks for weighing in! Best, M.

  6. May 15th, 2011 at 3:00 am
    What owns you? | Liz Strauss at Successful Blog said

    [...] I wrote a blog about envy as it relates to acquisition/status and how it keeps us from being independent.  This week’s installment is a variation on that [...]

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