Hierarchy of Influence: What Achieves the Results You Need?
Filed Under Marketing, Successful Blog | 15 Comments
Six Ways to Influence and Their Outcomes
When our son was barely five years old, he was a shy child who lived by his own timetable. He had his own ways of doing things. If you wanted his attention, your best bet was to make eye contact and simply explain what you what you had to say.
It was during that year, that his grandparents came to visit us in Austin. Together as a family, we planned several outings to enjoy the city and our favorite restaurants. One evening, the whole group was getting ready to go dinner and our son was still playing — not getting ready. This circumstance stressed out three of four adults in his company. Suddenly one, then two, then all three of them were using loud firm voices to tell a child, half their size, to “Get upstairs to change in to clean clothes, immediately!!”
The child froze like a deer in the headlights.
The mom in me responded with like to like. In firm and loud voice, I said, “Who are you to gang up on a little kid like that? Get away from here!”
The three adults moved into the kitchen and spoke quietly to each other.
I took the little boy by the hand. “I said let’s go upstairs and find what you’ll wear to dinner.”
When we came downstairs ready to go to dinner, I walked into the kitchen and apologized for my outburst. In return I got three calm apologies that also said I was right to intervene on the child’s behalf.
Not every attempt at influence gets the outcome we’re going for.
Which Actions Achieve the Outcomes You Seek?
If we can agree that influence is some word or deed that changes behavior. Then plenty of influence occurred in the story I just related. I suspect that had I been privy to the whole scene in the kitchen I would have found that that single story included examples of confrontation, persuasion, conversion, participation, and collaboration. The only thing missing in this family scene would be true antagonism. Six different approaches to influence which lead to entirely different outcomes.
I’ve been reading about, thinking about, and talking to people about influence for months, because influence and trust are integral understanding to loyalty relationships. Let’s take a look at six of the usual forms of influence and the outcomes that result from them.
- Antagonism – provokes thought Your values are everything I believe is wrong with the world. You can’t stomach anything that I stand for. We are not competitors. We are enemies at war. Your words and actions might provoke thoughts and deeds, but what I’m thinking is how wrong you are, how to thwart you, or if I have no power, how to hide my true thoughts and feelings. An order from an enemy can influence a behavior but won’t change my thinking.
- Confrontation – causes a reaction You say it’s black. I know it’s white. I respond in some way — I fight back. I run away. I consciously ignore you. My response will probably change based who is more powerful. You might overpower me. I might stop responding, but it’s unlikely that you will actually change my thinking. Confrontation leads people to build a defense, to strength their own arguments.
- Persuasion – changes thinking You look at me and think about how what you want might benefit me. Rather than telling me, you show me how easy, fast, or meaningful it is go along with you. You’ve changed my about what you’re doing. I now see your actions from a new point of view.
- Conversion – moves to an action Your invitation to action is so convincing and beneficial to my own goals that I do what you ask. You’ve influenced my behavior to meet your goal. You have won my trust and commitment to an action. It’s not certain I’ll stay converted.
- Participation – attracts heroes, ideas, and sharing You reach out with conversation. We find that we are intrigued by the same ideas, believe in the same values, and share the same goals. Your investment in the relationship builds my trust and return investment. You invite me to join you in something you’re building. My limited participation raises my investment, gives me a feeling of partial ownership, and moves me to talk about you, your goals, and what we’re doing together.
- Collaboration – builds loyalty relationships We develop a working relationship in which you rely on my viewpoint. We share ideas and align our goals to build something together that we can’t build alone. You believe in my value to your project. I believe in the value of what you’re building. You have gained my loyalty and commitment. I feel a partnership that leads me to protect and evangelize the joint venture. I bring my friends to help.
Not every campaign or customer situation will need to move to collaboration. But understanding each level will help us manage expectations allowing us to move naturally and predictably from confrontation to persuasion, so that we don’t expect the loyalty of collaboration from a momentary conversion.
Could be useful when looking to connect with that special valentine too.
How might you use the hierarchy to change the way you manage your business, your brand, your community, and your new business initiatives?
–ME “Liz” Strauss
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Negotiations: 3 Steps to a “YES” and a Great Relationship
Filed Under Business Life, Successful Blog | 5 Comments
A Guest Post by
Zelko Kecman

We’ve all heard this when buying a car – “let me check with the manager and see what I can do for you”. The interesting thing for me is this also happens a lot in business and almost the same type of conversations. Someone almost always has to go away and ask for approval either on price or a clause in a contract.
Here are some simple principles that have worked for me over the years that will get you to a mutual Yes and more importantly won’t harm your relationship for future business. Lastly this is a very high level view as what I’ve outlined is generic for both business or personal. There are some additional considerations when dealing with very large organizations and large values.
I see negotiations in 3 phases, Preparation, Discussions and Done Deal. The more time you spend on step 1, the less time you’ll spend in 2 and you will be more likely to get to a good deal.
1) Preparation (aka Do your homework)
- #1 item is listing specifically what is most important to you. What is absolutely not negotiable and what is and how far. WRITE it down and be specific with the details.
- Leverage your network of friends and colleagues (that’s what Facebook and LinkedIn are for)
- Google, Bing, your own internal databases: look for other similar cases, going prices, reviews, what are you worth, how the company is doing, etc
- What role does the person you are going to be talk with have? Think of this, someone in procurement is measured by how much they get from the other side financially in most cases. Also is it month/qtr/year end?
2) Discussions
First of all, before you even get into the hard discussions and start throwing contracts or wants around, try to understand who you are dealing with. If you meet someone who is good at what they do, it almost always starts with seemingly harmless questions and discussion. The reason for this is to get a better sense on who that person is or what is important to them. Also, have faith the other person is being honest, but do not trust. I know this sounds harsh, but being naive will not serve you well.
Here’s a simple checklist during the discussions:
- Keep a cool head all the time, be friendly and keep emotion out of it.
- Be open to heated debate. Just don’t make it personal, keep it factual.
- For each item being discussed, clarify your intent. I can’t stress this one enough. Especially in legal terms, legal is not as black and white as people believe.
- Take notes on actions and decisions and owners of each
- Don’t commit to something unless you are 100% sure. Take it away to verify. Again, with the car, “so if I were to drop $xxx off you would buy the car?” – you’re response should be “let’s take a look at the whole deal and decide then”
- At the end review all the actions and decisions
At this point, you’re either getting closure on the deal or steps 1 and 2 will need to be done a few more times as people take away action items or revisions. Remember this is negotiations and you should be able to give on items (look at your list you wrote down in #1 and push on others you want. Also, it is very important to know that if you truly have 1 item left that there is no mutually agreeable way forward you should be able to step away from the situation and wish the other person well. If you can not you better be ready to give on that item then.
3) Done Deal
Great job, both you and the other person have come to an agreement. Neither side should walk away from the situation feeling like they got taken advantage of, if it does happen, it’s almost guaranteed you’ll never to business again. Close the conversation like it started with a friendly conversation and a follow up once you’ve completed the transaction. You never know when you will be back at the table and having a supporter of you will be important.
Lastly, getting to a point where you are comfortable with negotiations is not something you get from a course or book alone. It really is something that you need to do regularly. It can be with simple negotiations with your kids, spouse, stores, banks, anyone, you just have to be conscious that you are practicing your skills or in participating with others who are seasoned at it.
There are hundreds of resources out there for learning negotiations, however one of the best that I have seen as a starting point is “Getting To Yes” .
I love debate, discussion and comments so please feel free to let me know what you think.
—–
This blog post began as a Twitter conversation with Zelko Kecman – @zelkoCA – You can find out more about him through his linked in profile.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!
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Are You the Company Who Will Sell to Anybody?
Filed Under Successful Blog | 3 Comments

Her name was Darcy. Well actually, I’m not sure. She wasn’t all that memorable. What I remember most was that every day she would come to work sad, disappointed, and almost depressed that they she didn’t have the slighted prospect for a date. Darcy, or whatever her name was, seemed certain that the problem was outside of her. When I looked at her situation I was as sure. I’ll let you come to your own conclusion on the facts that I knew.
- The kind of guy she was looking for was any guy who would take her out to buy her dinner.
- She didn’t care where they went, where they ate, or what he had to say.
- It was about the transaction not the relationship.
- She thought she shouldn’t to try too hard to predict what such a guy might find attractive. When he showed up she’d adjust and be what he was looking for.
- Every night after work she went home to watch television. She didn’t think much about what sort of guy might be the right one or where the right sort of guys might hang out. She was content to wait for anyone who came her way.
- When I asked her about updating her wardrobe and getting involved in things that might be fun for her, she would say, “I like a lot of things and I like a look of fashion. I don’t want to alienate some guy who might be interested by choosing something that might not be his taste.”
And so I listened daily to the stories of her boring evenings or the awful dates that her family set up for her that never worked out. I never was sure what she was expecting. Did she think the perfect guy was going to figure out she was in the third house from the end waiting to be everything he desired?
I wonder now 20 years later whether she’s still waiting or whether that guy just came up and knocked on her door one day. Darcy was more than willing to go out with any guy who came her way.
Does your business work this way?
Do You Really Want to Attract Customers Who Don’t Value You?
So what kind of woman (or man) wants to date anyone who will make the invitation? And what kind of person wants to date the kind of person who has standards that include everyone?
Let’s just say I don’t want to spend my time with someone who wants to date cheaters, liars, theives, bullies, and serial killers. I don’t care if they’re willing to dress up and pay for dinner. After all the folks we hang with define us in so many ways.
That girl who will go out with anybody is going to attract just anybody. If you’re doing business the way she’s dating, you might consider all that’s wrong with that.
- Anybody can decide what to value about your offer. It’s our values that attract the people we want to work with. If we don’t put our values out there, other folks get to decide what to value. She didn’t care why someone might want to take her to dinner. We have to care why folks want to be our customer. Great, loyal relationships are built on that.
- Those “anybodys” define our network. The people with whom we spend invite their friends to meet us and become part of our circle. That girl who dates anybody, soon meets other anybody sorts of people who value her for the same reasons the first anybody did. Was it because she was willing to give herself away so easily? Has she become a magnet for folks who don’t have any standards? Do people who want to be somebody start thinking that she’s like the folks around her? That network of “anybodys” becomes part of her value proposition. Go out with her and you get all of them as your friends.
- We slowly become what we look at most. If we don’t establish our values and pick our friends and customer based on the values we choose, then we tend to take on the values the friends and customers we choose bring with them. A group around us all doing and believing the same things tends to become our basis for judging reality. For business that means if they we start to take on their world as our own.
The same is true for businesses who don’t choose their values and decide who they want for customers.
This week I had consultations with two businesses that reminded me of Darcy. Both were passionate about connecting with customers, both were uncommitted about who their customers should be. They wanted lasting relationships but they were waiting to define their offer because they didn’t want to alienate anybody who might otherwise come their way.
How do you define the right customer so that you’re not working with “anybody”?
–ME “Liz” Strauss
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An Engagement Checklist for Successful Business
Filed Under Community, Marketing, Successful Blog | 2 Comments
A Guest Post by
Shawn Hessinger
As the experts and this blog often state, you’re only a stranger once. You’re a stranger up until the moment you extend your hand and introduce yourself. From there, you begin the process of becoming an acquaintance, and eventually, a friend. And social media has taught us that’s where we want to be. People don’t want to do business with logos anymore. Perhaps they never did. They want to do business with people they know, people in their network. To get in their network, you start by saying hello. You engage.
I know. In recent months you’ve no doubt heard the term ‘engagement’ more times than you can recall. Every social media expert wants to lecture you on its importance. But what does it all mean? As a marketing professional, a blogger, an entrepreneur – what types of customer engagement should you be worrying about, and how can you be sure you’re doing enough to not just stop being a stranger, but to start becoming a friend?
Below you’ll find a quick checklist to help you pinpoint opportunities and create new customer touch points.
Are you creating content?
Creating content on a consistent basis is one of the most powerful ways to engage your audience. It gives them something to engage with, while also showing your interest in getting to know them. The simple fact that you’ve penned that blog post, created that resource, or published that newsletter tells your audience you want to be part of the conversation, and you want to create a different type of relationship with them. Your post is your offering to a more intimate conversation. How you choose to create content is up to you. Whether you start a WordPress blog, a Tumblr account or create videos over at YouTube, is your choice. What matters is that you create content. That you give your customers (and potential customers) something to introduce them to your brand, and that shows them what you believe in. The first step of engaging is bringing something to the party.
Are you sharing other content?
Creating good content on your own site is only the first step in becoming part of your community and building awareness for your brand. The second step requires realizing that it’s not all about you and doing your part to lift up the people around you. You do this by sharing other people’s content and promoting their brand. For example, I act as the community manager at BizSugar, a social network focused around connecting small business owners and promoting their content. It’s a place where bloggers, entrepreneurs and others go to lift up other people, and the results of those interactions have been pretty fantastic. Engaging with others doesn’t always mean you go in talking about yourself. Sometimes it means talking about them. In fact, ideally, that’s what it means more often than not.
Some other ways to promote others?
- Share links to your network on services like Twitter, LinkedIn or Facebook.
- Recommend or submit great content to social networks like Sphinn (http://sphinn.com/) or BizSugar.
- Bookmark their posts at places like StumbleUpon or Mixx .
- Create new content that promotes theirs, perhaps in the form of a YouTube video or a follow-up blog post.
Again, the medium you choose to use isn’t what’s important. It’s that you’re taking time to connect with your community in a way that is welcomed and shows it’s not all about you.
…Are you sharing it on your own site?
All the social media gurus will tell you that a great way to build your personal brand is through guest posting on other people’s blogs to leverage their audience. But what about your own site? Do you accept guest posts, or is it all you, all the time? This blog and Liz Strauss is a great example of a place that does engagement really well. Liz engages with her community by opening her home to them when appropriate, and creating a new level of trust between herself, her audience, and her guest authors. It’s a relationship where everyone benefits, and it’s a powerful form of engagement.
Are you networking online?
Another important way to engage with your community is to go where the action is and talk to people. What are the popular blogs in your niche that house the industry’s most important conversations? Identify them and get involved. What industry-specific social networks does your audience gravitate to? If you find they’re members of Third Tribe , then you might want to become part of that community and establish yourself as a trusted resource. If they’re active in certain Twitter chats, then you may want to block off time to participate in those. You can’t do a good job engaging your audience if you never leave your front porch.
Are you creating a presence offline?
What? You didn’t think you just had to engage online, did you? Don’t forget to also reach out to customers in the real world. That means creating engagement touch points in-store, joining your local chamber of commerce, starting a local Meetup, and partnering with local vendors. This is a great way to strengthen relationships you’ve made online, and to really get to know them as people.
The evolution of social media into marketing has changed the way brands must interact with customers. It’s no longer good enough to offer a great product; now you must offer a great brand experience as well. And that experience starts with that first introduction, when a company extends its hand to engage with a larger community. It’s when they stop being a stranger, and begin on the path to becoming a friend.
—–
Shawn Hessinger is Blogger & Chief Moderator at BizSugar
bizsugar You can find her on Twitter as @bizsugar
–ME “Liz” Strauss
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9 Types of Listeners’ Responses – on Twitter and Everywhere Else
Filed Under Marketing, Successful Blog | 21 Comments
I’m a curious observer. I look, listen, connect things and identify patterns. Then I ask questions to test what it is that I think I’m finding. That’s one way that I keep learning new things about how the world works and how the people in it decide to do things.
Recently on Twitter, Calvin Lee @mayhemstudios posted an link to an article on Business Insider revealing data about Twitter users who don’t listen. Derek Overbey @doverbEy read it and retweeted it. As did I.
As you can see by the image, four people passed it on again.
What to Do About People Not Listening – on Twitter or Anywhere
Reading the data about people not listening on Twitter got me curious and turned me into an observer. As I looked, listened, connected things, and identified patterns, I asked a question to test the ideas that we’re coming together.
Asking questions gives me a chance to listen for myself. Question influence people to respond and in their response are hints and clues to how they think. The response I received fell into a pattern I’ve found predictable when I put an open ended question to the group. I’ve named the types of responses to reflect the group they represent.
- The observers retweet the question without sharing their response. Obviously, they’re listening. It would seem that they find the question interesting to pass it on. But they’re not sharing their own opinion on the thought. Maybe their objective is to spread the conversation and listen in to what other folks think. Or maybe they just want to raise their retweet count.
- The responding retweeters add a word or two to state whether they agree while retweeting the question to include the reference. They add value with their answer, offer it quickly and share with their friends it in a way that invites others to participate.
- The conversationalists add a new thought on the question.They extend the thought with an experience or an additional idea. They’ve considered the question and bring their own thinking to it to share with the group.
- The clarity checkers ask for further information about the question. They want further explanation to be sure they understand the question before they join with an opinion.
- The controversy seekers find what’s wrong in the premise of the question. Their response is not to seek further understanding or explanation, but to call out the the question itself as wrong.
- The contrarians find an answer that’s outside the scope of the question. If you ask whether they prefer fruits or vegetables, they’ll answer steak.
- The opportunist teachers see the question as their chance to show how smart they are. They start by answering with what they know on the subject, whether it answers the question or not. Then they continue for several tweets asking questions for which they already know the answers.
- The spammers find a keyword in the question or an answer to drop a highly promotional link in as if they’re commenting on the conversation. They are people who don’t follow anyone in the tweet stream. They use keyword search tools to interupt for their own spammy purposes.
- The lurkers who heard you but choose not to respond They hard to differentiate from the ignorers and the folks who just didn’t show up, but don’t make the mistake of assuming they’re the same.
and of course,
and the
It’s been said that we can’t talk without talking about ourselves. The words we choose, the metaphors we use, the choices we make of what to respond to and what to leave there all reveal things about our own view of the world and ourselves.
Paying attention to the listens on Twitter is a great way to learn how people think and respond uncovers valuable information that strict data reports cannot – valuable information to any product or marketing person, no matter the conversation or the question at hand.
What might be more important to keep in mind is that we find every one of these types of listeners in every walk of life online and off. If we listen to identify them, we soon some to realize that every kind of listener is looking for a different sort of response and a new question arises …
Some listeners seem to signal by their response that they’re better left to have the final word. What do you think on that?
–ME “Liz” Strauss
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