It’s Like Open Mic Only Different
Here’s how it works.
It’s like any rambling conversation. Don’t try to read it all. Jump in whenever you get here. Just go to the end and start talking. EVERYONE is WELCOME.
The rules are simple — be nice.
There are always first timers and new things to talk about. It’s sort of half “Cheers” part “Friends” and part video game. You don’t know how much fun it is until you try it.
We’re Talking about Stress with Ari Garber, Special Guest
Stress. Gosh donââ¬â¢t I know it? Iââ¬â¢ve got enough of it in my life. But then, you do too. Who doesnââ¬â¢t?
So, I asked a friend, Ari, who knows a bit about the stress experience ââ¬â he was a full-time trader and now he works in a firm run by four partners (all Ph.D.s). He and I thought that itââ¬â¢s time we talked about stress. Maybe we have ideas on how to have less stress and more fun.
We might talk about
- What causes you stress?
- What specific little tricks and methodologies do you use to combat it?
- Do you focus on psychological, physiological, or holistic approaches to deal with it?
- Do you self medicate? Do you have prescribed medication? I didn’t want to be the alcoholic cliche of a trader, but the heroin was fun… (That was a joke people)
- Is stress just the luxury of those who have time to dwell on it?
And, whatever else comes up, including THE EVER POPULAR, Basil the code-writing donkey.
Oh, and bring a link, if you have one to share.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Related article
What is Tuesday Open Comment Night?
Looking around the room….. Hello? am I the only one here???
Come out… don’t hide.. this is stressing me out…
Hi Dave,
I’m here. No worries. You don’t need to feel stressed. I told Ari to come a little late.
Here have cold beverage of you choice. 🙂
I can’t believe I’m early. So unlike me.
Liz, I don’t self-medicate but I was in the hospital on morphine once and you know, it could be pretty tempting. The calmest I’ve ever felt. 😀
I am here, it was my topic, but luckily not very stressed this evening.
Hi Dave, I was just lurking for a bit to see how you’d react! 😉
Hi Ari,
Hi Mike!
I’m feeling like one happy girl. What’re we drinking? Stress men?
Mike, you’re bad… 😆 I deserved that. 🙂
Ari,
Thanks for the introductory post. How was the gym?
Seriously though. It can be somewhat stressful showing up for a meeting but there’s no-one there when you get there
Yeah, Dave, I know. I sit here each week wondering whether this will be the week no one with even show up. 🙂
Ahh the gym… But a lovely vision unrealized prior to open mic. Hence, the cold beverage of choice pregym is water.
No gym!!
Someone or something came between you and the gym.
Oh alas and alack. Here is your water. Can I get you a snack?
Ari, what really stresses me out is dealing with adult children.
Well, being a nominal adult, and a child, I am not sure that I offer expert advice for that situation. Is it really stressful, or just lacking in tools for communication leading to stress?
I think it’s just trying to pull back. Loss of influence therefore loss of importance..value etc.
Don’t want to be overbearing but sometimes…
Okay kids,
What do you need to know about that? 🙂
…. wiping off the spider webs and coming in…
Good evening all!
I just got done talking to Joe hwo hasn’t made any travel arrrangments yet to come to Chicago for SOBCon. AND the hotel is sold. out. Talk about Stress.
He’s not here because he’s helping a guy fix his computer.
Hi Char!
Hi Mike!
Hey. Been a while… sorry. Life :). Stress? Who me?
Sounds to me like its not the kids but you not wanting to give up control. It sure is easy to preach from here, but I would go with the traditional; let it go and they come back on their own in their own time. The stress is related to my first point of attitude.
Hi everyone. Stress sucks.
I’ll be in and out this evening – nothing to stress about – just didn’t have enough time in the office today and have to do some catch up.
Ari, probably true
Hey Carolyn!
Char, see that picture of the chicken up there that’s really a picture of me this afternoon. 🙂
Hi everyone!
Different colored eyes, Liz?
I figured if mine didn’t want to leave the house when they hit 18, I screwed up somewhere. Not leave in a bad way, but out of a desire to be independent. Of course then I worry about how they’re doing with their lives.
From the research I read in school, it doesn’t matter what kind of stress you get – losing someone, having a baby, getting a new job (even if it better than your old one), getting married – to much in one year was a good predictor of future illness.
I thought Joe and Carolyn were coming out on the train? And no hotel reservations?
Carolyn can’t go.
Stress will do that to your eyes. I’m telling you. I had to deal with too many deteails and I’m a big-picture person. Not a good combination. Thank God, for Jesse Petersen. He saved my life about 60 times today!!!
Welcome Ellen!
How’s your stress level?
Let’s hear it for Jesse Petersen, then!
Stress definitely affects me physically. I try my best to limit stressors and take time to meditate but when life feels full of stress, the things I know I need to do go out the window like eating right and exercise and I get caught up in the stress and then physically get sick. Bummer! The sad thing is I know what to do but its doing it when it needs to be done the most.
Sorry will not be there… headed to Mexico to DE-stress :). But jeesh…. want to go there.
@Liz, it’s better now but earlier it was a bit much so I turned some music on and danced around and just enjoyed the moment. It really helped.
How’s yours
Same here, Ellen. It’s awfully self-destructive.
Stress is funny too because I could have the easiest job in the world and still get stressed out or have a very difficult job and not be stressed. As Ari said in the post it is about attitudes and how we view things. I have a part time job and I stress out more about that than it merits.
Funny how the things we need most, are always the victim to our stressors. I am doing much better in setting personal boundaries and compensating for unforseen circumstances. For example this evening – having missed my gym time at 1700, I am cancelling something later to get in there and not miss my workout.
@Carolyn, love your blog! It’s on my list to read now.
Sometimes I worry because I have nothing to worry about 🙂
@Ari, will you do some exercises for me?
Thanks, Ellen. Boy we must have something psychic going on. I was just about to head over to yours.
Rick… again the speaker at the mic speaks truth…
I think we had too many changes in a short period of time. Went from four kids at home to one at home in about 18months. Two got married in a space of about 4 months then we became grandparents.
They are all good kids but it’s hard to watch them make mistakes.
I find that when I just stop to breathe, straighten my desk, and regroup. Get control. I’m WAY ahead. AND everyone gets much nicer. 🙂
@Ellen, I would be happy to do a lift for you, maybe even that first one getting my lazy rear end out from behind this desk…
Hi, all!
@Carolyn, at least it is back up. It was down for a while. Funny thing is that I didn’t stress out over it. I figured out the problem and fixed it.
@Ellen, For my benefit, would you be kind enough to describe a bit about your meditation technique(s)?
@Ari, thanks. I have to get up and walk around every half hour otherwise I’ll never get out of my chair.
Hi, Everyone!
Stress… I would like to have less stress. But being 46 and having a young family (son, 6 and daughter, 15 months), getting involved in a new internet startup company, and not sleeping through the night all the time (babies are notorious for getting parents up)… My stress meter is running in the red almost all the time.
Just talking about stress is stressful! I need to start working out again…
That is a busy time, Dave. It sounds familiar. Within a two year period our three boys moved out, one got married, my wife got a new job, and we had two grandchildren. When life is on a roll, you feel it. 😉
Ellen, I just got back from your place. Love what you’ve done to it. 🙂
Liz;
Stress is a great topic!
I wanted to alert everyone of a new article on the Darkside of Blogging (and Liz is in the article!).
It deals with stress.
See http://www.writingwhitepapers.com/blog/2007/05/01/the-dark-side-of-blogging/
Mike
@Ari, I do two different techniques. One is a body scan where I go through the parts of my body and breathe in and out until they are relaxed. I have a chronic pain condition so this helps a lot. If I have pain in one area I just breathe in and out and just feel the sensation rather than naming it “pain.”
I also do visualization types of meditation. Most common I visit with my “wise person” usually on a beach with the sun beaming down and a warm breeze. I will ask a question that is on my mind, many times just asking what is it I need at the moment and either she gives me the answer or a gift.
There are other meditations I have done but one thing I try to practice is being mindful of what I am doing at the moment. That really cuts down on stress.
Hi Monique it sounds to me like a busy but incredibly fulfilling lifestyle you are currently leading. Good luck with it all!
@Carolyn, thank you.
Thanks, Ari…. I guess my only concern is that I will be doing all this stuff, but not doing any of it well. You know?
Ari,
Do you think that negative stress is tied to a lack of security in an area?
@Ellen – Thanks, thats interesting to me. I have tried meditation over the years but personally have problems with the traditional forms. I am a super active person, and sitting calmly doesnt work.
That said, I have some very positive results using Tibetan Walking, Aikido Kata, and HeartMath which is a biofeedback program that leads me to my first links of the night.
http://www.amazon.com/HeartMath-Solution-HeartMaths-Revolutionary-Intelligence/dp/006251606X/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-5360361-9334516?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1178066874&sr=8-1
http://heartmath.com/
Michael, just read your article. Once again an outstanding piece. Wish I had read that months ago. I would have never started blogging
The stress of the post!
Ari, thanks for the link to HeartMath. I’ve heard about it, but never really looked into it.
@Ari — meditation never worked for me either, if it was the sit still and empty your mind kind of meditation… Something that keeps my body busy tends to help me to let my mind go “blank” and settle…
Mind you — don’t know where to fit that in right now! I’m thinking working out first; then most time for meditation. But 15 month old children tend to need a lot of their parent’s time still.
@Monique – Respectfully, you are deciding to participate in all these things at the same time. If those are your top 3 goals, then the answer is to find ways to get rid of the little things getting in the way of your pursuit of the big things. Is your stress the new child? Or is it not having time to do the laundry because you would rather spend quality time with Junior? If so, outsource the laundry… Just a random musing, I find when I keep my big picture goals in perspective it becomes much easier to find creative ways of dispensing with the little annoyances.
Hi Tariq!
Great question. I can’t wait to hear Ari’s answer. 🙂
Rick… we could start an empty nest support group. I never thought that was real til we were in it. 🙁
@Tariq, would you be kind enough to further explain a bit about your question? It was bit open ended for me to directly answer.
Dave, if it would have kept you from blogging, I’m glad that you didn’t get to read it until now. Your blog is important to guys who are alone and looking for their place.
I had to tap into more holistic ways to deal with stress.
I see a massage therapist a couple of times a month (weekly if I’m going through a bad patch).
After doing some research on the nervous system, I realized that my lone multivitamin wasn’t doing enough for me, so I added B-complex, Vitamin C, and evening primrose oil (or flaxseed oil) capsules to my routine…and that seemed to keep me level and less stressed even in the worst circumstances.
I’m trying to fit more exercise into my weekly routine, and have learned to stop cheating myself on sleep.
Liz,
Thanks for the kind words.
HeartMath – I need to mention that I have NOT used their software or biofeedback sensing equipment. I spent $8 on eBay to buy a used copy of the book after falling in love with it when I got it from the library. You dont need to spend a lot to get really great results!
@Ari, thanks for the links. I’ll definitely read up on Heartmath.
For those having a hard time meditating, a form of meditation is being focused on what you are doing at the exact time you are doing it, not thinking about the past or the future, just the here and now.
Hmmmm… I wonder what I can reasonably offload? I’m certainly more than happy to offload laundry!!!! (Wonder if my husband would take over that particular chore? 😉 )
Ok, Ari. The book will be a good start; I’ll do that.
Ellen, I’ve also heard that simply focusing on the present has a calming effect. Now that I think about it, when I do it, the stress lessens.
Liz.. I may have had more realistic expectations of myself starting out though. The learning curve is pretty big but I love learning curves. 😀
A great book is Full Catastrophe Living which deals with mindfulness. Also, I love the title 🙂
Thich Nhat Hanh, in one of his books, talked about different types of meditation. There was Walking Meditation, Doing Dishes Meditation, and at least a half-dozen others.
His books are readily found in the Buddhism sections of major bookstores. I forget which book he talks about these meditations in (perhaps “Being Peace”…but don’t hold me to it), but it’s one of his more popular ones that all bookstores invariably carry.
Whitney – What does the primrose oil do over and above the B-complex and C. I take the latter two. I started them years ago when I started getting pneumonia every year. This was at the same job I quit due to a panic attack. Haven’t had pneumonia, or a panic attack since then, so sometimes leaving a stressful situation is the best option. I’m interested in the primrose oil, though.
@Monique – I found that outsourcing can be its own stress managing those relationships. I have now come to the conclusion that it is super important that I do the hard work prior to commencement of the relationship. Writing out project plans, contracts, etc. In the case of your husband – cant help you with that one, but I believe in positive reinforcment (read bribery) when it comes to loved ones.
Lama Surya Das also covers different meditation techniques, and other calming/centering activities, in “Awakening to the Sacred: Creating a Personal Spiritual Life.”
Ari,
I think that it ties to attitude. When we feel good about ourselves in an area, pressures, stresses and other things impact us, but I think we can better deal with them because we are in a better frame, a better attitude. I think that the way we feel about ourselves in an area affects our attitudes, which affects how we deal with inputs. We can then decide whether to “let” them be negative or positive. Do you agree? (Yes, I have a follow-up.)
I do think that there is a unique kind of stress for those of us who have waited until later to have kids, also have aging parents, and are “sandwiched” inbetween. My time for self-care is really limited, and I’m having to think hard about how to order things so that I can care for myself and not feel as if my children are feeling ripped off. I think that’s the toughest balance; doing what I love and also fitting in what is critical for my family’s financial livelihood. And I know that if I don’t do self-care (like things to help manage stress), I ultimately don’t do anyone any favour… It’s not a straightforward or static process. It’s always changing and being adjusted and surprising me.
@Whitney I think it is Being Peace. He talks about being half dead when you are not present in what you are doing. If you are washing the dishes and thinking about the work you have to do later then you are half dead. You are not present washing the dishes and you are not doing the work which is to be done later. So you are not really living. I hope I explained that right.
@Tariq –
With the exception of physiological/hormonal influencers, I wholeheartedly agree that attitude is the most important determinant.
Of course thats a grotesque oversimplification.
Attitude is effected by circumstance (largely our decisions but luck can play a role.) Emotional security is a key component of our circumstances. If we find ourselves “down” for whatever reason, we must first become aware of that reality in the present, and then determine a course to break the cycle.
I try to turn walking into a meditation. Just being present, the way Whitney describes, is great. Another technique I use is to time my breathing to each step – in one step, out the next, in the next, etc. You can get into the zone fairly quickly.
If you like nuts, some new research shows that pistachios may help reduce the body’s reaction to acute stress.
Rick — Evening Primrose oil, flaxseed oil, and fish oil all have the much-touted Omega-3 in them. I actually used flaxseed oil when I was first diagnosed with tendonitis (a work-induced RSI) in both arms…a holistic care guide said that flaxseed and fish oil were beneficial for reducing inflammation in ligaments, tendons, and muscles. In my case, I found that statement to be true.
I switched to evening primrose oil because it also has a couple of the B-vitamins in it. As a migraineur, I’m naturally behind the 8-ball in the B vitamins…and what I have naturally is quickly depleted by stress.
Evening primrose oil has also (for benefit of women readers) been highly recommended for women with PMS, or other hormonal issues or imbalances…likely because of the B vitamins the nervous system needs.
@Monique – I have come around to the conclusion, that a little selfishness is a virtue. Hey, if mom isnt healthy, she wont be around to take care of the kids.
Thank you for the kind kudos and public thank you, Liz. You are a dream to work with…always a kind word to say when I got something “off.” Plenty of praise when it all comes together, too.
I’ll be ticked pink, green, and mellow yellow to see how it all comes together next weekend. (That small sample of my weirdness was free, I charge extra for subsequent open displays of my weirdness.)
@Whitney, I’m going to have to check out evening primrose oil. I take a fish oil supplement now but I suffer from migraines and I’m always looking for something to help. Someone else suggested 5-HTP which I want to give a try.
@Rick–What you describe sounds similar to the Walking Meditation…which has you concentrating only on your steps and your breaths.
There is good stress, you know the pressure that keeps us going. The heat=pumping feeling of joy when we know that we’ve done something spectacular!
Ari,
It seems to me from your comments that you approach stress from a holistic perspective. You have mentioned internal factors such as attitudes, health and, indirectly, percepeptions. You have also mentioned external things such as schedules and unplanned events/surprises.
While no holistic approach can be formulaic, could you please describe how you would approach preventing the buildup of stress so that when the “stress stimuli” come they do not often cross the threshold and trigger a stress response?
WOW – I dont know how I forgot this, one of the keys to destressing, is of course CHOCOLATE which is great unless you are one of our migraine susceptible readers. Chocolate contains many of the same endorphin precursor chemicals that the emotion of love creates in our brains.
Eat more chocolate folks!!!
Ya know what, everyone? I’m not fully in the present, so I’ll sign off for tonight. Love the subject, Liz. Thanks for being here, Ari.
Goodnight, all.
Good night, Carolyn.
Ellen — You’re right, I think it is Being Peace.
If you have migraines, you might…if you haven’t already…look into the magnesium connection. A lot of things I’ve read reacently are pointing to magnesium levels as another culprit.
I found a great product at the natural food store called “Calm”, which you find near the magnesium supplements. You fix it up like a warm tea. It’s helped my migraines, and it’s improved my sleep.
Good night, Carolyn,
I hope you sleep well!
Nite Carolyn.
@Whitney, I’ll look for calm. I take magnesium and calcium supplements because they are good for pain and stress. I like tea though…
Tariq
I am firmly within the holistic camp indeed.
We seem to be discussing techniques here tonight, but your question brings to mind an important point. We can in shotgun fashion try 100s of techniques and supplements, or we can use a well thought out approach.
Being an analytical sort (or at least more so than a creative sort) I take the investigate, hypothesize, plan, then act, approach to everything I do. By this I mean that to use a holistic solution, we first have to know ourselves. Holistic for me, is not holistic for you even with some overlap.
I would say that there are plenty of stress combatting ideas, but until I had a better grasp on my motivations, goals, influencing factors, until I patterned my responses and understood why those emotions were affected – my techniques would have been effective in the moment but not in moving forward.
Ari, there’s that thing again. I’m enjoying my caramilk bar and I read that chocolate is a stress reducer… I’m feeling better just knowing it. 😆
@Ellen:
If you like tea, check out Adagio Teas at http://www.adagio.com. They changed my mind completely about tea. I highly recommend their Yunnan Gold and their Decaf Spice.
@Dave
For some of us (me) there is that fine line between the endorphins from the chocolate itself, and the self flagellation for going entirely off the reservation on the diet plan.
Glad I could make you darned skinny people feel better about it:-)
Well put, Ari. I wish there were more of that attitude in the medical field.
Ari,
Tariq just called to say that his computer was misbehaving in the most inopportune way. However, I read him your comment and he said that you and he are defininely saying the same thing.
He said it was a pleasure to meet you and wished he could have commented more.
Ooh – I made it back just in time for the conversation to turn to CHOCOLATE – yum!
Ellen – Calcium Magnesium is wonderful for pain relief and calming. I took Calcium Magnesium during labor and delivery of my second child and it was the easiest of the three.
@Whitney, thanks, it’ll be a stress buster to go shopping 🙂 I’m addicted to Good Earth Teas. I get it at Trader Joes. Their original is a nice spice and their Chai is to die for. I might have to make myself a cup of decaf right now.
Everyone… it’s been a blast. I feel better. Hope you do…. Gotta get to a meeting. Cya next week.
@Ari:
An analytical, systemic approach is a critical component of stress reduction and management. Without it, as you say, all the tea and chocolate and meditating isn’t going to be much more than a band-aid.
During my own self-analysis, I looked at the people in my life. I actually had to cut some out. If I couldn’t cut them out (say, co-workers), I had to cut out daily contact with him. Relationships that YOU feel are stifling or unfulfilling can be stressful (even if there’s no conflict or confrontation). Other people’s negativity is a huge stressor for some.
~wave .. Greetings and Salutations!
I’m just coming down from a work related stress .. that ended midnight last night. In fact, I’ve finally slept a full 7 hours last night, and I’ve done absolutely no work today. Oh, and I went for a “liquid lunch” to celebrate at my local hotel establishment and won almost $1000 in VLT gamblings.
Yup. That’s the best way to get rid of stress .. stop working, drink beer and win money.
@Char, that’s great. I’ve not experienced labor so I have no idea the kind of pain that can be.
HART,
If I pay for your ticket to SOBCon would you come? It seems like a LIVE Opne Mic night wouldn’t be the same without you.
Bye Dave. It was good talking to you.
@Rick
Are you refering to prescription chocolate? I will send you a note to print for your doctor as a second opinion.
Or, were you refering to holistic medicine? For the record I walk the line between allopathic and homeopathic for my wellbeing in that respect. Luckily, I am blessed with generally good health.
Bye Dave! Thanks for coming. It’s great to have you around. Tell your boss I’m still counting on his help. 🙂
Ari – what is allopathic? I use a lot of homeopathic remedies but have not heard of allopathic.
@Whitney, I had to get rid of my one-sided relationships where a person was always taking but never giving. Most of my relationships today are giving-taking where there is a balance. The only place that has been hard is with some family members but as long as I realize that our relationship is such then my expectations are in line.
Whoops! I tell ya. Life can intervene at the most inconvenient times.
Dave, if you show up at the start of the show, proudly plant the flag of FIRST and start celebrating!
Rick, there won’t be a lot of Aris in the medical profession as long as it stays just that: a guild in which membership can only be obtained through apprenticeship to the guildmasters.
Mike
Liz
Thanks for passing that along to me. Please be sure to introduce us in person at SOBCon, and anyone else who will be there, please be sure to introduce yourselves to me!!!
@Rick–It never ceases to amaze me how much damage our jobs can do. In the two winters since I got out of my old job, I haven’t had a single cold and only one minor bout with the flu. At my old job, the last winter I was there, I caught the flu three times over the course of four months.
Allopathic refers to conventional/western medicine.
Hart,
“Stop working. Drink beer. Win money.” I say you trademark that puppy right now and start marketing it to casinos and state goverments everywhere. Hell, let’s start the CafePress right now! Anyone got a good graphic? I’ll slap a bumpersticker on a few rigs at a local truckstop and we’ll be off like a shot!!!
Mike
On the lighter side, watching Disney animated movies (or any good animated movie) is a good way to recharge.
@Whitney, do you have the adagio teapot? It looks interesting.
I think chocolate still comes under self-medicating, Ari. 🙂
I was referring to the emphasis on an holistic approach. I would hazard to say luck has little to do with your general good health.
Oh great Catcher of Comments, please release my humble submission for the benefit of HART.
@Whitney
A big thing for me was setting relationship boundaries, specifically, it was MUCH harder for me to set those for the ones I love. For those I do not want in my life, it was relatively easy for me to cut them out. The loved ones who have never respected time limits or my needs required far more diplomacy than I normally deploy in my life. Well worth the effort however.
Ari – that makes sense. I have a book called Smart Medicine for a Healthier Child that is a guide to common childhood illnesses but it offers both conventional and homeopathic remedies for everything.
My kids and I swear by Arnica for aches and pains.
@Ellen:
I don’t have their teapot (I have too many teapots), but did see it in person at a booth they had set up at a recent show. Very nifty. I did, though, buy their glass mug with infuser. Very pleased with it.
I see you wasted no time starting your shopping. 🙂
you got it Mike, if it’s there — Akismet is off!
Hi Liz .. that’s very kind offer from you 🙂 definately worth considering. I know I’ve asked my wife is she wants to drive 32 hours there and back on a weekend, and the answer was something similar to a Ralph Crampden response and a reference to the moon …
Should be fun though .. Now, if you were in Fargo or Grand Forks I would be there in a snap!
I thought the live open mic was still on though, for all of us not coming?
Rick
As a former trader, let me just say I do my darned best to stack the deck in my favor. However, I will never ever turn my back on good luck!!!
Liz,
I think I forgot to send you the link with my latest two SOBcon attendee interviews:
http://essentialkeystrokes.com/oh-the-people-you-will-meet-at-sobcon/
@Whitney, you bet, it’s a great stress reducer as long as there is money in the bank and I do it in moderation 🙂
Great discussion. I was intrigued by tactics people use to walk past stress. Sometimes it can feel like crawling past, and I see I am not the only one who feels that way.
Tonight we are in a hotel — getting reading to teach a conference on how leaders handle stress and add well being. Ok, so the hotel’s cable went down and we lost a connection for hours. Yikes — stress hits from behind sometimes like a barrel of softballs batted at the head.
So I laughed when I read all the fun stuff and great wisdom here:-)
Did you know we each get at least 22 stressors per day – according to research? It’s kind of cool to know that so we can be ready…:-) Did I just say stressors are cool?
I think what I meant was that the tactics for hitting back are cool – especially when internet goes down at a major conference and you get caught:-) Thanks for the great encouragement on this site – I’ll read over again the the early morning before we give the session on avoiding stress…:-)
Here’s my link which I think hold a surprise key I’d not seen discussed here yet tonight — although knowing the night owls over at Liz’ circle I suspect you’ll get to it and surpass it before you draw the curtains on this one.
Anyway my 2-bit offering of tactics related to stress as it shows up in us and at work – in my link Liz invited us to share (and from a brain based perspective:-)
A Silent Killer in Defense . . .
I’ll look forward to reading more of your fun tips and tales over the next few days o- in spaces we get! Thanks all!
Hey HART!
Char
Check out the following book as my second link of the night.
http://www.amazon.com/Raise-Healthy-Child-Spite-Doctor/dp/0345342763/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-5360361-9334516?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1178070415&sr=8-1
My kid sister and I are the children in the photo on the back cover of the original hardcopy edition. Our mom was a devotee of homeopathic living, and the doctor who wrote the book was our family doctor. Yes, he had an MD but was very derisive of allopathic medicine. His follow up book was Confessions of a Medical Heretic.
Mike .. T-Shirts.. I’m in! haha ..
Hi Rick .. How’s it going?
I immediately opened up a new tab for everybody’s site in here, and am surfing myself in the background. So, if I seem a little distracted – you can all blame yourselves 😛
@Hart, I’ve been doing the same thing. It’s fun to see who everyone is.
It’s too late for the first book. I’ve heard of Confessions. Something new to read. 🙂
@Ari:
Boundaries in relationships…yes, I had to set some of those. One of the first things I did was cut off phone calls after 9:30 p.m. I had local friends who had a bad habit of calling me at 10:30 or 11:00 p.m. because they knew I was routinely up until midnight or 1 a.m. They’d chatter for an hour or more…talking shop, venting about their dysfunctional relationships, etc. My mind would be reeling and my muscles would be keyed up when I went to bed.
I was more forgiving of the friends who lived in other time zones, because sometimes we had to talk late if we were ever going to talk at all. But in time, I had to set boundaries with them, too.
@Hart, I love your Battling series of blogs.
I saw you on MyBlogLog, so I thought you would be here soon, HART.
I am a little shocked that no one has mentioned one of my favorite destressers.
Charity/service work – not giving but active participation.
Focusing on the positive wonders of my life becomes so much easier when I am helping others in far worse situations than I ever find myself in. Its marvelously cathartic.
What a good idea to save the links – thanks – I will do that too.
And speaking of links.. Hi Ari G. .. any friend of Liz is a friend of HART … 🙂 But, where’s your link? No homepage?
In 2000 and 2001 I was day trading making some money – and losing it .. that’s a stressful job .. especially if you have a Margin account
Ari – that is very cool. I will check out that book.
My favorite stress busters are taking walks with my two best friends; surfing the web; and long showers.
@Char, I take walks and surf the web. My favorite stress buster though is dancing. I turn on the tunes and get up and boogie. I get my exercise at the same time.
Hi Ellen .. thanks! I wish I was more competent in writing for my Battling Series of Blogs .. or can find interested parties to write for me. I’ve linked my Battling-Stress.com site with my name tonight (shamelessly I might add) .. I also placed a few games on the site.. Paintball and some other game.
Rick. I’m always logged in on MyBlogLog. I have to get back to surfing other communities again. That’s a good stress releasor too.
Hart
Cheers to you!!!
I have no link currently, as my new startup is not ready for primetime. However, the fabulous firm I work with part time can be found here http://www.clareopartners.com
I could go on and on about trading stresses, and have actually written the training programs for several trading firms and the CMEs Beginners Guide to Electronic Trading. I still trade part time, but am happy to not be doing it 20 hours a day anymore. Time to teach the kids, not pretend I am one.
@Ari:
I volunteer for an animal rescue — a guinea pig rescue actually (www.ctguineapigrescue.org). I manage the Web site, write the blog (http://guineapigconnection.typepad.com/pig_notes), and do adoption events and care seminars.
Pet therapy is also great. Whether you’re watching your fish in their tank, playing with your rabbit, walking with your dog, cuddling with a guinea pig, or communing with your cat, I’m convinced that it’s impossible to truly spend quality time with an animal and think about anything else at the same time.
Ellen had an good point in relation to setting limits – expectations. Unmet or unconscious expectations have a large influence on our stress levels.
Whitney
I am an animal lover as well, glad to share that trait with you!
Refering back to some earlier comments by the fabulous crowd drawn into this conversation about being present and “now” becoming a meditation in and of itself – one might take your attitude about animal quality time, and extend it to EVERY activity. No stress will be felt if you manage to find a way to approach every task with complete compassion.
Yes, I have read read many of the great Buddhist texts as well!
Nowthis is a topic i could wax on about but i’ll spare y’all 🙂 How fortutious since today we celebrate 3 years here in big sky country. Moving from the big city to big sky country has helped ALOT with the stress level. My Type A will always tend to stress though and i take it right in the old gut.
No self medicating unless you think the “runners high” endorphins count. What helps is a great ride, (she says as Picken takes off in Kentucky Derby mode!) and for me … my strengthening faith in G-d. Never doubt the power of prayer
GP in Montana
GP
Good evening!
Your post brings a question to my mind;
Do you believe in god/deity? If so, how often do you go back to faith and prayer to deal with everyday stress – science says it can be of large benefit. If you are a non-believer, does it alter your stress coping plan?
@Rick, so true about expectations. It’s a hard balance though because I don’t want to have my expectations too high or too low. I need to evaluate each relationship and person. I know with my father I am not going to get a lot of emotional support but if I need sound advice he’s the man to go to. My closest friend is the one I go to when I need someone to listen. I in turn lend an ear when she needs the same. I have a sister that requires a lot of listening and letting her talk. I don’t get the same in return but I can deal with that as long as I have someone who will listen to me. And, so the story goes.
OOPS I should have clarified, I was welcoming GP to the conversation, obviously a believer.
The question was for the “floor.”
Hi GP!
Big skies can sure do a lot to spread out the stress. I think it helps to vaporize it some. Stress doesn’t do as well in big places. It likes to be compact and in a pressure istuation. 🙂
It’s been great chatting with all of you tonight. Heading out now to finish off a couple of things before bedtime.
Be peace.
Whitney – good luck with your 1200 gigs!!!
@Ari, I believe in God though I don’t subscribe to any one religion. I tend to say prayers for others because I believe that the positive thoughts put out into the universe or to God are transmitted in some spiritual way to alleviate what ails the other person.
At night when I look off to the side of my balcony is a large lited cross and that’s where I say my prayers to. It’s pretty neat even though I am a long-lapsed Catholic. It still is a spiritual symbol to me.
Goodnight Whitney, great chatting with you 🙂
Hi GP. I believe it. Two other places that help give peace just by being there – close to the mountains and close to the ocean.
Good night, Whitney.
@Rick, I love the ocean. There is something about the positive ions that are suppose to give off positive energy.
Ellen – super fascinating on several levels.
Symbolism as a keystone.
Pseudo-karmic belief.
Prayer as meditation.
I dont even know where to start other than to congratulate you for having a seemingly great spiritual life.
G’nite Whitney. In case you are still here or reading this .. nice site you have, and I have added you to my Bloglines! Hopefully, I can cross link you from my PetLvr blog some time soon .. I’ve overdue on some random link types of posts.
We used to have a hedgehog years back. Her name was Heidi.
@Ellen … I’ve decided to imitate you with your @NAME usage.. as I just realized that while scanning my email In-Box .. it actually IS easier to read that way 🙂
The ocean is the only thing I miss about living in Florida. Liz has Lake Michigan in her back yard. It has to be effective in taking off some of the pressure of living in Chicago.
Ari, I don’t believe in god, but I do believe in a spiritual root for existence. It has a huge influence on how I cope with stress. What will this mean a thousand years from now?
@Ari, it took a long time and my vision of “God” today is different from year to year. It waxes and wanes at times. I have a friend who has a saying hanging on her wall, “If God seems far away, who moved?” I have to be aware of that at times because I can get too caught up in my thinking and lose sight of God in my life. God is such a positive force and fades quickly when I get negative about everything. That is where a couple of my friends come in, they remind me to be more “God centered” and less “self centered.”
@Hart, I’m imitating someone from last week. It does make it easier to scan the posts.
@Rick
I live in Chicago as well. The lake does indeed do wonders.
I am not sure how to riff of your spiritual “Mans Search for Meaning” a modern classic. I am still treading down that path on my own.
http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X/ref=sr_1_1/102-5360361-9334516?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1178073050&sr=1-1
greetings ari and all… I always believed in G-d as a kid because that’s what i was “taught”, but actually came to faith about 5 years ago and it’s been getting stronger ever since. Though as Billy Joel said, “I believe there is a time for meditation in cathedrals of our own” and find my best sanctuaries for prayer are in the mountains (running or on the horse).
As John Denver wrote “you can talk to G-d and listen to His casual reply”… okay, i’ll turn the CD player off now 🙂
GP in Montana
@Ellen
Does that statement of God Centering resonate within you? Or do your friends influence your thinking and you feel that they know better what is good for you?
Odd that no atheists have arisen in the group?
When I go to Chicago for SOBCon I may visit the Ba’hai Temple. I have a friend who is Ba’hai and I’ve been on spiritual retreats with her that have been great.
@Ellen
Make sure to check their website for visiting hours. They have over the past year or two put new restrictions in place. I actually live not to far from it – it is SPECTACULAR. Still breathtaking after all these years.
@Ari, God centered is within me. What my friends do is remind me. It’s funny too, when I feel dark, depressed, or desperate when I meditate I focus on a center within my gut and that is where I find “God.”
It’s hard to explain because I don’t see God as some divine being but more as an energy force that permeates everything, including me. When I focus on that rather than the thoughts in my head which can be so very destructive, I am more at peace and able to handle what life throws at me.
My fingers know there is a God. My heart has heard the Sound of Heaven.
@Ari, thanks, I will check the hours. I’ll have to take photos for my friend who hasn’t been there.
Of course, I wouldn’t mind seeing Oprah too!
@Liz, you always give me something to think about 🙂
Ellen,
People get more emotional at night. 🙂
@Ellen
I find that incredibly interesting. Religions tend to use different nomenclature leading to wars and societal ills – but when you talk to people and ask about their personal interpretations, one finds the meaning is the same. Your inner centered energy force is what Ki or Chi is described as; down to the abdominal centering, in Eastern religions, martial arts, and zen practices.
@Liz, very true. I get more wistful at night. More sentimental too.
@Ari, I think a lot of what I’ve developed in a spiritual sense is centered around Eastern thought. Most of my learning though has been around Judeo-Christian teachings, some Islamic but very little Hindu, Buddist or Zen.
I’ve always wanted to get involved in doing Tai Chi or something similar. I do some yoga and always incorporate the breathing learned from yoga practice when I stretch and exercise (which I’ve been bad at lately, sitting in front of the computer too much).
Hey all! For me the biggest thing I seem to be able to do for stress management is to be sure I get enough sleep.
I can deal with so much, and more effectively, when I am rested and thinking clearly.
Sleep, what’s that???
Hi Chris. AMEN TO THAT! (pardon the pun on the conversation, but a good sleep always helps me 🙂
How’s it going, eh?
@ari… the chi or “conda” the abdominal center… no chi, no energy. That’s when i know i’m stressed
@ellen… evening is more wistful at least for me, because tis the time of day at least for me that I’m DE-stressing.
I can relate to your “G-d centered” versus self-centered … But as the saying goes… a day hemmed in prayer (however that speaks) is less likely to unravel
GP in Montana
Hey sailor!
Where you been?
@Ellen
Go for it!!!
I practice three forms of martial art, and have been thinking of dropping one for Tai Chi as I age and become more susceptible to injury. I wouldnt give my practice up for anything other than a different form.
@Chris
Welcome – in entirely tongue in cheek fashion, sleep is for when we are dead!
Chris,
I’d like you to meet Ari. He’s around here somewhere.
@GP, very true. It’s a nice way to start the day.
Oh He’s right there! Did you bring the Klondike bars?
@Ari, thanks for the encouragement. I also have to think a bit about age when it comes to what I do for exercise.
Sleep is many things. When dealing with stress it can be a very effective weapon.
Hart – I’m well. Considering all the stress I’m under though, I can’t stay long tonight. 😉
Liz – I’ve been around and then some! 😆
@Ari – and those who don’t let themselves get enough sleep during life might just find themselves making up for it on the back end by dying sooner. Just a theory, mind you. But something to think about…
Hey all, time to go and get some rest so that I can greet another day with some energy.
Great chatting with you all.
You know, Liz, I just came from dinner at a friend’s and I was so full I didn’t think to stop off and get any Klondike bars. Bummer Bob!
@Ellen .. ~wave // G’nite. Been interesting reading your posts in my email (it’s sooooo much easier than hitting reload you know)
@Chris
I actually wholeheartedly agree with you. The saying though was such an amusing cliche I couldnt pass it up.
On a personal note, I have been doing a LOT of research recently into sleep. I have always been nocturnal in a diurnal world. Its been a constant issue in my life, and one I am now girding up to battle. My circadian rhythms have been a source of stress to me, and now I wish to work on it.
Hi Chris!
You may want to check in to Qigong, too, Ari.
Heya Ari! The way I see it I’m just not as tough as I was 20 years ago and could go days without sleep. Mortality is a tough medicine.
Rick! I think I get all the energy I need from my Klondike bars and massive coffee consumption! (Well that and sufficient sleep. When I get it. 😉 )
@Rick + @Liz
I have looked into Qigong in the past, and could not find a school/master I liked convenient to me. I did manage to find a Tai Chi (the better known form of Qigong) school very close to me. Liz, care to join me for an introductory month?
Good night, Ellen.
Liz, Ari – thank you. It’s been an interesting and enlightening evening.
Ari – you may want to take a look at the Dreams category on my site. Not primary material, but there may be something interesting there for you.
That was a poignant peice, Liz. Not many of us hear the soundless sound. It is something to treasure, especially coming at such a time.
Night all. 🙂
Rick … your link reminded me of a post I made earlier today ..
http://1800hart.com/blog/2007/05/guoliang-tunnel-an-amazing-road-in-china/
Although, one would say that the Guoliang Tunnel is more of a Stressor than a Stress Release place.
@Rick
Thanks for the amazing input. I will be sure to check your dreams section.
I hugely look forward to meeting you at SOBCon!
Hey y’all, in the interest of stress management I’m turning in for the night.
Glad to meet you Ari! I’ll see you in Chicago. 🙂
Good Night, Rick
It was so like old times. Thank you for your kinds words. Sir.
~wave G’night Chris .. go get that Stress Relief! later.
Good night to all – back to work and then the gym for me!
It has been a true pleasure.
Liz – as always, you have my appreciation for being part of my life. Thank you.
@Ari G .. have a good workout! That’s also some good stress relief! // Take care.
Good Night, Ari!
Good Night Chris!
Thanks for coming by. It wouldn’t have been the same without you.
looks live another great night!
Sweet dreams all. 🙂
~wave G’nite Liz. If you can’t have Sweet dreams .. Have Sweet & Sour dreams .. they’re just as good .. especially with Stir-Fry or Chinese Take-out food ..
HART,
Go easy on the MSG in those sweet and sour dreams. Sorry for going AWOL, but I had to take care of some family business that started out as stress-inducing and ended up as incredibly stress-relieving (having a wonderful heart-to-heart talk with one of my older daughters). It’s always people that frame our stress, isn’t it?
Mike
Whew! Mike! I sure am glad I didn’t spend extra for that sweet and sour sauce. Somehow your comment has convinced me that I might have caused a nuclear war. 🙂
Liz,
Did you mean “your” comment? And how did my comment convince you that you might have caused nuclear war? (Inducing nuclear war was not on my list of 2007 goals. I’ve screwed up in a big way, haven’t I?) 😉
Mike
@Mike .. actually, I like that observation, that people frame our stress ..
As for MSG .. ugh.
Mind you, I was posting a catch-up post on my obesity blog and noted a few weeks ago and I just had to laugh: It was a salad, with red peppers, onions, sunflower seeds, bacon bits, Homemade Chicken Fingers and a whole bunch of mini-marshmallows. Here’s a pic .. one of my better salads if you ask me! Marshmallows really make a salad.
(wow! Was that off-topic, eh?)
Hey Hart,
Aside from not using colored mini-marshmallows, that’s one sweet salad!
Nothing’s off-topic after someone suggests a business based on “Stop working. Drink beer. Win money.” And there’s definitely a demographic hungry for this type of product! LOL
Mike
Yes, Mike
You see, I figure I eat too much MSG. . . . that stresses me out. I do something crazy and the wrong people hear about some caper I cuase which gets down to the wrong Korea who assumes that I, Liz, would never do that so I must be a Google Bot. So they start asking questions about where I am and the more I protest about where I am. At this time the chicken is broucht out as evidence
Of course, no one believes the story and instead thinks Google is tryin to take over the work and therefore . . .
Dang!~ I gotta work on that shirt design .. lol
Bartender, I’ll have whatever the hostess is having, with a nitrous oxide chaser; hold the MSG.
Liz, kudos for working Kims, capers, chickens, and Google bots into one story! I’m guessing there’s a Team America sequal script in the making in Chicagoland…
Hart, four words: money in the bank!
Mike
What’s that you say? Google is trying to take over the planet?
There’s no need to fear, Baidu is here!
Time to call it a night. Thanks Liz and Ari and all the rest of the gang.
Mike
Mike, you capped the story by adding “money in the bank.” I think that makes you the winner! [bang, clang, ding, ding,]
Mike,
I so like having you here. I’m going to arrnage for all Tuesday night activities to be outlawed so that there’s nothing else you can do. . ..
Liz,
Good luck with that activity-outlawing thing! If you succeed, please teach me how to do it. LOL
Mike
Well, Mike,
If I do get the hang of it, I think you’ll have to go through me. I have funny feeling that there will be some sort of rule that says we can’t have everyone doing it. Things could get out of hand, you know. 🙂
“Things could get out of hand, you know”
I resemble that remark. 😉
Your hands are missing? OMG Not that!!!!
No! Sorry. I had them neatly folded together under the desk.
And, yes, they are still attached to my arms.
@ Ellen:
Have you tried Kalahari Organic Tea. It offers a great selection of fine South African organic Rooibos Red Tea and premium green tea, oolong tea and chocolate tea. You should check it out at: http://www.kalaharitea.com/.
Enjoy!
These days in difficult times leave many people overworked and stressed out. And we can all say we feel that way whether in school or at work. Notice this note that can help us cope with our work effort in our daily life. Found in the bible at Ecclesiastes 4:6 it reads, âBetter is a handful of rest than double a handful of work and striving after the wind.â Meaning there are ways of balancing work, family, and relaxation.