Selective Memory
As we get to be adults, we have conversations about growing up. Often those conversations center around our parents and what they did wrong. . . . I often recall a college friend saying, “When does it stop being our parents fault?”
I don’t know whether my childhood was happy, I only remember specific memories — even those seem to be a story told from my own point of view . . . as I found out about this one.
I told my older, older brother about my son’s attitude as teenager. I said, “I never had the nerve to talk to my mother that way.”
My older, older bother laughed. He said, “Ah, your selective memory! When your niece was your son’s age, I heard her talk back to her mother . . . how often I thought ‘Oh that’s familiar.’ It was a replay of my little sister talking to my mother. Why do you think I say my daughter is so like her aunt?”
Now I look back and think,”Yeah, I was a brat just like every other 17-year-old kid. It’s the nature of 17-year-olds. Young lions do it to their parents too. It’s part of growing up and leaving home.”
Part of becoming who we are is getting events into perspective. I’ve always been a little slow at catching on, but when I did that day, I saw my son and myself in a new way.
The rest of that year was lighter for one 17-year-old and his mother.
We can change the world — just like that.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Funny this post shows up today. Last night I was thinking of the difference in perspective I have now as a son, vs when I was a kid. I came from what was then called a ‘broken home’ in the late 50’s. I didn’t know I was living a ‘terrible’ life. Mom made sure our lives were as normal as possible. I played all the sports in their seasons on the neighborhood YMCA team – and a bonus, two teams in baseball season. 🙂
I look back now and can’t even begin to understand how hard it must have been for Mom back then. I guess that’s why I’m so happy to be able to support her financially in her old age. How do you pay her back for doing the seemingly impossible?
Perspective sometimes is best when it comes after the so called ‘bad’ times, don’t you think? 🙂
Hi Jeff!
Maybe it takes us a whole lot of years to get to the place where we understand that we’ve seen the world from inside our heads. Who knew what the world thought or what it was like compared to what we lived?
We hardly ever get to know much about our parents as people, do we? We think about them leaving us stuck our roles as children, but don’t often think that we trap into theirs too.
If we met our family members without knowing them, would they have become our friends? Sometimes when we give them a clean slate the answer is a surprise to ourselves. 🙂
Yes, I do agree that perspective is best after the “bad” times. Maybe it’s because that’s when I’m most willing to learn about what really happened before or just because or more interesting than things that go well.
After all, it’s adversity that builds character, isn’t it?
Since the market correction started, that’s the mantra. 🙂
You had character long before the market change started. 🙂
Thanks – no matter how well you know yourself, it’s still cool to have someone you respect agree with you. 🙂
That’s exactly how I feel. 🙂
Liz,
Like you said, that period of parent-child interaction needs to take place, otherwise neither would get over their years-in-the-making separation anxiety. It’s a funny and amazing world we live in!
Mike
Hi Mike!
Yeah, we sure are the most interesting species in so many ways! 🙂