Okay, Liz. Here are a couple of paragraphs for you to edit. I’m excited about this opportunity, and have a really tough skin.
I don’t think you’ll be needing that thick skin. You’ve something that’s a great start. I feel like my job is to take A level work and move it to A++ work. In other words, you’ve left all of the fun part for me. 🙂
I went back to read the post that these paragraphs came from, because I had to know whether both paragraphs were talking about the same person. That wasn’t clear to me as a reader, even when I read the whole post, until I went back to your reference so I added the name of the young man in the first paragraph.
What I’ve done beyond that is change the sequence of things of the first paragraph to grab the reader more quickly. Then I added variety in sentence length and sentence type, put your thoughts into first person, changing a few words to add power to the description or music to the language. These changes were minimal edits really. I did the music part by reading it aloud several times to hear the rhythm of the words as they fell off my lips. So if you question a word change or a phrase added that’s probably what prompted it.
I also added a sentence for closure. This sentence is probably unnecessry in the actual post since you go on to other things. But as these two paragraphs standing alone. I felt the need to have an ending.
Remember, as always, this is only one way to edit it! Every editor edits differently.
Turn the page to look over my should as I do the editorial makeover. It’s called, “Music and Variety” [Read more…]