May 13, 2008

What Freelancing Taught Me – Part 2 Be Firm but Not Tough

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 9:29 am

More from Deb Ng, who told us yesterday how to gain confidence in any freelance job.

What Freelancing Taught Me – Part 2 Be Firm but Not Tough by Deb Ng

Did you ever see a person on television or even real life who was considered “tough” in business? She could pick up the phone and get what she wants, or have employees running at her beck and call, practically sniveling at her feet. I used to work for a woman like that. I admired her so much until I realized she wasn’t tough, she was mean. People responded to her because she wasn’t a nice person and they didn’t want to be on the receiving end of her wrath.

As a freelancer I learned to get my way too, but not so my clients and colleagues are afraid of temper tantrums or hissy fits. I learned to be firm. I think a freelancer has to be firm enough to make sure she’s paid on time but not so tough her first paycheck is her last. A freelancer has to know the customer is (almost) always right, but not at the expense of her dignity. I’m thinking it’s best to know how to catch flies with honey, because the other alternatives stink.

Freelancers should be firm when:

  • Negotiating
  • Collecting a payment
  • Not allowing another to take away one’s voice or sense of style
  • Meeting a deadline
  • Making a decision

And even though we’re being firm and making sure we get a fair deal, we have to be nice. Because nice works better than mean. Nice ensures return clients and future clients. Be nice because people response better to nice. Be firm because you don’t want to be a pushover. Be yourself because there’s no one better.

Are you firm or are you tough? What do you think is the difference in how people react?

Deb Ng blogs about the best ways to find, and keep, freelance writing jobs. Why not stop by and say hello?

Thanks, Deb!
Everyone, tune in tomorrow for Part 3 – Good Habits Rock

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

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10 Comments to “What Freelancing Taught Me – Part 2 Be Firm but Not Tough”

  1. May 13th, 2008 at 11:00 am
    SpaceAgeSage said

    Yes, I know folks who come across first as tough, but most who are “mean tough” are just trying to mask insecurity. Real, honest toughness is about perseverance, trustworthiness in the face of adversity, and caring for others even if self sacrifice is needed.

    I just read this book:
    From Dr. Henry Cloud’s book “9 Things a Leader Must Do” — “The only way people can be controlling is when we make them that way by doing what they want … Here’s what happens: They get angry, or use guilt, or get pushy and we give in … If we say no to them and do not do what they are demanding, they have no control over us … we have converted them from being controlling, to being frustrated.”

    It looks like you have a nice balance going for you in dealing with these kinds of folks. Thanks for the post.

  2. May 13th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
    Mother Earth said

    I might add that I also appreciate grace, being nice ( did liz pay you to write that?) and gracious, sometimes a negotiation gets confused, and so managing it in a nice and gracious way makes the client respect you. I also like the distinction of when to use firm languaging

    great information

  3. May 13th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
    Deb said

    Hi Mother Earth -

    No Liz didn’t pay me to talk about being nice - but when I think with this community and in this atmosphere it’s a given. Such a great vibe here.

    Thanks so much for your kind words.

  4. May 13th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
    Freelance Writing Jobs » Blog Archive » What Freelancing Taught Me - Part 2 said

    [...] In case you missed it, I’m guest blogging at Liz Strauss’ Successful Blog this week. Liz is featuring a three parter in which I talk about what freelancing taught me. Yesterday I discussed how I gained confidence - something that didn’t come easily to me in the real world. Today I blogged about being firm - but not tough. [...]

  5. May 13th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
    Rhonda said

    I like this post: distinguishing between tough and firm. The problem with having been somewhat of a “pushover” for most of one’s life is that when one has had enough, one tends to get too tough-rather than firm.

    Then this type of person has to learn to back off of being so “tough,” and learn to just be firm (hope that makes sense).

    I’ve had to learn this from personal experience.

  6. May 13th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
    QuietRebelWriter said

    Great distinction. I’ve only recently been coming into my own in firmness, afraid to tip over into meanness. Firm is all about rationality and logic, about being respected and engendering trust. Mean is all about lashing out without reason, and being feared. Firm is where we should be, and where I’m working to be. Great post!

  7. May 13th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
    Connie Brooks said

    This is a hard line to walk. I have a lot of trouble being “tough enough” with clients. (Especially when they are past due)

    I don’t think I am ever mean, but in an electronic media you don’t have that “90% body language” part of communication to count on. All you have is what you put on paper, and some times it is difficult to tell how you will be interpreted.

    ~Connie

  8. May 14th, 2008 at 8:44 am
    anjeeta said

    Deb, its funny that you chose this topic, all of last week me and my fellow bloggers on a real estate blog were chasing payments which were overdue. We were patient, we were polite and in the end after several reminders we did indeed receive our payments and then when we tried to jointly negotiate future payment terms we were met with rudeness and utter disdain. All the other writers have already quit the blog and I think I will have to follow suit even though it was a well paying gig which I can ill afford to loose.

  9. May 14th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
    Deb said

    @Anjeeta - If you’re not being paid, it’s not a paying blog, right? If you’re not being paid you can afford to lose the gig. And here’s something else I learned - the online world has plenty of opportunities. If you’re sure your client will pay you may want to give him another week or so - but do send a gentle reminder. If it looks like he’s going to be a deadbeat, you might want to move to greener pastures.

    Good luck!
    Deb

  10. May 15th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
    kristarella said

    I think this is especially important for women. Men shouldn’t be “mean” either, but it seems to be a risk for women to become hard-as-nails when they are in a position of authority. I suspect it’s because they’ve had to fight for men’s respect, or perhaps because women are expected to be soft and men are expected to be authoritative (in business), so it’s such an obvious contrast when a woman is tough.

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