15 Comments to “What Do “Givers Get”?”

1. June 14th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
   SpaceAgeSage said

   I just posted this: Boundary setting isn’t selfishness, but sanity.

   I have learned about boundary setting the hard way because my family is filled with people pleasers who are perfectionists. Guilt seems to be one of the weapons used against givers, but those who use it are the truly selfish ones. Although entitlement is a social norm for some, to me it is a character flaw.

   True giving is a mutually uplifting interaction involving true gratitude. People who try to make someone help or give from guilt create resentment and are thus destructive.

   Liz, you are a gracious and giving person. I thank you for your words and insights. I’m glad you realize that saying, “No” is one of the most freeing things to the heart and soul. It allows our inner world to stay strong so we can truly give to the truly grateful.

2. June 14th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
   ME Liz Strauss said

   Hi Sage,
   Boundaries are helpful, but sometimes I wonder whether they make a country smaller? I know my boundaries. I just had to show one to someone this week. I still feel I lost something in the process.

   I’m still thinking on this.

   Thank you, Sage. I value your comments. They lift me up and keep me engaged in powerful thoughts.

3. June 14th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
   Francie said

   Hi Liz,

   I still check in once in a while. Always something interesting or thought provoking. You ask some good questions.

   I have to add my response, which I believe strongly. Givers get “money in the bank” of life. Whatever one gives, always comes back to them. Maybe not from the original source, but always from somewhere in the universe.

   Yes, we have to set boundaries, and no one can afford to give it all away - whatever the resource. But, if we live by the symbolic “my cup runneth over, surely goodness and mercy shall follow” theory of good fortune; well then we have to spill or empty some of that metaphoric flow in order to make room for more. We will be replenished.

   In contrast, takers never see the overflow. They’re too busy trying to keep the contents to themselves, or getting a bigger cup to contain it all. And, what they get without adding to the flow usually winds up stagnant and stale, even corrupted. So in the end they really have less.

   (I think I really might start blogging again, one of these days.)

4. June 15th, 2008 at 4:11 am
   Ulla said

   Liz,
   I am normally the giving type (not in the blogosphere, because I am newbie there and happy about getting advice from experienced people, but I am conscious of this) and earlier in my life I knew a lot of people who were taking from me without giving something. It took me some time to learn that that kind of relationship was onesided. Today I get a lot back from people which I give something to, and I always have the feeling that whatever I give comes back to me.

5. June 15th, 2008 at 7:09 am
   NBT Weekend Link Love June 14th & 15th, 2008 : Network Blogging Tips said

   [...] What do Givers Get? at Successful Blog [...]

6. June 15th, 2008 at 8:17 am
   Karin H. said

   Hi Liz

   Givers get? Don’t take me wrong, I know what you mean, but the phrase itself in my ears sounds too harsh, too ’selfish’, too much as a trade-off.
   Givers gain is more my motto - or at least I try to abide to it myself and respect it in others. As in - to which I agree with SpaceAgeSage’s boundary setting - freely generously given where the decision of boundaries is both with the giver as with the ‘getter’ (;-)).

   True givers gain is unconditional. The selfish ‘getters’ (receivers) have not yet learned that principle and will not gain anything.

   Karin H. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specially in business)

7. June 15th, 2008 at 11:08 am
   ME Liz Strauss said

   Hi Francie,
   Boundaries are good, but choosing well is also. I’m learning to that and to value those who help. In the Internet world, we’re all so busy, so bombarded, we don’t mean to lose track of the folks that help us, but sometimes we do.

8. June 15th, 2008 at 11:09 am
   ME Liz Strauss said

   Hi Ulla!
   I think in the short time that I’ve known you, you’ve given plenty. Thank you for that.

9. June 15th, 2008 at 11:11 am
   ME Liz Strauss said

   Hi Karin,
   Givers gain a wealth of affection and some really good friends. Like you . . .

10. June 15th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
    kristarella said

    Not sure that the first paragraph makes sense, but in response to the questions, which do:

    What is it that givers get?

    For me, a sense of satisfaction that I was able to help someone, and often that I was able to teach them something they will use in the future.

    Are we using up and wearing the sources of our best help?
    Will there come a day when there are no givers left?

    Sometimes and no. We do use help, we need to. Sometimes the helpers get worn out, usually when they have no boundaries themselves and don’t rest properly etc.

    I don’t think we will ever run out of help. There might seem like there’s dry periods sometimes, but it’ll come good.

11. June 15th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Kristarella
    I so admire your sense of equilibrium. We may wear out the helpers we have, but you have faith more will come.

    Help is probably a renewable resource, but it sure would be good if we valued those who gave us help and wisdom more than we usually do.

    Don’t you think?

12. June 15th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
    kristarella said

    They definitely deserve to be valued. I hold them in pretty high regard and try not to be too demanding. Perhaps something we could do more is take advantage of Amazon wishlists and the like, for a bit of tangible appreciation.

13. June 16th, 2008 at 1:05 am
    owlhaven said

    Hi! New here, and have a ton of things going on. But this post slowed me down to think exactly because I am so busy. I’ve just been wondering where I need to cut back, to fnd a bit more balance…

    Thanks for sharing this!

    Mary, mom to many

14. June 16th, 2008 at 10:14 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Kristarella,
    My experience is that the ones who value the givers aren’t the ones who are wearing them out.

    Smiles,
    Liz

15. June 16th, 2008 at 10:15 am
    ME Liz Strauss said

    Hi Mary,
    It’s a good thought to take time to refuel our batteries. Giving to ourselves is the most important thing if we want to have plenty for others.