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15 Comments to “How Do You Decide Who Is Trustworthy?”

1. August 26th, 2009 at 6:53 am
   Karen Putz said

   That’s a subject I’ve been pondering lately as I’m dealing with someone who I no longer trust. On the outside, this person looks like genuine water. On the inside, she’s got some fake gel going.

   Trust is like authenticity–time and time again it will show through when it is genuine and it will hold up and stand out over time.

2. August 26th, 2009 at 7:19 am
   ME Liz Strauss said

   Hi Karen,
   I so hear you! I’ve been seeing people who’ve made me think the same thing and I’m wondering if they’ve changed or if I just didn’t really see them. I’ve believed that if I knew the whole story I would understand; or if I lived their story I might be the same way. Yet, when time has passed and the door has been open, at some point you gotta figure that folks just don’t want to walk through it. It’s the same with honesty and trust for me.

   When I’m with someone trustworthy, I don’t even think about who I am.

   Sneaky shows. heh

3. August 26th, 2009 at 7:25 am
   Karen Putz said

   This post has me thinking deeply this morning and I haven’t even had breakfast.

4. August 26th, 2009 at 7:33 am
   ME Liz Strauss said

   Hope the thoughts are good ones. I miss our deep conversations truly.

5. August 26th, 2009 at 7:50 am
   Paul McConaughy said

   Here is a link to my last post on Trust Takes Time. It’s about “Charlie” my rescue dog.
   http://focusurgencyreachimpact.blogspot.com/2009/08/trust-takes-time.html

6. August 26th, 2009 at 7:59 am
   Amy Keach said

   This is a great question that I’ve been struggling with for several weeks now, as my trust was recently very badly betrayed by several people, one of whom I had held in extremely high regard for years. It’s very much like the situation Karen describes above - the outward appearance of genuine water but gooey slop underneath. Quite frankly, it stinks to realize that the world I was operating in is not as I thought it was, and it’s going to take time for me to resolve this internally.

   Previously, my trust was founded on instinct, but the aforementioned recent experience has me changing that to blind stupidity. It was certainly naivety. I think I have more learning to do in this area and that going forward my trust will be based on learned experience. I think that covers almost every state of trust you list above, Liz! Everything except bravery. That one will take some time.

   Thanks for making me think this hard before finishing my coffee. I might be more lucid in an hour…

7. August 26th, 2009 at 8:11 am
   Karen Putz said

   I miss talking to you! Gotta get back to the famous Tuesday night chats. Perhaps when things settle a bit in the upcoming weeks.

8. August 26th, 2009 at 8:15 am
   Steve Woodruff said

   I think there tends to be an initial gut feel (very subjective; but surprisingly accurate much of the time). Then there’s track record over time, with others and with me personally. Even the two together aren’t infallible but they pretty much point the compass in one direction or the other.

9. August 26th, 2009 at 9:15 am
   Jenny_Pilar said

   I was having a conversation with a friend about ‘trust’. It’s hard to do that lately with so many artificial people lurking around. When do you trust someone ? And when do you hold back ? I’m still trying to figure that out. Great post !

10. August 26th, 2009 at 9:28 am
    Lissa Boles said

    Love conversations like this.

    One of the most valuable ‘ah ha’s’ I’ve ever had was when - without a trace of justifiable ‘reason’ (and after a couple of sleepless nights) - I decided to just trust a skittery feeling something wasn’t quite right about a really cool proposal a friendly associate I’d know a while put together. Ordinarily very trustworthy, turned out a bad break-up and the resulting financial crunch had her playing the numbers. My spidey sense - something I haven’t always validated - helped me avoid a whole lot of hassle.

    Do you find that the more you trust yourself – grow into your own authenticity, voice and felt sense of direction – the easier sussing out the trustworthy and standing for what you feel/know gets?

11. August 26th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
    Todd Smith said

    Lissa - I love what you said, “do you find that the more you trust yourself… the easier sussing out the trustworthy is?”

    We can see reflections clearly if our pond has no ripples. But if we’re trying to manipulate others (even subtly) we have no steady benchmark for seeing clearly.

    I tend to trust everyone by nature, but I’m not surprised when they fall short. We’re all human and I still love them when they fall.

    When you trust yourself, you don’t have to put all your eggs in others’ baskets. If they prove that they’re not trustworthy, it’s not the end of the world.

    People will always betray our trust. Business deals will always go south. It’s part of the game. Our only job is to be trustworthy ourselves.

12. August 26th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
    Bruce Caron said

    Liz,

    A while back a Cambridge sociologist (Anthony Giddens) came to Santa Barbara for a year. He was teaching and doing research on “modernity.” After that year (during which he also joined my dissertation committee) he wrote a very interesting book on the new role that intimacy plays in modern life. This writing predicts the kind of trustful (whuffie-generating) activities we are seeing.
    Here is a link to the book:

13. August 26th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
    Maria Lavis said

    Such a great topic! It only takes once to be duped and betrayed to realize that there are those who appear like water, but are ever so laced with poison.

    Trust is not just a feeling. It is a skill that can be honed with time and one that would be interesting to develop training for.

14. August 26th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    I did read these today. I’m coming back tomorrow to read them again.

    Thank you everyone for trusting me with your words.

    Liz

15. September 1st, 2009 at 4:53 pm
    Trust « Confessing my Dad Attitude said

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