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How Do You Build an Incredible Experience?

Filed Under Community, Successful Blog | 38 Comments

Communities Don’t Get Built, They Grow

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I’ve walked around for about an hour, trying to put words to the change that happened at SOBCon this weekend. I spent another hour trying to explain how it could happen twice.

Every sentence I made seemed inadequate and unworthy.

How do you explain an incredible experience of community, learning, and outright fun? I’m at a loss.

Here is a way to find out for yourself.

    Build an experience for intelligent, passionate people — head and heart in a meaningful context.

    Invest all you are — commend, commit, confide, consign, give, hand over, trust.

    Hold up every person who wants to be part – bank on, believe in, count on, depend on, reckon on, rely on, have confidence, trust.

    Make it easy to trust and talk — caretaking, watching, overseeing, be trustworthy.

    Listen with an open mind, heart for the meaning they take, give, and find on their own.

In other words, trust. Trust in people who trust.

An incredible experience is built on trust. Trust yourself. Trust the people around you. Trust that when things don’t go perfectly other folks will understand. People do the most amazing things in a community filled with trust. They change, grow, learn, connect, feel, and communicate. They smile at the drop of a hat.

It’s that easy.

I was changed as a person by being a part. . . .

Thank you to everyone who came to SOBCon08.

How do you do recognize an incredible experience?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

Thank you, Thesaurus.com for help filling in the words.

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SOBCon08: In Celebration of the Conversation in the Comment Box

Filed Under Comments, Successful Blog | 16 Comments

You Don’t Have to Be a Blogger

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Once upon a time on a Tuesday morning, I wondered what would happen if I posted a photo of a microphone and invited folks to talk. That’s how Tuesday Open Comment Night began.

People came and the conversation started. I had no idea what it would become – a weekly adventure of playing, dancing, talking, and making friends in the comment box. I had no idea that I was investing 4 hours of every Tuesday for next “rest of my life.”

So many people have come along, left a word, made a friend, and moved on. That the comment box is filled with laughter, discovery, and wisdom. I could leave my blog today, and relationships and memories made here would still be.

When Terry and Chris first got serious about SOBCon07, I stood back wondering whether it was a good idea. They stood smiling and tall, shook their heads, and brought me along until I was with them. My gratitude will never find it’s way to the right words.

Last night, Joanna Young arrived in Chicago — her first trip to this continent — to meet everyone and share in something we started. She said

But as I was flying in I started thinking about all the people I knew in these mysterious places that have just been names on a map up to now, and it suddenly felt a lot more familiar and real.

I realize now that we had made a worldwide comment box on the ground.

C’mon. Let’s Talk!

You don’t need to be at SOBCon or in Chicago to know about conversation and connection. You don’t have to be a blogger to know how words can bring people to know each other’s head, heart, and purpose in life. You don’t have to put your thoughts and your feelings in the comment box every day to make a relationship that will last a lifetime.

But it helps.

Thank you to every person who’s ever joined the conversation.
You’ve changed the world.

Do we ever know how many lives we touch with what we say?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!! SOBCon08 is May 2,3,4 in Chicago. Register now!

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Conversation as a Cure for Writer’s Block

Filed Under Successful Blog, Writing | 18 Comments

Talker’s Block? I Don’t Think So

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Imagine this. We’re friends, sitting on my balcony, enjoying the sunsetsailboats on the horizon across Lake Michigan. (It might take a minute to get the image, especially since the aforementioned balcony doesn’t exist.) We’re drinking our favorite beverage and discussing what’s new, what’s news, and what’s interesting recent history.

You’re speaking about how you see the world. I hear a thought you share, and it prompts one of my own. You listen and elaborate on what you meant. I sip my wine and then I say,

“Um, I have nothing to say. I’m suffering talker’s block.”

I don’t think so.

Conversation as a Cure for Writer’s Block

Ever heard anyone say that they have talker’s block? Sure everyone has moments when we have nothing to say or no comeback, but do we get brainlessly blank when we’re talking to our friends? Do we sit around watching the Superbowl, listening to a debate, or seeing someone Twitter on a new iPhone . . . then find ourselves without word one? No, of course not.

Conversation is a participation sport that has only one team. In a conversation, people share ideas in a relational, flexible way. Whether they’re “Oh yeah, I know what you mean!” discussions or “You’re totally missing the point!” debates, conversations work the same. Conversations have three key elements in common that work in this way.

  1. We put an idea or observation out there. That thought might come with some explanation, but it’s not a one-way communication. The trading nature of conversation limits how detailed and supported an idea can be.

  2. Someone responds. Folks interrupt with emotion, add information, or completely disagree. Whatever the response, it changes the substance and direction of the original thought. An additional point of view always does.

  3. We reply to the response. No matter our intent when we first spoke, the the response calls for an answer of its own.

That third point is the key. Conversation is organic and goes where the thoughts lead us. It’s the thoughts that count. It’s the meaning making that moves the conversation forward . . . or not. In most conversational journeys, someone starts the engine, but everyone owns some part of where the conversation goes. (A solo journey doesn’t mean no conversation at all. Ever think about what you would say to a friend, when he or she wasn’t there?)

When we add to a conversation, we draw from what we know, what we’ve experienced, what we imagine, and what we wonder about. We do that in response to thoughts that other folks have shared.

Here’s the bit not to miss . . . we draw from the same places — what we know, what we’ve experienced, what we imagine, and what we wonder about — when we start a conversation.

When we’re conversing with friends . . . we don’t edit our thoughts or tie them up like a presentation. We put the focus on who we’re talking to and what they’re saying, not on how they’ll be looking at us. We trust our friends to hear what we’re saying or ask when they can’t. We make room for feedback, so that we know. We respect their thoughts.

Want to how to cure writer’s block?

I just told you.

If you’re feeling blank, draw from what you know, what you’ve experienced, what you imagine, and what you wonder about. Put an idea or observation out there. Focus on who you’re talking to and leave room for feedback. In print or on the Internet, write a conversation.

I started the engine. Here’s the keys. Your turn to drive.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Want to get rid of your writer’s block forever? I’ll show you how.

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Six Steps to a Remarkably Powerful, Personal Network

Filed Under Inside-Out Thinking, Successful Blog | 24 Comments

It’s NOT Who You Know

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My recent trip to the UK has me thinking about networking. I’ve never really liked the term, it makes pictures of strangers and stress in my head. So I think in terms of meeting people instead.

We live and interact with people. People help, support, and reach out. They interfere, compete, and ignore. Relationships with people can make the road to our dreams easier and the load on shoulders lighter. They can also thwart our plans and fill our heads with dust.

People who know where we want to go and how hard we’re working to get there can be a most powerful force. Love, friendship, camaraderie, influence, credibility, trust, authenticity all add up to relationships.

Every business is relationships and relationships are every one’s business.

When Fewer Is More

A living network is more than a list of contacts or friends that we’ve exchanged cursory messages with. A true network is people who know us and people we trust with our reputation. If we choose them well, our network of influencers expands our knowledge and our reach exponentially further and deeper simultaneously.

Networks like that take time to build and require attention. Two main qualities describe a network that is remarkably powerful.

  1. A remarkably powerful network is limited in size. Small is flexible and makes it easy to stay closely connected.

  2. A remarkably powerful network is varied in experience and expertise, but in agreement on high standards of quality in all things.

You might have heard “It’s not what you know, but who you know.”

That’s not exactly true.

Six Steps to a Remarkably Powerful, Personal Network

A living network can open doors and make connections to people we only wish we knew. Follow these six steps to build and care for a living network that will powerfully support you as you move forward in your personal and professional life.

  1. Know what you know and know its value. What you know is important. Don’t overvalue it. Don’t undervalue it. Simply understand how common or rare your knowledge and your unique skill set are. Know where they are useful and think through who might be delighted to find someone who does what you do.

  2. Build relationships not an address book. Relationships grow in value and mature with age. They also require time and attention to do so. Choose people you would bet your reputation on — people who share your standards and have similar goals. People who set the bar where you do will connect to other people you’ll want to know.

  3. It’s about who knows what you know (and who knows what your skills are.) Learn to explain your expertise easily to people who have influence. Influencers naturally talk about folks who are great at what they do. Influencers get asked for recommendations. If no one knows what you do well, it won’t matter who knows you.

  4. Be the first to offer help. Be interested in everyone you meet. Ask questions, listen actively, and be first to offer a favor without strings. People remember sincere curiosity and true generosity, especially from someone they’ve just met. Every generous act is an opportunity to share your expertise with those who might help you. Do it unconditionally and they’ll remember both the work and you.

  5. Watch for and welcome every wise teacher you encounter. Wisdom and experience are a prize. True teachers show themselves by offering advice, expecting nothing in return. Mentors who come your way, offering experience and connections, see something in you. Let them help you discover what that is and what it could be if you let it grow.

  6. Take every opportunity to reach out and to stay connected. Know that listening and speaking with friends is how we keep their interests in our hearts and minds. Stay interested in them and most of them will stay interested in you.

Keeping an eye toward reality and respect is how to develop a remarkably powerful network. This relational group will be a much smaller subset of the network of folks that you know. Still, as they say, we reap what we sow. A network built from relationships that are carefully tended is likely to become a remarkable group of lifelong friends and colleagues.

With a powerful personal network, it seems so much easier to become all our potential will allow.

Sometimes fewer is also more. Are you looking for a few good connections?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
If you think Liz can help you find focus or direction, check out the Work with Liz!!

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Money Strategy, a Dead Horse, and Folks
Are You a Freelancer or a Solo Entrepreneur? Use Guy Kawasaki’s Mantra as He Meant

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How to Receive a Compliment Without Being a Self-Centered Idiot

Filed Under Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog | 34 Comments

Most Folks Have Been There

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It was a one-person project and one you fell in love with. You put your heart in it and delivered beyond expectations. The project was elegant. Every minute you worked meant every detail came together with the highest quality.

This morning you presented it to the executive time. Just now, the president of the company came up to you in front of your coworkers and said, “Congratulations, your project and your presentation were outstanding.”

Suddenly it seems as if all eyes are looking at you. What do you say?

You’re pretty sure that saying, “Damn right, it was!” is probably not the right thing.

How do you answer a compliment without denying it or looking like a self-centered idiot?

How to Receive a Compliment Without Being a Self-Centered Idiot

The idea of accepting a compliment has come up in conversations with Ann Michael, Phil Gerbyshak, and Allan Cox this week. The discussion with each of them centered on the dynamic of why people have a problem accepting a compliment and how to handle the self-conscious feeling that is often attached to the attention a compliment brings.

Handling a compliment with grace and feeling good about it is easy if you remember to do three things.

Compliment: “Your presentation was outstanding.”

  1. Don’t make it about you.
    Example of a response to avoid:
    Let me tell you about it. I was up until 3 a.m. every night this week. My computer crashed last night and my kids have the flu.

    A compliment is conversation. A speaker tells a offers a listener information about his or her opinion in the form of praise. The content of a compliment — even when it’s personal in nature such as You’re a wonderful human being. — is simply a statement of a point of view. Keep yourself out of the response.

  2. Don’t discount the speaker’s gift.
    Example of a response to avoid:
    It wasn’t much. I just threw something together.

    The speaker has offered a personal thought in your favor. To deny it or discount it is to say that the speaker has made a mistake in judgment. Value the speaker’s words in your response.

  3. Acknowledge the speaker’s words and stop there.
    Examples of a response that works:
    Thank you for saying that it means a lot to hear it from you.

    Focus on the speaker and the value of the speaker’s words. That guarantees your response will be graceful, respectful, and not about you.

That sentence in Step 3 was my default answer for the first few tries. Now I no longer freeze when I hear a compliment coming toward me. So I listen, focus, and respond even more thoughtfully. I enjoy compliments now that I no longer make them about me.

It’s not a hard habit to develop these three steps in accepting a compliment. Try them once and you’ll most likely be ready to put them to use every time. The exchange that occurs is so much more natural. It’s normal conversation without the “spotlight” glaring in our eyes.

It’s nice to let someone know that you heard and value their compliment. Sometimes it even allows you a chance to offer an authentic compliment in return.

You’re the best. Thank you for stopping by.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

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