Independence is not granted. Independence is earned. Step by step and action by action, independence is a state of being one creates for him or herself by consistently choosing actions that enlarge his or her range of options. To paraphrase legendary college football coach Lou Holtz, “If you know where you want to be, choose the option that will get you closer to your goal.”

When we take the time to discern our choices and make them in alignment with our ultimate goal, we earn our own independence. But independence seldom arrives in one fell swoop.

“This is the highest wisdom that I own; freedom and life are earned by those alone who conquer them each day anew.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

There are many programs and philosophies that teach “one day at a time,” or “just for today…”. This makes sense, because the only personal time zone that remotely comes close to being under our control is right now. RIGHT NOW. The past is gone; the future has yet to arrive. Each day, when we commit to ourselves and our goals, we are taking steps to our independence.

Let’s assume, for the sake of discussion, that we really bungled a choice yesterday. In keeping with the “just for today” philosophy, we can review yesterday’s decision, glean the lesson from it and apply it to today’s actions. Punishing ourselves for screwing up doesn’t do anyone any good and keeps us from growing and changing. Therefore, dispassionately assess your choice, adjust your behavior and move forward. Easier said than done, but it must be done.

That’s why we get plenty of practice.

“Don’t be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs.  Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.” – Dale Carnegie

It’s no accident that our “little jobs” are little. We learn and hone our skills on “small jobs.” Furthermore, small hurdles are training grounds for bigger hurdles, quite frankly. As an aside, my youngest daughter is fortunate enough to usually get one mini-lecture from me en route to school every morning. Her sisters, who are both away at college, probably miss Mom’s Life Lessons™ (actually, probably not – but they will, once they have a kid!). But I digress.

A recent mini-lecture that evolved into this post is that hurdles aren’t there to punish you. They are there to see if you’re serious. If you throw up your hands and bail at the first hurdle, then you are certainly not going to be able to clear anything higher down the road to your goal. Sometimes hurdles are directions – indications that this particular goal is actually not for you. Your path lies/leads elsewhere. That said, persistence in continuing to grow into larger jobs is essential to achieving independence.

“A door opens to me. I go in and am faced with a hundred closed doors.” – Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by poet W.S. Merwin

I used this quote in a previous blogpost, “When is it okay to give up?” and I use it again here because it is so apt when discussing persistence. Oftentimes, we focus on achieving a goal, only to realize upon reaching it, that we’ve just begun. Imagine setting climbing a mountain as your goal. In anticipation of this feat, you’ve set as your first goal achieving the fitness necessary to complete this task.

In preparation, you’ve spent the previous 3 months at the gym, doing leg lifts and squats until you could bounce a quarter off your hamstrings. You’ve got the conditioning of the 1980 U.S. Olympics hockey team. The day of the climb, you’ve got your gear packed; your Clif bars, dried fruit and Camelbak filled. You’ve packed your insanely expensive Sharper Image combo declination compass and Sherpa translator. You are ready.

At the crest of the first hill, you see a small wash before you, but it is backed by a craggy, narrow path that leads to the actual summit. You have two choices. Stay here or press on. Each time you reach a plateau (figuratively or literally), you are greeted by a bigger vista that reveals more possibilities. When you commit to your ultimate goal every day, keeping in mind your motivations for doing so, your independence is assured.

Hang in there. You’re worth it.

This blogpost is pretty “woo woo” and “out there,” and so my apologies for those of you who are reading Independent Ideas for the first time. I write most of my blogposts in my head as I drive hither and yon throughout my days. Over the past week, the idea of surrender as liberation has been bouncing around my head and I don’t know where this blogpost is going to end up. So if you’ll bear with me, let’s take a trip down the rabbit hole together.

Paradox is one of my life lessons that I’m supposed to “get” as I navigate my journey. It took me about 37 years to realize that fact, but since then, I’ve been practicing awareness of paradox for a few years, so it has become easier to recognize when I encounter it. Most of the time, paradox is one of those ‘hmroo?’ concepts – the truth of which is tucked in so deeply to the problem that the solution (or resolution) dangles *just* out of reach of our consciousness.

The really frustrating part is that once the tumblers do click and you understand the inherent paradox of whatever specific problem with which you are dealing, it is maddeningly difficult to explain to someone else. It’s usually a lesson that is intensely personal. You just *know.*

How can we die yet live?

In the case of the poem’s excerpt above, how does dying to our life free us? Is it freedom from expectations? Is it freedom from earthly concerns? Is it allowing us to focus on eternal matters?

Most people (including Yours Truly) are more comfortable with clear cut beginnings and ends. For example: Articulate goal. Write it down. Take steps to achieve it. Achieve stated goal… and finally (in football parlance), move the chains. Repeat as necessary.

What if linear and nonlinear paths coexist simultaneously? What if the linear model of goal achieving outlined in the previous paragraph is absolutely correct? What if a random pathway would bring you to the same end? Is one more “real” or “correct” than the other? What if your path is at once independent and interrelated to every other path? What if all of the above are true? Would it matter?

As I see it, our responsibility to ourselves and each other is to tend our own garden. Set our own goals. Discern our own truths and live them out as best we can with what we have at any given time, reaching out to others who are able and willing to help us grow. In so doing, the betterment of the Whole is advanced.

When we focus on our own skills, talents and the expression of same, we find that our lives are like an instrument playing within a symphony of humanity. Each life has a different tone, frequency, vibrancy and melody and yet each blends with the others when lived in an authentic manner.

There is no march at all.

This sentiment is inherently annoying, because it is the opposite of all we hold dear: there must be some meaning to this, right? Because if there’s not, then why are we here?

It doesn’t matter.

Perhaps the scale is so big that it’s beyond our comprehension. Perhaps the realization of our ability and capacity to opt out of expectations is, in and of itself, the goal. Perhaps that’s an enlightenment of sorts.

I *do* know that embracing the paradox of surrender is liberating. There is a subtle difference between surrender and “giving up.” Surrender is an acknowledgement that you’ve reached the limits of your comprehension. Giving up is not looking any farther. Once we surrender, we are open to new horizons; and that’s where our independence lies.

Thanks for sticking with me, and please share your thoughts below.

Abundance begets abundance. A strong network comprised of secure people will want you to achieve (or even exceed) their levels of achievement because they are not threatened by your success. Rather, they understand that abundance magnifies itself. The Whole is elevated by your success, rather than diminished by it.

Your responsibility is to determine what you can offer, focus on it, develop it and implement your idea through consistent action. Leap.