April 21, 2013
molly published this at 3:00 am
Do you know the difference between “naming” and “complaining?” Naming is identifying a challenge, unpleasant situation or unproductive practice. Complaining is whining. In the past, I’ve called chronic complainers “cymbals with feet,” because they make a lot of noise, but don’t do much (if anything) to change what they view as a problem.
Related to the chronic complainer is The Blamer. This is the individual who points fingers, makes excuses or otherwise deflects accountability from himself or herself. Neither the Complainer nor the Blamer will truly inspire others to greatness, nor will they fulfill their potential, because they are investing too much energy pushing opportunities away from themselves.
Accountability equals responsibility, which is the seat of abundance.
“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins. ” ~ Bob Moawad
On the off chance that you’re going through something particularly crappy right now, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “what is the best thing about this crappy situation?” Take note of your answer. It is the seed of your renewal.
Boiled to its essentials, my perspective is as follows:
• Name, but don’t complain
• Accept the situation *as is*
• Seek the variable under your control that you wish to change
• Identify the gain or positive in any situation and build from there
“Sweat silently. Let’s have no squawking about a little expenditure of energy.” ~ Martin H. Fischer
Once you have named a difficulty or a problem, henceforth/going forward, cease to complain about it and begin to take steps to *fix it*. Complaining is a waste of energy and only draws more complainers to your chorus. People who are focused on solutions will avoid you like the plague. If you want help, stop kvetching and start working.
“We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.” ~ C. G. Jung
Acceptance means different things to different people, but in this instance it’s an acknowledgement without judgement of any given situation. This is very difficult to do, but it is possible. I know that bad things happen to good people. I’ve lived it. I’ve seen it. I’m not a caricature of Stuart Smalley sporting my yellow sweater, spouting platitudes. However, I choose optimism over cynicism and pessimism, as (in my opinion) both present a slippery slope to despair and inaction. Optimism begets possibility, the framework from which solutions spring.
“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems – not people, to focus your energies on answers – not excuses.” ~ William Arthur Ward
You can always start somewhere, even if that somewhere is your attitude (which, paradoxically, is the most powerful). All forward progress stems/gathers its strength from your attitude. Your problems have *you* as their common denominator.
Blaming is a weak form of complaining, because it shifts the focus from the situation and transfers the energy to people. If you wish to change a situation, remove the blame from a person. Ask yourself, “what is it about me I see reflected in my anger towards this person/situation? What must I change?” Then change (even if that change means removing yourself from a dysfunctional construct or situation). Easy to say; difficult to implement (but not impossible).
We are reborn every time we face a challenge and overcome it. In order to become independent, vibrant individuals, we must incorporate that which would try to weaken us and use it as fuel to strengthen us instead. When was a time in your life that you conquered a fear? What did you learn about yourself?
Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive Foundation) or “Like” them on facebook.