Opportunity Knocking
For those who come looking for a short, thoughtful read, a blogging life discussion, or a way to gradually ease back into the week. I offer this bloggy life question. . . .
You moved away from your hometown after college. Only 20% of your graduating class did. You’re online and you have your own business. You’re enjoying some success — every bit of which you’ve worked your tail off to achieve.
You return home for a reunion. Always thinking, you arrange a few meetings with possible new clients while you’re there. When a high school friend hears you’re coming, he asks whether he might hire you to give him some advice on a new venture he’s considering. You agree (at a slight discount for secrets shared and times spent.)
The day of that meeting arrives.
The guy has a grand idea that actually has potential. It could turn into something special. He’s identified a genuine need. You’re certain because it’s in your same industry. You start thinking it would make a nice “sister” business. You’re picturing clients you might refer for his service.
Then you ask a few questions and the situation gets sticky.
The problem is that your friend is in dreamland. He has no real plan. He wants to put out a shingle and expects customers by the hundreds (maybe thousands), all over the nation to lay their trust and their money down. He has no goals, no funding, no market projection, and no way to get his message out or a message to send.
When you gently try to explain this reality, his answer is “You’ve always had it easy! You’re afraid of a little competition.”
Now you’ve invested billable time in a bad situation and you have a client meeting in the morning with someone he knows.
How do you respond?
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!
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First, I’d ask him to specifically enumerate all the times I’ve been ‘lucky’.
Then I’d ask him to lay out for me exactly how I was lucky this last time.
After he finished stuttering, I’d then tell him his idea is wonderful, and that I think my success has been founded upon luck. He’s be much better off implementing his ideas.
That would be the end of it for me. I don’t do well dealing with either ‘stupid’ or near-do-wells who consistently refuse to look into the mirror for the reason they’ve arrived at their current status quo.
As Dad told me ad infinitum – “Don’t make excuses son – make good.”
Where would we be in life without the dreamers?
Sometimes those people have the skills to implement their dreams, working away until it becomes a reality. Other times (the majority of the time, I think), they are so busy dreaming that they lack focus to make the dream a reality. Whether it be from a lack of knowledge, skills, motivations, or mindset, too many dreams die.
It really wouldn’t matter if the friend thought my success was just a matter of being “lucky.” That’s his perception, and it’s not likely that I’m going to change it.
But what I can do, is put the friend together with someone who can help make the dream a reality. It would be nice to think that I could capitalize on the business possibility, but with this kind of mindset, that sounds like it’s not to be.
If I think it’s a great idea, maybe I can help my friend get “lucky” by making an introduction or a referral to someone who can help make the dream happen.
We need strategists, and implementors, and all sorts of business people. But we need dreamers, too.
Mary – I appreciate your thoughts. I wonder though, if you’ve considered this.
Your ‘friend’ has, with malice aforethought, declared your success to be a result void of any skills, planning, or hard work on your part. This is in stark contrast to the heavily implied fact that his success will have its root in luck.
It’s his ‘bad intent’ or meanness of spirit sparking my distaste.
He’s a dreamer? If demeaning a so-called friend’s success, while simultaneously asking for his advice makes him a dreamer – I guess that’s one person’s perception.
There’s a separate issue here.
Dreamer’s are needed in the world. That’s how we walked on the moon.
The issue here is not that the friend is a dreamer. It’s that he’s a mean-spirited guy, who has spent his life telling himself that his lack of success in life is due to luck – and not his inability to make it happen. When he thinks that to himself, there’s no problem. When, however, he has the gall to ask you for help, then denigrates the very source of your success?
I don’t mean to be harsh, but people like that spend their lives poisoning everyone else’s well. They’re cancers, and should either be avoided, or surgically removed.
Nothing good will come of any friend’s ‘good intentions’ in granting him their assistance.
Being a dreamer is fine – but it becomes a Trojan Horse when attached to a person such as this guy.
Hey, I’m a dreamer and I’ve also been called “lucky.”
I agree, Mary Jo. I’m there to help fast as you are, probably too fast in some cases. It can happen that the guy in the story does, just as you imply, need only a nudge and he’s off doing marvelous things. Whoa wouldn’t that be great?!!
But I have to admit, Jeff has a point. Whne faced with a “touch of reality” offered gently, he came back awfully defensive — not the sign of good business (or friendship), not very relational. It would make me stop and wonder whether the extra investment of energy/generosity would be appreciated or taken as expectation. Maybe the guy just wants someone to hand it to him.
I know, Mary Jo, you did the work to get where you are. I’d hate for someone to say you had it easy.
Yep, that would be fighting words to me. 🙂
Hey Jeff,
I see what you are saying. Dreams and luck need work to make them come true. No question there. He’s not really stupid in that he has no brain — he had a great idea. He’s lacking wit in that he just lost the best chance he had in a “partner” who was willing to mentor him and possibly give him a boost. And he lost because he couldn’t take the news that his dream wouldn’t happen immediately.
It’s sad.
And the congregation answered – Amen! 🙂
You’re so silly!
Don’t get me wrong — I’d be plenty ticked off.
I get that “you’ve had it easy” speech from family members all the time — the ones who don’t realize that having it “easy” and “luck” look painfully like hard work.
In this case, the friend hired you — albeit as a discount. He’s now a client, and clients don’t have to agree with you, or do what you say. They are paying for your opinion.
My opinion seems to be that it’s a great idea, just needing some work. Rather than let past history (which this smacks of) get in the way of a good idea, I think the professional thing to do is to make a referral to another professional with whom the friend might work better.
Sure, he could still turn out to be a ne-er do well. But maybe the issue isn’t “him” but “us.” Another person bring new perspective to the idea and relationship.
I’d rather focus on the idea, rather than the personality.
Ultimately, I’d just not be willing to give this person’s opinion of me enough power to lose any sleep over. A position that I’ve only recently arrived ast. And which, by the way I can’t do with family!
Mary Jo!
Interesting what you say. I kind of figured the guy was going to try to weazel out of paying. You know, play the “you don’t know what you’re talking about” card.
Old “friends” can act like family that way sometimes. Boy does “easy” take a LOT of work. 🙂
I love your “not lose sleep” line best of all.
In the past, when I’ve had folks like this in my practice, I’ve referred them to fellow pros for whom I don’t care.
Referring them to folks I actually respected? Why would I do that? I like them. 🙂
Folks in my business who’ve grossly mistreated, or cheated me, are the recipients of my largesse later on. 🙂 I’ve had these ‘pros’ ask me not to refer any more clients to them.
No, referring a delusional, irrational, and mean-spirited client to a respected colleague isn’t on my menu. The Kumbaya approach to life can, in the real world, prove injurious to those we respect, when we don’t filter our judgment by our discernment.
Yep Jeff,
I think you can call this one a wrap. The poor guy is down on the floor, barely twitching anymore. He doesn’t deserve death for being unrealistic about life. 🙂
You are an impassioned knight, so much so, I might mistake you for a singer of that now-famous campfire song. 🙂 🙂
I find it’s much easier to keep members of the Kumbaya tribe as friends, than actually becoming one. Selfishly, I then get the best of both worlds. 🙂
Jeff,
I think you’re more K-man that you think realize. 🙂
Hi Liz
Re having it easy and luck: I would quote (I think it was a famous golfer):
The more I practise (in this case: implement good ideas the right way) the luckier I get.
So, yeah, I had it ‘easy’ 😉
Karin H. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specially in business)
Good morning, Karin!
A perfect quote to bring to the situation! Yeah, this kind of luck is like glamour . . . only visible from far away. 🙂