What to do while you are waiting

Filed Under Guest Writer, Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog | 2 Comments

Many people have to wait a long time for something to happen. Tom Petty was right: The waiting is the hardest part. It’s easy to become impatient, especially when we cannot see any signs that anything is happening. It’s like the seed germinating within the earth. Although there may be millions of chemical reactions going on beneath the surface, from topside, the soil resembles a mute brown plane, keeping its own counsel.

Maddening.

The urge to dig up the seed to check on its progress is almost overwhelming, and yet, in order for the seed to bear fruit, we must trust that the process is on schedule. If we have chosen the correct soil for the seed, watered it properly and fertilized it accordingly, then we must have faith that something will happen.

I seldom make direct references to our nonprofit in the Successful Blog Series, but this week, we awarded a car to a woman who epitomizes the example of doing the work and then waiting.

“Everything you want is out there waiting for you to ask. Everything you want also wants you. But you have to take action to get it.” ~ Jules Renard

Eight months ago, she was living in a homeless shelter with her children. She wanted a better life for herself and her children. We, as a nonprofit, wanted to give it to her. But in order for the transfer to happen, she needed to first decide that she wanted to move forward and then take steps toward achieving it.

Reaching out to a caseworker. Determining the correct steps to getting her GED. Fulfilling obligations to secure an apartment. Achieving these goals constituted a symbiotic relationship between asking and effort. It’s difficult to articulate, and I’m not sure that I’m doing a very good job of it. It’s not a matter of “deserving.” It’s a matter of realizing.

Once we realize ourselves, we begin to see ourselves as worthy. And from that sense of worthiness, concrete and tangible results flow.

“Maturity includes the recognition that no one is going to see anything in us that we don’t see in ourselves. Stop waiting for a producer. Produce yourself.” ~ Marianne Williamson

Our applicant had to do the heavy lifting of overcoming her own inertia, developing clarity about the things she wanted and then taking action to bring about the changes she wished to see in her life. Even the most insightful and intelligent among us cannot begin to presume what another wants for him or herself. Each of us has the responsibility of divining that kernel of truth for himself or herself.

“It is a great piece of skill to know how to guide your luck even while waiting for it.” ~ Baltasar Gracian

Once you have an inkling of what you want, you must seek out the conditions and people where you’ll have a greater chance of coming into contact with others from whom you can learn and grow.

Research your desired field
Read about people who have succeeded in your chosen industry
Apply for internships or educational opportunities that put you in the path of those who can help you
Do the work

Ultimately, you must also be willing to act when the opportunity for which you have been waiting presents itself. You must trust that your time spent preparing has been effective.
One of the best ways you can thank someone for giving you a chance is to take it. When have you had to wait for something? How did it pan out? Were you able to pay it forward?
——-

Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive Foundation) or “Like” them on facebook.

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Imagine your transformation

Filed Under Guest Writer, Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog | 1 Comment

So you are sick and tired of your life as it currently exists. You are ready for a change. There has to be ‘more than this.’ But where and how to start? What happens or what needs to be present in order for transformation to occur? I’m glad that you asked. By simply asking, you have already taken the first step.

Because my brain tends to the rational and scientific when exploring answers, during my research, I came across this particular example that deals with cellular biology.

I’m not sure where science ends and psychology starts, but I think that they are intertwined and so have incorporated some of the information from the cellular biology answer in today’s post. As mentioned previously, awareness is the first step.

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” – M. Scott Peck

For the benefit of those who haven’t read previous entries, journaling, meditation and yoga are all efficient ways of helping cultivate awareness. By identifying and prioritizing the things you wish to change, you are already on your way to doing so. Using these three methods form the Triumvirate of Revelation and is a means to filter answers to the top layer of your consciousness. I promise that they work. Scout’s honor.

Be willing - By opening yourself up to the need for change and your willingness to begin, you set in motion the process for evolution. Although it sounds rather hoo-doo-voodoo, it’s true, nonetheless. By lowering the psychological drawbridge to your consciousness, you allow for the flow of ideas/concepts and behaviors to now be exchanged.

Incubate - This is the most frustrating time for me, because I can’t “see” anything happening. This is the gestation or “dormancy” part of the equation, but it is essential to success of any transformation subsequent to this stage. Think of the seed in the ground; the caterpillar in the chrysalis, the baby in the womb. You MUST allow the idea of transformation to percolate in your mind before you can proceed to the next step. During this time, if it helps you to feel better about waiting, this is a good time to imagine how your life will look “after.”

• Why are you making this change?
• How will you benefit?
• What does your ideal situation resemble?

Shake things up - This is the point at which you pick an action item and begin. This, too, can be frustrating, because most people want wholesale change overnight. That dog will not hunt. It is not going to happen, short of a miracle. Let yourself off the hook and pick one action item and start. By attaining mastery on this first step, you will become more agile and proficient at subsequent steps. Crawl, walk, run.

When you are “shaking things up,” be prepared for some plates to drop. In anticipation of this possibility, let those around you know that you are starting something new. Friends will support you. Sometimes, the plates that you drop are meant to stay dropped. These “plates” may be friends, habits, jobs, partners… This is part of the filtering process as you move to your new form/version as you transform. Let them drop.

Grow - The growth stage is probably the most naturally fulfilling, because we finally feel confident that we made the right decision in changing. During this phase, we also refine our transformation and segue to mastery. Mastery is great, because that means we can teach someone else what we’ve learned. When you have achieved mastery, be on the lookout for people in the frustrated phase, because I can make another promise to you: if you think overcoming transformation is fun for yourself, wait until you can help someone else. It is a rush.

What do you want to be? What do you want to accomplish? How will you begin?

——-

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How do you handle rejection?

Filed Under Guest Writer, Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog | 8 Comments

Earlier on in this series, I wrote a blog post about the power of saying ‘no.’ Central to the point of that post was the need for us to become surgically clear about how we allocate our energies, to whom and toward what purpose. Dilution of our energies produces a diffusion of our effectiveness.

“I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.”-Sylvester Stallone

That said, sometimes, it’s equally difficult to hear the word “no” when directed your way. We all wish to be accepted, respected and thought of as “worthy,” and so when we hear “no,” the fear of rejection rears its ugly head. However, if we are to become independent; if we are to forge new paths and achieve new goals, we’d better develop a tougher skin, because we’ll hear “no” a lot more than we’ll hear “yes” as we make our way toward our goals.

“I think that you have to believe in your destiny; that you will succeed, you will meet a lot of rejection and it is not always a straight path, there will be detours – so enjoy the view.”-Michael York

Try to shift your way of thinking by seeing “no” as a gift and an invitation to test your theories. “No” can sometimes mean, “I don’t understand,” from the perspective of the person you’re trying to persuade. Nobody sees things the way you do. What is obvious to you is seldom apparent to someone else in exactly the same way. Therefore, by choosing to hear “no” as “show me more,” it gives you a chance to expand upon your vision, clarify your intent and distill your goal/message.

“It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself.”-Eleanor Roosevelt

This one comes up frequently when we are just starting our journey to an ultimate goal. We’re all guilty of it. We ask for help when what we mean is, “I’ll tell you what I need and you (Benelovent Patron/Understander of Genius) will bankroll or otherwise support my request.”

The “no” you hear at this stage is the “strengthen your muscles” answer. Whether that muscle is a skill, an actual feat of strength or other challenge, hearing this “no” is the Tough Love answer. Good. That means you are close to a breakthrough.

“Through my illness I learned rejection. I was written off. That was the moment I thought, ‘Okay, game on. No prisoners. Everybody’s going down.’”-Lance Armstrong

This “no” rocks. This is the “no” we hear when our Souls get involved. We’ve peeled away most, if not all, of society’s expectations at this point and the “no” that activates this stage is like rocket fuel. It’s us against us. Self against Self. This is exhilarating, because at this point, we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. We have Decided (p.s. all apple polishing aside, this is one of the best lessons I learned from Liz – Change the World: Decide.

“Dear to us are those who love us… but dearer are those who reject us as unworthy, for they add another life; they build a heaven before us whereof we had not dreamed, and thereby supply to us new powers out of the recesses of the spirit, and urge us to new and unattempted performances.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson

From this day hence, when you hear “no,” think of this list:

Rejection is refinement
Naysayers are people bearing gifts
Ask yourself, “What is the truth buried within this rejection?”
Build upon the truth you discover and jettison the rest

“Every rejection is incremental payment on your dues that in some way will be translated back into your work.”-James Lee Burke

This is the kicker. Stop for a moment and think of your last “Mountain Top” experience. It was really just a moment to recharge for The Valley, wasn’t it? The “aha moments” come to us during the Process. The Journey. Our focus is refined and firing on all cylinders during The Process (when we hear all these “no’s”). We are fully alive when we are learning, facing rejection, applying our lessons as we go. The iteration is where we live. “No” is the spark that fuels our forward momentum. I’d like to know: what are moments in your life when hearing ‘no’ helped you to achieve new heights?

——-

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How to be a winner

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“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” – Lao Tzu

Earlier in this series, we discussed the perils of using envy as a barometer of personal success. Envy is so insidious. It’s pervasive and hardwired to our individual and collective psyche(s). There is a certain apparent logic, as one of our default settings, to compare our overall achievement and growth against “the norm.” Actuarial and insurance tables are built on average wealth, income, risk, height, weight, lifespan, habits et al… however, obsessively comparing ourselves to others is a sure route to dissatisfaction (whether we perceive ourselves to be better than or worse off than another).

As a brief peek into my thought processes, when I was a nine year old kid watching Nadia Comaneci win gold medal after gold medal during the 1976 Olympics, I felt like the biggest slacker on the planet. She was only a few years older than I, and what had I done in comparison to her hardware haul? Climbed lots of trees, eaten copious amounts of ice cream, survived open heart surgery and learned how to read at age three. But really. I was so far behind the curve already! People on this planet were achieving stuff and I was MISSING OUT.

“Winners compare their achievements with their goals, while losers compare their achievements with those of other people” – Nido Qubein

I got so caught up with athleticism at that point in my life, that I stumbled across the concept of a personal best. The choirs sang and the angels appeared. Aha! *We* are our own barometers. We are responsible for identifying and cultivating our own excellence against our individual potential. Comparison is to be done within rather than without. Ding!

In so saying, there ARE ways that we can grow our boundaries in pursuit of this goal. Here are a few tips:

Surround yourself with people who challenge you
Choose “pacers” – people who love you and see your potential without judgement
Visualize yourself as already having achieved whatever goal to which you aspire
Ask questions from people who have already achieved what you wish to attain
Thank those who help you
Tend your own garden – be responsible for the heavy lifting that is yours to do
Forgive yourself when you stumble, learn from your experience
Start again – repeat as necessary

“I must Create a System, or be enslaved by another Man’s; / I will not Reason and Compare; my business is to Create.” – William Blake

When we have reached the boundaries of excellence set forth by other people (our contemporaries or colleagues) and we still experience dissatisfaction, this is the point at which you owe it to yourself to consider that you know how to reset the boundaries. If you are at the top of your field, maybe you need a bigger field. Or a different field altogether.

When you create a new paradigm, it’s intimidating, frustrating, maddening and yet exhilarating. In so doing, you are working within the boundless unknown depths of Within. There are no Nadias here. There is only you and you. How far will you go?

—

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How to leave your past behind you

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What do sad people have in common? It seems they have all built a shrine to the past and often go there and do a strange Wail and Worship. What is the beginning of Happiness? It is to stop being so religious like that. -Hafiz

Human behavior fascinates me. It’s probably what attracted me to advertising in the first place. Divining and then driving behavior is a never-ending, evolving symbiotic relationship. Whether advertising is arbiter or mirror of human behavior could be the topic of a great conversation over coffee (IMO, it’s both, BTW).

One of the most puzzling, yet common behaviors is the human habit of living in the past. I’m as guilty as anyone of owning my personal plot in the Land of What Was or What May Never Be, even though I KNOW that it’s not productive and that’s it’s holding me back. I’m not perfect and do my best to learn my life lessons as I recognize them.

However, if we are to live full, productive lives of independence, we need to move past our past. Look at the areas where your life has perceived lack. Then ask yourself, “What is it about my past that keeps me tethered? What keeps me from moving forward in this area?” Then listen and heed your own counsel.

A really powerful example of our own power to keep us back (or to propel us forward) can be found in the speculative fiction TV series, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Of the Star Trek franchise, my favorite is ST: The Next Generation, despite the charms of Kirk and Tribbles from the original series. I never made it past the pilot of DS9, but its message has stuck with me for quite a few years, so there’s their immortality. While setting up the space station, the crew encounters a wormhole, and Captain Benjamin Sisko interacts with Beings, referred to as Prophets, who exist within it. Repeatedly, throughout the episode, Sisko (accompanied by a Prophet) is brought to the site of his wife’s death aboard a Starfleet vessel.

Sisko: [on the image of his dead wife on the Saratoga] I don’t know if you can understand. I see her like this, every time I close my eyes. In the darkness, in the blink of an eye, I see her… like this.

Prophet: None of your past experiences helped prepare you for this consequence.

Sisko: …And I have never figured out how to live without her.

Prophet: So, you choose to exist here. [Sisko nods] (The emissary DS9)

At some point in the episode, Sisko, distraught and maddened by the obvious torture inflicted by these [apparently] sadistic Beings, asks them why they insist upon bringing him back to this vision. To which they respond, “We are driven here on your power – your memories.” [paraphrase]

When he realizes his power to acknowledge his part in thwarting his own life path’s evolution, he is able to move forward into figurative and literal new frontiers.

We are always getting ready to live but never living. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is a derivation on revisiting the past, manifested by the “Putter-Offer Personality.” Forever and endlessly preparing for his life, this person never actually lives it. These folks also set things aside, driven by some artificial barrier or condition (ie. “I’ll pursue painting when my kids are grown,” “I’ll buy that boat when I’m retired.” etc.). I am not advocating wholesale abandonment of obligations, but if you want to paint, PAINT. You don’t need a studio, a $5,000 easel, zillions of tubes of paint and a bushel of brushes. You don’t even need a smock.

The trick is to identify what it is that makes you LIVE and to seek out the nearest manifestation of your preferred reality closest to you – where you are. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Theodore Roosevelt’s quote that says “do what you can with what you have where you are.” Begin where you are, but begin.

Rejoice in the things that are present; all else is beyond thee. ~Montaigne

Last week, there was a reference in the comments about the women on the Titantic who waved off the dessert cart (thanks, Cherry Woodburn). This quote by Montaigne is another way of speaking this same truth. Again, I am not advocating wholesale hedonism. However, stop sleepwalking through your life. Please. That cup of coffee that you bolted down en route to the office? Did you taste it? Did you notice that tenacious, vibrant flower erupting from the crack in the sidewalk as you scurried to your next appointment?

Rejoice in your life. It’s your life, and if you don’t feel like rejoicing about it, now is the time to take steps to make a life worth celebration. How can you start? I’ll give you a nudge: What was your favorite thing about today?

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