Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

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September 14, 2006

Interview 9.3: Tammy’s Biggest Challenge, Her Wish, and Her Advice

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 12:44 pm

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How Does One Mediate from a Blog?

Dr. Tammy Lenski

Dr. Tammy Lenski is an author, coach/consultant, teacher/trainer, mediator, and runs her practice both in the 3-d World and in the blogosphere. We talked about challenges, issues, and wishes her practice brings her.

Hi, Tammy! What do you find is your biggest business challenge as a mediator?

Conflict is uncomfortable and scary and preferably avoided by a lot of people. Even the word makes some people cringe. As a mediator and coach, I get to see the truly life-changing transformations that take place when a person steps up to her most difficult conversations with the support of someone who knows how to navigate these conversations effectively. But people who haven’t tried that have no real basis on which to really understand how they can transform their lives. Every time a client says to me, “You just changed my life,” I tell them to go out and tell that to 10 people they know!

What are the most important issues in your work?

I see people disempowering themselves every time they blame the other person for the conflict. When we blame the other person and tell ourselves they need to change or fix what they caused, we hand all our power to them. And if they don’t think it’s their fault (they usually don’t), then we’re stuck because we’ve made it their job to fix it. There are such straightforward ways to get beyond the blame game and I’d love to see more people doing them—from our country’s leaders down to the people at our own dinner tables.

What do you wish for?

I wish for a culture where people don’t wait until conflict’s really entrenched and stuck before they think about asking for some help. I wish for the telephone call that begins, “A co-worker (or spouse, etc.) and I have gotten into a bit of a difficult place with each other and before it gets really messy, I thought I’d get some guidance…” At the risk of sounding trite, world peace begins with every individual.

One last thing before we go, what advice would have for folks starting out?

Find your voice. Figure out what’s unique about you and be bold and tenacious in bringing that to the world.

That Tammy Lenski, she knows how to have a conversation. Doesn’t she? I can’t help but learn when I listen to her.

–ME “Liz” Strauss

Related Articles
Interview 9.1: A Conversation with Dr. Tammy Lenski
Interview 9.2: Dr. Tammy Lenski, Mediator, Coach, Blogger
Interview 7.1: Meet Cat Morley, World Designer
1.1 Meet Indie





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8 Comments to “Interview 9.3: Tammy’s Biggest Challenge, Her Wish, and Her Advice”

  1. September 14th, 2006 at 9:55 pm
    katiebird said

    I’m probably not effective in my conflict management skills. Except that I guess I stumbled onto something that works. And that is that I do claim responsibility for the problem and make sure the person I’m in conflict with knows it. Some people graciously forgive me. And others open up and talk about what they could have done differently.

    I wish I knew someone who knew what you do.

  2. September 14th, 2006 at 10:00 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Katie,
    Tammy would be fine if you email her. I’ll send you her email address.

    From what I know of you, I’ll bet you’re great at talking through and owning your part of any conflict. But as Steve Farber said on the frequency post, folks won’t hear you, if they don’t hear themselves yet. . . .

  3. September 15th, 2006 at 5:33 am
    Tammy said

    Hi, Katie -

    Drop me a note and I’d be happy to answer some of your questions! The approach you stumbled upon is a really good choice in a lot of situations–kudos on the courage to do more than just think about using it.

    Best,
    Tammy

  4. September 15th, 2006 at 7:05 am
    katiebird said

    Hi Tammy — thank you so much for your offer. I do have a conflict question that I’ll be asking about. I’ll think about the best wording/definition of it and send you an ‘e later today. Thank you very much for the offer. Really.

  5. September 15th, 2006 at 7:11 am
    ME Strauss said

    That’s so cool!

  6. September 15th, 2006 at 7:14 am
    katiebird said

    Liz!! Good morning!

    Well, it’s so amazing — This question has come up among my sisters about how to handle this issue. And I meet Tammie, an expert. Cool, indeed!

  7. September 15th, 2006 at 7:18 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Katie!
    Great morning! The sun is shining over the lake.

    . . . and I was thinking how cool that each of you got to meet the other!

  8. September 15th, 2006 at 7:22 am
    katiebird said

    It is, it totally is.

    But, I think I did that thing where I reply to the email notification of a comment, thinking I was replying to her. So, it’s mixed with some embarrassment. Do those replies go to you?

    And am I the only space-cadet that does that?

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