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Whose Values, Rules and Ideas Are Running Your Life and Your Business?

Filed Under Marketing, Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog | 4 Comments

Other People’s Values, Rules, and Ideas

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We all grow up to be leaders on someone else’s path.
That’s not a bad thing, but it’s a reality that builds our world view.
We need to learn how the world works … how to stay alive, how to access food, how to win respect, influence, and trust. The first values, rules, and ideas we learn teach us that. They set a foundation for building character, setting boundaries, and making decisions for ourselves.

Our First Values, Rules, and Ideas Come From Our Family

Most of us are born into a top-down organization called a family. Our parents (or older, bigger significant others) teach us about good and bad behavior. At the same time we literally find our hands and our feet. Before we learn to talk, we know some things work and others don’t. We’ve already figured out whether a smile or a crying fit gets us what we want. If we didn’t know that, we’d have died of hunger. As we find our way to standing in the world, values, rules, and ideas help us find the place for our feet.

Family values, rules, and ideas start simple. They come from our caregivers. They sound like “Love your brothers, Don’t take what’s not yours. Don’t hurt other people. Don’t yell indoors. Be nice. Do well by doing good. Think.”

We learn to navigate when those values, rules, and ideas conflict.

When my older, older brother was three, he tried to put his hand in the sugar bowl. My mom reached out to slap his hand.
My dad said, “Wait!” Then he turned to my toddler brother and said, “You won’t do that again, will you?”
My older, older brother agreed. But the very next day, he tried the sugar bowl again and my mother slapped his hand.
He said, “I’m going to tell Daddy you did that!!”
My mother slapped his hand a second time and said, “Now you can tell your Daddy I did it twice.”

We learn early to sort whose values, rules, and ideas are more powerful.
It’s a self-preservation skill.

The Next Values, Rules, and Ideas Come From School

At school, we learn to be a leader on someone else’s path. We learn values, rules, and ideas that engage us in a manageable way. Some kinds of creativity and leadership are rewarded because they help the school run better, faster, easier. They give the school more meaning. They make it more fun. Other forms of leadership and creativity are brought back onto the path, because they make things harder to manage. Some behaviors don’t fit.

Conflicting values, rules, and ideas come from the same source.
Some sorts of curiosity are good. Some sorts are disruptive.
Asking why is eager participation in some situations and defiance in others.
Some sorts of helping others are applauded. Other helping is called cheating.

It’s good to ask what would happen if you don’t brush your teeth.
It’s not so good to ask what would happen if you don’t go to “time out” when the teacher sends you there.

Add the exponential complication of the values, rules, and ideas of our peer group.
The simple values, rules, and ideas require interpretation as we get older.
We learn that some rules interpret our actions by what that action “most often means.”

We graduate and fit ourselves into yet another set of values, rules, and ideas.
The more people we meet, the more complicated the values, rules, and ideas become.

Why We Trust Other People’s Rules

The tricky thing is the way our brains build abstract thought. We construct our understanding of values, rules, and ideas through experience. We construct our world view, our basis for making decisions, the same way we construct the idea of blue — it all starts with someone else’s idea of what blue is. We learned our idea of blue by trial and error.


What color is this?
Blue.
No, honey, it’s red.
What color is this?
Blue.
No, dollface, it’s green.

We learned blue by learning what’s not blue at the same time.

We learn what to do by learning what not to do — by doing things wrong — by finding out that our inclinations and instincts have lead us astray.

We learn to trust other people’s values, rules, and ideas more than our instincts.
That’s a problem.

Most of us don’t realize where doing that.
That’s an even bigger problem.
In fact, it’s dangerous — so dangerous, it can cost us our life.

Whose Ideas, Rules and Values Are Running Your Life and Your Business?

How many of your decisions come from habits set years ago and never challenged. If you’ve been feeling like you’re not on the right path, I’m betting it’s because you’re working under some old rules — rules that don’t fit, rules you don’t need.

What are the values, rules, and ideas that run your life and your business? Who inspired them and are you ready to decide which are your own?

Be irresistible.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!

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What are the benefits of being curious?

Filed Under Guest Writer, Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog, ZZZ-FUN | 4 Comments

Have you ever read the book, “Who Moved My Cheese”?  I use the premise of the four characters quite often when I consider the various sorts of folks who cross my path on a daily basis. For example, as much as I love my mother, I know that she is squarely in the “Hem” camp. She, among the four analogies outlined in the book, is the character who will continue to visit the empty cheese room, convinced that, surely, certainly, there will indeed be a new cheese shipment arriving any moment. Of course, alas, the cheese never arrives. :(

I’m going to assume that most of the people reading this are probably closer to the “Sniff” and “Scurry” sort. You are probably an early adopter, and know which way the wind blows. You probably sense trends and anticipate movement. You are probably curious.

You are probably either independent, or seeking to further your transition to that state. Curiosity is probably one of the best ways to get there, and I’m going to give you my $.02 as to why.

“Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.”  ~ James Stephens

Curiosity is the impetus for bravery in some instances. The curious are DRIVEN, compelled even, by the need to KNOW. As a result, we will take risks. We will shove our fear into our back pocket and “give it a shot.”

If you are still reading, I know that I have found a kindred spirit. You are familiar with that feeling in your gut that almost goads you into action. Your need to satisfy your curiosity is more powerful than your fear of failure. Good. That means that you are destined for great things. Because the curious keep trying.

“Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton asked why.” ~ Bernard Baruch

If you are curious, you are also probably an innovator. Most folks walking this plane are content to go about their daily business without looking too far afield. They stay in their lane; color inside the lines and keep their eyes fixed on the stuff right in front of them. They are “safe,” and that’s perfectly oka-lee-dokalee.

Curious people, on the other hand, disembowel clocks. They rip apart business models. They disrupt stuff left and right. They probably spent a LOT of time in the corner as kids. We can be maddening to people who rather we just leave things alone. Status Quo People get really frustrated with the Curious.

“I keep six honest serving-men,

They taught me all I knew;

Their names are What and Why and When

And How and Where and Who.” ~ Rudyard Kipling

However, it is this seeking that leads to expansion and independence. The same curiosity that brought us Tang and the space program also brought us twitter, cleantech, Futurama and the cure for polio.

Speaking of social media, I also believe that the folks who are out here in the ether are a harbinger of a new paradigm (even the Bieberists). Social media has no boundaries and is populated by those who are Seekers.

Whether talking about the Kardashians or Tahir Square, this new frontier is peopled by the curious. We may not always be talking about the same thing from the same perspective, but we are talking. Which leads to …

“Be curious, not judgmental.” ~ Walt Whitman

In the pursuit of knowledge, it is vitally important to try very hard to uncover information without assigning specific value to it. For example, the earth is not the center of the universe, although at one point in human history, to state otherwise was cause for excommunication. In order to glean the most from our experiences as we pursue information, it is important to dispassionately observe what we find.

Through trial and error, consistent (and mindful) questioning and a willingness to grow our awareness, we will find ourselves on a glorious journey of wonder.

“The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” ~ Dorothy Parker

Thank goodness.

What led you here today? What would you like to learn? What questions drive you? What steps are you taking to grow your knowledge?

——-

Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive Foundation) or “Like” them on facebook.

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15 Ways to 365 Days of Gratitude

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A Guest Post by
Rosemary O’Neill

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365 Days of Gratitude

Now that the turkey leftovers are just about gone, it’s tempting to start hanging holiday decorations and move on. But we should cultivate an attitude of gratitude all year long. It’s one of the best ways to separate human-centered businesses from the robot army. Humans care about elevating others; robots only care about processing bits and bytes.

Here are 15 simple (but concrete) ways to show appreciation online.

  1. Give a Klout +K – you can debate whether Klout means anything or not, and CEO Joe Fernandez has said that +Ks don’t directly contribute to a higher score, but it sure feels nice when someone gives you a +K, especially in a relevant topic area.
  2. Facebook Like – an oldie but a goodie, some people obsess over their number of “likes,” so it’s a nice way to give a pat on the back.
  3. Follow or subscribe – following someone on any social network or subscribing to their feed (blog or status updates) means you are interested in what they have to say. What better way to show you care?
  4. RT or Mention on Twitter – the ReTweet is the highest compliment you can give someone on Twitter, and it contributes to their Klout score, so double score! Mentioning someone, in status updates or comments on other networks is like name-dropping. Often the object of the name-drop is notified, and most people enjoy being recognized publicly.
  5. #FollowFriday – this one has had its ups and downs, but done correctly, a nice FollowFriday on Twitter can be a nice perk for someone. I think Gini Dietrich does it best; she picks one person, writes about him/her on her blog, Spin Sucks, and then Tweets it out. It’s meaningful, succinct, and likely to result in more followers.
  6. LinkedIn Recommend – for a business connection, a nice recommendation for the individual or for their products/services is a great way to say thanks. It’s like getting a gold nugget in the mail!
  7. Empire Avenue buy or recommend – if your contact is on Empire Avenue, buying some shares or giving an endorsement or recommendation is a nice recognition.
  8. Google +1 – this is a very important one. When you give a Google +1 to a person’s content, it shows up in search results, and it means that their content is more likely to continue showing up in your search results going forward. That’s power.
  9. Twitter or Klout list – it’s pretty easy to set up lists in Twitter and Klout, and it’s a way to publicly pull the cream of the crop to the forefront. Would you like to be included in a list of “Smart People” or “People Who Inspire?” Yeah, me too.
  10. Paper.li inclusion – this is another service that has supporters and detractors, but I always feel a nice boost when someone includes my feed in a Paper.li or any other of the aggregator services (Storify too).
  11. Comment on their blog – this is where the action is. Offering an intelligent comment that contributes to someone else’s blog is a sincere compliment.
  12. Blog roll – kick it old school; honor someone by including their blog in your “links” list. Ever heard of “link juice?” It’s hard to come by, and a much-appreciated gift.
  13. Thank on Quora – if you participate on Quora (and it’s a great place to get answers directly “from the horse’s mouth”), the best thank you is a “thank you.” When you give a thanks, the person is notified.
  14. Reply to a forum topic – it takes courage to stop lurking and start a topic in a busy forum. When you choose to reply, and add your own thoughts to the conversation, you are supporting the orginal poster and the community itself.
  15. Comment “like” – several blog commenting systems support “likes” now, so you can select particular comments and single them out for praise.

My suggestion is to start every day by handing out a few of these, without any expectation of return. A day that starts with gratitude is already a success.

_____

Author’s Bio: Rosemary O’Neill is an insightful spirit who works for social strata — a top ten company to work for on the Internet . Check out their blog. You can find her on Twitter as @rhogroupee

Beach Notes: Camel Rides

Filed Under Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog | Leave a Comment

by Guest Writers Suzie Cheel and Des Walsh




Camel rides were a popular feature of the kite festival at local Kirra Beach, Queensland, last weekend. In the 19th century thousands of camels were imported to Australia to help with the colonization of less hospitable parts of the country, mainly in central and northern Australia. Then with the arrival of motor transportation, the camels were released into the wild.

They multiplied. So the very accommodating and apparently docile animals in the picture have a great many wilder cousins in Australian central desert regions. An interesting factoid for a trivia quiz is that, with over one million camels now roving free – and estimated to double every nine years – Australia has the largest feral camel population in the world.

Suzie Cheel & Des Walsh

You are not nuts and other important stuff

Filed Under Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog | Leave a Comment

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about things I don’t say enough to other people.

Someone today reminded me of a note I wrote in my newsletter not long ago.

I’ve been going through the email replies I’ve sent to people who’ve asked for help over the past 5 years. I’m not surprised to find that, although the people seem of every age, size, background, ability and economic class, the problems they bring to me seem to be the same kind — problems of connecting the space between our heads and our hearts, problems of believing in what we know about ourselves.

And I find some lines repeating. So I share them with you for when you might need them.

You are not nuts.
God is in heaven.
Angels are everywhere.
People are made of the same stuff as stars.
We’re not supposed to have the answers.
Love will draw a circle around you.

You don’t need to worry about drowning tonight.
You can sleep.
We’ll still eat tomorrow.
I love you.

Be you.
You are already irresistible.
Keep your head wired to your heart.

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