Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

Thinking, writing, business ideas … You’re only a stranger once.

February 2, 2009

Jammies, Teary Eyes, and My Dad’s Saloon: Is Your Best Behavior Authentic?

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 8:30 am

But I Want to Wear My Jammies!!

Have no fear of perfection - you’ll never reach it. — Salavdor Dali

When I was small, it was rare that my mom would take me to my dad’s saloon. Usually we were there to return the family car so that he could drive home when he locked up in the wee hours of the morning. Naturally the folks at the bar knew her and knew me as my mom and dad’s daughter. While we waited for my dad to drive us home, we’d be saying “hellos” to friends of my parents.

Once when I was about 5 years old. I took a great challenge. I went to my bedroom and got ready for bed on my own. I had new pajamas. I couldn’t wait to wear them. They were pale green, thin cottony shirt and pants stamped with teddy bears all over them. I prized my favorite new jammies. They had buttons and a collar. They were like real clothes to sleep in.

Rather than being proud of my self-dressing accomplishment, my mom was thrown by it. She made a face. She said it was’t time yet. I was told I to change back into my clothes. We had to take the car to my dad at the tavern.

I suggested we show everyone my new pajamas. I pointed out that they looked like real clothes. She made it clear that my thought was out of the question. I got teary-eyed and pouty. My mom got adamant that I wouldn’t wear the pajamas and that I would find a way to a new attitude. She said some behavior was for just at home.

I was the daughter of the owner. His customers were also his friends. I grew up learning that my pajamas and teary-eyed mad attitudes didn’t belong in my dad’s tavern. I met those people with my best behavior.

Is that authentic?

Is Your Best Behavior Authentic?

One of the best things I ever heard a young mother say to her kids was, “Act as if you know how to behave.” Her children were polite, kind, and a pleasure to spend time with — both in public and at home. That’s what my mom believed too.

In this brief video, Melissa Pierce offers another way to look at it. The words posted under this video suggested that authenticity may be the wrong question.

I think I agree with her about the question.

Perhaps authenticity is rooted in intent and purpose.

Showing up as my best, cleaning my house, and doing the rest, help me . . .

For me, that’s authentic. Wearing my denim shirt with teddy bears all over it is also a statement of authenticity.

How do you see it? Are you authentic when you’re on your best behavior?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

Buy the eBook. and Register for SOBCon09 NOW!!





Filed under Marketing, Successful Blog |




C'mon. Let's talk!

31 Comments to “Jammies, Teary Eyes, and My Dad’s Saloon: Is Your Best Behavior Authentic?”

  1. February 2nd, 2009 at 9:05 am
    Karin H said

    Hi Liz

    You know coincedences don’t exist ;-)
    Was pondering about the subject just this morning when one my generous volunteers (reading a draft part 1 of new Ebook/Etraining) offered to help me turn my ‘based on daily experience and way of talking’ into a more professional voice.

    The video helped me make my decision: I’m me and I write the way I talk: double Dutch English, sometimes rambling and sometimes struggling to find the word. But I also know I get my point across - even if that means adding more screenshots and video screen recording to the project. Thatll be my best professional authentic voice in my own words and ways.

    Thanks!

    Karin H. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specially in business)

  2. February 2nd, 2009 at 9:24 am
    rainesmaker said

    Lately, I’ve gotten feedback from peers and others that they engage with me because they find me “interesting.” I think that goes hand and hand with being “authentic.” In these days, people are desensitized to hearing the template. They want fresh spark, looking to learn and share from people who involve emotion and heart into relationships. Even business ones. One of the “old school” sales tactics is to “mirror” the client. Make their outside your inside. What becomes of you in that case other than a template of them? Sure, people want to associate with “like minds.” That’s human nature. But I think we all welcome the zagger among all the ziggers. What we learn and find refreshing is the value from those who share the soft feeling of flannel, but whose fabric design is different and adds to the tapestry of learning and expands our own perspectives.

  3. February 2nd, 2009 at 9:36 am
    Jay said

    I think about this often. Am I being myself online, or who I want to be. I think right now in my infancy of blogging, I am probably still balancing the two in a precarious manner. I think it takes time to live authentically because we are so scared to be ourselves sometimes because what if ourselves is not good enough, or strong enough? I think people if we show a better us, and it does not work out our mask can simply be changed and a new one put in its place, but if it is our true selves on the line- game over. However on the flip side, if you are yourself and living from the heart, authenticity is easy.

  4. February 2nd, 2009 at 10:20 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Karin,
    I can imagine a choice you would make in relating to people that wouldn’t be all you and all perfect for a situation. I’m with you on that. :)

  5. February 2nd, 2009 at 10:22 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Rainesmaker,
    I don’t know that we’re so ready for a world full of zaggers. I don’t that zaggers always feel so welcomed either. I think it takes a world filled with open minds and open hearts to have space enough for zaggers to move.

    We’re working on that one. :)

  6. February 2nd, 2009 at 10:25 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Jay,
    As a self-actualizing person, life is about always becoming … getting better IS the quest, not arriving at best. But putting in the effort to show up with my best doesn’t have to be offering something “other.” It can be offering respect and pulling all that I can be together.

  7. February 2nd, 2009 at 11:02 am
    mother earth aka karen hanrahan said

    i adore the strength and influence of our memories at the age of 5

    i wrote an entry today about belief, one being in my gumption to parent

    there were times when i strayed from my beliefs of aspiring confident individuals and just said do it because i said so …

    in hindsight had i lightened it up would the family experience have been richer?

    in the now i am reminded how human we all are

  8. February 2nd, 2009 at 11:07 am
    Kathryn said

    I’m all about being real. I don’t know any other way really. I just want to point out that often the motivation for the way we act is determined by the situation. There’s a business Kathryn, a family Kathryn, a friend Kathryn and probably lots of other Kathryn’s. Having said that - the real core, the authentic genuine self will shine through and be present in all those situations. I think we owe it to ourselves to bring the best self we can bring - hopefully that’s the real one.

    Oh & BTW I love flannel, silk and sometimes NO jammies!

  9. February 2nd, 2009 at 11:21 am
    Bean said

    This was definitely a thought provoking post for me. I found myself having an internal debate over it and feeling even a little uncomfortable with it until I got the “aha” moment. Acting in MY best behavior is authentic for me. It feels true, right and full of integrity. My best behavior may not be the same as a wall street tycoon nor the morning waitress in your favorite diner. If I strove to adhere to the best behavior of those, I would feel uncomfortable and fake. I am a grumpy morning person, I can be polite and attentive but I am not going to supercharge your day. I can debate in the board room but I don’t want to stay there.
    For me, best behavior has a core foundation of respect, consideration and compassion. My personal best behavior also means that I am going to try to schedule our meeting later in the day when I feel more open and productive. For me, that is authentic.

  10. February 2nd, 2009 at 5:45 pm
    Amy said

    Here’s how our stories are different. When I was five, my dad lived above a bar. I went there with my dad all the time, in my pajamas that were really clothes, and I even had my own smurf darts. I got to act like me, because my father wasn’t the one owning the business. I was just the life of the party — or the kid who needed to be taken home and put to bed, depending on who was tending bar that night and what kind of mood my dad was in.

    I was never taught things like “Don’t do this or that in public.” So I always did them. No one noticed, as far as I could tell.

    Fast forward thirteen years.

    I started working at a law firm. I acted inappropriately, because I was… me. I got reviews that went like “You’re brilliant, but please clean your desk because it’s a fire hazard. And maybe stop cussing at your computer if you can manage it.” But mostly, I worked in an environment where inappropriate worked, as long as it wasn’t in front of clients. I was lucky.

    My next job, I got fired for not wearing a bra.

    I decided from there that I needed to work for myself, because I don’t do well being anyone but me. And my attitude was, if people don’t like me then they need to hire someone else. Enough people still wanted to hire me that that worked out for me. Still is working out.

    Now my life is online. It’s there. People google it. (I rarely google myself, because I just don’t care.) But I know that it’s there because once in a while people tell me they found this or that, and I’m like “Oh yeah, that’s who I was that day. So this is the work I do, and if you want to hire me, cool. If you don’t, oh well.”

    To me, that’s authentic.

    To most people I know, authentic means something else, I think.

    But I’m ok with that. Not everyone should be like me. In fact, most people shouldn’t. It will lose them a lot of things they’ve worked hard to have. I just don’t know how to be anything else.

  11. February 2nd, 2009 at 6:41 pm
    DaveMurr said

    Best behavior? What does that even mean? Whenever I heard “be on your best behavior” that meant I was supposed “act” or “behave” a certain way.

    Walk on stage - say your lines - take your bow - and hide behind the curtain.

    That to me is a performance.

    There is a fine line between being polite and being on your best behavior.

  12. February 2nd, 2009 at 9:35 pm
    John (ColderICE) said

    I dig the thought Liz. The videos I make are authentic…least they are to me.

    But they are authentic for me because they are simple. I turn on the camera and speak, I have a though but never a script or a scripted conclusion most times.

    HOWEVER, I have no control over what OTHERS perceive on the receptor side. Someone out there thinks I am fake, I am sure somewhere.

    So my thought is Reality = Simplicity. The most basic forms of my reality is the simplicity of my everyday life.

    I dunno, but she put on fake boobs to make a video? That is Hollywood, and for FAR TOO MANY in our world, Hollywood and Rockstars are the reality. There are dozens of TV shows on E! that document them….Shame eh?

  13. February 2nd, 2009 at 9:39 pm
    Mary McRae said

    I really like to interact with “interesting” people - not people who are ‘performing’, who all dress alike, who believe they must look/act/speak a certain way in order to be ‘professional.’ I want people to be themselves and to show their passionate side - that is, what they truly care about; what they believe in; what they are inspired by. Their quirkiness - what makes them a unique individual. That’s the person I want to get to know.

    And I think it’s perfectly acceptable to wear your jammies whenever you want :-)

  14. February 2nd, 2009 at 9:40 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Aw Mother Earth,
    To be reminded of how human we all are … everyone was 5 once. Wouldn’t be something if folks could just remember? Actually though, in my publishing years I found out that most people have lost that time and can’t connect there.

    It’s hard to find folks who can connect to when they were 5 years old.

  15. February 2nd, 2009 at 9:41 pm
    Ann Handley said

    This is a great story, Liz.. just wanted to tell you that. Thanks.

    (Too tired at the moment to write a more articulate comment, sorry. But lots to think about here - great stuff.)

  16. February 2nd, 2009 at 9:58 pm
    Janice Cartier said

    Yes. I think we can be authentic when on our best behavior. Authentic has a lot to do with being present. Truly present, no matter the context.

  17. February 2nd, 2009 at 10:37 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Kathryn,
    You say it with so much more life than I could. Yeah, there the part of us we bring to each situation. It’s gift, the little bit that recognizes the ultimate meeting place at the core of the subject — the place where we can best greet the people we are faced with.

    You’re good at that. I learn by watching you do that. It’s something like relaxing into who we are.

  18. February 2nd, 2009 at 10:54 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hey Bean,
    You are always there and always real as far as I’ve ever known you. Thanks for that. Integrity and respect show in every movement that I’ve ever experienced, every thought you’ve sent my way.

    I’m with you, nothing less than my personal best feels good or right.

  19. February 2nd, 2009 at 11:01 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Amy,
    I love every authentic bit of you.
    I aspire to what you have.
    End of story.

  20. February 2nd, 2009 at 11:06 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    #11
    Hi Dave,
    I wasn’t talking about anyone else’s idea of our best behavior. I was talking about our own. That’s when it gets interesting.

    I don’t think folks get to pick how you or I should act, ‘cept maybe our moms and dads when we’re growing. After that we’re responsible for deciding on our own.

  21. February 2nd, 2009 at 11:09 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Ann Handley,
    For how many times I’ve your blog and not said a word, I’m thrilled that after a long day doing what I know you do you took a second to say you’ve been here. Thank you.

  22. February 2nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Janice,

    present, truly present

    yeah.

  23. February 2nd, 2009 at 11:30 pm
    Jay Fleischman said

    When I opened my law practice in 1995 I was 25 years old and looked all of 12 - no fooling. So I got engraved business cards, a smart looking desk and wore a suit every day to work. Clients hired me, but I now think they did so in spite of those appearances rather than because of them.

    I grew up in Brooklyn, raised by parents who struggled like hell to get by. The dinner table was rife with language that would fit into Carlin’s words you can’t say on TV.

    I’m an only child, so my computer and my TV were my friends growing up. I was geeky before it was cool to be geeky.

    But it’s who I am.

    True, I don’t swear to clients or business colleagues, but my language is peppered with a fair amount of “local color.”

    Once I realized all of this - and it took awhile - I stopped wearing suits to the office. My business cards got a little more creative.

    I started telling clients about how cool my new technology toys were.

    I got excited. And when I got excited, I got things done in a way that made sense to me and fit in my world view.

    That is what made me authentic.

    I’m a geek from Brooklyn. People either love it or hate it, but that’s who I am.

  24. February 2nd, 2009 at 11:35 pm
    Andy Hoffman said

    I am not sure if I have ever been authentic. Perhaps that in and of itself is part of my authenticity. I have worked many jobs and spoken with many people, because most of the time my job has been in some sort of service industry whether it be a theme park or a shipping store, at my job I am always putting on a front that I am happy, even during the worst of days.

    I equate authenticity and honesty. If what I am saying or doing is not honestly how I feel or what I want to do, I am not being authentic.

    As I write I continue to think if I have ever been authentic with anyone and only a few people are coming to mind. I am not sure if it is good or a bad to be unauthentic, though. If I am unauthentic at my job and I make people mad because I voice my opinions, the store would lose customers. On the other hand being unauthentic is somewhat immoral.

  25. February 3rd, 2009 at 12:01 pm
    Todd Smith said

    That’s quite a good question. I think we want two things: to be authentic and to look good. Sometimes when we’re authentic we don’t look good. What do we do then? Hide out or be what we are? Personally, I always try to improve my myself but if I have to choose, I favor being authentic.

  26. February 3rd, 2009 at 7:03 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hey Jay,
    Wow!
    I got excited. And when I got excited, I got things done in a way that made sense to me and fit in my world view.

    That is what made me authentic.

    You can argue with that?
    I’ve heard you. Yep.

  27. February 3rd, 2009 at 7:06 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Andy,
    I read this sentence once, “We’re all born authentic and we spend the rest of our lives trying to get it back.”

    I found at first is was easier to be true to the person I aspired to be. Aspiration is good. It means to breathe toward.

    Hope that helps.

  28. February 3rd, 2009 at 7:08 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Todd,
    It’s a paradox of sorts, isn’t it? If trying to look your best is natural to you, isn’t that authentic? That’s where I get caught. :)

  29. February 4th, 2009 at 12:18 am
    Hump Day Reading for the Restless Soul said

    [...] Jammies, Teary Eyes, and My Dad’s Saloon: Is Your Best Behavior Authentic? at Successful Blog [...]

  30. February 7th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
    Susan/Together We Flourish said

    We don’t always live up to our intent, but that does not mean that our intent is not authentic

  31. February 8th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Susan,
    Live your intent. We’ll figure it out. At least the folks who care about you will.

Name (required)

Email (required)

Website

C'mon Let's Talk!