The Whole World Is Watching
It’s a room filled with people. It’s a conference table. It’s a huge presentation. It’s a chance for the job you were born to do.
Suddenly, everyone is looking at you. You realize you don’t belong.
Any minute you expect blinding lights asking you, “Where were you on the night that you did the most dastardly thing we can make up?”
If you don’t do something fast, you’re going to crash and burn.
What Do You Do When People Are Looking at You?
In situations like that, we want to make our best impression. It’s easy to get self-conscious. We can feel everyone is judging us — so maybe we should too. We look for negatives. We imagine. We misconstrue. We misread social cues. Then we respond in ways that make the negative things actually happen. That’s the crash and burn part.
This sort of crash and burn can happen to anyone, but we’d like to avoid when we can.
Here are some ways to respond when it seems an unfriendly world is staring you down.
- Breathe. Deep long breaths bring oxygen to your brain to help you relax.
- Think. Remember who or what is more important than this.
- See. Picture a fabulous success from your past.
- Move. Reconnect with your senses. Create energy.
- Raise your chin. Lift your view and your opinion of yourself.
- Smile. Give a smile and get one in return.
- Talk. Say something positive.
- Look back. It’s hard to be self-conscious and self-involved when you’re truly interested in someone else.
It’s the “self” in self-conscious that throws us off. We start thinking impossible, imaginary thoughts. The room isn’t thinking about us nearly as much as we are. They don’t notice the details that we’re destroying ourselves for.
It helps a lot if we trust — ourselves and other folks.
What do you do when people are looking at you?
How do you look back?
–ME “Liz” Strauss
When people are looking at me while I speak or teach, I focus on the positive faces as I scan the whole audience. I stay on track inside my head or in notes about what I know solidly or what I want to talk about. If I see faces of doubt, I focus above their eyes so as to not connect, or I take them as a challenge and try to turn them more supportive. When mixing with a large group after speaking, I focus on one person at a time, looking expectantly at them to get them to talk first. If they don’t, I get the ball rolling with a positive comment about the event, the organizing group, or the facility. I smile, yes, but not too much as it shows insecurity.
These are good suggestions Liz, especially the smiling part.
I think I’ll keep them by me when I get to SobCon. I’m feeling a teeny bit nervous about meeting people ‘in the flesh’. All those ‘what if people don’t really like me’, ‘what if they think I’m not the way I sound on my blog’ kind of ridiculous thoughts.
Does that sound too crazy?
Joanna
Hi SpaceAgeSage,
wow! So many great techniques in one small comment. Thanks for bringing them here. I especially like how you get folks to talk first. I’ll have to try that.
Oh Joanna!
No worries, within minutes you’ll recognize friends and the thoughts of being “out of the circle” will fall away. Last year everyone — everyone — became refrigerator magnets.
Liz,
Don’t laugh (much) but almost all of your eight points sound like advice for childbirth. 😀
Maybe not surprising, since most people say they fear public speaking more than they fear death.
What do I do? Born terribly shy and Capricorn-ly stubborn, I push against the fear in any way I can. I’ve done debates, theatre, speeches, teaching… public speaking in any form I can to tell myself not to hide under my preferred rock.
Somebody once said self-conscious is just self-centered, and since I don’t like that label, by golly I’ll keep putting myself “out there.” It’s not all about me; it’s all about delivering something of value to the listener.
I fear one-on-one more than public speaking, because in public, I remember the audience is probably as self-absorbed as I am, meaning they’re noticing whether their own shoes are shined, not mine; they’re wondering if they can make it through an intro they have later, not wondering whether I’ll keel over; they’re there because they want to hear me (want me to succeed at saying my piece) not because they want to see me fail, which would waste both our time. (In one-on-one speaking, who knows?)
I love “raise your chin.” That little bit of advice on posture as an instant pick-me-up is just perfect.
Regards,
Kelly
Hi Liz – these are brilliant tips. I’m hopeless at speaking in front of a lot of people – I panic and go too fast. I’ll remember these for next time.
Last week I was on a course and we had to read out our work in front of everyone. One guy asked everyone to close their eyes. It really took a lot of pressure off him.
Mind you, I guess that wouldn’t be practical in every single situation.
Hi Kelly,
I do better presenting too. I try to take the “self” out of self-conscious by being conscious of everyone and everything else I can find.
That “chin up” was just something I discovered once before I went into a room. I told myself “I belong.” My chin raised. I’ve been doing it ever since.
Hi Cath!
Sometimes I ask a person — one person — if he or she is ready for me to start. That gives me a connection to one and the rest come along.
“What do you do when people are looking at you?” Being in a wheelchair with an obvious physical disability, people look or stare most times I head out my front door. Generally, I take deep breath, hold my head up, slap on a smile and carry on! Most times it works.
Glenda!
You are inspiring. I’m going to think of you next time I feel shy.
Great tips Liz! A few years ago, I attended a symposium where Jason Jennings was the keynote. I watched him work a room full of about 500 attendees. He was scheduled to speak about an hour into lunch and came in early to spend time visiting each table to greet us. I’ve never forgotten how that made me feel so now I make it a point to do the same whenever I’m been invited to speak. By the time that’s done, it feels as if I’m in a room full of friends so the nervous butterflies just simply disappear.