If I Had a Dollar for Every Spam Comment . . .

Filed Under Successful Blog, ZZZ-FUN | 12 Comments

We’d Be Celebrating about Now!

Akismet has protected your site from 1,004,381 spam comments.

Even lost some in various upgrades over the years.

Well, we can dream.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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Holy Spam! Batman!

Filed Under Business Life, Successful Blog | 4 Comments

It’s the Sunday Spam Report

This morning, I got a spam message from Jesus. He’s was talking about a website I should visit.

I was looking for a deeper meaning when I noticed I also got a greeting from Brittney. She’s apparently into over-the-counter pharmaceuticals.

I relaxed, knowing the universe had a weird balance.

Nice to know that they were thinking of me. . . . yeah.

I suggested they get to know each other and showed them the way out.

UPDATE: Just came across a message from Mars. I’m wondering whether I should start paying attention. . . .

–ME “Liz” Strauss

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About Spam in my Spam Filter
About Logging in to Leave Comments . . .

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About Spam in my Spam Filter

Filed Under Business Life, Successful Blog, Tools | 30 Comments

Today It Was 309

Every morning as one of my start up routines I sift through my spam filter — to remove false positives. It’s bad enough that comments get caught there. I don’t want them to get eaten.

This spam cleaning ritual is extending my horizon.

I meeting some interesting people.

  • spammers with unusual names — Best regards
  • alien spammers with names I cannot pronounce — ixfwq.
  • lazy spammers whose sole message is one character — 2 or x, or /
  • efficient spammers who can pack what seems like 10,000 links into one message
  • spammers who try flattery “Thanks, guy, for a great site!” They tend to assume I’m a guy or amigo.
  • spammers who pretend to be looking for information
  • spammers who lie outright, “Great site. I’m bookmarking it right now!”
  • spammers who apologize “Sorry, but I need the money.”
  • shy spammers who only leave links without a message
  • celebrities who take to time spam me

I know where to go to find

  • hotel rooms available around the world
  • play poker
  • learn blackjack
  • win at slots
  • enjoy all of the amenities of a casino online
  • a range of pharmaceuticals
  • a variety of physical . . um, er . . . enhancements

In another life when I change my ringtone, I’ll have to try the one that sounds like a mosquito.

Spammers can teach how to get a mortgage loan, get the best shoes, finance my car, spruce up my blog, find quotes and other useful information. I can get enrolled for a college education, learn to garden, fix my home, and get household insurance. This past two weeks lead to a whole list of prom dresses and christmas list ideas. It’s a regular spam shopping mall behind my front page.

Then there’s the porn, oh my! Please someone write a plug in with parental controls for spam catchers. I’m not sure I’m old enough to read the titles in the name lines. I know I’m not ready for Granny’s sex life, but cartoon porn! C’mon I’m a visual thinker . . . I can do without images of Mickey and Minnie at 4:30a.m.!

I imagine great uses for this technology when I think as a mother. Clean out all of that ad spam and let me leave messages for my own and my kid’s spam dash board . . . mine would be filled with my calendar. His would be gentle reminders that said . . .

  • Sweeheart, clean your room.
  • Darling, don’t forget that spelling test.
  • Tuesday is take out the trash day. You’re so good at that!
  • Excuse me, the dishes are still waiting for you in the kitchen.
  • Remember, Mr. Streetwise, that gorgeous girl you’re talking to online (w00h00t!) — I know you showed me the photo –could really be a 65-year-old ugly, wrinkly online predator with one eye, a tattoo, and a taste for boys who don’t like to take out the trash or clean the kitchen.
  • Hey Guy, you have a dentist appointment on Wednesday.
  • Dad’s birthday is coming up. Have you decided yet what to get him?
  • Honey, change your underwear.
  • Ok, Mastermind, time for bed.

Now that’s spam that any mother could love.

Don’t get me wrong. I think spam is evil, but a nice girl can dream of a better day . . . can’t she? I’m still working on some sort of copywriting game using the spam ads as examples of bad advertising. If you have ideas email me. . . .

–ME “Liz” Strauss

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