Talker’s Block? I Don’t Think So
Imagine this. We’re friends, sitting on my balcony, enjoying the sunsetsailboats on the horizon across Lake Michigan. (It might take a minute to get the image, especially since the aforementioned balcony doesn’t exist.) We’re drinking our favorite beverage and discussing what’s new, what’s news, and what’s interesting recent history.
You’re speaking about how you see the world. I hear a thought you share, and it prompts one of my own. You listen and elaborate on what you meant. I sip my wine and then I say,
“Um, I have nothing to say. I’m suffering talker’s block.”
I don’t think so.
Conversation as a Cure for Writer’s Block
Ever heard anyone say that they have talker’s block? Sure everyone has moments when we have nothing to say or no comeback, but do we get brainlessly blank when we’re talking to our friends? Do we sit around watching the Superbowl, listening to a debate, or seeing someone Twitter on a new iPhone . . . then find ourselves without word one? No, of course not.
Conversation is a participation sport that has only one team. In a conversation, people share ideas in a relational, flexible way. Whether they’re “Oh yeah, I know what you mean!” discussions or “You’re totally missing the point!” debates, conversations work the same. Conversations have three key elements in common that work in this way.
- We put an idea or observation out there. That thought might come with some explanation, but it’s not a one-way communication. The trading nature of conversation limits how detailed and supported an idea can be.
- Someone responds. Folks interrupt with emotion, add information, or completely disagree. Whatever the response, it changes the substance and direction of the original thought. An additional point of view always does.
- We reply to the response. No matter our intent when we first spoke, the the response calls for an answer of its own.
That third point is the key. Conversation is organic and goes where the thoughts lead us. It’s the thoughts that count. It’s the meaning making that moves the conversation forward . . . or not. In most conversational journeys, someone starts the engine, but everyone owns some part of where the conversation goes. (A solo journey doesn’t mean no conversation at all. Ever think about what you would say to a friend, when he or she wasn’t there?)
When we add to a conversation, we draw from what we know, what we’ve experienced, what we imagine, and what we wonder about. We do that in response to thoughts that other folks have shared.
Here’s the bit not to miss . . . we draw from the same places — what we know, what we’ve experienced, what we imagine, and what we wonder about — when we start a conversation.
When we’re conversing with friends . . . we don’t edit our thoughts or tie them up like a presentation. We put the focus on who we’re talking to and what they’re saying, not on how they’ll be looking at us. We trust our friends to hear what we’re saying or ask when they can’t. We make room for feedback, so that we know. We respect their thoughts.
Want to how to cure writer’s block?
I just told you.
If you’re feeling blank, draw from what you know, what you’ve experienced, what you imagine, and what you wonder about. Put an idea or observation out there. Focus on who you’re talking to and leave room for feedback. In print or on the Internet, write a conversation.
I started the engine. Here’s the keys. Your turn to drive.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Want to get rid of your writer’s block forever? I’ll show you how.
Hi Liz
Thanks for another ‘just in time’ piece 🙂
For me the key is focusing on the person I’m writing for and talking to. If there isn’t at least one person that I imagine might want to share the thought with me… I’ll leave it for a while.
This is probably how it works in ‘real’ conversations too. Sometimes if everyone else is talking fast and witty I get tongue tied and don’t want to talk… just listen.
But when I know there’s someone, even just one person, who I can talk to, listen to, respond to, smile at… the conversation becomes easy.
I think next time I get stuck I’ll just transport myself to that balcony with you, settle down in a chair, and think about just what it is that I was going to say again…
Joanna
Great point!
Two of my past writing inspirations were Lake Michigan and John Gardner. Since inspiration from the former usually involved a 12-pack, some stranger’s boat in Gilson Park and/or the rocks off LSD (Lake Shore Drive), and since none of those are handy, I’ll share a quote from the latter on writer’s block:
The best way of all for dealing with writer’s block is never to get it… If children can build sand castles without getting sand-castle block, and if ministers can pray over the sick without getting holiness block, the writer who enjoys his work and takes measured pride in it should never be troubled by writer’s block. ~ John Gardner
If I’m having trouble writing something, I take it as a hint that I’m going about it the wrong way. If it’s not fun, why do it? (certainly not the money)
Hi Joanna!
You’re welcome on that balcony any time. It’s always lovely weather and the water is beautiful every day.
I’ve been thinking about writing, blogging, and conversation . . . ironically it was a comment you wrote that started this train of thought over a month ago.
We’re learning how to talk in text. We ought to use that knowledge and skill to communicate . . . 🙂
Hi
“We’re learning how to talk in text. We ought to use that knowledge and skill to communicate . . . :)”
I’ve been thinking about this too. It’s something to do with the intention to connect – the intention that lies behind the words – and then allowing the feeling, the intention to find the words for you. And to tell you when to stop and just say – thanks 🙂
Joanna
That’s precisely why my posts are best when read with the comments. We do carry the thought forward together. I’m blessed and grateful for the talented people who join in and connect with the topic and each other.
Check…I do get moments when I don’t have anything to say at all to the people I’m around. Actually I get that more in real life than when it comes to writing, which is why I seriously can talk on the net.
I guess out in the real world, it’s harder to find people that can relate to the things I like. Since I’m so used to being the shoulder to cry on for so many people, part of the habit was always to listen and act on rather than say things that might otherwise start a conversation.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m mute. It’s just that I’m a terrible person to have a conversation with unless it’s in matters that I’m used to. If not, you talk, I’ll listen and if I have anything to say, I will, but not really as conversation extenders. It’s just that so you’ll talk more.
Hi Sean!
Great to see you and thank you for the wonderful John Garner quote. The three of us could not agree more. Another writer, Dave Barry, comes at the idea from the other side to reach a similar point. His thought is that writers who get blocked have forgotten that sometimes it’s hard work. I shared his quote from The Writer Magazine in a blog post two years ago called, Why Dave Barry and Liz Don’t Get Writer’s Block
Hi again, Joanna,
I agree. When we write to each other every day in text, we learn how to recognize the person behind the words. In a real world way, maybe we learn also to not make the words more important than the person who says them. . . . something that has helped me with everyone I meet. 🙂
HI Valeria!
I understand what you’re saying and I’m feeling redundant that it’s a conversation that we’re having about having conversation. 🙂
Hi Edrei,
I understand that you save your conversation for people and topics you find engaging, inspiring, or in the same “zone.” I do too. That’s why I wrote this post about talking with friends — to nod my head to the fact that some “converation” really isn’t the conversation I’m talking about.
You’re thoughts are so interesting and important. I hope one day we get to have a conversation of our own. 🙂
Great post, Liz. I don’t suffer from writer’s block in my blog writing, as I already feel that the kind of writing I do there is a small part of an overall conversation. I do, however, suffer from writer’s block in my academic writing. Then I really have to talk it out with someone, whether that’s a fellow researcher or family/friends. Just the very act of articulating my thoughts can get me scurrying back to the keyboard!
Conversation is key to all kinds of writing – even a private diary is a dialogue with the self.
Liz, I love this idea! As I read your post, I realized I’ve been doing a version of this when I’m stuck with a writing passage but hadn’t been conscious of it. Your comment that, “When we’re conversing with friends . . . we don’t edit our thoughts or tie them up like a presentation” nails it.
I also realized I’ve been doing a slightly different version that also works really well. Ok, time for true confessions that will paint me as the loon I am: When I was working on my book and no one was around at the moments I was stuck, I talked to the dogs. They’re highly attentive, love being talked to, and never ever judge. It works for the same reasons you described! 🙂
Hi Amy!
I know that when I sit about to write and the words don’t come, it’s time to do something else. Often I sit back to reflect on the beauty outside my window, thinking not all of what I’m going to write about. When my brain is clear, I can start with the question, “What exactly is it that I’m trying to say?” Usually the problem is that I don’t know the answer to that. 🙂
Hi Tammy,
Often when I can’t get the words to come out, I walk around “rehearsing.” I’m not sure that talking to myself is any different than what you do . . . could be more crazy making. 🙂
I just want to know how you can watch a sunset over Lake Michigan on the western side of the lake? 😉
My only explanation is that you’ve found a way to reverse the space/time continuum. THAT’S AMAZING!
Hi Mike!
You’re too cool to catch that. 🙂
In my imagination, I get to make up the details. I just put my balcony on the south side of the building. 🙂 🙂
Hey there!
What a great post and how true it is! I find that when I really don’t have anything to write about it’s because somehow I’ve gotten cut off. It might not be physically – just that I’m so immersed in one thing that is sucking up all my brain cells.
When I force myself to break out – usually by talking to others – my thoughts start to flow again.
I’ve even (I hate to admit) been in face to face or phone conversations with someone and had to stop and write a note about something I want to blog!!
Ann
Hi Ann!
So that’s what you’re doing when I’m talking to you . . . 🙂
Great idea!
It’s a fabulous point you make here. When I’m not connected, for whatever reason, I don’t know what to blog about . . . when I’m not connected, I don’t know what to talk to my friends about. Connection is so important to conversation.