Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

Thinking, writing, business ideas … You’re only a stranger once.

November 25, 2007

Personal Identity: Who Are You Really?

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 8:19 am

I Would Agree

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Last night at a gathering, I had a conversation with a woman who had decorated the condo in which we were enjoying the evening.

She said, “My passion is home decorating, but my real job is . . . ”

She saw the smile that crossed my face and asked about it.

I wondered back why she thought about herself and her life that way. I said, “Just because right now you spend more time and make more money doing what you call your ‘real job,’ do you have to let it define who you are?”

The woman leaned forward to listen more closely.

“What I mean is . . . when I came in, I was told you were the decorator who made this room look so beautiful. It was easy to agree that a home decorator is who you are.”

The woman sat visibly taller in her chair and smiled. “I see what you mean.”

I placed a finger of my left hand on the counter in front of us and said, “You are here. This is where you are spending less time at home decorating.” About 10 inches to the right of the first finger, I placed a finger of my right hand. “This is where you will be when you’re a home decorator full time. All you need to do is find the steps from one to the other.”

Her smile grew.

“Yep,” I said. “The whole thing becomes easy now because you can see. Every decision you make either moves you further down that path or moves you away from it. Just remember the path when you decide things and soon enough you’ll find yourself there.”

She was already redefining herself with the next words she used.

We really do get to choose how we define ourselves and how to get there.

Are you satisfied with who you say you are?

Who are you really?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

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See the Successful Series page Brand You Series.





Filed under Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog |




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27 Comments to “Personal Identity: Who Are You Really?”

  1. November 25th, 2007 at 8:58 am
    Gloria said

    Hi Liz,

    Um, it’s not as easy as it appears, but I should know. I am a want to be writer, predominantly I am a housewife to a growing family. I have 3 grown children, and a fifeteen year old, whos continuing thoughts, are on kicking down the barn house door. She is gutsy, in a gang land type of way. It is very hard imposing rules that she will follow. Since she beleives that she dosen’t have to abide by them.

    It has been a hard go with her, even though she displays a pleasant side, and she is quite beautiful, she still is a handful. But, that is the age, and the defiance, we try to see what it is, that she is motivated by, and sometimes just don’t have the resources to help her understand, that every thing is not what it appears to be. She worships MTV, which if I catch something inappropiate, I ask her to change it. She also likes to watch as much rap as she can, sometimes I like some of it, the more harmless stuff, but stuff that is vile, and shows a lot of violence bothers the daylights out of me.

    I would like to see most of it disappear, what has ever happened to music just being pleasant? I hope I have not draged on, and yes motivation is important.

  2. November 25th, 2007 at 10:02 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Gloria!
    I’m not sure I’m connecting the two situations correctly. For you to decide that you are a writer . . . how does your daughter’s behavior figure into that?

    Can’t you be a writer who is a mother? I’m not sure I understand. :)

  3. November 25th, 2007 at 10:26 am
    Lodewijkvdb said

    This is scary Liz…

    I’ve been engaged in a very interesting thread over the past couple of days about this subject over at Shane and Peter’s blog, and now you post about it as well.

    We shouldn’t let our job define us, we are so much more than just our job. But when it comes down to what you do, are you going for ‘doing what you love’ or ‘loving what you do’.

    Important and powerful questions, but not easy to answer for a lot of people.

    The woman you met was fast to understand, it’s been on her mind for a while and you phrased it. That must have been a very gratifying moment.

  4. November 25th, 2007 at 10:40 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Lodewijkvdb,
    Blogger synchronicity, again!

    I guess your comment proves out another truth. We find in each other the wisdom we need.

  5. November 25th, 2007 at 10:44 am
    Lodewijkvdb said

    So true! When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. is what they say in Buddhism. The other way around is true as well by the way.

    Hmm, now to find out if this synchronicity has something to do with what I have to learn… ;)

  6. November 25th, 2007 at 10:52 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi!
    I think the synchronicity has to do with what we are all learning at the same time. :)

  7. November 25th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
    Mother Earth said

    can’t help but relate to the mom who posted - I too have had occasions where the distraction of parenting especially when in the trenches with a teen have been part of the excuse to not move forward in work -

    2 things strike me -

    remember when you were a teen - like really really remember ?? try and remind yourself how narrow and important your world was - my parents so didn’t get me then. Now I get it as a parent seeing it from the other side - this is the time to focus on getting them more than any other time - in hindsight it was my biggest wish of all - understand me!!

    Respect them. Treat them with respect. Fine lines and all. Example: I don’t like rap - don’t want to hear it - here’s an awesome headset so that you can have what you want and so i can have my peace - will you cooperate ??

    Just had to dive in on that one

    This post is very timely for me and synchronistic

    I am nutrition educator/wellness consultant
    blog author - freelance writer

    or am I a writer who does a ton of nutritional consulting on the side ?

    if i say i am a writer would I lose clients for nutrition work which is my current bread a butter ???

    i have yet to declare

    nor am I clear that it’s a transition that has actually and truly shifted

    I feel a lot like i am dabbling

    if i dabble in writing then is it loosey goosey?

    Mother Earth aka Karen Hanrahan
    http://www.wellnessconsultant.com

  8. November 25th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
    Joel Gruber (FearlessDreams) said

    Liz,

    Sigh.
    Except for the home decorating, that could be me.

    I’m also one of those who has passionate interests that are far apart from what I do most of the time.

    And like the woman you wrote about, I too fall into the trap of identifying with my real job, instead of my passions.

    Thanks for the insights.

  9. November 25th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
    Carma said

    I am not satisfied with who I say I am until I can believe myself.

    I could say I am a writer who doesn’t make any money.

    I could say I am a writer who doesn’t write for money.

    I want to say I am a successful money making writer.

    Therefore, as you so aptly wrote, the most important question I need to ask myself is “Is what you are doing right now going to take you closer to your goal?”

    If the answer is no, then a reassement is in order.

  10. November 25th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
    Aruni said

    I’m still figuring out what I am. I know who I am and what I won’t do and what I will do. I’m still working on what I can and can’t do though.

    I, too, have participated in the post on Shane & Peter’s blog that Lodewijkvdb mentioned above. It’s been interesting.

    I agree, as a teenager all I wanted was to be understood (in fact I’m still looking for that) but looking back that wasn’t the role of my mother. I came to realize much later that was my role. My mother’s role which she did really well (most of the time) was to guide me. She was going through her own totally unexpected things at the time so she did the best she could. But if she didn’t tell me ‘no TV until you finish your homework’ or ‘no MTV’ or ‘treat people with respect’ then where would I be?

    MTV is so prevalent today it might be hard to say ‘no.’ I listen to some rap music and although I like it, the lyrics leave much to be desired on many of them. Words sink in over time. Words of oppression can have more of an affect than physical violence IMHO. Those words that were told to us, that we heard that weren’t good for our self esteem are often the ones we fight to get out of our head and our self image when we are much older. Those negative thought grooves started somewhere and I know Liz will help us to start getting rid of them.

    My kids are still young so they are definitely not allowed to watch MTV among many other channels…but i can already see my son pushing to watch shows that we have to decide whether it’s OK to watch or not. Interesting times!

  11. November 25th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Mother Earth!
    That’s it exactly isn’t it? We have to name things in order to claim them and claim them in order to be them for the world to see. :0

  12. November 25th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Joel!
    Hi! I heard your sigh over here. :)

    No need to. Everyone does this sometimes, don’t we? We get wrapped up in what we are doing and define ourselves by it. We need to be reminded that we can be what we are most suited to being. It’s a choice that we make in our own favor and that of the world.

    The only folks who are stuck are the ones who are stuck in their thinking. :)

  13. November 25th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Carma!
    I am a “working writer.” I was one before I made money doing it. I was one before I admitted it to myself and the world. But it wasn’t until I stood tall and ventured to call myself that, that I could even think about myself as someone who might deliver work worth charing for. :)

  14. November 25th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Aruni!
    This post is start at looking at the tapes in your head . . . what you call yourself is a key to what you say about yourself.

    Who are you really? That’s the question. :)

  15. November 25th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
    Mother Earth said

    Aruni — Re: the TV thing - we turned off 11 years ago.

    It’s the most amazing thing to do. One child, now 20 could care less - over the summer read war and peace, taps into the internet but in thoughty reading creative ways, and has no interest in current television -

    the other child when she visits her dad gets a TV “fix” - what does she watch ? Cooking shows? Pretty interesting choice for a teenager.

    Prior to turning off I let them watch video by my choice and can’t begin to discount the benefit of sesame street ( barney ? well that’s a different story!) My aversion to TV is multi-faceted - despise commercials, despise most shows and despise sports - strong words I know - these things kept their father and my husband away from participating in our family. One of many things but watch football or spend time outside - well you get the pic

    Music choices? I can’t relate to their choices but account it to being generational more than anything - my point has always been to keep it in your space I don’t want to hear it - when we go on long drives together and listen to musicals or books on tape - hey I can’t complain. She’s respectful and quite thoughty about planning what we listen to together - love her loads for that

    Re claiming - and naming — it’s definitely perculating my dear

    Mother Earth aka Karen Hanrahan
    http://www.bestwellnessconsultant.com

  16. November 25th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
    Aruni said

    Hi Liz - ah…now I get it! Well I guess I struggle with who I am vs. what I am. I am, of course, a mother, a wife, an entrepreneur, a business person, a connector, a writer, and a teacher. That is who I am…but are those the reasons for being? Those are categories that are given to us by society that we can easily slip into. Many people have their own definition. On my blog, I aim to shatter the defintion of high-tech entrepreneur from the stereotype to a different type.

    Hi Mother Earth - sounds like you are doing wonderful things for your children! I’m not sure I will be able to be as strong with the no TV edict! I think music choices will be the hardest. I know some are racy and I want to make sure they understand there is a strong line when it comes to violence to other people. I hope that I am able to foster understanding instead of fear and violence. My husband watches football so our son does too. I don’t mind because overall it is about the team and working together to accomplish something.

  17. November 25th, 2007 at 6:43 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Mother Earth!
    I can almost hear you thinking over here. :)

  18. November 25th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Aruni!
    So, now I know what you are not . . . I’m not sure what “a different type is.” :) :) :)

  19. November 25th, 2007 at 6:57 pm
    Aruni said

    Hi Liz - well to see what I mean by a different type, you’ll have to pop on over to http://www.entrepremusings.com/index.php/about/ to find out more. :-)

    Basically I mean not the stereotype but a differenttype but the words look funny right next to each other. :-)

    So yes now you know what I’m not and therefore the questions is what am I other than who I am in the roles that I am. Hmmm… I will keep thinking.

  20. November 25th, 2007 at 7:04 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Aruni!
    Thinking is a very good thing. :)

  21. November 25th, 2007 at 9:23 pm
    FV Gazi said

    If you find what you love to do, it can be both what you do and who you are

  22. November 26th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
    Trip Around the Blogosphere 11-26-2007 | Pajama Professional said

    [...] right direction, Liz Strauss always seems to say just what I need to hear. This time, she has asked Who Are You Really? Am I a business systems analyst or a blogger? Well, right now I am both. And it is okay if one is [...]

  23. November 27th, 2007 at 9:53 am
    shane said

    Hi Liz,

    I just discovered you blog through Aruni’s recent blog post (check it out, she says nice things about you) : http://www.entrepremusings.com/.

    This is such an awesome topic and has been in full tilt argument over on our blog as well. After a bunch of circling and debate, I have come to conclude a few things:

    1) as an entrepreneur, especially one who has taken on the responsibility of providing for 7 families, I think I do define myself through these efforts more than an employee might (not all, but most). There is something to the act of creation that creates a powerful emotional bond.

    2) should it be do what you love or love what you do? arguments spiral all over from here. After all, most of a job, no matter how phenomenal will have at least 40-70% uninteresting / shit work of some form or another. Some argued that as long as it is taking towards your goals, then that is not a problem. Only when you are going away from what you want in your life does it become an issue. Then a few silicon valley engineers spoke up and said that these days, they work so many hours that work will define your life by sheer volume. Which lead to a great debate on balance.

    …. good topic and good post. I debated adding a link or not because I usually find that distasteful for the first few times someone comments on our blog, but it seems soooo relevant, so please allow me this one time. =)

    Read the comments on Jarkko’s guest post here.

  24. November 27th, 2007 at 7:29 pm
    Aruni said

    Shane it was a great conversation! I think it should be do what you love and enjoy what you do. :-)

  25. November 27th, 2007 at 7:34 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Shane,
    I read your comment earlier today. I’m sorry I’m just getting back to a response to it now.

    I think when you’re fully expressed in living out your life as the person you love following your dream . . . what you think of as uninteresting work can become very interesting because it contributes to what you want and where you are going.

    I don’t want to spend a minute, a second, a thought on something I consider a negative. So I change the way I look at those things. :)

  26. November 27th, 2007 at 7:37 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Yep, Aruni!
    I do agree!

  27. December 19th, 2007 at 6:30 am
    Personal Identity: What’s Your Mini-Intro? - Liz Strauss at Successful Blog - Thinking, writing, business ideas . . . You are only a stranger once. said

    [...] Personal Identity: Who Are You Really? Personal Identity: What Is Humility? Personal Identity: Being True to Yourself Finding Your [...]

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