DO it Scared

by Patty Azzarello

Recently, I keep finding reasons to think about being scared. Or more specifically, getting reminded that being scared is OK.

Successful people spend as much (or more) time being scared as they do feeling confident and comfortable.

The difference is that they do it anyway.

My worst moment…

Here is the story of what might be the worst moment in my career.

I was in my early 20′s and I was a sales engineer. My job was to demonstrate technical products during the sales process.

It was my first week on the job after being trained on one of the two products in our product line. The sales force was not supposed to schedule demos for me for the second (more sophisticated and specialized…”scarier”) product until I had a chance to get the training. So much for “supposed to”…

I found myself in a room of customers who demanded that I do a demo of the product I didn’t know. I told them that I could show them the product, but I wasn’t prepared to do a full demo. So I launched the product and they started firing questions at me. I must have said, “I don’t know, I’ll have to find out and get back to you” at least 30 times. It was humiliating.

Talk about uncomfortable. I don’t think I knew the answer to a single one of their questions. I didn’t even understand the questions. It was painful. I was used to being seen as smart and competent and prepared. I was SO embarrassed. Then it came…

One of the customers said to the sales person in a frustrated, angry tone. ” Why did you bring HER? She doesn’t know anything!”

You know what happened?

I didn’t die.

Yes, it was very painful, and beyond uncomfortable, but it didn’t kill me.
What it did do, was give me a list of 30 important questions customers have about this product.

The next day I sat down with the product manager and asked him to explain to me what those 30 questions meant, and how to demonstrate them in the product.

Within a week I was the second most competent (and in demand) sales engineer to demonstrate that product. By contrast, there were other sales engineers at the company who stayed scared to demo that product, so they never even tried. Their careers did not advance.

Scared is OK

That one experience allowed me to be scared for the rest of my career, but to also know it’s OK. I was genuinely scared every time I got a promotion. I was scared many times in big presentations, meetings or negotiations.

That man’s voice was in my head saying, why did you bring HER. She doesn’t know anything.

But that lesson allowed me to realize:

1. That you can be scared, screw up, even fail, and you will survive.
2. That failure-learning cycle is far more valuable than the safe, not-doing-it approach, where you learn and accomplish nothing.
3. Over time it get’s easier. If you force yourself to act when you are scared, every time it gets easier to act when you are scared.

In brief — do it scared.

Scared and Successful

Ultimately, I was able to be scared, and still perform really well most of the time. My way of working would be to push forward, be scared, and do it anyway.

I still cringe sometimes. I am not perfect. I forget things, and get thrown off sometimes. But now when that happens I always think about what I learn from the minor embarrassment and feedback. It makes me better next time, and forever after. I would not improve without some amount of trial and failure.

If you never put yourself out there, you never get the feedback, practice, insight, and ideas to tune what you are doing to be more successful. You just stay stuck.

And it’s also important to realize that if you mess up a few times in dozens or hundreds of outings, it has no impact whatsoever on peoples’ impression of you. Those moments just fade away as you replace them with the improved, excellent ones.

Fear and Competence

People who are not held back by fear have broken the link between fear and competence.

What I mean by this is that some people when they feel scared, have a tendency to think that is a sign that they are not worthy. They think…

If I am scared and I feel vulnerable, that must mean by definition that I am not good enough to be in this situation.

This is not how successful people think. Successful people break the link and say something instead like…

I feel scared and vulnerable, so it’s going to be harder than I expected to put myself out there. Damn, I guess I have to do it anyway.

It breaks my heart when I see gifted people hold themselves back because they are too nervous to step forward.

One woman in particular I am thinking of did some breakthrough medical research, but was not comfortable being the one to present it. Guess what happened.
The presenter claimed the credit and she got pushed aside. What should have been a breakthrough moment in her career turned into a setback.

The invisible risk

Staying in the background because it is more comfortable, does nothing. It adds no value, you don’t learn, and you fade into the background. In terms of being vulnerable, in reality you are much more vulnerable if you are invisible, than if you are out there.

Being out there and being imperfect, trying to move things forward, and committing to contribute is actually a much less risky way to behave in your career.

Leaders Step Forward

It’s not about being flashy or having a big personality. Leaders drive outcomes and then they communicate about them. Even the most humble, introspective, introverted leaders put themselves out there when they need to. And it is very powerful.

The power comes from showing that you are taking ownership for the outcome of the communication, not from the song and dance. Leaders step forward and show others that they care.

I saw a TED talk by Dr. Brene Brown about Vulnerability and Shame. I’ve included a link below, it’s really worth watching, but I wanted to point out a couple of things that really struck me on this topic of fear and success.

1. Everyone feels vulnerabilty and shame

Everyone. Not just some people. Not just most people. Everyone. If you are human you feel shame (unless you are a psychopath).
So there you have it. Vulnerable or Pshcyopath.

I found that very comforting. To think because I feel scared, I am not good enough, makes no sense – because everyone is in the same boat. Another reason to do it anyway.

2. There is no Creativity or Innovation without fear

There is no success without failure. Great ideas and big successes come from people who are willing try, fail, and keep going. Good ideas stem from bad ideas. Failure is necessary to progress.

Do it scared, and you might get someplace.

The words she uses, which I really like are “Daring Greatly”.

Here is the link to Dr. Brene Brown’s talk “Listening to Shame”.

Her research and her talk are about much more than these two points. It’s worth the time…

What about you?

When have you been scared or failed, built success out of it. Please leave your story in the comment box below.

—–
Patty Azzarello is an executive, author, speaker and CEO-advisor. She works with executives where leadership and business challenges meet. Patty has held leadership roles in General Management, Marketing, Software Product Development and Sales, and has been successful in running large and small businesses. She writes at Patty Azzarello’s Business Leadership Blog. You’ll find her on Twitter as @PattyAzzarello. Also, check out her new book Rise…

Successful-Blog is proud affiliate of

How to Find a Mentor for Free

Filed Under Successful Blog, leadership | 3 Comments

In my life, it seems as though I’m pretty “successful.” I’ve interviewed 50 millionaires; I’ve been on CNN, Yahoo, MSN Money and more. Plus I’ve been in Success Magazine so I suppose that I must be a success right?

But the truth is I’m just Jaime, a gal from a town of about 2,000 people in Maine. I only consider myself “successful” because of the amazing people that have helped me get here along the way.

How did I find these amazing people and who are they?

They are Kurk, Nathan, Pat and Chris. I consider all of them like mentors to me, and they have spent hours of time to help me without me paying them anything.

How did I ask these amazing people to help me–AND get them to say Yes?

How to Find a Mentor

Don’t just pick someone and then ask them to be your mentor. That usually doesn’t work and it often comes across as weird.

You want to form a relationship with them that makes them think, “Wow, this person really has a ton of potential.” Successful people like to help others, as long as you don’t waste their time.

When I started coaching, I was green. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to email my “competition” and say Hi. Kurk was a business coach with tons of experience, who had also sold a million-dollar business. When I met Kurk, he said that he could see I was eager and willing to learn, and hours later he emailed me asking for another meeting to discuss working together more.
I ended up helping him with all of his computer tasks and networking, and worked for free a few hours a week while he taught me everything he knew. He pushed me to my limits. We formed an amazing relationship and he helps me to this day. I consider him my business godfather.

When I decided to bring my coaching practice online three years ago, I found two amazing online entrepreneurs, Nathan and Pat. With them, I offered up my expertise as a trade for theirs. I had a lot of valuable skills, and leveraged them to learn their set of skills. I now consider both of them good friends.

Chris is a millionaire and serial entrepreneur. We started chatting shortly after I interviewed him. He has been so helpful, and has asked nothing in return. Chris is like the trusted adviser. I’m not sure why he decided to help, as I didn’t offer any expertise, but I am eager and want to help him in any way that I can.

1. Form a relationship. It all started with forming a relationship. If you have a meeting and feel the synergy between you and the other person, just start to feel out how you could work together more.

2. Ask if you can help them. Ask if you can help them in their business, or save them time by doing something for them. Tell them you really respect their expertise and would love to learn about what they know.

3. Keep helping and gradually ask for their input. If you have been an asset to them, they will start to open up and become an asset to you as well.

How to Find a Role Model or Advisor

Instead of finding someone who will officially mentor you, you could also find a role model. This can be simple, like an email with a question every few months that gets a response.

Derek Sivers, a millionaire I interviewed and founder of CD Baby, was able to get an open channel with Seth Godin, and through that they became friends.

Derek suggested this:

“You’d be surprised how effective a simple, quick-pointed three-sentence email can be.
I’ve sent emails off to my favorite authors and they have no idea who I am and I don’t include my website. They’ve never heard of CD Baby and I’ve been amazed how well the three-sentence email can get a reply.

Just a one-sentence qualification like, ‘I’m a huge fan of your books’ or, ‘This one changed the way I think.’ Sentence two is a simple direct question. Follow with ‘Any reply appreciated. Thank you.’

I think if you send somebody a simple direct question, not trying to dump the weight of your life on them or anything, sometimes you can go back and forth like that a few times. Then if you include a URL in your signature, they can go there, explore your company and possibly see interesting posts or your philosophies, which it may lead to more interaction.”

Action Item:

Look for people who have the skills you want to have, and start a relationship with them. Email a potential role model like Derek suggests, or take a local business person out to coffee.

Commit to one action this week that will help you find a mentor. It could drastically improve your business.

—-
Author’s Bio:
Jaime interviews self-made millionaires and talks business and life at EventualMillionaire.com. You can find her on Twitter as @eventualmillion

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

Influence: Do You Believe What You Know?

Filed Under Successful Blog, leadership | 3 Comments

When I was in college, I had a vinyl recording of the London Philharmonic performing “The Planets” by Gustav Holst. On the back of the album cover notes were written on each movement of the music, each named after one of the planets the world knew then and each with a few words of poetic wisdom. Of all of them, I remember only one sentence that has stayed with me for decades now. It was with the movement called “Neptune.” The sentence read:

What the mind yearns for most is not to know, but to believe.

For years I considered it forward and backward. I wondered about it and applied to situations in my life.I asked myself whether knowing or believing was the core of everything. Which defined me? Which moved me forward? In the last few years, I’ve come to see it as it was written and understand this way …

I can know what are my strengths and talents. I can understand with my mind what values and value I bring to the table. But if I don’t believe what I know, I undermine them. If I choose not to see what I see right in front me, if I choose not to know what I know, and instead listen to other voices around me, I’ll never be a work of art, I’ll simple be a mirror — at best a reflection. No matter how perfect a mirror, it’s can be replicated by silvering some glass and placing where I stand. What’s in the room decides what’s in the mirror.

A mirror brings nothing new. A mirror is all give back and no give.

But if I believe in my own ability to see what I see — to look for and find my own world view and experience — then I learn how to believe in what I know. And other people begin to take interest in my thinking despite the curved lines and the flaws.

Art brings a new view. It gives and can give back too.

All true leadership and influence starts with a compelling core belief based in knowledge.
Competence and commitment are the fuel that ignites a call to action.

Stop right now. Ask yourself, what do you know?
What would it take for you to believe that?
Then act on what you believe and know.

You will have your true north direction.
And knowing where you’re is irresistibly attractive.

Be irresistible.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

Doostang Today: An Apology – Better Late Than Never

Filed Under Marketing, Successful Blog, leadership | 2 Comments

Conversation Is Often the First Step

In 2008, I wrote a blog post entitled “3 Reasons I’m Sorry I Joined Doostang … ” which has become one of most consistently visited blog posts on my blog. That missive explained a bad experience that I and my friends had with the web platform in mentioned in the title.

Upon publication, I heard no word from the people at the site in response to my many attempts to solve the problems.

About 2-and-a-half years, I received an email from an employee asking if we might talk. We had a lovely hour-long conversation in which we talked about what the company was doing and how she said it had changed. I asked her, how would I know? Could you give some reason that I might believe you? I never heard from the company again.

A few weeks ago, I received an email explaining that Doostang had been sold and set up another conversation with Jeff Berger the new CEO. We talked for almost an hour about what had changed, where they were focused, and the history of the blog post I just described. He asked if I would take the blog post down. I said I wasn’t comfortable doing that because of the extensive comments on it, but I offered him the opportunity to write a blog post of his own.

What follows is that blog post …

An Apology – Better Late Than Never
by Jeff Berger, CEO, Doostang

I recently came across Liz’s blog post about Doostang from 2008 and am disappointed that the previous team demonstrated such arrogance and poor customer service. The entire situation was mishandled – Liz, I’m very sorry.

I was not part of Doostang in 2008, nor was anyone on the team today. The company was acquired last summer, and we’re a new group with a single goal – to provide our members with thousands of hand-picked job opportunities from top employers. Our focus is entirely on quality job content, and we’ve removed the troublesome networking features that Liz blogged about.

We’re changing the way we do business at Doostang, and we hope you will give us another chance to help you find your ideal job. In the future, any prospective or current customers experiencing trouble with Doostang can email me directly at Jeff@doostang.com.

——

Thank you, Jeff.

Do you have any advice for Doostang in this day of reputation management?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

How to Be Leader of a Small Business

Filed Under Successful Blog, leadership | Leave a Comment

Every leader should take their responsibilities seriously and treat their position as one of great importance. Whether you manage one employee or a thousand, your actions and attitude will determine the success or failure of those who work below you. Even the best employee will fall to pieces in the face of a bad leader, and even the worst employee can rise to the expectations of a great motivator.

That being said, one position of leadership requires an extra level of care and vigilance when it comes to cultivating the right culture and producing the highest possible level of motivation and productivity within their employees. That position is the leader of a small business. Due to the small, intimate and hands-on nature of the position, the leader of a small business holds a truly disproportionate sway over their employees and their organization.

Taking Small Business Leadership Personally

To successfully lead a small business you need to take great care of your own time and energy. All leaders lead by example, and need to appear to be someone worth following. Leaders of larger, more impersonal firms may be able to fake these qualities, but leaders of small businesses work so closely with their employees that few secrets can exist between them.

If you constantly run into problems of low energy, flagging motivation, lack of time, an inability to prioritize your work, and a near-constant disconnection with the larger picture of what your organization hopes to achieve, then you better believe your employees will notice your malaise, and eventually mirror it themselves. Any attempts to direct your employees when you are clearly incapable of taking care of yourself will be met with skepticism at best, and resentment-filled-refusal at worst.

As the leader of a small business you need to personally embody everything your organization stands for and you need to clearly demonstrate everything you expect from your employees.

Staying Connected with Your Employees

Simply demonstrating a rock-solid command of your personal resources isn’t enough. If you are the leader of a small business, you need to remain personally connected with your employees at all times.

The internal culture of a small business is incredibly intimate but it’s also often very stressful, centered on everyone constantly firing on all cylinders. If, in your work-oriented myopia, you lose sight of who your employees are as people, you will lose your ability to connect with them in a meaningful way. If you stop connecting with each of your employees on a one-on-one basis, then you will lose their trust and respect.

When you lose your employee’s trust and respect you will lose the ability to speak with them candidly, to learn where they are feeling overwhelmed and where they feel they can contribute more to your shared goal. A small business quickly becomes something of a family with you at the head, and if you choose to embody the “distant parent” archetype your employees will return the favor and play the “surly teenager” role, doing just enough to get by but never feeling understood or appreciated.

It isn’t enough to embody incredible qualities while keeping your employees at a remove, just as it isn’t enough to connect constantly with your employees but to fail to inspire them with your personal conduct. Yet by combining the two, you will become the sort of leader that every small business employee dreams of working for.

—-
Author’s Bio:
The post is written by Wilson Campbell. He is a HR professional, with an exceptional skills to understand knowledge and behavior of employees. He not only has subject matter expertise, but he is also adept in team building and team building activities.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

Buy the Insider’s Guide to Online Conversation.

« go back — keep looking »

Liz Strauss at Successful Blog

Thinking, writing, business ideas … You're only a stranger once.

by Patty Azzarello

My worst moment…

Scared is OK

Scared and Successful

Fear and Competence

The invisible risk

Leaders Step Forward

What about you?

How to Find a Mentor

How to Find a Role Model or Advisor

Derek suggested this:

Action Item:

Conversation Is Often the First Step

An Apology – Better Late Than Never by Jeff Berger, CEO, Doostang

Taking Small Business Leadership Personally

Staying Connected with Your Employees

Search

SOBCon 2012 - Register NOW!!

Chicago Time

Guest Post Guidelines

Ask Liz About:

Blog Syndication

Sign up for a weekly digest via email.

Find Liz AT:

Liz Writes For

What Liz Does

Find books and products by Liz and friends

Library

SOB Pages

Liz Links

The Liz Manifesto

Category

An Apology – Better Late Than Never
by Jeff Berger, CEO, Doostang