It’s about Them
It happens something like this. I meet a person who intrigues me. I rush in where the proverbial fool would fear to go. I want that person to see my value. I put it out there. I don’t realize that my thinking is all about me.
“Look at me behavior” is what I call it. The subtext of what I do is something like “I want you to see what I know, think, understand, have accomplished. I want you to see how worthy I am. I want you to see me.
The irony is that whenever I make things about me, it’s not me who shows up to tell the story.
I end up saying things in ways that aren’t my way of saying them. I hear myself handing over my weaknessess as I tout my strengths.
When I am lucky, when I have my wits about me and my heart in the right, relevant place, I know that the other person doesn’t know or even suspect. I’m only ludicrous facts that I’m spouting without context.
It’s so silly, We all know that folks discover the things they need to know.
When I choose to trust the person I’m talking to, I find that the right parts of me show through — without effort, within the bigger story of who I am. I find that my defensive self promotion falls away like water falling down a moutatin cliff.
When I trust in the thoughts of others, I am who I am.
When I trust the thoughts and humanity of others, the rest happens rightly more often than not. It’s so much easier to let them discover wht I am.
We can change the world — just like that.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Hi Liz,
How often we forget that we can’t form an opinion in someone else’s brain. We can only make it easy for them to create their own. It’s a marvelously simple change in perspective that works wonders. Now if only I was better at following my own advice… 😉
Mike
Hi Mike,
I know just what you’re saying. We can open the door, but every person has to choose to walk through.
As far as advice goes, if you find a class I could use some advice on how to follow my own advice too. 🙂
I may just have to work on that one; it seems like a potentially lucrative field! 😉
Is it just about operating out of trust — or is it about operating out of love? Love of what we do. Love of being of service to others? Love of seeing others blossom as a result of something we were able to provide.
When we operate out of what Curt Rosengren calls the “passion core”, things fall into place. We don’t become self-defensive in our self-promotion. We don’t have to work as hard to make our point — use as many words, gestures, visual aids, etc. It doesn’t occur to us that the other person might have to be “convinced”. We hit our stride, our enthusiasm becomes contagious, the other person hits their stride…and somewhere in the conversation you both start walking side by side down the same path. Without realizing it.
When we use a lot of effort to make our case, when our self-promotion becomes defensive, that’s a big red flag that something’s not right. Synergy is missing … either between you and the other person or maybe between your goals (or “higher purpose”) and the project in question. At a subconscious level, something has already tipped you off to this. Your conscious mind is taking a while to catch up.
Yeah, Mike!
How to follow one’s own advice — that’s a niche!
Hi Whitney!
Once again, wonderfully said! It so shows that you are a writer!
I agree when work out of love or as Curt says “our passion core,” our attention is on others not ourselves. That’s the winning point point of view.
Self promotion is an itchy item. Because it’s so easy for it to become about ourselves. Whenever things get stuck in “us,” the other person gets pushed aside. That’s not good. . . .
You’re right. I already knew. I think most of us do.
we’re either operating out of love or fear.. be impressive, not impressing
gp in montana
Hi GP!
That’s what they say “love or fear.” I would add to that a personal quest.
Hoo boy! Ain’t that the truth (‘scuse the vernacular).
I’m lousy at self promotion (I could never sell Kirby vacuum cleaners for instance) so I kind of figured out that my best bet is to keep my hands in my pockets and my eyes and ears open. When the opportunity comes along to talk to someone then things usually fall into place. At least that’s the theory.
Half the time it works and the other half is me trying once again to promote myself (justify my existence?). I guess it all depends on who you are, your personality, self confidence and ego factor and especially how much respect you have for yourself. For myself, I’m not the type to get up on the proverbial soap box and try to convince people of something, I’m more of the type to start at the back of the crowd who is listening to the guy on said soapbox and start working my way to the front, enjoining folks in conversation the whole way. By the time I get to the front of the crowd it’s very possible I’ve skewed the majority of that crowd to my way of thinking.
It doesn’t work all the time but when it does…it’s great!
Hoo boy! Ain’t that the truth (‘scuse the vernacular).
I’m lousy at self promotion (I could never sell Kirby vacuum cleaners for instance) so I kind of figured out that my best bet is to keep my hands in my pockets and my eyes and ears open. When the opportunity comes along to talk to someone then things usually fall into place. At least that’s the theory.
Half the time it works and the other half is me trying once again to promote myself (justify my existence?). I guess it all depends on who you are, your personality, self confidence and ego factor and especially how much respect you have for yourself. For myself, I’m not the type to get up on the proverbial soap box and try to convince people of something, I’m more of the type to start at the back of the crowd who is listening to the guy on said soapbox and start working my way to the front, enjoining folks in conversation the whole way. By the time I get to the front of the crowd it’s very possible I’ve skewed the majority of that crowd to my way of thinking.
It doesn’t work all the time but when it does…it’s great!
There I go again, letting my mind run over the keyboard. As usual, please excuse the errors.
Hi Kirk!
Someone to me just last week that she lays an idea out there and then listens. That sounds a lot like what you’re saying here.
Listening is a powerful way to connect to people. We’re all so hungry to be heard.
You choose not to get on your soapbox. I find that choice wise. Standing up higher than the crowd changes the view and changes how you look to them too. It’s harder to hear someone talking from on high. 🙂