Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

Thinking, writing, business ideas … You’re only a stranger once.

January 6, 2009

It’s So Easy to Get Stuck Repeating What We Already Know

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 9:23 am

A Partnered Post by Heather Rast and Liz Strauss

Knowing What We Don’t Know

He was a young man, Stephen, straight from MBA school. In every meeting he’d apply what he’d learned from this book or from that professor. He’d forget that his audience was 7 or 8 people who’d each been in business since before he knew what business was.

He could analyze, organize, spreadsheet, posit, and problem solve, but mostly we thought of him as “school smart and business naive.” Oh yeah, he knew plenty that we didn’t. Only, some days he didn’t know what he didn’t know … and he forgot that we knew things too.

I Called Him My Irritating Little Brother

I liked him, even when he had his head stick in invisible books. On Fridays he’d “dress down” to business casual, even though the rest of us wore jeans all week — and he’d get all self-conscious when he did. That’s when I thought of him my Irritating Little Brother. The affection helped on occasions like this one.

In one meeting, Stephen proposed a fairly classic plan of action. I gently tried to point out a possible hole in his approach to our situation.

“That’s inconsequential,” he said, brushing my thoughts aside with a musical word.
I smiled and replied, “Thank you!” with overdone joy and enthusiasm.
He stopped, looked at me, and replied, “What?”
Bigger smile. “Inconsequential. I haven’t had that word tossed my way for the longest time.”
He was stunned. Then he smiled back and listened. He made had room for experience that didn’t come from school.

Breaking Out of the Repeating Conversation



Stephen wasn’t necessarily arrogant or even intentionally narrow-minded. But he hadn’t considered an approach other than his own — which is to say, a linear, traditional approach. And he hadn’t considered his audience — people with real-world, complex business problems that might not be solved with an academically choreographed, sequenced formula.

What Stephen needed was to channel his learnings and solicit tested techniques and ideas from his colleagues. Together, they could discuss, debate, and collaborate solutions, all the while learning valuable lessons from one another.

Stephen would better understand that learning and solutions needn’t be centered around heavily vetted models and dogma. And that people need to be engaged if you hope to be able to lead and guide them. The audience could learn practical ideas from one another, while gaining an appreciation for how traditional texts could be applied to real situations.

In the world of the digital gap, there’s two sides to this argument.

Some folks are Business Smart, but don’t value the Virtual Conversation.
Some folks are so Social Media Smart that we’ve lost our Concrete footing.
It’s easy to get stuck repeating what we already know.

Hopefully the folks who listen say, “Thank you” and share what they know anyway.

Got some words of wisdom for breaking out of a repeating conversation?

Heather Rast writes at Insights&Ingenuity about the delicate balance between achievement and growth.

and me well, you already know.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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18 Comments to “It’s So Easy to Get Stuck Repeating What We Already Know”

  1. January 6th, 2009 at 9:55 am
    Daniel Edlen said

    Words of wisdom - well, punching them in the face *probably* isn’t a good idea. ;)

    To break someone out of their bubble, their framework, takes the effort on your part to understand their framework first. If you can get in their shoes, then ponder and find the disconnect, you can shake them out of it. A lot of work. More about control than communication. Kind of like a spiritual punch in the face. But it does work, if you have to get it accomplished.

    Peace.

  2. January 6th, 2009 at 9:58 am
    Christa M. Miller said

    I’m coming into this community not from PR or marketing or even the corporate world - I’ve been a reporter/journalist for the last almost 8 years, and I think those are the skills that help me best. I always went into an article not knowing much about the subject, having to ask questions… and have found this is how I’m treating SM/PR prospects as well as people from whom I’m learning SM. Lots of analysis. Which, yes, can lead to paralysis… but writing articles taught me how to end projects too. :)

  3. January 6th, 2009 at 10:37 am
    Amy said

    I’d been called inconsequential most of my life, so by the time I got to the corporate world I had that smile and that ‘thank you’ perfected too. I used to tell folks at my old firm that my smile was the most expensive item in my wardrobe. :-)
    These days, the Stephens are sometimes the ones who hire me. They say “We want what you know!” and then I get there and the story changes to “But we know better than you do, because we went to Harvard.” — and I have bad/moody days where there is nothing I’d like more than to say “If I’m so inconsequential, why did you invite me here?”
    But instead I take a deep breath, smile and thank them. And I remind myself that underneath the Armani cloak of arrogance is someone who is really not so different from me. I look for the overlap – the place their humanity meets mine. Once I find that, I can usually speak in a language they can understand. (And on the occasions we learn we really are from two different planets, I’m getting really good the smiles and thank yous that come from making referrals.)

    *wonders if my comment is longer than the blog post — hehe*

  4. January 6th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    @Daniel,
    A punch gets attention, but the wrong kind of enthusiasm as you’ve implied. :)

    My experience at being the youngest and the smallest has helped me a lot.

  5. January 6th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Christa!
    I’m delighted to hear you have sooo much going on. Sometimes the one who’s most willing to learn is the one who gets to be the leader, because the rest of us want to see what she learns. :)

    Ever watch Chris Brogan do that?

  6. January 6th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Ah Amy,
    You always say it so well “the Armani cloak of arrogance” is just on top of someone who looks like us. Maybe someone who’s a lot more frail. People who actually fill out that coat don’t have to tell you where they bought it. :)

    Then there are some folks who just don’t want to speak the same language for fear we might figure out what they’re saying. Ya know?

  7. January 6th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
    Richard Reeve said

    I had a student talking “at” me through the start of lunch today. When he was finished I said “next time I’ll bring a cardboard cutout of myself.” He was puzzled. I pointed out that on two occasions I tried to interject a point during his monologue. He didn’t believe me at first, so I proceeded to replay his monologue to the point where my comment was waiting. That point being inserted our conversation began in earnest in an entirely new direction which we shared in guiding. A dialogue of interest to both of us lasted for the next half hour.

    So monologue or dialogue: yet when I consider SOB, I hear a symphony…

  8. January 6th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
    John said

    Liz,

    I’ve been remiss in my visits to your blog… :(

    Focusing on changing other people has never worked for me. No matter how “green” someone appears, they always have something fresh that I can learn from.

    So, I walk in with a healthy dose of appreciation. “Thank you” seems to create a lot of value for everyone involved - but mostly me.

    John

  9. January 6th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Richard,
    All of the voices have something to say … :)

    It’s more interesting when we’re all listening too. As your comment so deftly points out. :)

  10. January 6th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Ah, John,
    I don’t think we have much chance of changing how people think unless we find a way to make their lives easier. …

  11. January 6th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
    Christa M. Miller said

    Oh Liz, I think I need at least - at least! - a day where I can really peruse Chris’ blog. And then to figure out how NOT to try to be him! ;)

    Thanks for the encouragement. I figure at least I might be able to provide some entertainment value. LOL

  12. January 6th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
    John Haydon said

    Liz,

    I totally agree. Whenever someone has sincerely said “Thank you” to me, suddenly my life seems easier.

    Being appreciated actually changes how I feel - and a change in how I feel changes how I approach things - and a change in how I approach things creates a bigger result.

    John

  13. January 6th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
    leanne said

    Liz & Heather -

    Thanks for your post - it was just what I needed to hear today. :-)

    - Leanne

  14. January 6th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Leanne,
    Thank you! I needed that comment. :)

  15. January 7th, 2009 at 5:47 am
    Kathy @ Virtual Impax said

    Liz - Thanks for “introducing” us to Heather! What a fabulous “undiscovered” gold mine her blog is!

    Of course, you already knew that! :)

  16. January 7th, 2009 at 7:27 am
    LisaNewton said

    I couldn’t agree more. I really try to be flexible and learn new ideas, new gadgets, and new technology.

    A friend of mine keeps harping on the “old” style of doing business. I listen to everything being said, and once in a while, I take his advice, because sometimes the old school works.

    But, the reverse isn’t as true. I have to fight tooth and nail for him to see my point of view.

    Is it just me or do “old” school people have a harder time looking at new ideas? Or is it just me…………:)

  17. January 8th, 2009 at 7:58 am
    Beth Harte said

    Heather, Liz, a great post! I’ve been Stephen and it’s a bad place to be. :) (Yes, I just admitted that in public). It took a hard lesson when I first kicked off my career to learn to not be him. And thankfully, people cared enough to give this young pup (at the time) a nip.

    I still cling to my marketing/PR/Comm experiences and, truly, I am thankful that this social media world of ours is opening up discussion and dialogue internationally…because the world of business is changing to be sure.

    Thanks ladies for the gentle reminder to keep our minds open. :)

  18. January 11th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
    Mollybob said

    Great post. I agree that it is really easy to do what you already know, booksmart or not. It always seems the path of least resistance and often least risk, even if that’s not actually the case. It can be hard to know what we don’t know, and hopefully our increasingly digital world is helping us to recognise that we don’t know everything, and that there’s a bigger dialogue than the textbook or company experience offer alone.

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