listening Archives - Page 3 of 4

Listen to the Folks Who Aren't Listening

June 10, 2008 by Liz Leave a Comment

Communication Breakdown

When something happens one, I figure it could be an accident.

When it happens twice I wonder whether something could be in the air.

In the last week, it’s happened three times. That makes me wonder whether I’ve got a problem.

The scenario was almost the same every time.

I told a friend about something I was working on. As it happened, the project was different in each case, but that didn’t seem to matter. Before I finished the second or third sentence, the person I was talking to began to tell me what the project should be.

Each person was turning my project into theirs.

I recognize this behavior. It’s been my own more times than I care to admit. They got the response I remember. I quit talking and let them decide what their project would be.

I knew that the people I was with were trying to help, but they didn’t listen to get enough information to know where their help would have made a difference. They simply started making new ideas.

Relationships and understanding come from listening to what folks want to talk about â€” dreams, desires, unexpressed needs and wishes â€” what they find marvelous, annoying, heartwarming, concerning, breathtaking. At least, thatâ€™s my experience.

Three times, though, makes me wonder. Maybe I should listen closely to the folks who aren’t listening.

Maybe I’ll find out what is making this happen.

–ME “Liz” Strauss
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If you’re ready to change the world, send me your thoughts in a guest post. Feel free to take the gorgeous Change the World image up there that Sandy designed back to your blog. Or help yourself to this one.

Email me about what you’re doing or what we might do. Let’s change the world one bit at a time together. Together it can’t take forever.

Outstanding Question From An Outstanding Mentor

November 13, 2007 by Guest Author Leave a Comment

Guest Post by Alex Shalman

Liz and I go back to about mid-march of 2007. I had just launched a donation contest, and asked Liz to participate. Her initial reaction to the contest was that it was transparent link bait, and she was a bit annoyed. I immediately apologized for offending her, she saw past it, and the rest is history. I now consider Liz one of my best friends, and feel like I’ve known her forever.

As far as mentoring goes, we’ve had quite a few phone conversations, where Liz has been a great listener, as well as given me powerful injections of wisdom. I remember the exact moment when I first heard Liz use this question. It was during live open mic night of SOBCon. Yes, she’s even more amazing in person!

It’s simple:

“What do you do when you’re not doing this?”

I’ve used this very question to start countless conversations, and have been nothing but amazed each time at how people opened up. Whether talking to a new classmate, or even a random person I decided to talk to during my day. It never ceases to amaze me at how much people appreciate when you take an interest.

It also helps to practice the arts of proactive and empathetic listening to dig deeper into the conversation. It’s funny, but most people ask a question, listen to the response, and then go on about themselves.

Experience the outstanding response I’ve been getting with Liz’s magic question. Ask it of a stranger, really listen to what they say, and follow up at least 5 questions deep. You might be amazed just as I have been.

Btw, I would like to hear some other questions that you use to open up conversations with strangers. Let’s all share in the comment box below!

Alex Shalman

Thanks, Alex. The question seems to have served us both well. I’m smiling to think that we have met at the core of the matter where we both agree. . . . I consider you a friend, as well.

–ME “Liz” Strauss

Coffee Cups, People, and Magic

November 2, 2007 by Liz Leave a Comment

about magic.

Last November I found journal on a bookshelf in my hallway. It was 10 years old.

In a short passage, I’d remarked on how I overlook my coffee cup, though I interact with it daily. I thought about the people I overlook in the same way.

I wrote about that last year, about what happens when I remember not to do that.

I listen now. I listen. I’ve learned that magic happens when I listen. That people show me, tell me wonderful things about themselves. It’s as if they wait for someone who values what they say and then, they bring out their gifts and give them freely.

I look at my coffee cup. I used to think it was tool. Now I know it holds what I decide — a magic sweet as life.

This weekend I intend to listen with all my might.

Because I was right. Magic is sweet as life.

Bloggy Question 60: Are You Listening?

August 19, 2007 by Liz 5 Comments

Did You Hear What You Just Said?

If schools everywhere were as much about listening to ourselves as they are about listening to our teachers, how do you suppose the world would be changed?

–ME “Liz” Strauss

Change the World: Knowing When Not to Listen

July 5, 2007 by Liz 22 Comments

Be the Teacher

Listening. We all want to be heard. It’s often a gift to listen when someone needs to talk. But not always . . .

Sometimes we talk just to know that we’re here. Sometimes we rattle on without thinking about what we’re saying. Sometimes we talk to fill space or win favor. Sometimes we talk just to know we’re okay or to prove that we’re good enough.

I heard a parable about a teacher and a student. Sometimes I’m the teacher. Sometimes I’m not. It’s easy to be the student. I want to remember the story, so I pass it on.

On beautiful day centuries ago, a teacher was walking down a dirt road in the country, thinking teacherly thoughts.

A student, filled with excitement, ran up to the teacher saying, “Master, I have news you should know, important news, from the city.”

The teacher smiled at the student and slowed so the student could catch up and catch his breath. As they walked together, the teacher softly spoke.

“May I ask a few questions first?”

“Oh yes, of course, Teacher, yes,” the student gushed.

“This news you bring — does it tell a of a good deed?”

“Oh no, Teacher. Someone has done something wrong.”

“Do you know the person yourself?’

“No, Teacher. I don’t, but the person who told me does.”

“Do you know that the story is true?”

“My friend swears it is so.”

The teacher walked silently for a while so that the student might hear his own answers. When the teacher spoke again, it was almost a whisper.

“You wish to tell me bad news about someone you do not know about something you don’t know is true. This news is not important.”

The teacher asked three simple questions and knew whether to listen.

Those three questions make it easy to decide.

We can choose not to listen.

We can change the world — just like that.
–ME “Liz” Strauss

About People, Black Holes, and Stars

January 18, 2007 by Liz Leave a Comment

The Universal Human, Hmmmm

We need a black hole with a gravitational pull so powerful to counteract our all too human ability to over-value our uniqueness. The minute we think weÃ¢â¬â¢re stars, weÃ¢â¬â¢re not.

Read the whole feature in today’s Blog Herald by clicking the logo.

It’s about blogging and real life.
–ME “Liz” Strauss