July 5, 2007
Change the World: Knowing When Not to Listen
ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 7:17 am
Be the Teacher
Listening. We all want to be heard. It’s often a gift to listen when someone needs to talk. But not always . . .
Sometimes we talk just to know that we’re here. Sometimes we rattle on without thinking about what we’re saying. Sometimes we talk to fill space or win favor. Sometimes we talk just to know we’re okay or to prove that we’re good enough.
I heard a parable about a teacher and a student. Sometimes I’m the teacher. Sometimes I’m not. It’s easy to be the student. I want to remember the story, so I pass it on.
On beautiful day centuries ago, a teacher was walking down a dirt road in the country, thinking teacherly thoughts.
A student, filled with excitement, ran up to the teacher saying, “Master, I have news you should know, important news, from the city.”
The teacher smiled at the student and slowed so the student could catch up and catch his breath. As they walked together, the teacher softly spoke.
“May I ask a few questions first?”
“Oh yes, of course, Teacher, yes,” the student gushed.
“This news you bring — does it tell a of a good deed?”
“Oh no, Teacher. Someone has done something wrong.”
“Do you know the person yourself?’
“No, Teacher. I don’t, but the person who told me does.”
“Do you know that the story is true?”
“My friend swears it is so.”
The teacher walked silently for a while so that the student might hear his own answers. When the teacher spoke again, it was almost a whisper.
“You wish to tell me bad news about someone you do not know about something you don’t know is true. This news is not important.”
The teacher asked three simple questions and knew whether to listen.
Those three questions make it easy to decide.
We can choose not to listen.
We can change the world — just like that.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
______________
If you’re ready to change the world, send me your thoughts in a guest post. Feel free to take the gorgeous Change the World image up there that Sandy designed back to your blog. Or help yourself to this one.
. Email me about what you’re doing or what we might do. Let’s change the world one bit at a time together. Together it can’t take forever.
Tags: Change-the-World, gossip, knowing-when-not-to-listen, listening
Filed under Motivation/Inspiration, Successful Blog |
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21 Comments to “Change the World: Knowing When Not to Listen”
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Robyn said
Wow, a very powerful story, Liz. One that’ll stick in my memory bank. I’ve been learning to ask questions more than to merely “tell” as I converse with others. This example takes it to the height.
Many days I’m in awe of the new thoughts you share with us.
Thanks, I really appreciate your work.
ME Strauss said
Hi Robyn,
That was my response when I heard this story. It sure is a powerful one. I wish I remembered more often . . . like I said I tell it so that I remember it more. :)
Thank you for your kind words about conversation.
Asking questions is as important as knowing the answers . . . sometimes more important. :)
Mike said
Liz,
I love this story, but you realize that a great deal of what passes for “news” these days qualifies as NOT IMPORTANT by the master’s standard!
And I agree wholeheartedly with the point of the story.
Mike
ME Strauss said
Hi Mike!
Yeah, I know a whole lot of news is 2nd hand reported and not worth listening to, isn’t it. We could be so much better if we all became just a tiny bit more discriminating about what we pass on. :)
I’m as guilty as the rest, especially when I’m not paying attention.
Mike said
Ditto here on that “when I’M not paying attention”, but I’m trying to be more discriminating about where I put my attention.
(I’m guessing this will be a continuing work in progress) ;-)
Mike
ME Strauss said
Hi Mike!
It seems that everything to do with quality requires us to pay attention or it declines. That’s a learning to keep an eye on. (purposefully redundant.)
We don’t need to watch things that “have to be done or need to be paid.” Other folks do that for us. But our quality of life, of self, of what we offer in any way . . . product, service, interaction . . . is ours to watch. :)
Mike said
Liz,
I really appreciate that last comment. You are a keen observer and thinker!
Mike
ME Strauss said
Hey Mike,
We all live that one. :)
Karin H. said
Hi Liz
I’m in two minds about this.
I heard this story before, where - because of the questions asked - the teacher never found out about his wife’s unfaithfulness.
Having to listen to every rumour that is past on as news, I agree, not good - but sometimes….?
Karin H. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specially in business)
Mike said
Karin,
What if the ‘news’ was untrue? How much extra damage would be done?
And if the teacher never found about his wife’s unfaithfulness, how much did he suffer?
I like the questions because they cut down on hearsay, which is notoriously unreliable.
Cheers,
Mike
Karin H. said
I know Mike, that’s why I’m in two minds about this.
It’s those, “what if’s….” ;-)
Karin H.
Mike said
Karin,
I was listening to an audiobook on the way to work today and remember this quote (but not the originator): “Would you rather be happy or right?” I’m not certain how it relates to the story, but my heart says it is.
Mike
ME Strauss said
Hi Karin and Mike,
I’m not sure that’s the way I would want to find out about my husband’s unfaithfulness. I would rather be in the dark longer. I asy that because the person telling did not know for sure if the story was true.
Mike said
Liz,
My point exactly.
Mike
Rick Cockrum said
As Robyn said, powerful story, Liz. A three question definition of gossip.
ME Strauss said
Hi Rick,
Yeah. It is powerful, isn’t it? I try to keep it close. I wish remembered it more often than I do. :)
Karin H. said
Hi Mike (Liz)
I don’t know abut this one. Happy - right, is there a choice sometimes? Of course there is, you can decide not to listen to gossip or half-truths. Ignoring most for you’re own piece of mind at that precise moment is a whole different issue.
(And besides, I’m a curious person who wants to find/hear the truth on all occasions. So I never read those gossip magazines, but read ‘proper’ newspapers ;-))
Karin H.
ME Strauss said
Karin,
I’m with you on the truth . . . that’s why I don’t read newwpapers either. :)
barry rutherford said
If the person being listened to believes for even a small amount of time that you are tuned into exacrly how they are feeling at the time they are talkin, then yes u can change the worls & miracles can happen !
ME Strauss said
HI Barry!
Knowing when listen with your heart and head and knowing when not to listen are important skills, when we get them right we are so powerful. I agree with you through and through. When a person with great intentions knows he or she has been heard, you have handed that person a bit of the world, and miracles sure can happen. :)
You’re not a stranger anymore.
Changing the world one conversation (or blog post) at a time | Tammy Lenski said
[…] Knowing When Not to Listen invites us to tune out certain kinds of conversation that don’t do much for making the world a better place. I love this post and its title because dialogue-builders like me tend to be a bit harpy-ish about good listening. Liz has reminded me that what we’re listening for is what matters: […]