What to do while you are waiting

Filed Under Guest Writer, Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog | 2 Comments

Many people have to wait a long time for something to happen. Tom Petty was right: The waiting is the hardest part. It’s easy to become impatient, especially when we cannot see any signs that anything is happening. It’s like the seed germinating within the earth. Although there may be millions of chemical reactions going on beneath the surface, from topside, the soil resembles a mute brown plane, keeping its own counsel.

Maddening.

The urge to dig up the seed to check on its progress is almost overwhelming, and yet, in order for the seed to bear fruit, we must trust that the process is on schedule. If we have chosen the correct soil for the seed, watered it properly and fertilized it accordingly, then we must have faith that something will happen.

I seldom make direct references to our nonprofit in the Successful Blog Series, but this week, we awarded a car to a woman who epitomizes the example of doing the work and then waiting.

“Everything you want is out there waiting for you to ask. Everything you want also wants you. But you have to take action to get it.” ~ Jules Renard

Eight months ago, she was living in a homeless shelter with her children. She wanted a better life for herself and her children. We, as a nonprofit, wanted to give it to her. But in order for the transfer to happen, she needed to first decide that she wanted to move forward and then take steps toward achieving it.

Reaching out to a caseworker. Determining the correct steps to getting her GED. Fulfilling obligations to secure an apartment. Achieving these goals constituted a symbiotic relationship between asking and effort. It’s difficult to articulate, and I’m not sure that I’m doing a very good job of it. It’s not a matter of “deserving.” It’s a matter of realizing.

Once we realize ourselves, we begin to see ourselves as worthy. And from that sense of worthiness, concrete and tangible results flow.

“Maturity includes the recognition that no one is going to see anything in us that we don’t see in ourselves. Stop waiting for a producer. Produce yourself.” ~ Marianne Williamson

Our applicant had to do the heavy lifting of overcoming her own inertia, developing clarity about the things she wanted and then taking action to bring about the changes she wished to see in her life. Even the most insightful and intelligent among us cannot begin to presume what another wants for him or herself. Each of us has the responsibility of divining that kernel of truth for himself or herself.

“It is a great piece of skill to know how to guide your luck even while waiting for it.” ~ Baltasar Gracian

Once you have an inkling of what you want, you must seek out the conditions and people where you’ll have a greater chance of coming into contact with others from whom you can learn and grow.

Research your desired field
Read about people who have succeeded in your chosen industry
Apply for internships or educational opportunities that put you in the path of those who can help you
Do the work

Ultimately, you must also be willing to act when the opportunity for which you have been waiting presents itself. You must trust that your time spent preparing has been effective.
One of the best ways you can thank someone for giving you a chance is to take it. When have you had to wait for something? How did it pan out? Were you able to pay it forward?
——-

Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive Foundation) or “Like” them on facebook.

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Imagine your transformation

Filed Under Guest Writer, Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog | 1 Comment

So you are sick and tired of your life as it currently exists. You are ready for a change. There has to be ‘more than this.’ But where and how to start? What happens or what needs to be present in order for transformation to occur? I’m glad that you asked. By simply asking, you have already taken the first step.

Because my brain tends to the rational and scientific when exploring answers, during my research, I came across this particular example that deals with cellular biology.

I’m not sure where science ends and psychology starts, but I think that they are intertwined and so have incorporated some of the information from the cellular biology answer in today’s post. As mentioned previously, awareness is the first step.

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” – M. Scott Peck

For the benefit of those who haven’t read previous entries, journaling, meditation and yoga are all efficient ways of helping cultivate awareness. By identifying and prioritizing the things you wish to change, you are already on your way to doing so. Using these three methods form the Triumvirate of Revelation and is a means to filter answers to the top layer of your consciousness. I promise that they work. Scout’s honor.

Be willing - By opening yourself up to the need for change and your willingness to begin, you set in motion the process for evolution. Although it sounds rather hoo-doo-voodoo, it’s true, nonetheless. By lowering the psychological drawbridge to your consciousness, you allow for the flow of ideas/concepts and behaviors to now be exchanged.

Incubate - This is the most frustrating time for me, because I can’t “see” anything happening. This is the gestation or “dormancy” part of the equation, but it is essential to success of any transformation subsequent to this stage. Think of the seed in the ground; the caterpillar in the chrysalis, the baby in the womb. You MUST allow the idea of transformation to percolate in your mind before you can proceed to the next step. During this time, if it helps you to feel better about waiting, this is a good time to imagine how your life will look “after.”

• Why are you making this change?
• How will you benefit?
• What does your ideal situation resemble?

Shake things up - This is the point at which you pick an action item and begin. This, too, can be frustrating, because most people want wholesale change overnight. That dog will not hunt. It is not going to happen, short of a miracle. Let yourself off the hook and pick one action item and start. By attaining mastery on this first step, you will become more agile and proficient at subsequent steps. Crawl, walk, run.

When you are “shaking things up,” be prepared for some plates to drop. In anticipation of this possibility, let those around you know that you are starting something new. Friends will support you. Sometimes, the plates that you drop are meant to stay dropped. These “plates” may be friends, habits, jobs, partners… This is part of the filtering process as you move to your new form/version as you transform. Let them drop.

Grow - The growth stage is probably the most naturally fulfilling, because we finally feel confident that we made the right decision in changing. During this phase, we also refine our transformation and segue to mastery. Mastery is great, because that means we can teach someone else what we’ve learned. When you have achieved mastery, be on the lookout for people in the frustrated phase, because I can make another promise to you: if you think overcoming transformation is fun for yourself, wait until you can help someone else. It is a rush.

What do you want to be? What do you want to accomplish? How will you begin?

——-

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How to be a winner

Filed Under Guest Writer, Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog | Leave a Comment

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” – Lao Tzu

Earlier in this series, we discussed the perils of using envy as a barometer of personal success. Envy is so insidious. It’s pervasive and hardwired to our individual and collective psyche(s). There is a certain apparent logic, as one of our default settings, to compare our overall achievement and growth against “the norm.” Actuarial and insurance tables are built on average wealth, income, risk, height, weight, lifespan, habits et al… however, obsessively comparing ourselves to others is a sure route to dissatisfaction (whether we perceive ourselves to be better than or worse off than another).

As a brief peek into my thought processes, when I was a nine year old kid watching Nadia Comaneci win gold medal after gold medal during the 1976 Olympics, I felt like the biggest slacker on the planet. She was only a few years older than I, and what had I done in comparison to her hardware haul? Climbed lots of trees, eaten copious amounts of ice cream, survived open heart surgery and learned how to read at age three. But really. I was so far behind the curve already! People on this planet were achieving stuff and I was MISSING OUT.

“Winners compare their achievements with their goals, while losers compare their achievements with those of other people” – Nido Qubein

I got so caught up with athleticism at that point in my life, that I stumbled across the concept of a personal best. The choirs sang and the angels appeared. Aha! *We* are our own barometers. We are responsible for identifying and cultivating our own excellence against our individual potential. Comparison is to be done within rather than without. Ding!

In so saying, there ARE ways that we can grow our boundaries in pursuit of this goal. Here are a few tips:

Surround yourself with people who challenge you
Choose “pacers” – people who love you and see your potential without judgement
Visualize yourself as already having achieved whatever goal to which you aspire
Ask questions from people who have already achieved what you wish to attain
Thank those who help you
Tend your own garden – be responsible for the heavy lifting that is yours to do
Forgive yourself when you stumble, learn from your experience
Start again – repeat as necessary

“I must Create a System, or be enslaved by another Man’s; / I will not Reason and Compare; my business is to Create.” – William Blake

When we have reached the boundaries of excellence set forth by other people (our contemporaries or colleagues) and we still experience dissatisfaction, this is the point at which you owe it to yourself to consider that you know how to reset the boundaries. If you are at the top of your field, maybe you need a bigger field. Or a different field altogether.

When you create a new paradigm, it’s intimidating, frustrating, maddening and yet exhilarating. In so doing, you are working within the boundless unknown depths of Within. There are no Nadias here. There is only you and you. How far will you go?

—

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Why does hope matter?

Filed Under Connecting Dots, Guest Writer, Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog, leadership | 7 Comments

On your journey to independence, you are going to be figuratively rocked back on your heels from time to time. People will let you down. The funding for your project will fall through. You may be betrayed by a friend or a family member. A resource you counted on may not be available. It’s times like these when I think of my grandmother.

She was a child of the Great Depression, and through her, I learned resourcefulness, creativity and persistence. When I would get to a point in a problem or challenge where I had reached the end of my reasoning, I would ask her for help. Her answer? “Pretend you’re alone.” Forced to adopt this perspective, my brain “widened” to include options I hadn’t fully explored previously. Giving up was not an option.

When faced with abandoning my problem or continuing on in the hopes of finding a solution, I had to ask myself ‘why? why are you intent upon completing this task? to what end? for what purpose?’ For me, the kernel of the ‘why’ was my seed of hope.

Hope is linked to promise ~ the promise of what can be, the promise of our dreams. Without the underpinnings of a reason (the seed of hope), none of us have the driver for improving our behavior.

“When the world says, ‘give up,’ Hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time.’”- Unknown

When you reach the figurative end of your rope, you must have a reason for continuing if you are to reach your goal. Therefore, your first responsibility to yourself is to distill/link your goals into the “whys.”

“I want to be financially independent.” (why?)
“I want to pay off my debts.” (why?)
“I want to own my own company.” (why?)
“I want to ……”

Without linking a concrete “why” to each of your goals, reaching them will remain a series of nebulous, moving targets. You’ll make sporadic progress in fits and starts, frustrating yourself. You may eventually get where you are going, but it will be through some sort of “Woodstockian” random flight pattern trajectory. It is much more satisfying and productive to determine what you want and devise a plan to get there.

If you find yourself with an unsettling, gnawing frustration about your lot in life, you owe it to yourself to discern your goals, motivations and processes. It is impossible to get what you want when you don’t know what you want. Period.

We’ve talked about the power of journaling in previous blogposts. If you have been keeping one, review the past month and see what themes emerge. What are recurring topics? These subjects reveal clues to your focus and opportunities in your life to change.

From those topics, pick three that really speak to you. This is your Gut talking – your internal compass. Pick the three that jump from the page. Then translate the theme into a goal statement. For example, let’s assume that money is a theme. Your goal statement could be as simple as, “I want to become more aware of how I spend my money (goal) so that I can manage it more effectively (why).”

He conquers who endures. ~Persius

This is the part where you have to decide if you’re serious. Is your “why” strong enough to sustain you when Life throws its curve balls at you? If not, either abandon your goal or tweak your statement to something more meaningful for you. Sometimes, for me, the best “endurance” exercise is to repeat my goal statement – to remind myself why I’m doing this.

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them. ~G.B. Shaw, Mrs. ProfessionWarren’s , 1893

When you can read this quote and hear it from a dispassionate, non-judgmental voice, you will have internalized your own power. You will have tapped your own wellspring of endurance, because you will have realized that you are capable of transforming your life. Through hope; through endurance, you will reach your goals.

When did you experience a turning point in your life? When did you achieve a goal through hope?

——-
Molly Cantrell-Kraig is a woman with drive. Possessing an innate sense of purpose and a pragmatic, solution-based approach to empowering people, she fused these two traits in order to establish Women With Drive Foundation. Based upon its founder’s personal history, Women With Drive Foundation is a means through which Cantrell-Kraig may effect change on both a micro and macro level. By providing women with something as essential as personal transportation in order to transition them from poverty to prosperity, she, through Women With Drive Foundation, seeks to empower women to help them help themselves. Through this action, the individual applicant benefits, as does society as a whole. Follow Molly on twitter as @mckra1g or @WWDr1ve (Women With Drive)

Thanks, Molly!
–ME “Liz” Strauss

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When is it okay to give up?

Filed Under Business Life, Motivation/Inspiration, Strategy, Successful Blog, leadership | 1 Comment

“Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.” ~William Feather

A visual of independence that I hold in my head: a lone hiker at the summit of a great mountain. From this height, she is able to look back at the obstacles she has overcome; the challenges she faced and the solutions she generated in order to circumvent them.

She had many opportunities to rest, and there were some switchbacks taken. Some shortcuts that turned out to be dead ends… but her vision of reaching the mountaintop was the fuel that kept her going when it would have been easier to turn back.

There may have been other climbers along with her that would encourage her to do so, saying, “You’ve come so far! You’ve already achieved so much. You should be proud and happy of doing so well.”

Persistence and belief in her goal are the keys to her blasting through those well-intentioned thoughts and attaining the summit.

“…But the moment you turn a corner you see another straight stretch ahead and there comes some further challenge to your ambition.” ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

How many times have we begun a project only to be thwarted a few days, weeks or months into the task? Anyone who has attempted a goal has met with unexpected delays, unforeseen outcomes and misjudged reality.

These obstacles are tools meant to not only test your mettle, but to help you flex your independence muscles. At this stage in the game, your ability to assess and distill the lesson from the obstacle determines your next steps.

How creative can you be?
*Have* you been going in the wrong direction?
How skilled are you at sifting out opportunity from chaos?
What lessons will you learn?
What will you leave behind as you make your ascent to the mountain top?

“A door opens to me. I go in and am faced with a hundred closed doors.”~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

This quote reminds me of a movie reference from Cinderella. Two intrepid mice, Jaq and Gus, get the key to Cinderella’s room from the stepmother only to face a mind-numbing spiral of stairs to reach the top of the turret, where they plan to free Cinderella. Sometimes, we work so hard toward a goal that when we finally achieve it, we are dismayed to find that it is merely an intermediate goal. Upon “succeeding,” we are faced with yet even more challenges. It can be very easy to feel discouraged at this point.

That is precisely why, at this time, that we must review our ultimate goal, our motivations for achieving it and refresh our vision of what it will mean for us to realize it. We must begin again, refocusing and persevering until we finish what we started. That is the way to independence. What goals have you overcome to get where you are? How did you do it?

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