22 Comments to “Promise Yourself to Build Your Confidence”

1. April 28th, 2008 at 10:49 am
   Karl Edwards said

   I often ask, “If your words don’t mean what you say they mean, then what do they mean?”
   In other words, what am I supposed to do with your promise if it doesn’t mean you will be following through?
   Now to turn that question around onto myself, Liz, that’s just plain unfair!
   I let myself off the hook far too often. And what’s worse, I believe my own excuses way to easily. Thanks for the exhortation.

2. April 28th, 2008 at 11:03 am
   Mary Ward said

   SO true! SO true!

   I find myself consistenetly breaking my own promises, which continually results in inner turmoil. Even when it is for a “good” reason or seomthign beyond my control, I end up menatlly feuding with myself until the wrong is corrected. It makes for a lot of unnecessary stress and feelings of guilt. It’s a wrong I’m trying to correct with a combination of discipline and realistic goals and expecatations (because if I’m not realistic to begin with, there’s no hope of keepign my own promises!)

3. April 28th, 2008 at 11:04 am
   Mary Ward said

   Man what a lot of typos–sorry!

4. April 28th, 2008 at 11:28 am
   ME Liz Strauss said

   Hi Karl!
   Believe me, I feel your pain! I started paying attention to the excuses I was giving myself and I realized I wouldn’t buy them from anyone else. Not fair.

   I sure do think more of myself since I stopped giving me a way out.

5. April 28th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
   ME Liz Strauss said

   Hi Mary!
   I’m being more realistic about what I promise myself these day, which alleviates my stress to and actually makes me feel more competent as well.

   We don’t charge extra for typos here.

6. April 28th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
   Lisa said

   Funny.. you got me thinking. I think I break promises to myself before I would break promises to anyone else.

   Hmmm.. why is everyone else deserving of my kept promise, but I’m not?

   And here I thought Monday was going to be clear n’ easy haha

7. April 28th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
   SpaceAgeSage said

   Promises are like binding agreements, yes? I do not like to be bound to such. I prefer to say, “My intention is to do (such and such),” or “My plan is to meet you around 10ish, but I will call if things go differently,” or “Let’s wait and see how things go.” This flexibility leaves both parties more free and less stressed and creates a big reduction in guilt. My confidence comes from watching my personal growth in a certain direction and enjoying how it improves my life and the lives of those around me.

8. April 28th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
   RayD said

   Powerful again Liz, thanks! And I like what Lisa said too: why indeed am I less deserving of keeping my own promises?

   But beware of conflicting agreements with yourself: they are to easy to make but impossible to keep (”I’m going to get such and such done today” + “I’m going to spend time with partner today” + “I’m not going to stay up too late again today” + …)

9. April 28th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
   Liz Williams said

   I’m straddling the fence between Liz and SpaceAgeSage: My excuses are indeed pathetic and I think much more of myself when I keep the promises I make. Like when I go to the gym and do what I said I would, it makes my whole day go better. Then I do something like this: Today, after my workout I impulsively said “I’ll swim a mile tomorrow!” to a fellow gym rat. This is unrealistic and unwise as I haven’t been in swimming 2 weeks, and usually only swim 3/4 mile.

   So, I think I need to get my body’s wisdom to ride herd on my mouth. Which means more realistic promises *and* more flexible language. And a lot more silence.

10. April 28th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Lisa!
    That was the same thought I’ve been thinking. If I can’t keep my word to myself, what faith am I keeping.

11. April 28th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi SpaceAgeSage,
    Once I would have agree with you completely, but now I believe that on some things it’s good to make a commitment. I don’t think every think has to be a “set in stone promise.” (on the Myers-Brigss I’m a keep my options open “P”) Still there’s a confidence that comes with saying I’ll do something and then making sure I do it.

12. April 28th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Ray!
    Yeah, if we don’t keep track of our promises . . . that one comes up a lot. It reminds me of how many times we can “re-spend” a tax refund. I only choose to commit to three things a day. I know I need time to move and to have room for interruptions.

13. April 28th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Liz!
    That’s the whole idea. We learn to take what we think and say about ourselves more seriously. Our commitments to ourselves makes us a whole lot more confident that we’ll be there when we make promises to other folks.

    And to echo those who already said it. Yeah, I’m as important as the other folks that I keep promise with.

14. April 29th, 2008 at 2:59 am
    Suzie Cheel said

    Interesting so often we are much better at keeping the promises we have with others than ourselves.

    That then works a you say on lowering the self esteem, etc, etc,……..

    When we value ourselves, I think it becomes easier to keep the promises we keep with ourselves

15. April 29th, 2008 at 6:34 am
    Brad Shorr said

    Hi Liz. That’s a challenging post. I was about to say the same thing Suzie did - it seem easier to break promises to ourselves than to others. I think Suzie is right about having to value yourself, but you also have to value values. I try to pick my battles carefully. If I’m not really, really serious, I don’t like to make a promise because they can be so hard to keep.

16. April 29th, 2008 at 7:59 am
    Ken Dauer said

    For a retired Language Arts teacher,this was a powerful quote. From my ancient critical notes of literature, I was reminded that Frost was, at this point, perhaps contemplating suicide. I encourage folks to re-read the poem and consider this thought. When we do not keep our promises, we are indeed killing ourselves in some small way. If you want a smile, give one.

17. April 29th, 2008 at 10:40 am
    SpaceAgeSage said

    I recently came out of situation where a manipulator with abandonment issues required I make some unhealthy promises about “being loyal.” I didn’t realize I was being handled by a web of interwoven deception meant to maintain control by playing on emotions, force-feeding guilt, and using fallacious augmentation to fast talk out of being seen through. That situation has made me a little leery of promises, even to myself, because I have seen the “dark side” of binding oneself to a set of words.

    That said, I will agree that when I finish a project, publish a post, or exercise as I want to be committed to doing, I do feel better about myself.

18. April 29th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Suzie!
    Yeah, we’re better at keeping promises to other people than ourselves. Some of us aren’t much good at either.

    It’s seeing that is has an impact that is really important. We don’t usually think it makes any difference to let ourselves down.

19. April 29th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Brad,
    Keeping a promise to myself makes me trust my instincts as well as my follow-through and competence. I don’t make a lot of promises that are huge, but I make three small ones every day.

20. April 29th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Ken,
    Every promise is a chance to make a link with someone. That quote holds a special place for me as well.

21. April 29th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Sage!
    That situation you describe sounds awful, but I sure can see how a thoughtful person could be drawn in and how cautious it might make some who’d been there.

    I never doubted for a second that you make commitments to what you believe in.

22. May 1st, 2008 at 9:04 am
    How To Gain Confidence For Better Relationships said

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