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When I work with folks who are finding their path, we often talk about famous leaders and what made them what they are.
Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, Jesus, Mother Teresa . . . where they leaders or fools? Each did things that were praised as the ultimate sacrifice for the good of others, but were they leaders really or did they just give themselves away?
Ah, there’s the trick, figuring that part out.
I’ve known a few “victim types” in my time. They thought they were the next Mother Teresa or such, but it wasn’t who they were, I don’t think. Truth is I won’t ever know. The decision isn’t mine.
The reason I can’t determine the answer is because the actions look the same whether the person is a leader or a fool. The answer to question is fully inside the person’s own mind.
You can take the test for yourself. It’s easy. Pick the one that’s you.
- Do you give others what they need, but give that same thing to yourself first? Then you’re dealing from strength. You’re a leader. You’ll have your proof in that it’s easy to say “no,” when you find that you can’t or shouldn’t give more than you have. You’ve got what you need.
- Do you give others what they need in hopes they will give back to you? Then you’re dealing from weakness. You’re a pleaser. You’ll have your proof in that it’s almost impossible to say “no,” even when your whole being says that you should. You’re trying to get what you don’t give yourself.
Are you a leader or a pleaser? Only you know for sure. But I suggest you to for the first.
Give yourself what you need. It’s easier to say “no” to the folks who don’t deserve what you’ve got.