Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

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June 13, 2007

Traditions: Who We Are and What We Value

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 7:13 am

Identity and Relationships

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I think about how my world has changed since I was a child. Family traditions, traditions with friends, were liberally scattered throughout my life. Those handed down were savored and serious. Silly ones came about doing something spontaneous. The simple, soft, and sentimental still make me smile. They weave together the relationships and interactions that formed who I am.

But times change. Traditions seem harder to hold onto.

Once extended families held us closer to home, closer together. Now we are more isolated from each other. We change jobs. We move houses. We marry later. We have smaller families. As a culture, we are alone more often and longer.

We leave behind some traditions. National traditions are being questioned or hidden in respect for those who don’t feel reflected within them or who find fault with the values of a given tradition.

Who We Are and What We Value

Traditions take time and investment. Their very nature requires a buy-in at some level. They are a critical cultural benchmark of who we are and what we value.

In the script to “Fiddler on the Roof,” Tevye explains the importance of tradition to a culture.

A fiddler on the roof…
Sounds crazy, no?
But here, in our little village of Anatevka,
you might say
every one of us is a fiddler on the roof.
Trying to scratch out a pleasant, simple tune
without breaking his neck.
It isn’t easy.
You may ask,
why do we stay up there
if it’s so dangerous?
Well, we stay because
Anatevka is our home.
And how do we keep our balance?
That I can tell you in one word!
Tradition!
[snip]
Because of our traditions,
we’ve kept our balance for many, many years.
Here in Anatevka,
we have traditions for everything.
How to sleep.
How to eat.
How to work.
How to wear clothes. . . .
For instance,
we always keep our heads covered,
and always wear a little prayer shawl.
This shows our constant devotion to God.
You may ask,
how did this tradition get started?
I’ll tell you.
I don’t know.
But it’s a tradition.
And because of our traditions,
every one of us knows who he is
and what God expects him to do. . . .
[snip]
Without our traditions,
our lives would be as shaky as
As…
As a fiddler on the roof!

Are we leaving behind traditions without replacing them? Are we leaving behind our sense of self with them? Are we losing track of what we value? What traditions hold us together still?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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14 Comments to “Traditions: Who We Are and What We Value”

  1. June 13th, 2007 at 7:26 am
    Chris Cree said

    ~If I were a rich man…~

    Love the movie!

    Traditions should have a place in our lives. Gorgeous and I struggle with this very thing.

    How do we treat holidays? Our families are several states away.

    Traditions help mark significant events in our lives and help create a sense of flow and order.

    We’d do better with a few more, I think.

  2. June 13th, 2007 at 7:45 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Chris!
    Growing up with big family holidays makes it hard to find a tradition with a few people that seems right and fitting. I know our tendency has been to go for the opposite.

    We so wanted our son to experience his extended family that, when we lived far from here, we sent him back to Chicago every year for Christmas to stay with his grandparents. So he grew up with a tradition that didn’t include us or one that did, but it was separate from the other.

    Our traditions are tinier than those I knew growing up.

  3. June 13th, 2007 at 8:07 am
    Karin H. said

    Hi Liz

    Hmm, traditions can be stifling too. Sunday morning 11 0′clock phone rings: isn’t my coffee good enough anymore? Ex mother-in-law expecting her son to come home. Every Sunday morning same phone call. Every day he was there, doing lots of things to help her, every day.
    But tradition ‘demanded’ Sunday morning coffee.

    But…..
    my own traditions extent beyond ‘close’ family. My traditions are about caring, talking, helping out - not based on fixed days, fixed holidays, fixed ’showing up’ because it’s tradition.

    I love traditions ;-)

    Karin H.

  4. June 13th, 2007 at 8:17 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Karin!
    Some traditions have devolved into expectations. They aren’t moments we honor, but moments of “torture.” When the value is gone, can we really think of them as tradition in the true sense of the word?

  5. June 13th, 2007 at 8:24 am
    Karin H. said

    Hi Liz

    The ‘wizard-of words’ comes to the rescue again!

    You’re absolutely right: those coffee calls had become (false) expectations, both of mother and son. Mother expected son for coffee, son expected a day of rest - and acknowledgement for his daily visits during the week ;-)
    No value left, no valued tradition - just torture.

    But enough ’sad’ talk. New traditions are being ‘made’ too. Like ‘early morning coffee comments’? ;-)

    Karin H.

  6. June 13th, 2007 at 10:07 am
    April Groves said

    Lost traditions - When I was a little girl we had family reunions every year. I loved them! My favorite part was my Grandma Sam’s 7 layer dessert. It was always there. As the older women died, so did the reunions. Like an old blanket fraying at the edges, they got smaller and smaller until folks just decided they weren’t useful anymore.

    Making new ones - Mine and my husband’s parents are our favorite people to be around. Fortunately, we all live in the same area. Every Friday night we get together at my mom and dad’s house. She cooks dinner and we shoot pool or play cards. The kids play and watch movies. We spend the night there and mom makes breakfast…every Friday night and every Saturday morning. Sometimes our friend join us because the kids enjoy it and it is safer than going out. The memories are priceless.

    I think that’s what makes a “good” tradition. The memories and the bonds created. So very important. Great topic.

  7. June 13th, 2007 at 10:53 am
    Jeff Brown said

    Growing up, the traditions of my extended family were many, and produced great memories to be shared in the following years.

    Now that the grandparents are gone, and their kids are in their ’70’s and tiring, the extended family meets rarely. What I see happening is my kids and my cousins’ kids don’t really know each other, and worse, don’t share a rich history of family traditions.

    I think this is not unique, and wish I knew the best way to take over where Grandma & Grandpa left off.

    Those traditions are among my most cherished and valued memories.

  8. June 13th, 2007 at 11:22 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Karin!
    Those early morning comments are a special tradition that I’ve grown to favor a lot. :)

  9. June 13th, 2007 at 11:36 am
    ME Strauss said

    Yeah, April, I’m with you. It’s the memories. The time we spend together in the traditions are moments of community. They are the times of our life.

    Your memories of the traditions past and present sound wonderful!

  10. June 13th, 2007 at 11:41 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Jeff,
    We’ve become an entirely different culture from that of our grandparents. They wanted us to become American and take on American values. . . . We left the old behind.

    I went to a family reunion for the very first time last summer. The kids found it boring. I was so interested in the stories — finding out who was who. Ten years ago I was too busy for that also.

    The traditions I have with my friends seemed more important then.

  11. June 13th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
    John Benage said

    The post and comments here are amazing! It kept me refering to the post I just completed on my blog before reading these.

    Although that post does not speak directly to traditions, they are very much the source on which the post is based.

    But, one comment I should make here is a point we used to make on the speaking circut. Traditions are of great value if you know the reason behind the tradition and that reason still makes sense. I’ll spare you the speaker story often used to illustrate the point.

    Some traditions may not be ‘tortures’ but have become pointless and should be elimnated. On the other hand, if there is real value, as in the ‘Fiddler on the Roof’ example, these should be ardently retained.

    And, as April demonstrated above, making traditions starts somewhere. If you have a valid reason, start one…I don’t know many people who don’t have a valid reason to start new traditions. Without tradition, where is the fabric of our society?

  12. June 13th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi John!
    Thank you for your comment. You bring a great point to the table. Traditions need to have a reason — most of those that I enjoy celebrate relationships I have with people or special moments that we’ve shared.

  13. June 13th, 2007 at 9:18 pm
    pelf said

    My family traditions are definitely being left behind gradually. When I was smaller, I remember having dinners with my extended family and cousins (we’d occupy 2 or sometimes 3 dinner tables that seat 10 each).

    But these days, I see only the elderly sit and dine together - their kids (me included) study in a different state or country, some aren’t bothered to go home on weekends despite staying only 2 hours’ drive away (I stay 8 hours’ drive away), some are married and with kids.

    And even those who sat down on the same table don’t necessary communicate with each other, like one of my uncles said, “they’re more interested in their mobile phones than talking to their relatives.”

    Sad :(

  14. June 13th, 2007 at 9:31 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Pelf!
    I know about having dinners with my extended family and cousins too. It was something special that I cannot recapture much as I try.

    We’ve all grown and are on our own and it is sad to think of the time and laughter that we’ve left behind. It’s not that we’re more interested in other things; it’s that we lost that thread that held us tight.

    I know.

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