Last week, we talked about using “why” as a flashlight as a means to identify hidden fears (or monsters) to independence that we may be harboring. Most of us are pretty skilled at masking things from ourselves, but our gut(s) are a good barometer. We just need to pay heed to the signals it sends us.
A good way to determine what your particular fear centers are and how they rank in order of severity is to list your goals in the affirmative and see which ones really rankle you. For example, take out a sheet of paper and write out positive statements as if you had already achieved them:
- I enjoy my job.
- What I do makes a difference.Â
- I make enough money to satisfy my desires.
Take note of your gut reaction to these (and other, similar) statements. When you hear your inner voice say, “Yeah, right!” in response, that’s a hint, indicating barriers to those particular gaps in your journey to independence. These are your “monsters.”
Keep your list to around five statements. Too many more, and you risk variations on a theme (ie. more than one barrier with the same root fear). Of these five, quiet yourself and try to determine which of these generates the strongest response.
You must force yourself to concentrate on one at time. Multi-tasking does not work in this case. At all.
If you do not fully face and eradicate/convert these issues, they will simply morph and manifest themselves in another form down the road. Think of this exercise as psychological chicken pox. For example, once you develop the immunity to chicken pox, you’ll never get them again. It’s the same thing with identifying and addressing your fears. Once faced and “cured” you will be impervious to this particular fears’ affects forever. So stick with it.
“Sometimes you’ve got to let everything go – purge yourself . . . If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.” ~ Tina Turner
Here comes the listening part. If you’ve never learned to be alone with your thoughts, this will be very difficult for you at first. I have a trick that I use when sifting my own thoughts. First, pretend that you are answering a very persistent three year old child. The only word this child knows is, “why?”
Begin with the statement that bothers you the most. For example, “I am proud of the job I do at work.” If this bothers you, imagine that three year old asking, “why?” for as long as it takes. Narrow that “why” down until you get to the REAL reason you are not proud of the job you do at work (ie. “…I feel powerless at work; my boss doesn’t recognize my skills; I wish I could have more of a leadership role; I like part of my job but hate the ______”)…
Ask until you and your gut agree upon a reason. Then flip the three year old’s question to “how?” How can I change this situation? (more training, change careers, speak up more at work etc). Then make plans to take action on the hows, no matter how small. Just stick with it.
It’s a fallacy that in order to be independent you need to be an entrepreneur. Not all independent people are self employed. The key to independence is that you find joy in the expression of your life; that your efforts and your soul are aligned.
“Work is love made visible.” ~ Kahil Gibran
Our efforts are the outward manifestation of our intentions and our desires. When they are out of alignment, stress, pain and suffering are present. Take the time to distill your emotions and actions. When you live in agreement with your heart and mind, emancipation is a natural outgrowth. How can you apply this today?
Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive).