About this time each year, new folks discover the energy, the community, and the benefits of being online.
About this time each year, folks who’ve been here often get back that “new blogger feeling.”
And some folks even start looking back at where they’ve been to figure out where they might be going.
I do all of that.
And today finds me thinking of what makes successful and lasting online relationships.
The longer I look it, the more I realize it relies on how well we relate to ourselves.
So rather than talk about how to be visible to people you want to meet, how to attract people who care about what you’re doing, why not take a minute spending time on what it takes for you to get to know you?
Top 7 Ways to an Authentic Relationship … With Yourself
If you read down this list, it’s fairly obvious that the same seven apply to relationships with other people as do to the relationship you might want to build with you. The advantage of taking the time to reflect on these seven and yourself is that knowing who you bring to those other relationships is foundational to forging something valuable and lasting at every turn.
Do you treat yourself as well as you expect yourself to treat other people?
Do you give yourself the respect that you deserve?
Do you keep your promises to yourself and value your input?
All of these will build a better relationship with yourself and with other people.
- Show up whole and human. Do you see yourself as a person or a worker? Do you hold yourself up to some superhuman standards? Isn’t it unfair (and maybe a little snobby) to set one standard for yourself and another for everyone around you? Show up for everyone. Give yourself the time — and the you — you would give your best friend.
- Talk in your authentic voice. A good part of authenticity is knowing when we’re hiding behind our history. Another good part is seeing and admitting when we’re feeling one thing and saying that we feel something quite different. Choose the authentic kind words that express who you are now and what you are feeling. Know when to share them and when to keep them near you. But trust your “self” and your voice to know the authentic life you’re living.
- Tell your own truth.We all grew up with “tape recordings in our heads” that contradict what we know is true about ourselves. Why do we talk as if those are the reality? Stop long enough to gather the skills you’ve built. Reflect for the time it takes to appreciate why you might want to be friends with you. Learn what it is you are uniquely good at doing and don’t be afraid to tell the truth about who you are. The world didn’t hold a meeting to decide only one kind of person can be here.
- Have room for folks to tell theirs too. Hear the truth when it hides inside what other folks are saying. Ask until you know, believe, and feel that you’re communicating. Make it easy for them to share what might be weighing on their heads and their hearts with you. What you’ll find by listening to their truth with all of your being is that knowing the their truth deeply enough to understand it won’t hurt you. It opens us up to accept our own humanity.
- Donât try to tie ideas up in a bow. Life doesn’t come in boxes that organize well with single labels. It’s rare that one occasion will summon up only one word or emotion. Enjoy the depth and live the kaliedoscope changes. Each breath of color and dimension adds new meaning that will get shut off and cut off if you try to categorize or define every minute. We aren’t meant to define our lives so completely. We’re meant to live them.
- Half the show is in the comments. Now and then take a moment to stop, reflect, and collect your own opinion on who you are without outside influence. Sit with yourself in your personal invisible comment box and have a conversation about who you are and where you’re going. If you don’t like the goals and the destinations, change them. If you don’t like the design of your life, get a new one.
- Be helpful, not hypeful. . . . Make everything about them not you. Default to what generates energy. Help yourself by helping other people. It’s not natural for a human to be a hermit. When the dark weather settles around you, reach out to help someone who is facing a far worse climate. Don’t think about how people treat you – those who get it wrong, don’t “get” it. Be your own model of how it should work and enjoy being it.
And when you make that relationship with yourself, you’ll find you’re the kind that attracts other people. They’ll see that you value what you bring and that what you offer is real.
So go ahead, what could be wrong with being someone you like, respect, and want to be with?
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!
Top 10 Ways to Start Living Your Life
Such scary stuff. Each of these steps is necessary to evolving as a complete human being, and what’s really crazy is that once you’ve achieved each step, looking back in retrospect you wonder how you lived with yourself before you learned that particular lesson. By the same token, it’s (kinda) laughable when you are blind to the particular stage(s) you haven’t learned yet. Good thing we have friends who love us anyway. 🙂
ME Liz Strauss says
I love what you said once youâve achieved each step, looking back in retrospect you wonder how you lived with yourself before you learned that particular lesson. Yes, life gets easier for everyone once we “get” them. And that’s a good thing. 🙂
Dr. Rae says
Learning is living, and living is learning! So glad to have you in my life Liz 🙂
ME Liz Strauss says
Thank you, Dr. Rae!
I think the world of you!
Linda Eaves says
First thing I read this morning Liz – “Now and then take a moment to stop, reflect, and collect your own opinion on who you are without outside influence.” I like this. Unplugging from the chorus of voices and doing a solo from time to time shows you how you’ve grown and who you are at the moment. Even though two people might be talking about the exact same thing, nobody can say it like I can.
ME Liz Strauss says
It’s essential that we decide for ourselves who we’ll be and how we’ll be. That’s meaning down to our core fiber. It’s structural integrity. And as you say, it gives us a benchmark to see where we are, where we’re going, and whether we’ve made progress. How other people see us isn’t us.