Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

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Trusting Ourselves, Structure Damage, and Recovering

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A Project Post by Liz Strauss and Kristi Daeda

I’ve been working on a special project with Kristi Daeda, an awesome friend, writer, and career counselor. Our project will take many forms for people working on true trust and business relationships. Right now we’re working on breaks in our trust and world view. We’ve named them structure damage.

relationships button

What Is Structure Damage?

It can happen when the world seems most in order. Suddenly, without warning, someone or something pulls the rug out of from under us. Trusting what’s next can be hard.

Structure damage occurs when we are faced with a change that we’re not prepared to deal with. The change can be big or small, it can occur in our professional lives or our personal lives, it can be something that happens to us or something that we realize or decide that changes the way we see the world.

Not every change causes structure damage. Structure damage is when change moves us into that fight-or-flight mode, impacting our emotions, behavior or worldview. The change doesn’t have to represent a threat, it only has to be perceived as one.

If you want to catch the situation before it gets out of hand, get in touch with what’s normal for you, and what’s abnormal. If you’re experiencing any of the following, you might be suffering from a shaking foundation.

In high-stress situations, you may also experience physiological effects — things like your heart pounding, difficulty focusing, or headaches.

If you normally feel confident and in control, dramatic swings from even keel are a sign that something’s up. That’s your opportunity to ask yourself why you’re feeling the way that you are. Start working backwards — when did you start feeling this way? Did something trigger that change? What about that trigger situation upset you? Keep tracking, and you might be able to find the source — the body blow.

How to minimize the impact

Cultivate flexibility … a few words from Kristi …

Most people think of bridges as static structures. Concrete and steel, built to weather all manner of abuse. But bridges have hinges and joints. They flex and sway in the wind. Their components are engineered to not only be strong enough to bear the weight of traffic, but also to bend to carry the weight of traffic and respond to the elements. It’s this flexibility that allows this giant machine to function, bearing the impact, working with the conditions.

Growing up, my definition of a successful life was to pursue an education, get a job in a traditionally respected, intellectual, moderately lucrative field, get married, have kids, and buy a house in the suburbs. I had a few gifts to bring to the table, but perhaps one of the most notable was my ability in math and science. It was a natural progression to consider engineering as a field.

When I got to college, I struggled with my classes. Not because I wasn’t capable, but because I couldn’t motivate myself to do the work. For someone who has never had a shortage of drive, this was unsettling. What was wrong with me? I ended up frustrated, confused. I tried to reconcile my definition of success with what I was feeling every day — that I was on the wrong path.

My entire worldview — the plan I had laid out for myself, the rules that I lived by — was on very shaky ground.

The structure damage I experienced was to my understanding of success.

There’s a difference between being in control and being prepared. Being prepared allows you to create a platform for success as you’ll be ready to deal with most issues that come your way. The effort to be in control can only lead to frustration — the world is so large, and your span of control is really miniscule in comparison.

We’ve all found ourselves in a situation where someone or something has moved what we believe. Winners take up the gauntlet and find a new set of rules.

How do you recover when structure damage strikes where you live?

–ME “Liz” Strauss and Kristi Daeda
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What Jim Ericson Had to Say About Corporate Trust …

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A community isn’t built or befriended,
it’s connected by offering and accepting.
Community is affinity, identity, and kinship
that make room for ideas, thoughts, and solutions.
Wherever a community gathers, we aspire and inspire each other intentionally . . . And our words shine with authenticity.

When We Trust

Trust is what holds together the conversation on the Interwebs. It’s also what brings me to or leads me to leave a deal. Without trust, I don’t know who is talking, what might be happening where I’m not. Trust is what leads us to communicate even when we have only our computers and our words to connect and protect us.

Here’s what Jim Ericson said about corporate trust …

Hi Liz. The notion that it’s important to be able to build trust with others is one of the latest “silver bullets” ricocheting off the walls of corporate America. As a result, books on trust, seminars on trust, and consultants that say they can help a company create a high trust culture in ten easy steps are in high demand. This is hogwash!

There is no formula or set of skills that you can master to help you build trust with others. Trust building is a raw, organic process that consists of spending whatever time it takes to tell our stories to others and listen to theirs. And,I don’t just mean stories that flesh out our resumes. I mean stories that tell where we came from,and where we dream of ending up; stories that shed light on the paths we’ve traveled - triumphs and tragedies alike; stories that reveal not only what’s on our mind but also what’s in our heart.

Then,at the end of the storytelling, or when we’ve gotten to know each other from as many different angles as possible, we get to decide whether we trust each other or not. And, if we’ve been really truthful with each other, a genuine trust relationship is almost always the result.
Jim Ericson from a comment on October 20th, 2009

A successful and outstanding blogger said that.
–ME “Liz” Strauss

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Business in a high-trust environment can change your life.

Synchronicity and Social Networks

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When I asked my friend, Niro to write a guest post for Successful-Blog, he was quick to point out that English is not his primary language. I assured him that I would have his back on the language … what I wanted was his thoughts on synchronicity.

Thoughts and Ideas by Niraldo Nascimento

niraldo-nascimento

I’m a System Dynamics Professor so, when modeling, I have to focus on the relationships between a system and its components as a whole and, think in terms of cause and effect. It’s an honor and would like to thanks the opportunity to explain some things I’m thinking about involving social networks, Twitter, Liz Strauss, and me.

Bad conclusions in studying complex networks and systems are often fueled by the misunderstanding of the relationship between cause and effect. Cause and effect are often distant in terms of time. When we cannot connect cause to effect over time, we have a cause in one hand and no effects in the other or we have effects without a clear cause or causes. Or we might define two disparate events as holding a cause and effect relationship, when they do not.

This problem led the famous Swiss psychiatrist Carl G. Jung to explore a phenomenon which he called Synchronicity. Jung coined the word to describe what he called “temporally coincident occurrences of acausal events.” There are many articles about Jung and synchronicity. This is only a blog post to share some ideas and not a scientific article.

Social Networks as a Complex System

With this in mind let’s think about Social Networks as a complex system. After that I’ll try join these two components: Synchronicity and Social Networks.

Stafford Beer (1926-2002), a reputable Cybernetics research gave us an example about complexity and I’ll try adapting it to this post. Imagine a Social Network with only seven persons. Suppose you are on Twitter following seven persons and being followed by the same seven persons, a group. How many interactions (messages) can you exchange each other as a group? The formula is simple: n(n-1) where n is the number of the persons. Applying it we achieve: 7(7-1) = 42.

It’s very simple in a first look.

Imagine now you are making a “printing screen” or a photo of each interaction. How many photos should have you take? We call it “State System”. Considering the interactions between two persons each time in this system, the results crossover more than a trillion of pictures!! (The formula is 2 indexed to 42 = 242!) The reality would not happen, obvious.

In this moment, 24-Oct-2009, Liz Strauss has more than 33 thousands of followers on Twitter and follows more than 30 thousands. Imagine what happens if we try apply the Stafford Beer example to Liz’s Twitter group? It’s better forgetting it.

Well, we have now a notion of complexity.

An Effect Without Causes?

What you are reading now is an article Liz invited me to write. The question is “Why did Liz ask me, a Brazilian researcher who has nothing different from others?” I don’t know. Is it an effect without causes?

How can we explore the ideas of Synchronicity and Social Networks? I have a little more than 600 followers and Liz is one of them.

An example

Did you ever hear the rooster sounds minutes before the sun rises? There are two interesting questions that relate to that fact.

As one man on Twitter, living in Brazil, so far from U.S., I didn’t understand this invitation for this post by Liz Strauss.

Then, I thought, thought again until I found an explanation which satisfied me. Every year I receive a visit of a lot of swallow birds in front of my veranda. Much of then migrate to Brazil run away of the U.S. winter and return for the U.S. summer. It is possible that, some of these birds are the same who visit me and Liz. They connect us to each other in circumstances that are not Twitter. It’s a kind of energy, a kind of magnetism… It is Synchronicity!

Have you experienced synchronicity?

——
Niraldo Nacimento, Niro, is a System Dynamics professor in Brasilia, Brazil. He writes thinks, and talks about synchronicity, system thinking, sustainability and photography. You can find him at Cerrado Crafts and on Twitter as NiroNash

——
Ah Niro, or it could be that I like the way that you think. Thank you!

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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When An Apology Can Open the Door to Trust

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In case you missed this … I wrote this about a year ago, yet it seems just as valid now.

Not All Apologies Are Equal

In relationships, things go wrong. Person to person or in business, mistakes and missteps can be life changing. A wrongly placed word or deed can bring in question what had gone without thought. Suddenly trust, integrity, honesty, sensitivity, authenticity and the core values that connect us are tested.

Mistakes. No human enterprise or individual gets by without making them. We might not mean them. No harm might have been intended. Yet, we’re not harmless — we can cause hurt or damage by the way we behave. How we respond when we do, is what makes a leader.

In a business relationship recently, my property was mishandled. When I asked about it — when and how it happened — the representative said something like this …

I hear you. We’re sorry it happened. We’re looking into it, but I doubt we’ll ever know the exact sequence of events. Can we move forward now?

Not all apologies are equal. I’m not the only one who wouldn’t call that an apology.

An apology that deflects attention, that says “I regret it happened,” is not an apology.
An “I’m sorry” that doesn’t own the damage done won’t rebuild trust.
An incomplete apology is a missed opportunity to build a stronger relationship by learning from what went wrong.

Apologies that Rebuild Trust, Relationships, and Reputations

Mistakes. No human enterprise or individual gets by without making them. We might not mean them. No harm might have ever been intended. The fact remains, we’re not harmless — we can cause hurt or damage by the way we behave. How we respond when we do, is what makes a leader.

Meet a mistake with trust, the mind of a learner, and a truly other-centered apology and a newer, stronger relationship can be the result. To offer a relationship-building apology, we have to show up whole and human — with our head, heart, and purpose reaching out to fix the bonds that we’ve broken.

No person has lived a life without once behaving badly. Apologies can connect us on that point. A relationship-building apology includes many parts and a whole human behind them.

Apologies are about admitting human error. If you worry about saying the wrong thing, write it down and offer a choice the other person a chance to read it or listen while you do. The point is to be human and mean what we say.

Keep the apology simple. Don’t use an apology to move other issues forward. Save other conversations for other days.

Never lose the opportunity to apologize.
Never take that opportunity away from someone.

Which Social Media Apologies Rebuild Trust?

In the online world, every mistake has a potential for magnification. Every word has millions of opportunities to be misread. The ability to apologize with grace and respect can build respect, relationships, and reputation. In a trust economy, the apology is a powerful form of communication. Simply said and complete, a sincere apology shows respect, inspires confidence, and makes a great step toward rebuilding the trust to move forward.

Here are five well known social media apologies …
Dell’s 23 Confessions
A Commitment On Edelman and Wal-Mart
JetBlue Launches Cross-Media Apology Campaign
Turner Broadcasting Apology Letter
Motrin

In your opinion, which social media apologies rebuild trust with the community?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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What Is Trust?

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That Was the Question

Some of you will click away before you read this — for whatever reason — we can’t invest in every message offered us or every person who brings it. For those who stay, thank you.

About a week ago, I spent time with someone I’ve known since I was 7. By the time one day had turned well into the next, we had caught up our lives and were well into our thoughts. Our friendship has lasted a life-time and we share in both silence and conversation. Picture two introverts not concerned with sharing thoughts aloud … a no-filter conversation.

In that amazing context, she looked me in the eyes to ask, “What is trust?”

That question is still with me.

Trust Is the Conversation

About a week before I sat with my life-long friend, I watched world leaders discuss how to get the world turning properly after we’ve undone so many things. Each speaker brought a message and each listener could choose whether to trust what he or she said. Trust, candor, and truth were common themes.

Trust has become the conversation. We talk about it with family, friends, business partners, clients, and journalists … online and offline. Seems reasonable that world leaders might talk about it too.

We’re defining it, outlining it, and promoting it to each other, but the how to seems less than firmly drawn. As I watch and listen I become more aware of what moves me to trust and what undermines that.

What Trust Is Not

I’ve never been one to trust or distrust power — the power of print, the power of a microphone, the power of office, the power of your signature on my paycheck. I am surprised and sometimes frightened by those who are.

Trust is a relationship not an office. It’s not situational.
Power and position get an opportunity, the same opportunity as anyone, not a better one. Politicians might even get less.

Trust is not good deeds, good looks, or the right t-shirt. Context helps, but doesn’t guarantee it. If you come in a context I trust, I listen more easily. If some way you look like me or sound like me, I might offer trust more easily. Still the trappings don’t make the real thing. My decision to trust you does.

And trust isn’t unilateral or blind. One-way trust is a handing over of power. Blind trust goes against self-preservation.

What Is Trust?

Trust is a decision, a commitment, a pact and a bond that builds and connects. Trust is shared values. Trust empowers by the questions it removes.

Trust is brave and vulnerable. Trust is not sparing my feelings. Trust is the hard truth spoken gently.

Trust is knowing and believing, giving and receiving without hesitation. Trust is not wondering whether what I say is true, whether I will follow through, whether my thoughts and feelings will change when I’m talking to someone other. Trust is knowing you are safely invested and protected.

We can lose it before we have it or find where we least expect it. Trust can be given, but not invented, stolen, or demanded.

Trust is a delicate sculpture we build through relationship, communication, thoughts, and behaviors. Once it’s shattered we can’t glue it back together. The only replacement is remaking the sculpture. Like wellness, generosity, or kindness, we’re most reminded of its value when it’s gone.

In the end trust is knowing you are the same when I’m not there … Trust is keeping promises, even the unspoken promises. Not every trust relationship is that of two life-long friends who communicate with or without words. But imagine if that were so.

Trust is a risk, venture capital. It’s a gamble with a friend, a lover, or a business. Trust is us leading and leaning on each other when the outcome isn’t clear.

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When I don’t ask, when I’m not present, when I don’t even know that your actions might have been different,

when the reality is consistently …

I bet on you and I won.

trust is.

What is trust … to you?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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