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“What’s in it for me?”

Filed Under Basics, Business Life, Guest Writer, Successful Blog | 1 Comment

“What’s in it for me?” If you have had any sales training of any sort, this mantra will be a familiar teaching prompt which will have been drilled into your head as a means for you to help you help your customer.

In order to get what you want (ie. commission, job security, a raise etc.), you must be able to help someone else obtain what they want.

Although this can appear to have a cynical slant, it’s actually quite unselfish if you can see it from a true symbiotic exchange of energy and matter.

What does this have to do with discipline, right? This week’s post is probably the most woo-woo of the three. Bear with me for a sec.

Over the previous few weeks, we’ve discussed three underpinnings of self-discipline and how to achieve it, namely:

  1. Love what you do.
  2. Like who you are.
  3. Respect yourself in others.

For the purposes of this post, I have reduced high math and physics to exceedingly rudimentary assumptions and theories. Based on the modern theory of matter, energy and matter are very closely related. Further, I believe that we ourselves are highly structured and articulate forms of energy, supported by a network of matter (which itself is probably a denser expression of energy).

I would also posit that there is only so much matter and energy in the form of raw materials available on this planet. Therefore, chances are good that each of us is probably repurposed from various existing carbon molecules lying around. This human genetic variation, when figured into a global model, gives us a pretty good visualization of our true common humanity.

When I say ‘respect yourself in others,’ it’s because quite frankly, there’s probably some of your DNA floating around out there in your neighbor, so to speak.

Last week’s post discussed “liking you you are.” The extension and extrapolation of this premise is that if you like who you are, logic dictates that you must like yourself in others.

“A man’s manners are a mirror in which he shows his portrait.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

You can tell much about a person by the way he or she treats others, especially those who can do him or her “no good.” To bring this back to the ‘what’s in for me’ symbiosis example from the first paragraph, when we discipline ourselves from a perspective rooted in respect for Other, we are, in fact honoring ourselves. Paradoxically, when we give from a position of truly wishing to elevate another, we are ourselves elevated.

I don’t think of this as the same as altruism, per se; but wanting to achieve and holding ourselves to a higher standard through discipline for the betterment of The Whole is pretty close. Closer to altruism would be the understanding and willingness to be strong for others until they could achieve strength on their own. This could be seen in a parent-child relationship; mentor-mentee or any other assumption of sacrifice on behalf of another.

Have you ever been the beneficiary of someone else’s discipline? How did it help you grow? How did affect your willingness to help another? Can you recall times when you chose to discipline yourself for the betterment of others? What was your motivation?

——-

Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive Foundation) or “Like” them on facebook.

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Why should you keep trying?

Filed Under Basics, Business Life, Connecting Dots, Inside-Out Thinking, Motivation/Inspiration, Strategy, Successful Blog, Tips, leadership | 5 Comments

“Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.” – Walter Elliott

Independence is not granted. Independence is earned. Step by step and action by action, independence is a state of being one creates for him or herself by consistently choosing actions that enlarge his or her range of options. To paraphrase legendary college football coach Lou Holtz, “If you know where you want to be, choose the option that will get you closer to your goal.”

When we take the time to discern our choices and make them in alignment with our ultimate goal, we earn our own independence. But independence seldom arrives in one fell swoop.

“This is the highest wisdom that I own; freedom and life are earned by those alone who conquer them each day anew.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

There are many programs and philosophies that teach “one day at a time,” or “just for today…”. This makes sense, because the only personal time zone that remotely comes close to being under our control is right now. RIGHT NOW. The past is gone; the future has yet to arrive. Each day, when we commit to ourselves and our goals, we are taking steps to our independence.

Let’s assume, for the sake of discussion, that we really bungled a choice yesterday. In keeping with the “just for today” philosophy, we can review yesterday’s decision, glean the lesson from it and apply it to today’s actions. Punishing ourselves for screwing up doesn’t do anyone any good and keeps us from growing and changing. Therefore, dispassionately assess your choice, adjust your behavior and move forward. Easier said than done, but it must be done.

That’s why we get plenty of practice.

“Don’t be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs.  Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.” – Dale Carnegie

It’s no accident that our “little jobs” are little. We learn and hone our skills on “small jobs.” Furthermore, small hurdles are training grounds for bigger hurdles, quite frankly. As an aside, my youngest daughter is fortunate enough to usually get one mini-lecture from me en route to school every morning. Her sisters, who are both away at college, probably miss Mom’s Life Lessons™ (actually, probably not – but they will, once they have a kid!). But I digress.

A recent mini-lecture that evolved into this post is that hurdles aren’t there to punish you. They are there to see if you’re serious. If you throw up your hands and bail at the first hurdle, then you are certainly not going to be able to clear anything higher down the road to your goal. Sometimes hurdles are directions – indications that this particular goal is actually not for you. Your path lies/leads elsewhere. That said, persistence in continuing to grow into larger jobs is essential to achieving independence.

“A door opens to me. I go in and am faced with a hundred closed doors.” – Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by poet W.S. Merwin

I used this quote in a previous blogpost, “When is it okay to give up?” and I use it again here because it is so apt when discussing persistence. Oftentimes, we focus on achieving a goal, only to realize upon reaching it, that we’ve just begun. Imagine setting climbing a mountain as your goal. In anticipation of this feat, you’ve set as your first goal achieving the fitness necessary to complete this task.

In preparation, you’ve spent the previous 3 months at the gym, doing leg lifts and squats until you could bounce a quarter off your hamstrings. You’ve got the conditioning of the 1980 U.S. Olympics hockey team. The day of the climb, you’ve got your gear packed; your Clif bars, dried fruit and Camelbak filled. You’ve packed your insanely expensive Sharper Image combo declination compass and Sherpa translator. You are ready.

At the crest of the first hill, you see a small wash before you, but it is backed by a craggy, narrow path that leads to the actual summit. You have two choices. Stay here or press on. Each time you reach a plateau (figuratively or literally), you are greeted by a bigger vista that reveals more possibilities. When you commit to your ultimate goal every day, keeping in mind your motivations for doing so, your independence is assured.

Hang in there. You’re worth it.

——-
Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive Foundation)

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

What inspires you?

Filed Under Basics, Blog Review, Bloggy Questions, Community, Connecting Dots, Guest Writer, Inside-Out Thinking, Links, Motivation/Inspiration, Strategy, Successful Blog, Writing | 5 Comments

One of the best features of twitter is the opportunity to connect with other people around a specific topic each week or month via online chats using a hashtag (#) to “sort” the conversation stream apart from the rest of the flow of general tweets. These twitter chats expand my horizons, introduce me to other minds and concepts and also gives me an opportunity to refine my thoughts about any given topic.

If you are interested in knowing more about the online conversation about any number of industries or ideas, here is the link for an evolving twitter chat directory.
This past week, I had a chance to participate in a chat for the #SOBCon community. Having attended last year’s conference, it’s a great chance for me to not only re-connect with some of the the folks I met there, but I’m also able to chime in/learn from new folks. This week’s topic was about blogging; specifically, what inspires us to write.

There are as many ways to be inspired as there are ways to write. Some write each day, training The Muse to show up whether She wants to or not (ie. The Artist’s Way). Some feel as though they can’t write unless they have anything of interest to say and are moved to commit bytes to the ether.

To answer the question as it relates to me? I draw inspiration from other bloggers, quotes, songs, my children, interactions with people in my daily life and seemingly random coincidence.  But that’s not really what this week’s blogpost is about, actually.

After talking about it with others during our chat, I started to become more aware of being inspired and looking for inspiration in everything. This twist on the concept of “breaking the fourth wall” and being a dispassionate observer of my life helped me to learn more about how I interact with others.

Which leads me to the overarching concept of this blog and Independent Ideas. In order to be independent, one must be apart from the pack, so to speak. Having an awareness of one’s actions, how those interactions affect others and being mindful of our choices leads to a different way of Being by default. One cannot be aware and remain unaffected by the consequences of one’s actions. It’s impossible.

Writer/poet Paulo Coelho’s blog about the archer and the Zen Master underscored this concept for me when I read:

“You may have great skill with the instrument you choose for your livelihood, but it is useless, if you cannot command the mind which uses that instrument.”

It really is mind over matter. Thinking makes it so. We each have the capacity of conquering our own minds. We decide what is important to us. We decide what inspires us and we decide what drives us. Our choices are how those decisions are made manifest.

One of my best friends was an 80-something jazz pianist, now deceased. About 14 years ago, over coffee, Bob shared with me a nugget of wisdom he had collected over his decades of living. “Molly,” he told me, “everything is cumulative.”

Our independence is built moment by moment, day by day, choice by choice. What inspires you? What is your vision? What are you willing to decide in order to make it happen? It is ultimately up to you.

——-
Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive Foundation)

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Do you believe in luck?

Filed Under Basics, Business Life, Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog | 7 Comments

“The worst cynicism: a belief in luck.”-Joyce Carol Oates

Lots of folks who haven’t achieved the success they say they hope to achieve blame their situation on “luck.” They ascribe their circumstances to “bad luck” and dismiss the success of others as “good luck.”

This attitude keeps them from reaching their full potential and also keeps them from independence.

As long as you are in any way guilty of blaming someone else for a situation in your own life, you are doomed to dependence. It is only when we are able to take full responsibility for our choices that we are prepared to move forward and to craft our own independence.

Really stop for a moment and sift out the above quote:  as long as we assign any power to a force outside our own control, we surrender our fate to that entity. We are dismissing our own part in our development. We discount our own capabilities and responsibilities to ourselves.

When we assume responsibility for our choices, our perspective shifts. When we can internalize and acknowledge, “I choose to do [ _____ ] because  [ _____ ],” we align our values with our actions.

When we harness that kind of accountability, doors open and opportunities appear. We can discern situations and options that will most benefit our ultimate goals. Even when a choice we make turns out to not be the best decision it could have been (or we were ‘wrong’), we still are in a better position for becoming independent. Taking ownership of our mistakes enables us to see our part in it, change our behavior and future outcomes.

To the outside observer, this can appear to be “luck.” What it is: putting ourselves in the best possible position for future growth. People wish to be associated with those who take responsibility for their lives.

Again, think about it. Which is more appealing: hanging around with a bunch of people who blame everyone one else for the quagmire of their life or with those who understand their part in their lives?

As long as we drift along on the flotsam and jetsam of wishes and false beliefs in an elusive “luck,” we will be rudderless and ineffective.

There are a zillion quotes about luck, including a couple that immediately come to mind:  “the harder I work, the luckier I get,” and “luck is where opportunity meets preparation.” For what it’s worth, I prefer the latter. The first implies that simply working “hard” is enough. Not necessarily. The latter is an example of what is known as “working smarter.”

Do your homework when attempting to reach a goal:

  1. Is it in line with my strengths?
  2. Is my heart in it?
  3. Do I understand the industry?
  4. Do I have a plan for my growth, success?
  5. Is there a means to measure my goals?
Under each point, expand the steps needed to define or measure the goals-within-a-goal. Re-assess and modify the steps or destination as necessary. Reach out to those who have achieved what you hope to do. Surround yourself with people who believe in you. Faithful, consistent adherence to these steps will help you become “lucky.”

(Good luck!)
——-
Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive)

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

Why Stuck?

Filed Under Basics, Guest Writer, Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog | 9 Comments

Todays guest post is from Kneale Mann.

Kneale Mann is a writer, a coach and a strategist. With 26 years experience, he consultants on communications, marketing and social media strategy in the private, hi-tech and public sectors. He is also an associate with CEPSM and a member of the TEDxOttawa organization team.

We All Have Choices

Recently, a friend sent me a copy of Rick Butts’ book “7 Choices”. In it, Rick talks about the time we work on us verses the time we work on what we do or getting customers or what we can offer. In the age of social networking, we can all create profiles and exchange ideas and share. But how much time do we spent on better understanding ourselves?

In 1943, Abraham Maslow outlined our need to belong in his paper Hierarchy of Needs. No matter your age or situation, you want your life to have purpose and passion. That is the core of why we may get stuck – we aren’t following either. We haven’t deciphered who we are and what drives our passion. All too often we seek external confirmation.

Internet Friends

If you are immersed in social media and haven’t taken a moment to think of all the wonderful people you would not have met otherwise you are missing the essential part of the process. In my case, I met Liz Strauss and Kathryn Jennex and over the course of two years we all got to know each other. A few tweets turned in to some emails and phone calls then in to actual work. I look forward to new projects with them in 2010. My friend Lisa Hickey calls it accelerated serendipity.

I was at an event last week and realized that the twenty or so people I was sitting with had all met online. We shared similar sensibilities, we found trust with each other and we want each other to be happy and do well.

So why do we get stuck? Is it because no one will help us realize our passion and purpose? Or is it that we haven’t discovered it inside us in order to tell people what we want?

Three years ago, a friend gave me a copy of The Secret and I have told this story numerous times but I watched the first half of the film with my closed mind and arms folded and the second half taking notes. But notes aren’t enough. We need action and focus. We are human. We get stuck. We fall into the same traps of listening to the opinions of naysayers. We fail to listen to that pang in deep in our gut.

I was speaking with a client the other day about Ellen DeGeneres. She endured three years of unanswered phone calls. No one wanted to hire her and she was running out of money. She was stuck. She then got the idea of doing her own talk show. The studios weren’t falling over themselves to help her realize her dream. But she made it happen and built it into one of the most popular shows on television. It took work and persistence. She did it because she found out who she was and got unstuck.

Why do you get stuck? Why are you not following your dreams and passions and purpose? Or maybe you are?

Does this mean we shouldn’t discover people we trust to help us navigate this journey? Ask the most successful people on the planet if they get stuck and you will get a resounding – YES! None of us is immune. But if someone asks you to help them get unstuck, forget their resume or the past and listen to what they need. If you do, magic will happen for both of you.

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