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July 8, 2007

Change the World: Compliments and Apologies

ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 9:01 am

Say “Thank You”

Change the World!

Something goes right or something goes wrong. Someone says something about it. That something is a compliment or an apology. Oh. Compliments and apologies are so . . . um, er . . . direct. The words, the thoughts come straight at us. It’s almost natural to move out of the way.

“Oh that, it was nothing,” is not an unusual response.

Or maybe it’s the other way around. Something goes right or something goes wrong. We need to say something. We try to apologize or give say how touched we were by an action, but the words come out wrong.

Apologies and compliments can feel unnatural, if no one has shown us how. Even when we mean to be gracious, we can deny or discount ourselves and the person on the other side of the conversation. From what I see, that’s what most often happens.

“This old thing?”

Whether giving or receiving, if head and heart are together and focused on the other person, we’ll get it right.

Love means never having to say you’re sorry, but that’s a rule to give by, not to live by – that’s only part of the story. Love also means telling a person how you feel and letting that person say what he or she needs to.

No matter how embarassing, love listens when people tell us how it feels to have made a hurtful mistake or to have received a kindness.

Sometimes I need to know that you’ve heard how sorry I am. It helps me heal.

Receiving or giving, it’s about listening. It’s about the other person. How could it not be and still be authentic? It’s not so hard to do. One simple thought changes everything. A real person meant what was just said. I need to show respect for that. That one thought can generate so many responses.

I’m sorry. I behaved badly. . . . I am so happy for you. . . . Wow! Thank you, I work hard, and that means a lot. . . . I hear you. . . . I understand.

It took me decades to realize that compliments and apologies weren’t about me. It only took minutes to find a new way of responding.

We can change the world — just like that.
–ME “Liz” Strauss

______________
If you’re ready to change the world, send me your thoughts in a guest post. Feel free to take the gorgeous Change the World image up there that Sandy designed back to your blog. Or help yourself to this one.

Change the World!.

Email me about what you’re doing or what we might do. Let’s change the world one bit at a time together. Together it can’t take forever.

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10 Comments to “Change the World: Compliments and Apologies”

  1. July 8th, 2007 at 9:33 am
    Mike said

    Yes, an apology or compliment is a true sign that the world has changed for at least one other person.

    A lovely thought for a quiet Sunday morning.

    Thanks, Liz! :-)

  2. July 8th, 2007 at 9:33 am
    Karin H. said

    Hi Liz

    About compliments - giving or receiving - it’s one of those ‘hesitant’ things we all seem to duffer from. Recently I read the following:

    Don’t giggle a compliment away. smile it in!

    I love that saying, to me it means a two-way listening-hearing, both to giver and receiver.

    Just my 2p on a sunny Sunday afternoon.

    Karin H. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specially in business)

  3. July 8th, 2007 at 9:47 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Mike!
    That’s great description of an apology and a compliment. Thank you for that. :)

  4. July 8th, 2007 at 9:49 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hey Karin!
    Smile in it! YEAH! Exactly!

    That’s a great philosophy I agree. That’s so affirming for both sides of the compliment. :)

  5. July 8th, 2007 at 10:15 am
    GP said

    marriage of head, hand and heart
    gp in montana

  6. July 8th, 2007 at 10:49 am
    ME Strauss said

    GP,
    You always see right through me.

    Hope the sun is shining in that big sky of yours. :)

  7. July 8th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
    Jan said

    As I seem to get more into this phenomenon called blogging and meet new people it seems I get better at exchanging compliments as well. I don’t know if that is what you are looking for, but I find it great when both parties walk away with both having given and received.

    You can use the same tactic for apologies I guess. There is almost always something you could have done better as well. At least you can then bury the topic and move on instead of one party being in the debt to the other who forgave or accepted the apology.

    I found a typo and a sentence missing a word btw. I want to compliment your writing and apologize for drawing this to your attention :-)

    “Whether giving or receiving, if head and heart are together and focu[s]ed on the other person, we’ll get it right.”

    “It took me decades to realize that compliments and apologies weren’t about me. It only [took] minutes to find a new way of responding.”

  8. July 8th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Jan!
    How well you have just defined what I have come to know about blogging — it’s relationships more than writing. :)

    Thank you for your help. Thank you for showing me what was missing you have made my work better. I am grateful for that. :)

    I read, but I know my owh thoughts too well.

    I appreciate your help. :)

    YEA!! I’ll fix what you found now.

  9. July 9th, 2007 at 11:41 am
    Dar said

    Hi, Liz! Well, I think you are right-on with this. A while back, I had a very kind boss who pointed out to me that I must learn to accept compliments graciously. (Yes, I really had to work at that.)

    I later realized that, by discounting compliments, I was depriving others of the opportunity to share wonderful moments with me. No, it wasn’t about me at all. :-)

    Good thoughts, Liz! I love when you make me think.

  10. July 9th, 2007 at 11:44 am
    ME Strauss said

    Hi Dar!
    It’s great to share a compliment with a friend and fun to share one with someone I’ve just met in a different way. Both experiences make the moment seem just a little more than the one before and after it. Yeah, it’s what you describe. :)

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