Thank You Is a Better Response
It was coffee at Starbucks with friend that I don’t get to see often enough. How cool is that? I was adding milk to my coffee, pretending it was real cream. She reached over to get me a napkin and a stirrer. For a split second, I stiffened. I wanted to say, “i can do that!”
Then I caught myself. At least, I think I did.
This was a friend who was doing a kind thing for me. She wasn’t trying to make me feel “less.” She was showing I was “more” to her. I hope I said, “Thank you.”
“Thank you” is a better response than “I can do that!”
I almost ran over her small generous act by not seeing it, by being tied up in my independence and my history with two big brothers. That would have taken something from both of us.
That “I can do that!” feeling is easy to watch for. It usually comes in response to a small, generous act that I didn’t expect.
Be on the look out for the small, generous acts of others. People are doing them all around us every day.
We can change the world — just like that.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
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If you’re ready to change the world, send me your thoughts in a guest post. Feel free to take the gorgeous Change the World image up there that Sandy designed back to your blog. Or help yourself to this one.
. Email me about what you’re doing or what we might do. Let’s change the world one bit at a time together. Together it can’t take forever.
Great post! I do believe that this also falls along the lines of receiving compliments…
People, when someone takes the time out of their world to actually provide positive feedback in the form of a COMPLIMENT, all you have to do is follow these simple steps:
Step 1: Say “Thank You”
Step 2: Shut Up.
Step 3: Smile.
If you disagree with a compliment you can either vocalize this disagreement, punch them in the face, or just say ‘Thank You’.. The first two are the same and if you keep hitting people, guess what, you’ll get your wish and they’ll stop complimenting you!
Compliments, helping hands, etc. etc.. These things do happen every day and we do dismiss them or avoid them! For Liz it relates back to her independence from her brothers. I know for me I have felt that if I receive then I MUST give… Not quite understanding that perhaps that nothing in return is expected and it was just as simple gesture.
Thanks for providing the mirror (again) Liz!
Hi Bill!
Thanks for adding that. It’s a real contribution and worth hearing loudly and clearly. As Elvis said,
“We can’t go on together with suspicious minds.” 🙂
Besides it’s so much more fun to point our brains to the places where people meet. 🙂
Every once in a while I read something that really hits me where it hurts!
Do the words “fiercely independent” mean anything to you? I bet they do.
I have two big brothers and a big sister. I graduated early from high school, and college – and got my masters at the same time as my bachelors – why? Because I’ve always been proving I can do it myself (maybe it’s “youngest child syndrome”!).
Thanks Liz – sometimes I run right over people’s kindness and generosity. It’s hard to slow down and not give in to your first impulse.
I’ve actually said that I don’t trust people that compliment me too much – funny, isn’t it! (OK, well sometimes they really aren’t to be trusted – but mostly they’re just kind – uh-oh – there I go again).
Nice post, sweetie!
Ann
In Hebrew, it’s called “gemutlich hasidim”, acts of loving kindness. Part of that is to do one every day.
I’ll play
That occurred for me last Sunday when it was cold and windy when I went to the barn to ride. On Sundays, they leave Alle in a pen with other horses so she can hobnob til I get there. Only problem being, the fence has a chain on it that is tough to machinate on a good day, almost impossible when there’s 4 horses waiting for you at the gate in the wind thinking you have treats just for them.
Lo and behold, I arrived and Joani had taken Alle into the alley of the barn, ready to be tacked up. An angel I thought.
GP in Montana
Hi Ann,
Yeah, “fiercely independent.” Know that in every cell I own. “Stop hovering over me.” is another one. 🙂
This is another case where walking slower and remembering to breathe is a great idea. 🙂
Hi GP,
I was just thinking, as I took a package downstairs, how our lives often go nicely when we leave a little space for other folks to step in to be generous.
That’s so cool that Joani did that. I bet it made her feel just as good as it made you feel. 🙂
My thanks to William for saying exactly what I was going to say. As a manager, I’ve had to teach some of my staff how to accept a compliment. Hmmm. Come to think of it, someone had to teach me that.
M.E., you’re right about leaving space for others to step in.
Thank you for a great post.
Regards,
Glenn
Hey Glenn,
You and William live what you preach. 🙂
It hards sometimes for us to enjoy feeling good. We know the feeling of getting the rug pulled out and want to be prepared for it. Subconsciously that can make us defensive.
Then there’s the lovely phrases we’ve all heard about “getting a swelled head.” Only the folks who are predisposed to do that will get one and my experience is a compliment received won’t change that. 🙂
Liz:
Thank you. Pause. Smile (with braces). Now that felt good!
My mother taught me to always leave a space *and* a person in a better place than I’ve found them. The implementation varies depending upon the condition and circumstance.
However, I think that sometimes the most mundane and humble tasks can bring us back to earth — wiping the counter around a sink after washing your hands in a public rest room comes to mind. I always do that, automatically, so that the next person will not get a water stain on their clothes and the place looks more presentable. It’s not mine, then again, isn’t it?
‘getting a swelled head’ – Solution!
Did you receive a compliment (and receive it the correct way)? Great! Now, you have until the end of the day to compliment someone else.
Oh, you received multiple compliments? It’s not your birthday is it? Regardless, you GET TO find multiple people and provide positive feedback to them too!
Oh, Valeria!
What wonderful philosophy your mother gave you! I’m refreshed just hearing about it. Thank you for that.
Next time something looks great, I’m going to think, “Ah Valeria’s been here.” 🙂
Bill,
I like that. It takes the self-consciousness of a kind word right out it and lets me feel good about having something to pass along.
You guys are so special.
What a lovely post! I think taking compliments and accepting little gestures is difficult. It initially feels like “giving in” but it really isn’t…it’s “opening up”.
Thank you for reminding us how fragile yet strong the thread of kindness is.
How insightful, Marti, to point out how it feels like “giving in.” It does . . . “opening up” is much more beautiful image.
Your explanation makes me want to do try be that way. 🙂
Great, Marti.. reframing it. William… you must have been with me at the barn with Joani this afternoon when I went to ride Alle. I told her about this thread and I’d mentioned her and she told me it reminded her of the movie “Play it Forward”… pass on the compliment.
You guys are awesome
GP in Montana
GP,
You’re no beginner, yourself! 🙂
I can relate to this very much as a youngest child still trying too hard sometimes to show I’m a big girl too!
Liz, your explanation of someone extending help ’cause they think more of you, not less makes sense. Good reminder.
Hi Francie!
“I’m a big girl too!!” What a great way to say that. Yeah, it’s true. Some things we just don’t outgrow, do we?
There are some great quotes in this thread. I’m thinking that this blog is a book of phenomenal insights. What a lucky group we are. 🙂
Pay It Forward was a fantastic movie and I didn’t even make the connection! Nice!
Liz, I know you didn’t expect the small generous act, and I’m guessing that you didn’t expect this post to hit the mark either? 😉
Fantastic post and comments! I think I might print it out and tape it over the buttons in the elevator of my apartment building…. 😉
Hi Bill,
You’re right I didn’t expect that this post would resonnate with so many. But I’m heartened that it did so. It’s a smile that I’m smiling.
Though I don’t think the folks in the elevator will be if you put this post over the buttons. 🙂
Yesterday morning I was sitting in a cold appartment (no heating because the electricity didn’t work), waiting for the repairguy to come and replace some wiring and out of boredom I sent a friend a text message saying “My electricity doesn’t work and wiring needs to be replaced. Today s@*$%s!” I didn’t even mean it as a cry for help, but next thing I know he calls, asks what happened, drops everything he was doing, comes over right away and spends the rest of the day with me to make sure I was going to be alright and that the repairguy was doing his work properly. That last part especially is important in the part of the world where I live (former Soviet-Union) as I am a foreigner and a woman living on my own and therefor there’d be plenty of reasons to rip me off both in quality of work and in the amount of money paid for it. I was so grateful to my friend, because he made things a lot easier for me, even though I probably would have managed on my own (or so I keep saying to myself. Yep, I am one of those “fiercely independent” women). My friend eventually stayed for dinner and we had a few vodka shots (the beverage of choice in this part of the world) toasting to friendship and helping friends in need.
I just blogged about this on my own blog and next thing I see is this post. Somehow, Liz, you keep posting things that relate to something that happens to me around the same time you put your post up.
Hi Myrthe,
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s a tribute to how we can change the world through small acts of generosity. The man that you speak of gave you some of his time and “expertise,” and he made your position stronger. You had the power of “WE.”
From how you tell the story, he seems to have thought nothing of what he did, yet your world is better. How cool is that?!!!
Myrthe, thank you for telling me how you experience my writting in your life. That you find it so aligned with what’s happening must mean that I writing about real life not about “dreamland.” 🙂