September 22, 2009
The Mic Is On: Ahoy! It’s Pirate Night!!
ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 7:01 pm
It’s Like Open Mic Only Different
Here’s how it works.
It’s like any rambling conversation. Don’t try to read it all. Jump in whenever you get here. Just go to the end and start talking. EVERYONE is WELCOME.
The rules are simple — be nice.
There are always first timers and new things to talk about. It’s sort of half “Cheers” part “Friends” and part video game. You don’t know how much fun it is until you try it.
We’re talking about Captain Hook, Bluebeard, Swashbucklers, and the rest. Playing pirates is always my favorite Tuesday Night Open Comments.
Tonight it’s about playing pirates like we did when we were kids:
- pirate ships
- jolly roger
- pirate treasure
- Captain Hook
And, we’ll talk about whatever else comes up, including THE EVER POPULAR, Basil the code-writing donkey . . . and flamenco dancing (because we always get off topic, anyway.)
Oh, and bring links about pirates to share!
Many of Liz’s pirate jokes tonight came from Pirate Jokes
–ME “Liz” Strauss
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115 Comments to “The Mic Is On: Ahoy! It’s Pirate Night!!”
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Glenda Watson Hyatt said
Ahoy Captain! Permission to come aboard.
Lisa D. Jenkins said
Avast! A red sun on the horizon!
ME Liz Strauss said
Ahoy!
C’mon aboard, Glenda!! I was thinking about you today. I was down by the Oprah store!!
Lisa D. Jenkins said
How are the two of you this evening?
ME Liz Strauss said
Ah Lisa!!
Red at night, pirates delight!!
Lisa D. Jenkins said
Red sky at morning, pirates take warning!
Glenda Watson Hyatt said
Aye, Captain Liz, find any good treasures down there tonight?
ME Liz Strauss said
What’s a pirate’s favorite pickup line?
AAAAArrrrrr ya free Saturday night?
Lisa D. Jenkins said
Who’s got the rum?
ME Liz Strauss said
I didn’t go in. I only went past. Made me think of you though.
Lisa D. Jenkins said
I just told my family, “The beatin’s will continue until morale improves.”
ME Liz Strauss said
How did the captains of Spanish treasure ships keep their cool?
They wore anti-pers-pirate!!!
Marti_L said
Shiver me timbers (and everything else, because it’s getting chilly outside)!
Hi Liz, Glenda and Lisa!
ME Liz Strauss said
Lisa,
I heartily approve that admonition. I’m feeling very cutthroat tonight.
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#3 There’s an Oprah STORE?!
Lisa D. Jenkins said
13 Hi, Marti! How be ye this fine evening?
ME Liz Strauss said
Hi Marti!!
There’s an Oprah store in near Morgan St. and Randolph in Chicago. A big of a ride from downtown. eh? Glenda?
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#12 Oh my. I was unaware of the danger of internal injury due to the unrestrained use of puns. As if there should be any other kind
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#17 What kinds of things does one find in the Oprah Store?
Marti_L said
Good joke, Liz! Arrgh!
Glenda Watson Hyatt said
Aye, Lisa, there is. Filled with marvelous treasures!
ME Liz Strauss said
So, there’s this pirate ship in the midst of a long voyage. The men have grown terribly bored. A pirate amongst them happens to know a bunch of magic tricks, and he decides to put on a magic show. His parrot, however, is quite gossipy and can’t keep it’s mouth shut.
The pirate begins his first trick, and tha parrot gives it away by saying “rawwk, the coin is in the other hand, rawwk!”
Frustrated, the pirate tries another trick, but again, the parrot gives it away by blurting out “rawwk, look under the table, rawwk!”
This goes on for some time, to a point that the pirate can’t manage to perform anything spectacular to entertain the crew. His anger towards his blabbermouth parrot eventually grows so phenomenal that one night he gets very drunk and accidentally crashes the ship into some rocks.
Sobering up the next morning, he finds himself adrift on some wreckage. The parrot, ever the attentive sidekick, happens to land next to him looking quite puzzled. It says to him:
“Rawwk, Okay, I give up, What’d ya do with the boat?”
ME Liz Strauss said
#18 Lisa … 2/3 of a pun = P U !!
Cam Swegman said
Ahoy, Mates! I hope that new comers are not required to swab the decks first time onboard?
Glenda Watson Hyatt said
Liz, the ride wasn’t that far. Thinking of doing a Pied Piper trek next SOBCon!
Marti_L said
I be feelin’ pretty silly tonight. I forgot my wedding anniversary! (After 28 years I hope I can be forgiven *grin*)
ME Liz Strauss said
Glenda,
I think that’s an outstanding plan!! You might just get a huge group to follow you!!
ME Liz Strauss said
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck!
Glenda Watson Hyatt said
In the mood for making someone walk the gangplank tonight!
Lisa D. Jenkins said
So, this is the “mug” I got when I became Pirate Queen last year
http://www.twitpic.com/irjmb
ME Liz Strauss said
#24 Ahoy! Cam!
Nah, Newcomers just walk the plank. heh heh
Lisa D. Jenkins said
Why did the Pirate get a BUI (Boating While Intoxicated) ????
Because he was drunk leaving the baaarrrrrrr!!!
Marti_L said
Hi Cam! Welcome aboard this ship o’ fools! *grin*
Glenda Watson Hyatt said
Captain Liz is in fine form tonight!
Lisa D. Jenkins said
I had forgotten how fast this moved. Reminds me of #journchat
Marti_L said
Oh Liz, you are on fire with the jokes tonight!
Cam Swegman said
Hmmm…I mean Rrrr! Guess I’ll have as much fun as I can before entering Davey Jones locker then!
Cam Swegman said
That’s a lovely mug, Lisa but shouldn’t it be filled with rum?
Lisa D. Jenkins said
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. While he is waiting for it he spots a pirate sitting in the corner of the bar. The pirate has two wooden arms and two wooden legs. Naturally curious, the man gets his drink, walks over to the pirate and asks, “Excuse me sir, I hope you don’t mind but I couldn’t help noticing that you have two wooden arms and two wooden legs. You must have been involved in some fierce sea battles?”
The pirate looked up, paused and said, “Arrrr no… me father was a tree!”
Marti_L said
Oh Lisa, I love that ruby glass - stunning!
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#38 One bottle at a time, Cam
Cam Swegman said
Thanks for letting me climb aboard. I saw the tweet from Captain Liz and finally gathered up the courage to hoist my sunken chest up to the keyboard.
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#40 Thank you, Marti. My boyfriend looked to 2 months to make sure I had just the right one when I turned 40. I drank nothing but champagne all day, from that glass.
ME Liz Strauss said
A pirate and his parrot, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into rum!” The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances
The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: “Now yee’ve done it!! Now we’re goon to have to pee in the boat!”
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#42
Ay, Cam. Cap’n Liz runs quite a ship, eh?
Lisa D. Jenkins said
So this pirate walks into a bar and sits next to a drunken wench.
The wench looks him over and says, “Nice pirate outfit. Where’d you get your earrings?”
The pirate says, “Arr, I bought one from the dollar store on the other side of town and I got the other from the dollar store across the street.”
So the wench exclaims, “Wow! Not bad for a buck-an-ear!”
Marti_L said
That sounds like A GREAT day, Lisa
I am laughing so hard at the jokes, that husband turned around and asked me what was so funny!
ME Liz Strauss said
#43 Lisa,
What was the best part of being Pirate Queen?
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#44 Bwaaahaaahaaaa! The priorities must be observed at all times!
Cam Swegman said
Arrrr! Found this whilst checking out the horzion http://twitter.com/piratejokes
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#48 The clothes. Definitely the clothes!
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#47 All in all, it’s been a great YEAR! I recommend turning 40 to everyone -
Cam Swegman said
#45 She does at that! Garrr!
Cam Swegman said
Lisa, how does one become a pirate queen?
ME Liz Strauss said
A pirate was standing on the crow’s nest and then he slipped and fell. He fell through the first floor, then he fell through the second floor, then he fell through the third floor and hit the bottom floor of the ship!
The first mate comes up to him and asks “Are ye all right matey?”
The pirate replies, “Arrr, yes… I’ve been through hardship before!”
Marti_L said
A little boy is dressed as a pirate captain for Halloween. He knocks on the door of a house and a lady answers.
She says “Well, well little boy, what are you supposed to be?”
He says “I am a pirate captain”.
She says “Well–where are your buccaneers?”
He says “Right here under my buckin’ hat.”
Lisa D. Jenkins said
What does a pirate call his friends in the military?
“Arrrrrrrr me” maties!!!
ME Liz Strauss said
Marti,
I love that buckin’ joke!!
Glenda Watson Hyatt said
Methinks Captain Liz rendevous’d with Captain Bacardi while ashore today.
Cam Swegman said
#55 Bah-dum-chh!
ME Liz Strauss said
#59
Rather rendevous with Johnny Depp. heh heh
Cam Swegman said
#59 or perhaps Captain Morgan, eh?
Cam Swegman said
#61 that’s what I’m pirate talkin’bout!
Marti_L said
Lisa, I am 56 - Can I turn 40 again? *grin*
These jokes are hysterical - my sides ache from laughing!
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#54 You have to turn 40, first. Then be self-appointed. Plus - it’s important have the outfit - the outfit carries a lot of weight with the crew.
Cam Swegman said
#56 Good one, Marti!
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#64 If I were you, I would just ROCK 57! Become Pirate Matriarch
I’d let you be Pirate Queen, but I find I’m not quite ready to give up the hat. LOL
ME Liz Strauss said
Did you hear about the pirate who took up boxing?He had a killer left hook!
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#59 Mmmmm Johnny Depp. He’s sure pretty.
Cam Swegman said
#65 RRRrrr, hate to admit it but this wench is well past 40 but can still do an eyepatch and fluffy blouse well enough.
Lisa D. Jenkins said
3.14% of Sailors are Pi Rates.
Marti_L said
Many years ago, when my children ere young and I had more energy *grin* I sewed matching pirate costumes for the entire family. I was a PTA mom running a booth at the Halloween carnival, and we got so many compliments - it was really cool!
mike kirkeberg said
#67 I have never been on before, but I am one of the pirates of the blogosphere. If you look at my twitter pic, you will see why.
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#65 I believe we all can. My cousin saw a 78 year old Burlesque dancer in New Orleans this year. He said she was AMAZING! He loves her.
Cam Swegman said
#68 this is my fave so far! *giggle*
mike kirkeberg said
And you don’t have to be a sailor to be a pirate. When asked by kids if I am a pirate, I always tell them no, I am an outlaw
@neuronoutlaw
ME Liz Strauss said
Ahoy Mike!!
Maybe you can whip us into some pirate shape.
ME Liz Strauss said
To err is human.
To ARRR is pirate.
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#67 Ahoy, Mike. I’m a Pirate on Twitter, too! http://twitter.com/account/profile_image/LisaDJenkins?hreflang=en
mike kirkeberg said
I wonder if this has been mentioned. Why do pirates wear an eyepatch?
Marti_L said
Hi Mike - welcome aboard!
Glenda Watson Hyatt said
My pirate education is lacking, but that’s another story. Just what exactly is the poop deck anyway?
Cam Swegman said
#69 He can shiver me timbers anytime!
Lisa D. Jenkins said
What do you call a stupid pirate?
The pillage idiot!
Marti_L said
#80 OK Mike, I’ll bite…why do pirates wear eyepatches?
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#69 yeah - he’s on my list of “If I ever get the chance, I’m so gonna have lunch with THAT man!”
mike kirkeberg said
Why the eyepatch? always heard it was because the parrot pecked out the eye!
Lisa D. Jenkins said
What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor?
Robin Hook!!!!
Marti_L said
Cute pirate Twitter profile picture, Lisa! I followed you. (Marti_L)
Cam Swegman said
#87 And we thought Polly wanted crackers! RRRrrr!
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#87 I thought it was to cover the hold from the “weather eye”. You know, they one they kept out . . .?
ME Liz Strauss said
On January 14, 2009, seven sea sailin’ Cap’n Billy the Butcher said:
Top 10 things overheard at the dinner table that show your child is quickly becoming a pirate
(10) “You can flog me, but I’m not eating creamed spinach.”
(9) “I’ve buried me treasure in the mashed potatoes.”
(8) “I’ll need another ration of grog if you expect me to eat these peas.”
(7) “Your tuna noodle casserole would be perfect to fill cracks in the deck.”
(6) “This chicken tastes like the parrot I was forced to eat after being marooned on an island for 30 days.”
(5) “I wouldn’t serve brussel sprouts to even the prisoners in the brig.”
(4) “If I eat all my food, can I plunder the neighbors before I go to bed?”
(3) “This burger is fatty enough to grease a mast.”
(2) “Too many vegetables - too little shark.”
(1) “What did they do with the last cook’s body after he was hung from the yardarm?”
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#89 Aw, thanks Marti. I just like show a little truth in advertising. I’m clearly not straight-laced, and I just couldn’t post a pic of me that way
Cam Swegman said
When I first jumped onboard the talk was about Red Sky at night, etc and we really did have a red sky this morn! Woke up with that saying in my head and now this!
Lisa D. Jenkins said
#94 Your inner Pirate is whispering to you, Cam . . .
Cam Swegman said
#95 Lisa, as opposed the usual voices in my head, eh? Could be…
ME Liz Strauss said
About the eye patch –
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!”
“What do you mean?” the pirate replies, “I’m fine.”
The bartender says, “But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”
“Yeah,” says the bartender, “But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really.”
“Oh,” says the bartender, “What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.”
“Well,” says the pirate, “One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye.”
“So?” replied the bartender, “what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird shit!”
“Well,” says the pirate, “I really wasn’t used to the hook yet.”
Marti_L said
If any of you with kids are looking for a funny book about parenting, I recommend Time Bete’s Guide to Pirate Parenting. He is head of a humor writer group I am in, and he is great!
http://www.pirateparenting.com/
Lisa D. Jenkins said
On the note of #92, I must be shovin’ off to feed my scurvy crew. I’ll be back to visit all your profiles tomorrow
Thanks, Liz!
Marti_L said
G’night Lisa! Smooth sailin’ to you!
ME Liz Strauss said
Lisa,
You are awesome. Tell them to eat or walk the plank!
Cam Swegman said
How does a pirate get his mast up?
He uses a (wait for it)….wench!
Cam Swegman said
By Lisa! Can’t let ‘em get scurvy!
ME Liz Strauss said
What happened when Bluebeard the Pirate fell into the Red Sea?
He got Marooned!
Marti_L said
Oh my! If I laugh any more my sides will split!
I have so much to catch up on, I better walk the plank myself. Delightful conversation - thank you all!
Liz, delightfully entertaining as always! I raise my cup o’ grog to all!
Good night and God bless.
ME Liz Strauss said
How do pirates know that they are pirates?
They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!
ME Liz Strauss said
Good night,Marti!
Giggle home!
ME Liz Strauss said
Did anyone want to be a pirate when you were a kid?
Cam Swegman said
You RRRRRrr all too fun! This land lubbers turnin in also! Thanks, Liz, Marti, Lisa and Mike!
ME Liz Strauss said
Why do young pirates always fail when saying the alphabet in kindergarten?
Because their fathers insist that there are seven Cs!!!!
ME Liz Strauss said
Good night Cam!
Thanks for coming!
Kevin Ferrasci OMalley said
If you want to have some fun read a child the book
“The Man Whose Mother Was a Pirate” by Margaret Mahy
ME Liz Strauss said
Thanks, Kevin!
That sounds like a winner just from the title!
Glenda Watson Hyatt said
Sorry Liz,Darrell went splat on the floor and couldn’t get back into his chair.
ME Liz Strauss said
So sorry Glenda. That’s not a great way to spend an evening. I feel the same way sometimes and I don’t have a chair to fight with.