Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

Thinking, writing, business ideas … You’re only a stranger once.

September 11, 2008

One-Way Relationships with People We Don’t Know Exist

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 7:59 am

I've been thinking . . .

about a village of relationships with people we don’t know.

I spent many summers in a village. The main street had a bank, a grocery, a bar, a funeral home, a church, a park, and and an ice cream shop. You could find a bowling alley, a school, a gas station, and the city dump.

The town was too small for a stop light. Traffic didn’t find it useful. The kids I played with in that village had the run of the place. We knew who lived in every house on every street. We knew who told great stories, who let us use their yard, and who gave out the best treats on Halloween.

People were connected by stories and by history. Everyone knew my aunt who I stayed with. They knew she was my dad’s sister. They knew him. They knew me. We knew them and their families too.

In my own town, the scale was slightly larger. Still we knew when something was being built anywhere on any street.

I knew all of the kids in my neighborhood and all of the kids in my school. If we met folks from across town, it was easy to find out who we all knew. Even now, when someone from my hometown happens along, it’s “Oh you’re from there, do you know . . .?” The answer usually gets to a “yes,” by question three.

This virtual village can be similar, but a huge difference occurs shortly after a person takes up residence here.

At some point we cross a line that only famous people used to see. That’s when we find that we know far fewer people than the number of people who believe they know us. Social networking and social media have put this process on an even faster track, but it seems a natural phenomena of an interactive web. We attract, collect, and connect with

people who read what we write without leaving word,
people who follow our feeds, our photos, and our twitters,
people who from across time who will read in some future years,
possibly one day intelligent life from other places than this planet . . .

Surely those people think they know us. They form opinions and decide our beliefs without benefit of any personal interaction — just as we might do about Heath Ledger’s final role and the end of his life — and like Heath, we don’t even know that these people exist.

It changes something to consider that people are having one-way relationships with us.

How do you manage a village of relationships like that? Or do you not?

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10 Comments to “One-Way Relationships with People We Don’t Know Exist”

  1. September 11th, 2008 at 9:02 am
    emdoozie said

    Your not from Plant City are you? LOL You described my hometown to the “T” other then the stoplights part. Interesting comparison. I wonder how many people know think they know me?

    -doozieUp
    http://doozieUp.com

  2. September 11th, 2008 at 9:36 am
    SpaceAgeSage said

    As freelance writer, trained in news-editorial journalism, I have been “read” by people in various ways for years. I simply see them as the audience, some of whom I may meet. It is the same now that I’m blogging, but I tend to get more interaction with the audience.

  3. September 11th, 2008 at 9:59 am
    Malcolm Campbell said

    Flipping a mental switch between the one-sided conversations of print and the interactive world of the Internet is often difficult. As new and/or unknown bloggers, we want conversation but before people hear of us, it’s one-sided just like print. So, we get used to thinking about potential friends as random people who drifted through our blog pretty much the way people read our print material but don’t turn into people we ever have a dialogue with.

    Malcolm

  4. September 11th, 2008 at 10:07 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi emdoozie!
    Welcome! It’s an idea that i’ve been thinking about for months now. It’s almost like having the downside to fame without the glory. :)

  5. September 11th, 2008 at 10:09 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Sage,
    If they were all readers, I might see them that way. But now that we interact socially, through comment box, through social site, and at meetups — where people walk and knowing my name and saying, “I know you,” it seems different.

  6. September 11th, 2008 at 10:10 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Ah Malcolm,
    I’m from publishing. It’s not the same. These people have an opportunity to interact, but don’t. :)

  7. September 11th, 2008 at 10:49 am
    MammaLoves said

    What drives me to continue to participate in social networks are the relationships I develop with people. While I know there are people who read what I write who don’t really know me–people I don’t know–I write for me and the people I do know. I hope that others like it or find themselves stopping to think about it, but I think that if I wrote for “anyone” I wouldn’t be able to write at all.

    Do you think people would still be authentic if they were constantly aware that the world was watching?

  8. September 11th, 2008 at 11:26 am
    Amy Derby said

    Is it possible to manage a village of relationships like that? I talk to everyone (real and imaginary) whether they talk back or not. I encourage people to talk to me. If they don’t talk back, I don’t see that as a relationship. (Maybe I’m wrong.)

    I don’t mind the silent lurkers at all. But I’m always pleasantly surprised when I get emails that say “I’ve been reading your blog for over a year and never commented, but you inspired me to [yada yada yada].” Usually after that, I can get them talking. But I’ve also learned that there are many people out there who don’t want a relationship. They just want to watch the rest of the world have one. Probably why reality television (which makes me gag) is so popular. :-)

  9. September 11th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
    Patricia said

    The psychologist I heard speak yesterday was talking about how children are not learning relationship skills that you describe in your villages and how the Military must ID these young people who were not witness to these relationship patterns and train them to understand relationship, communications and bonding skills. Because these young people have the highest and most fatal rates of PTSD in war or tension zones - They are like seeds that send out weak roots barely forming attachments. They are a danger to themselves and others - usually very smart and skilled but not socialized for success.
    The Military is trying to pick up where the schools have missed at an age that may be too late…
    I think when I write about those who drift by and don’t attach or comment, I think hopeful thoughts
    I think blogs are about building different kinds of bonds and if I can understand them well enough, I think I could create a community to help teach folks healthy bonding, attachments, and communications skills when they are on computers for hours or plugged into TV - alone.
    I turn down lots of couples to do their weddings because the lack of communication/bonding skills. I do teach classes and workshops.
    I don’t think teachers can do it all. But I can’t assume that those who drift by my site are highly educated top of the line communicators.I am still thinking about all this and I do know that several high school kids are seeing my writing in their world on line. I don’t know where to end this…I am still thinking lots of thoughts…rambling

  10. September 12th, 2008 at 8:32 am
    Stephen said

    I agree that it may be impossible to manage these relationships, especially when someone is just a “lurker”. It may be possible to provoke them into responding, or they may just be waiting for that one post that hits them between the eyes.

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