Success: do you have it in you?
Filed Under Connecting Dots, Guest Writer, Idea Bank, Motivation/Inspiration, Outside the Box, Successful Blog, leadership | 3 Comments
Freedom is an inner (as well as a physical) state of being. – @RabbiShaiSpecht
In a previous blogpost, I talked about what inspires me to write. Sometimes, it’s a quote; sometimes it’s my children; other times, it’s people who populate my social networks and in the case of this week, inspiration came in the form of the above tweet.
So many people focus on freedom as being an external factor: the ability to earn a lot of money; the latitude to travel or the ability to pursue a particular career. While there are those who appear to have achieved a level of success any or all of those categories, true freedom actually starts within before it is fully manifested externally.
It is within that we release our fears, our prejudices and our internal beliefs that form our barriers to success and independence. Once we are able to identify our specific barriers, then we have the opportunity to transcend and overcome them.
As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery. We have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness. – Dalai Lama
For most, the fear of failure is the biggest barrier to reaching independence. We may be afraid that we won’t succeed in achieving our goals and so we never try. Closely related, paradoxically, is fear of success. For many, it’s almost worse to succeed. For it’s when we succeed that people count on us. Expectations are created. We fear that we cannot sustain a certain level of success and so we prefer not to try.
In terms of prejudices, some cling to thoughts like “rich people are snobs.” Demonizing people who have what we secretly fear to achieve is a derivation on the Aesop’s fable of the fox and the sour grapes. We deride what we cannot achieve (or perceive that we are unable of achieving).
Attachments come in the form of relationships (either ones we wish to have or ones we wish we could escape). Attachments also manifest as a preferred outcome to any given situation. What’s helpful to realize through all of this is that fear forms the root of all assaults against independence. Fear manifests as anger, a wish to control, suspicion and all other sorts of emotions that restrict our freedom.
A good way to determine what your particular fear centers are and how they rank in order of severity is to list your goals in the affirmative and see which ones really rankle you. For example, take out a sheet of paper and write out positive statements as if you had already achieved them:
- “I enjoy my job.”
- “What I do makes a difference.”
- “I make enough money to satisfy my desires.”
Take note of your gut reaction to these (and other, similar) statements. When you hear your inner voice say, “Yeah, right!” in response, that’s a hint, indicating barriers to those particular gaps in your journey to independence.
Keep this list handy. Next week, we’ll tackle it head on, and work to address the cause(s). As always, please feel free to share any feedback in the comments below. Do you already notice a barrier that you’ve seen represented in your life? How did you overcome it?
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Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive)
Will you live in fear or in faith?
Filed Under Connecting Dots, Guest Writer, Inside-Out Thinking, Motivation/Inspiration, Outside the Box, Successful Blog, Survival Kit, The Big Idea, leadership | 5 Comments
Faith isn’t faith if you know the outcome. We’ve discussed in previous posts the importance faith has when living an independent life. Whether expressed as comfort with flux; or taking a managed risk, entrepreneurs have to take a leap of faith in order to reach their goals. And, in a brief reference to even last week’s post, it’s a leap that we must each ultimately make alone.
Many times, my point of reference is the movies. When I think of ‘leaps of faith,’ one of my most vivid examples I can think of is Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. In order to save his father’s life, Indy must recover the Holy Grail by deciphering riddles – clues to avoiding the deadly devices designed to prevent seekers from finding the Grail.
After successfully clearing two devices, Indy finds himself facing a chasm, across which their appears to be no bridge for him to safely cross. Reading from his father’s notes, Indy says to himself, “Last is the breath of God: Only a leap from the lion’s head, shall he prove his worth.” He then steps into nothingness and is rewarded by stepping onto an invisible, narrow span which allows him to cross.
Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Action. Action begets opportunity. Opportunity begins with taking a step.
Key to independence is taking that first step. The staircase is there; but even if we COULD see each step leading to the doorway at its zenith, we can physically only take one step at a time. Our job is to take the step immediately before us. Our responsibility is to step.
Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.-Gail Devers
This is the hardest part. Another blogger called this time between steps “The Middle.” I truly wish that I could remember which one wrote it for proper attribution. However, it’s true: The Middle is where we are tested.
While we are taking our steps toward our goals, The Middle is the part where our friends and family may doubt our sanity. Leads may not pan out. Financing may dry up. We may even begin to doubt ourselves and our ability to reach our goal. When we are feeling unsure, we must revisit our plans, focus on what it is we hope to achieve and examine our motivations. Once you have had a chance to take this time to review, and all your instincts affirm your actions, press forward.
When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.-Patrick Overton
This is what it all comes down to, doesn’t it? Do you trust yourself? Everyone who lives life on his or her own terms has come to this crossroads. Is it fair? Absolutely. We are each the product of our choices and convictions. Making choices like this one is the price of admission to a full and rewarding life.
I usually refer to this moment as the ‘put up or shut up’ moment. We are called to live out our values. Again, faith is not faith if it’s based on the known, no matter how much we may wish for guarantees. In order to achieve independence, we must step out in faith. When I’m feeling small and more than a little crazy, I am encouraged by the words of a pioneer in her field:
Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.-Marie Curie
It is worth it. You are worth it. Decide. And then take that step.
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Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive)
How do you harness fear?
Filed Under Connecting Dots, Guest Writer, Idea Bank, Inside-Out Thinking, Motivation/Inspiration, Outside the Box, Strategy, Successful Blog, Survival Kit, The Big Idea, leadership | 8 Comments
Alone. That’s a state of being we must learn to identify, accept – even embrace if we are to move forward as individuals. If you’ve been reading my previous blog entries in this series, my comprehension and interpretation of paradox is a common thread that runs through most of them. In order to be a strong partner; one must be able to function alone.
In order to contribute unselfishly and totally to a team or an effort, one must do the work to identify one’s strengths apart from the group. There’s only one way to fully and thoroughly develop one’s autonomy – to be brought to the point where one is separated from all other illusions of community.
That said, none of us is ever really separate. Life really is like Obi Wan says: we are a collective Force. Alter one, affect the whole. However, each of us has the capacity to opt out of the stream of The Whole and to do some individual work in order to become a stronger component of it.
This matter of altering the plane under which one operates is optional. Lots of people elect to operate within the confines of security; the Known. Theirs is an existence that recalls to me the world of The Matrix. A churning pool of folks who eat noodles and pay their taxes. …Which is good, fine and “normal.”
But within this collective are those for whom this level of existence isn’t enough. But how does one break free? How does one become ‘independent?’
These are the sorts of theoretical mental calisthenics that keep me awake at night (and fuel coffee shop discussions – perhaps the two are related <g>).
“Although to be driven back upon oneself is an uneasy affair at best, rather like trying to cross a border with borrowed credentials, it seems to me now the one condition necessary to the beginnings of real self-respect.”-Joan Didion
One must go within to change what is without. Much as a seed has all the genetic wisdom contained within itself to become the mighty tree, you have within yourself everything you need to reach your goals. To reach your goals is hard work. Messy work. Usually painful work. But in order to live the authentic life, it is mandatory work.
We learn about ourselves in number of ways. Our first clue is our surroundings and our friends. We draw unto ourselves that which we believe we deserve; that which reflects who we perceive ourselves to be. Our friends are also an indications of our self esteem – in what relation do we place ourselves with our friends? Are we the ringleader? The learner? Until we can recognize not only where we’ve placed ourselves but our intent in so doing, we’re kinda just floating along, cosmically-wise.
Until we can live with ourselves, AS ourselves, we do not have the foundations of self-respect.
…A man goes far to find out what he is–
Death of the self in a long, tearless night,
All natural shapes blazing unnatural light.
Dark, dark my light, and darker my desire.
My soul, like some heat-maddened summer fly,
Keeps buzzing at the sill. Which I is I?
A fallen man, I climb out of my fear.
The mind enters itself, and God the mind,
And one is One, free in the tearing wind.”
-excerpt from the poem In a Dark Time, Theodore Roethke
Here we return to paradox: death of the self begets freedom through itself and God (which can be interpreted by some as Source). But if you’ll notice, the author is able to recognize fear in this process. He notices and discards/rejects it in order to articulate his freedom.
If you’ve ever worked with metal, you know that heat purifies. It burns away dross and leaves the essential elements. Heat, in our lives can be literal, but most of the time, it’s figurative. I heard the quote, “if you can’t stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen” from early childhood. By way of comparison, in this particular instance of Roethke’s poem, fear is ‘the heat.’
When it comes to the purifying nature of fear, I don’t know of a better example of a linear, step-by-step explanation of how fear can be harnessed and overcome than the following excerpt from Frank Herbert’s 1965 speculative fiction book, Dune:
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” - Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear
So you’ve gone through the fire. You’ve faced your yourself and your fears. Now you can, with a clear-eyed perspective, take responsibility for your life and move forward. What’s neat is how your perspective has shifted. If you’ve been paying attention throughout your journey, you’ll note that your path has incorporated all of the elements you wanted to avoid in your life, but, like the elements of the seed, were necessary to your growth.
“…but Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man That he didn’t, didn’t already have.” – America
By striking out on your path alone (but still in concert with others), you have developed your individuality. You are stronger than you were before your journey. Just like Dorothy (whose courage was manifested as a lion; bravery as a tin man and heart as a scarecrow), you have within you the keys to your own freedom. The power is within you, and has been all along.
LizStrauss 
Liz.Strauss
