Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

Thinking, writing, business ideas … You’re only a stranger once.

October 3, 2008

Little Bloggers Grow . . . What I Learned When I Blew It

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 9:05 am

We’re Only Ever So Big

relationships button

Yesterday I found myself far outside my comfort zone. It was culture shock — like what might happen if you returned to a hometown that has a code of conduct that you once knew well, but didn’t realize you’d left behind completely.

RESEARCH SHOWS that when a tall person is unexpectedly sent into a room of people who are significantly taller, that person unconsciously will revert to childish behaviors true to the last time he or she experienced being shorter than everyone. If the person is prepared, that doesn’t happen.

I wonder if that’s what happened? . . . except the difference in this meeting was about culture, vocabulary, and expectations.

Previous conversations had set up what we’d be discussing — an agenda for a meeting with their client. What I heard was working together to solve a problem. I’d done my homework — studied their website and their client’s website. I was ready to talk about how to approach unfolding the information within the context of the specific problem.

At the office, a fine group of nice people entered a glass sided conference room. All choose to sit on the opposite side of the conference table — no one had a laptop.

The first item of the meeting was my credibility. It might be restated as “Why should we listen to you?” Though the question is both appropriate, relevant, and valid, I’d come thinking we’d worked that out in previous conversation. So started an unexpected group dynamic, this wasn’t the work session I’d prepared for. I’d misread the previous conversations.

Was I the tall person in the room of even taller people? I don’t know. What I do know is that I couldn’t answer the simplest questions or organize the most elementary thought.

I was thrown completely.

When I got home I called to say, “Let me help you find the person to do this.” I shared a lovely conversation with the gracious woman who brought to that meeting. We debriefed for 5 minutes and talking about mutual respect.

Could I have done what they need? I’ve been successful at such things many forms or I’d never have gone there. But sometimes you have know when you’ve artfully blown it, and the best recovery is to admit that you know it.

I’m grateful for the lesson that reminded me to put these thoughts together.
Today I’m reminding myself

Last night, someone reminded me of something that happened at BlogWorld Expo. Brian Solis, Jason Falls, Chris Brogan, and Lee Odden led a panel talking about bloggers and PR firms when a thoughtful person from a business asked how she could possibly afford 30 days to make relationships who only get 50 visitors a day.

I took a turn to answer, “Don’t look at us for one campaign. See the long view. Little bloggers grow.”

So do tall bloggers in Chicago.

What advice can you add to the list that I’ve started? I’m too close to the situation to have made a list that covers everything.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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22 Comments to “Little Bloggers Grow . . . What I Learned When I Blew It”

  1. October 3rd, 2008 at 10:03 am
    Patricia Martin said

    You blow me away with your self-effacing candor, Liz. I felt myself cringing as I read this. Sounds to me like you were plenty tall. Just ran into a buzz saw that shaved you down a bit. I hope that more exchanges between bloggers and PR/Marcomm pros will teach us all how to work together in ways that are mutually supportive and productive. Thanks for opening komono!

  2. October 3rd, 2008 at 10:11 am
    Kim Beasley said

    Great insight into the “little” blogger world. Thanks for sharing your experience and reminding all about the importance of relationship building. Regardless of the other person you are building a relationship with.

    Thanks again,
    Kim Beasley
    @KimBeasley
    http://KimBeasley.com
    http://CustomizeWordPress.com
    http://ProMembershipServices.com

  3. October 3rd, 2008 at 11:01 am
    Tony said

    I can really relate to your story. A long time ago I learned not to take myself too seriously. A disastrous presentation to a company I really wanted to do work with left me reeling for more than a week or so. I was prepared to talk to them about how great my company is and what I knew about theirs. But I abandoned a basic rule of thumb–remember your audience. My reputation got me in the door, now was the time to not only impress them with what I knew about them but to talk about what problems I would help them overcome. Now, lap top in hand I show examples of other clients with similar problems and give them real world examples of strategies and tactics I’ve implemented to achieve success. It’s not about how great we are, its about how great the results are and how important the team (theirs and ours) can be together to achieve greatness. We get excited about the work, not ourselves.

  4. October 3rd, 2008 at 11:37 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Patricia
    What does it do only talk about our successes? We gotta figure out what to do whem we mess up. That happens too. :)

  5. October 3rd, 2008 at 11:41 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Kim,
    We all have days that peak performance isn’t in our vocabulary. Can you spell human? :)

  6. October 3rd, 2008 at 11:43 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Tony,
    You said it so perfectly!
    Yep. That’s exactly the right frame of mind to take in the door. :)

    Thank you so much for leaving that description.

  7. October 3rd, 2008 at 11:49 am
    Brent Leary said

    I think I learn the most from my uncomfortable moments. They make me work a little harder, think a little harder, and reach a little further. They don’t call them growing pains for nothing. And us little bloggers have plenty of room to grow!

    Thanks for the great post Liz.

  8. October 3rd, 2008 at 11:52 am
    SpaceAgeSage -- Lori said

    Tony — nice way of explaining the need to “remember your audience.”

    Liz — It’s hard to roll with the punches in such meetings. I’m not a U.S. Marine, but I love this motto of theirs: “Adapt, Improvise, and Overcome.” It implies things will hit the fan, so be ready. Such thinking allows the intuitive, right-brain, and non-linear side to pick up cues, change direction in a heartbeat, and flow with the situation.

  9. October 3rd, 2008 at 11:59 am
    Miz Liz said

    Liz, I think that you did end up the tallest person in the room, for you heard what they said, and went away and found a solution in lieu of cojoling yourself. What that displays is integrity and commitment. I would fare to guess that you might hear from them again when they figure out what you can do for them (or what they believe that you can do). The fact that you acted nobly in this situation is more valuable than you acquiring this particular piece of business. I guess that in these situations, I tend to remind myself that there is always someone out there who might be a better fit. It helps take me down a notch or two. Out of our “failures” grow great successes.

  10. October 3rd, 2008 at 1:56 pm
    Amy Derby said

    Aw Liz, that you went home and called to help them find someone else is totally all I saw by the end of reading this.

    Sucks to be human sometimes, doesn’t it?

    I’ve been through similar embarrassing moments that made me want to crawl out of my skin and burn it, and all I can say is those times of feeling really small remind me to be grateful for the moments where I feel big.

    P.S. That research kinda makes me glad I’m short. :-\

  11. October 3rd, 2008 at 2:03 pm
    Kim Beasley said

    I understand and I spell human like this “not perfect”. :) It’s definitely good to know that others are “human” too.

    Thanks,
    Kim Beasley
    @KimBeasley
    http://KimBeasley.com
    http://CustomizeWordPress.com

  12. October 3rd, 2008 at 7:54 pm
    Mother Earth said

    New to freelance I feel like negotiating fees has been my biggest obstacle.

    Getting paid has been an even bigger problem.

    One client an owner of a dog walking company took a year to pay me in drips and drabs with sneering along the way about having to pay.

    All the while her new website I wrote is bringing her business. When she walks a dog she gets paid.

    How is her work any different than mine?

    A recent negotiation was put in writing. Everyone says get it in writing. An amount was agreed, 50% upfront. payment made, work was done - balance due was due after 30 days. No check. Inquiry was made. Client says the well is dry - sorry we can’t pay you.

    I wasn’t prepared for that. I had an agreement in writing.

    What would I add to your list?

    Be prepared for the unexpected.

    Somehow I am learning from it.

    I don’t even know if I actually messed up. It just feels wrong.

    Does that make sense?

  13. October 4th, 2008 at 8:26 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Brett!
    As we talked about on the phone yesterday, I learned so much from the experience. It’s not a bad thing to find out that I’m fallable. Running into my boundaries helps me know what I should work on next and where path should be focused. I like knowing those things. :)

  14. October 4th, 2008 at 8:30 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    #8 Hi Lori,
    I used to be afraid of messing up and so I’d flinch at the smallest thing. That would throw my responses off more often than not. Blowing big time is pretty rare these days. I’m laughing to think I’ve still got it in me. :)

    It’s nice to know that when it happened. I could recover, get stable, and find a place where I was able again to put my best voice forward. I think interacting with the community I’ve met here has taught me that.

  15. October 4th, 2008 at 8:37 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Miz Liz,
    I hear and understand what you’re saying. They may call again or they may never need someone like me. It doesn’t matter. I know that if I meet them again. I can feel that I’ve done the right thing by them. I’ve left them knowing at least one good part of me. . . . and that I respect them.

  16. October 4th, 2008 at 8:40 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Amy,
    It was nice to know that I’ve developed the habit of moving past feeling in a bad way to finding an action that re-establishes the way I see myself. That’s what this whole situation has done for me — proved that I can recover with making myself feel awful for day. :)

  17. October 4th, 2008 at 8:42 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Yeah Kim,
    You got it. I wrote about that once . . . Social Networking: Make It Imperfectly Human for Me

  18. October 4th, 2008 at 8:48 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Mother Earth,
    That wrong feeling . . . sometimes it can make us carry the load as if we’ve messed up when we haven’t. How do we find ourselves doing that?

    I’ve been working on that problem too. And finding an action to move me back to a balanced place seems to be the answer. Doing something that makes something happen that makes me feel good about how I handled the situation — something other-centered — makes the feeling go away. Sometimes it’s just changing the way I think about it or finding what I learned.

    I like your addition, “be prepared for the unexpected.”

  19. October 4th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
    Rick Wolff said

    I can honestly admit, I’m champing at the bit to have such an encounter! Even if things go south rapidly, I’d love to prove to myself my theory that I’d handle it well, or at least take it as in stride and learn from it as extensively as you. In my previous configuration (not previous yet, as I have a week left in the cubicle), I didn’t get to see clients very much at all.
    I guess when your shoes fall apart, there’s always someone with no feet.

  20. October 4th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
    Amy Derby said

    Liz, next time I have one of those moments I’ll have to hire you to coach me through it. :-)

  21. October 5th, 2008 at 5:56 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Rick,
    I bet you’re more than ready to do some work with clients and I wish you all of the success that you’re so deserving. I can’t imagine that you won’t be spectacular. :)

    You’re ready! :)

  22. October 5th, 2008 at 5:57 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Amy,
    I can only imagine what form a coaching session such that might take . . . the conversation would be one only you and I would understand — that I’m sure of. :)

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