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When An Apology Can Open the Door to Trust

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In case you missed this … I wrote this about a year ago, yet it seems just as valid now.

Not All Apologies Are Equal

In relationships, things go wrong. Person to person or in business, mistakes and missteps can be life changing. A wrongly placed word or deed can bring in question what had gone without thought. Suddenly trust, integrity, honesty, sensitivity, authenticity and the core values that connect us are tested.

Mistakes. No human enterprise or individual gets by without making them. We might not mean them. No harm might have been intended. Yet, we’re not harmless — we can cause hurt or damage by the way we behave. How we respond when we do, is what makes a leader.

In a business relationship recently, my property was mishandled. When I asked about it — when and how it happened — the representative said something like this …

I hear you. We’re sorry it happened. We’re looking into it, but I doubt we’ll ever know the exact sequence of events. Can we move forward now?

Not all apologies are equal. I’m not the only one who wouldn’t call that an apology.

An apology that deflects attention, that says “I regret it happened,” is not an apology.
An “I’m sorry” that doesn’t own the damage done won’t rebuild trust.
An incomplete apology is a missed opportunity to build a stronger relationship by learning from what went wrong.

Apologies that Rebuild Trust, Relationships, and Reputations

Mistakes. No human enterprise or individual gets by without making them. We might not mean them. No harm might have ever been intended. The fact remains, we’re not harmless — we can cause hurt or damage by the way we behave. How we respond when we do, is what makes a leader.

Meet a mistake with trust, the mind of a learner, and a truly other-centered apology and a newer, stronger relationship can be the result. To offer a relationship-building apology, we have to show up whole and human — with our head, heart, and purpose reaching out to fix the bonds that we’ve broken.

No person has lived a life without once behaving badly. Apologies can connect us on that point. A relationship-building apology includes many parts and a whole human behind them.

  • a statement of regret …
    I’m sorry.
  • ownership of the act and responsibility for the outcome …
    I behaved badly … It was may fault this happened.
  • acknowledgment of hurt or damage …
    It made you feel small … It broke your — … It lost you business.
  • a promise for better behavior in the future …
    It won’t happen again.
  • a request or or statement of hope for forgiveness or renewed trust …
    I hope you can believe in me.

Apologies are about admitting human error. If you worry about saying the wrong thing, write it down and offer a choice the other person a chance to read it or listen while you do. The point is to be human and mean what we say.

Keep the apology simple. Don’t use an apology to move other issues forward. Save other conversations for other days.

Never lose the opportunity to apologize.
Never take that opportunity away from someone.

Which Social Media Apologies Rebuild Trust?

In the online world, every mistake has a potential for magnification. Every word has millions of opportunities to be misread. The ability to apologize with grace and respect can build respect, relationships, and reputation. In a trust economy, the apology is a powerful form of communication. Simply said and complete, a sincere apology shows respect, inspires confidence, and makes a great step toward rebuilding the trust to move forward.

Here are five well known social media apologies …
Dell’s 23 Confessions
A Commitment On Edelman and Wal-Mart
JetBlue Launches Cross-Media Apology Campaign
Turner Broadcasting Apology Letter
Motrin

In your opinion, which social media apologies rebuild trust with the community?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!

What Is Trust?

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That Was the Question

Some of you will click away before you read this — for whatever reason — we can’t invest in every message offered us or every person who brings it. For those who stay, thank you.

About a week ago, I spent time with someone I’ve known since I was 7. By the time one day had turned well into the next, we had caught up our lives and were well into our thoughts. Our friendship has lasted a life-time and we share in both silence and conversation. Picture two introverts not concerned with sharing thoughts aloud … a no-filter conversation.

In that amazing context, she looked me in the eyes to ask, “What is trust?”

That question is still with me.

Trust Is the Conversation

About a week before I sat with my life-long friend, I watched world leaders discuss how to get the world turning properly after we’ve undone so many things. Each speaker brought a message and each listener could choose whether to trust what he or she said. Trust, candor, and truth were common themes.

Trust has become the conversation. We talk about it with family, friends, business partners, clients, and journalists … online and offline. Seems reasonable that world leaders might talk about it too.

We’re defining it, outlining it, and promoting it to each other, but the how to seems less than firmly drawn. As I watch and listen I become more aware of what moves me to trust and what undermines that.

What Trust Is Not

I’ve never been one to trust or distrust power — the power of print, the power of a microphone, the power of office, the power of your signature on my paycheck. I am surprised and sometimes frightened by those who are.

Trust is a relationship not an office. It’s not situational.
Power and position get an opportunity, the same opportunity as anyone, not a better one. Politicians might even get less.

Trust is not good deeds, good looks, or the right t-shirt. Context helps, but doesn’t guarantee it. If you come in a context I trust, I listen more easily. If some way you look like me or sound like me, I might offer trust more easily. Still the trappings don’t make the real thing. My decision to trust you does.

And trust isn’t unilateral or blind. One-way trust is a handing over of power. Blind trust goes against self-preservation.

What Is Trust?

Trust is a decision, a commitment, a pact and a bond that builds and connects. Trust is shared values. Trust empowers by the questions it removes.

Trust is brave and vulnerable. Trust is not sparing my feelings. Trust is the hard truth spoken gently.

Trust is knowing and believing, giving and receiving without hesitation. Trust is not wondering whether what I say is true, whether I will follow through, whether my thoughts and feelings will change when I’m talking to someone other. Trust is knowing you are safely invested and protected.

We can lose it before we have it or find where we least expect it. Trust can be given, but not invented, stolen, or demanded.

Trust is a delicate sculpture we build through relationship, communication, thoughts, and behaviors. Once it’s shattered we can’t glue it back together. The only replacement is remaking the sculpture. Like wellness, generosity, or kindness, we’re most reminded of its value when it’s gone.

In the end trust is knowing you are the same when I’m not there … Trust is keeping promises, even the unspoken promises. Not every trust relationship is that of two life-long friends who communicate with or without words. But imagine if that were so.

Trust is a risk, venture capital. It’s a gamble with a friend, a lover, or a business. Trust is us leading and leaning on each other when the outcome isn’t clear.

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When I don’t ask, when I’m not present, when I don’t even know that your actions might have been different,

when the reality is consistently …

I bet on you and I won.

trust is.

What is trust … to you?

–ME “Liz” Strauss

Order Anything You Put Your Mind To by Liz Strauss today!

Hate Self-Promotion? … Could Trust Be the Issue?

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Deliverables Depend on Trust

Ask a venture capitalist what moves him or her to invest, what you’ll hear is a definition of the word trust. How could it be otherwise? A VC is betting on an investment to pay off. It’s a trust situation. A sure thing doesn’t exist in business.

Trust is part of most every purchase decision we make. We trust that we get what we paid for in working order. We trust that the people who offered it will stand behind their offer.

Trust is also part of the offering. Marketing and promoting what we do also requires trust — trust in ourselves, trust in our products and services, and a bond of trust with the person we’re telling about them.

  • If we trust ourselves, we’re confident that we’ll deliver on the promises we make.
  • If we trust our products and services, we know they’ll meet and surpass the expectations of the person who invests in them.
  • If we have a bond of trust with people about what we do, we’re not worried about our credibility. We talk to them as we talk to our friends, fully expressed and enthusiastic to share something we believe will help. They hear us as we want to be heard.

Do you hate self-promotion and marketing? Could it be that you’re trying to sell before you know the potential buyer trusts you?

–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your irresistible offer.

If I Don't Trust Me, Can I Trust You?

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I've been thinking . . .

about trust again.

Is trust confidence in me, confidence in you, or confidence in both of us?

Some say trust is entirely internal, and only confidence is observable. If I trust in myself, then I can trust in the world. I trust the person who stated that fact in Wikipedia. Or is it the person who edited the fact to read correctly?

Trust is influence. People who trust are easily persuaded. People who don’t trust don’t listen long enough to hear the argument.

Do I trust because I agree? Maybe.
Do I agree because I trust? I don’t think so.

My dad used to say, Only believe half of what you see and none of what you hear.”

Do I trust you because I know you? I think so.
Do I know you because I trust you? That seems so too.

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If I don’t trust me, can I trust you?

It’s an interesting thought.

Liz's Signature

How Do You Decide Who Is Trustworthy?

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I've been thinking . . .

about trust.

I look at the drops on this flower and trust they’re water.

554170_droplets

Truth changes. Water evaporates. Other clear liquids last longer in camera lights.

With the water, I would see it, feel it — I’d recognize water without thinking.
If it wasn’t water, it would feel and react wrong, suspect, inauthentic.

It’s the same with people.
Trustworthy people, I recognize without thinking.
The ones I don’t trust feel and react wrong, suspect, inauthentic.

Trust can be bravery, instinct, learned experience, or blind stupidity.

How do you decide who is trustworthy?

Liz's Signature

Using Sales Techniques in Relationship Management

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Long Term Customers With New Needs

Most sales people have experienced that moment when a customer says, “Oh, you have that? I just ordered one from someone else!” Often this happens because we have failed to continue to treat existing customers as prospects.

Even with a reliable customer, we may miss opportunities when our product line or their responsibilities change.

woman-phoneOn every call be sure to:

  • Find out what’s changed for them since you spoke last
  • Alert them to any changes in your product line or services
  • Make sure they have your latest catalog or product list
  • Go back and ask again, “I know you said you don’t need _____, has anything changed since we last spoke about that?”

Even our most loyal customers won’t buy from us unless they know we can fulfill a need when they need it fulfilled, and they don’t have our catalog memorized.