Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

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November 2, 2009

Trusting Ourselves, Structure Damage, and Recovering

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 8:12 am

A Project Post by Liz Strauss and Kristi Daeda

I’ve been working on a special project with Kristi Daeda, an awesome friend, writer, and career counselor. Our project will take many forms for people working on true trust and business relationships. Right now we’re working on breaks in our trust and world view. We’ve named them structure damage.

relationships button

What Is Structure Damage?

It can happen when the world seems most in order. Suddenly, without warning, someone or something pulls the rug out of from under us. Trusting what’s next can be hard.

Structure damage occurs when we are faced with a change that we’re not prepared to deal with. The change can be big or small, it can occur in our professional lives or our personal lives, it can be something that happens to us or something that we realize or decide that changes the way we see the world.

Not every change causes structure damage. Structure damage is when change moves us into that fight-or-flight mode, impacting our emotions, behavior or worldview. The change doesn’t have to represent a threat, it only has to be perceived as one.

If you want to catch the situation before it gets out of hand, get in touch with what’s normal for you, and what’s abnormal. If you’re experiencing any of the following, you might be suffering from a shaking foundation.

In high-stress situations, you may also experience physiological effects — things like your heart pounding, difficulty focusing, or headaches.

If you normally feel confident and in control, dramatic swings from even keel are a sign that something’s up. That’s your opportunity to ask yourself why you’re feeling the way that you are. Start working backwards — when did you start feeling this way? Did something trigger that change? What about that trigger situation upset you? Keep tracking, and you might be able to find the source — the body blow.

How to minimize the impact

Cultivate flexibility … a few words from Kristi …

Most people think of bridges as static structures. Concrete and steel, built to weather all manner of abuse. But bridges have hinges and joints. They flex and sway in the wind. Their components are engineered to not only be strong enough to bear the weight of traffic, but also to bend to carry the weight of traffic and respond to the elements. It’s this flexibility that allows this giant machine to function, bearing the impact, working with the conditions.

Growing up, my definition of a successful life was to pursue an education, get a job in a traditionally respected, intellectual, moderately lucrative field, get married, have kids, and buy a house in the suburbs. I had a few gifts to bring to the table, but perhaps one of the most notable was my ability in math and science. It was a natural progression to consider engineering as a field.

When I got to college, I struggled with my classes. Not because I wasn’t capable, but because I couldn’t motivate myself to do the work. For someone who has never had a shortage of drive, this was unsettling. What was wrong with me? I ended up frustrated, confused. I tried to reconcile my definition of success with what I was feeling every day — that I was on the wrong path.

My entire worldview — the plan I had laid out for myself, the rules that I lived by — was on very shaky ground.

The structure damage I experienced was to my understanding of success.

There’s a difference between being in control and being prepared. Being prepared allows you to create a platform for success as you’ll be ready to deal with most issues that come your way. The effort to be in control can only lead to frustration — the world is so large, and your span of control is really miniscule in comparison.

We’ve all found ourselves in a situation where someone or something has moved what we believe. Winners take up the gauntlet and find a new set of rules.

How do you recover when structure damage strikes where you live?

–ME “Liz” Strauss and Kristi Daeda
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Filed under Business Life, Marketing, Successful Blog | 4 Comments »




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4 Comments to “Trusting Ourselves, Structure Damage, and Recovering”

  1. November 2nd, 2009 at 8:48 am
    Karin H said

    Hi Liz and Kirsti

    Structure damage happened to me many years ago, in such a way it turned into a “burn out” – something I don’t wish up on anyone. You so lose your structure, confidence and happiness.

    How do you recover when structure damage strikes where you live?

    Write your frustrations, weird feelings, strange experience of what you seem to be going through down and talk to a trusted friend who can listen without immediately telling you how to solve it. It takes time to recover, no miracle cures. In the end it comes down to accepting the situation is changed and finding a way to rebuild your own structure. A friendly ear, a friendly shoulder is a like a safety cushion for your feeble new brave steps upwards and onwards.

    Karin H (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specially in business)

  2. November 2nd, 2009 at 11:31 am
    Kristi Daeda said

    Karin: Such great tips! A support system is key. If you can have some trusted sources of impartial feedback and ideas, it can help you reframe your worldview a little quicker.

    Here’s to hoping you never suffer burnout again!

  3. November 3rd, 2009 at 8:58 am
    Christa M. Miller said

    Structure damage has happened 3 times in my life that were truly significant: twice in college when, like you Kristi, I was forced to change all my assumptions about career and family. And once a few years ago when I too burned out on my “life’s work.”

    Unfortunately the fourth time is happening right now, and it is not so easy to sort out. Before, I was able just to let things go, walk away and let things sort themselves out.

    Now, it’s the opposite: I’ve been following opportunities, all related to my passion, and letting things work out on their own for 18 months, and it’s just been too much upheaval. I’m tired and frankly, out of faith. How many more open doors can I walk through?

    Especially difficult has been seeing only certain doors open… trying multiple ones just to keep an open mind, but finding all but a few pretty specifically related doors leading to dead ends. Easy to think a path was leading somewhere.

    And maybe it still is, who knows. I just don’t have the energy to see it right now! In any case, thanks for the salient post. It did make me think.

  4. November 6th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
    Women Entrepreneurs Blog Carnival | She Takes on the World said

    [...] Strauss presents Trusting Ourselves, Structure Damage, and Recovering posted at Successful [...]

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