November 20, 2011
molly published this at 3:00 am
Take a moment and think of your best friends. What is it about them that you like? If one of them called you and asked for a huge favor – one that would put a bit of a dent in your schedule or pocket book – would you help him or her out? More often than not, you would.
As a matter of fact sometimes, we go to great lengths to not let other people down, but we come up short when it has to do with how we treat ourselves. This month, we are talking about Three Ways to Build Self Discipline:
- Love what you do.
- Like who you are.
- Respect yourself in others.
Today’s post covers the second of three parts: Like who you are.Â When we like who we are, we don’t want to let ourselves down.
How do you feel about yourself? Do you like who you are? Some of us treat ourselves like terrible friends. We are disappointed with ourselves. We talk negatively about ourselves. We may spend time with lots of other people so that we avoid having to spend time alone with ourselves.
One of the best ways to establish discipline is to treat ourselves the way we would a treasured friend. The way we treat ourselves is a reflection of our self-respect. When we like ourselves, we believe that we are worth the investment of self-development.
â€œRespect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that’s real power. â€œ ~ Clint Eastwood
One of the truisms that Iâ€™ve learned over the past year or so is that thereÂ IS value in the attempt. Your efforts can command respect, regardless of the outcome. Through mindfulness and measurement, you can assess the effectiveness of what you do and then make adjustments accordingly.Â When you give yourself credit for the things that you do well, you expand upon them. Here are some ways to recalibrate and keep moving forward:
- Start again.
Belittling yourself for trying leads to a self-destructive cycle.
â€œSelf-respect is the fruit of discipline…â€ ~Abraham J. Heschel
When you begin to establish good habits, you start to like yourself more. Your head clears, and you smile more. Good choices stand out in stark relief and your vision/discernment develops.Â Paradoxically, by taking baby steps toward better choices, you are able to fortify your self-esteem, which feeds back into greater amounts of discipline. It’s a bit like the chicken and the egg as to which comes first, but both self-respect and discipline exist in tandem.
- Are you kind to yourself?
- Do you take care of your health?
- How do you sleep?
- Is your clothing shabby? Your personal hygiene sloppy?
Although these may seem like odd questions, each is an indicator of how much we value ourselves. One of the questions on the participant assessment for Women With Drive Foundation is, â€œDo you floss?â€ Faithful adherence to flossing indicates an attention to detail, consistent effort in small tasks and a commitment to the care and health of the individual. These skill sets transfer to the ability to save money, attend classes, follow through on administrative banalities and the like…all of which are skills which build independence.
â€œThe willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.â€ ~ Joan Didion
This is the clincher. When we accept responsibility for our life, we begin to see how our choices have consequences. When we identify the variables over which we have control and take ownership of them, our self esteem soars. We no longer “believe in luck.”
As an exercise, over the next few days, when you are tempted to give up on yourself, literally say aloud, â€œI am worth the effort.â€ Honor the fact that your heightened awareness is in itself an achievement. Commit yourself to reaching your goals.
When the going gets really rough, pull on a fuzzy sweater and take a page from Stuart Smalley, who so famously states, â€œI’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And doggone it, people like me.”
And they do.
Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establishÂ Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founderâ€™s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter asÂ @mckra1g orÂ @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive Foundation) or “Like” them onÂ facebook.