Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

Thinking, writing, business ideas … You’re only a stranger once.

July 28, 2008

Social Promotion and a Japanese Maple

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 6:30 am

When We’re Fully Expressed . . .

relationships button

The hardest part of any event used to be meeting many new people in a short time. Setting a great first impression in seconds was more than I could get my social skills around. I’d either get too big or too small. I’d never be just right.

Part of my problem was that I put too much value on social promotion. I could never quite meet strangers as simply who I am.

A wise, highly successful friend never seemed to have a problem like mine. So I took to watching him instead. Almost immediately I realized the difference was in the way he looked at himself and what he does.

My friend thinks of what he’s accomplished simply as things he has done and things he does. To him, his work is nothing more than that. As a result, no matter who asks him about it, his answers sounds as if he’s explaining his a day to a curious friend. He doesn’t weigh how what he’s saying might reflect upon another person’s idea of him.

Japanese_maple_by_Liz_Strauss


When we fully accept what we’re good at, we don’t mind talking about what we do. We’re not waiting for others to value it. We don’t get shy standing in the light.

Does that make sense to you?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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14 Comments to “Social Promotion and a Japanese Maple”

  1. July 28th, 2008 at 7:11 am
    Ulla Hennig said

    Liz,
    it makes a lot of sense to me, especially your last three sentences. BTW, the maple looks great!
    And may I say that you are definitely good at bringing poeple together, as you did with the BLOG-TO-SHOW-Project. Thanks a lot for having done all the work for it!
    Ulla

  2. July 28th, 2008 at 7:13 am
    Janet said

    It makes perfect sense, Liz!!! Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: “When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life.” by Greg Anderson.
    This quote is not exactly what you were saying, but it still reminded me of it…:) :) :)
    Warmly,
    janet

  3. July 28th, 2008 at 7:20 am
    Karin H. said

    Hi Liz

    Perfect sense! If we think/feel our value depends on how others might perceive us, we’re never authentic. Never find that authentic voice, word, smile, hand-shake.

    Karin H. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specially in business)

  4. July 28th, 2008 at 8:41 am
    Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach said

    Interesting take! I think if one knows in their heart how valuable one is….the rest just follows.

    The key is giving yourself permission to embrace your true value….and helping others realize theirs.

    Best wishes, Barbara

  5. July 28th, 2008 at 10:06 am
    SpaceAgeSage said

    “He doesn’t weigh how what he’s saying might reflect upon another person’s idea of him.” ~Liz

    My husband is this way. He is secure about who and what he is, so other people’s opinions are just that, not barbs, arrows, or judgments that can get under his skin.

  6. July 28th, 2008 at 10:42 am
    Mary@WritetoDone said

    What I weigh up when I meet a new person is: “How much can they stand?” After all, most people imagine narrow lives. And mine isn’t.

    This is how it goes:

    A simper, “Well, and what do YOU do, Mary?”
    Long pause — I twiddle my fingers.
    “I’m a writer.”
    “Oh, how VERY interesting! What do you write about?”
    “I’m a blogger.”
    “A what?”
    “Blogger. I write about Zen, writing, personal growth and other topics.”
    “Zen? Isn’t that something to do with Oprah?”
    “Meditation. I teach meditation.”
    “But I thought you’re a tango dancer.”
    “Yes, I love dancing tango - especially in skimpy dresses.”
    [I'm now past caring]
    “Oh, well…that’s…very, em..”

  7. July 28th, 2008 at 11:29 am
    Ari Koinuma said

    Liz,

    It comes with just having a healthy respect for self and secure self-esteem. As others stated above, when your sense of worth doesn’t depend on other people, then you just let yourself be.

    Need for attention come in two ways: boasting and diminishing. They are equally false, though the second is less noticed. It’s a false humility — by reducing oneself to less than one is, he/she is seeking to attract acceptance (so others feel superior/comfortable with them), sympathy/pity, and/or admiration (for being so humble).

    But it comes from security, not the other way around. I think the way to get there is to simply work on your self-esteem, instead of employing “tactics” to be authentic. It’s a good habit to be mindful of, but it will just come naturally once you fix the cause.

    ari

  8. July 28th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Ulla!
    I enjoy looking a Japanese maples especially when they’re peeking through the snow.

    Glad you enjoyed the project. Hope to get the energy to do more! :)

  9. July 28th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Karin!
    That’s it. When we listen to hard for what they could be thinking, we lose track what we actually are. :)

  10. July 28th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Sage!
    When we figure out that other folks have opinions — not votes — about us then we can settle into approving our own behaviors. :)

  11. July 28th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Mary!
    I’d love to watch you do that. I’m smiling just to picture it happening!

  12. July 28th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Yeah, Ari,
    It really is all wound up in our self-beliefs. If we place our values and evaluation in the minds of others we’ll always be depending on and wanting from them.

    I think it takes time on the planet to understand that fully. :)

  13. July 29th, 2008 at 7:50 am
    Lu Pierro said

    I used to be shy and retiring when I met people, until I watched a friend in action. She and I took classes together in order to set up a business. In a very authentic way, she meets new people and tells them what she does as smoothly as if she is talking about the weather. The result, she has more clients than she can handle. When you are comfortable with yourself and what you do, the Law of Attraction takes care of the rest!

  14. July 29th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
    LaurenMarie - Creative Curio said

    I notice with myself that sometimes I am just happy to be excited about what I do and share that with people. I hope that they catch the excitement, too, but I’m not hurt if they don’t.

    Other times, I am nervous about telling someone about what I do because of what they will think of me. I know this has to do with me, not them, but I wonder what about me determines those two completely different reactions. I’ll have to observe more closely next time. I definitely like the first way better!

    Ari, I like what you said. That is very insightful. hehe, employing tactics to be authentic makes you exactly the opposite, doesn’t it?

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