Ever Seen One?
Yesterday at Brogan’s blog, Mark Hayward wrote a great post about being shy when attending conferences and other social situations. He called it Wallflower Syndrome.
Perhaps you’ve had some experience with that condition?
I have and still have moments when it returns. Truth is if I don’t plan well, a room filled with new people easily can shake my thinking.
I read what Mark wrote with interest and found a lot of what I do in his suggestions, but what surprised me what the photo that he chose to illustrate the feelings of wallflower-edness. He picked a sweet kitten in the grass.
Maybe that’s been part of the problem . . . I’ve been seeing the wallflower me all wrong.
Somehow I had this picture in my head that wallflowers were scraggly. dark green, barely surviving plant-like things. In my fish-eye imagination, a wallflower was a limp spinach mess with small wilted purple petals in a brown granny dress sitting in front of yellowing wallpaper.
How did I get that picture in my head?
Awkward and ugly was what wallflower always meant to me.
From junior high school school dances to certain networking events since,
that image of a spinach thing in a granny dress defined me the first second I felt shy or self-conscious in a group of more than three.
If I made the unfortunate mistake of walking near a wall, the game would soon before I could miss the thought of a wallflower and the image would make me feel even smaller.
Then this morning, I saw this picture of a wallflower.
I’m feeling sort of duped and wondering . . .
I’m thinking that I’ve been seeing my wallflower self all wrong. I wonder whether you’ve been doing that?
What if I had seen myself as Mark’s kitten or known a wallflower could look like this one? Would shyness have been a different experience?
Do you suppose that could make a difference?
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz!!
Dearie me, Liz, the thought of turning into a spinach thing in a granny dress would be enough to make anyone shrink into the background!
I don’t often do the wallflower thing, but when I do, I think of myself in black nondescript clothing. I find now that by dressing in a more colourful way, even if it’s just bright accessories, helps to keep those wallflowerish feelings at bay.
Hi Amy!
So, it’s an interesting thing these pictures we get in our heads. I’m going to keep those yellow flowers on that sunny wall in mine from this moment forward. Much nicer. I think I’ll be using your colorful hint as well. 🙂
When I think wallflower, I think invisible suit. I like to shock the (um..) heck out of clients who’ve been working with me for years online when they meet me the first time. People seem to think I’m confident and outgoing. Then I show up in my invisible suit. I’m a horrible public speaker too. Underline horrible three or four times.
I had a client meet me by twisting my arm into speaking at a conference. He later told me I’m much prettier in his inbox.
Maybe I’m a wallweed istead of a wallflower? I dunno. But I like your pretty picture. Whenever I see dandelions growing out of blacktop I think “Hey, that’s me!” Your pretty flowers growing out of bricks are even better. 🙂
We have an interior bathroom with no windows or skylights….I had a Renoir Painting turned into wall paper – massive flowers are on the walls. We call this our garden bathroom, I fill the giant old claw foot tub, put on music and just wander through the bouquet…
I have always been to the side lines and observing….taking notes in my mind about what I see…wandering the garden to find words I want to put down on paper – only sometimes do I hope to be discovered and then when I am I wish the explorer to be dazzled by my blooming forth. In person my words are often too intense and too many…
I love the picture and the ideas today.
Amy!
I love your wallflower story. You know yourself so well and that’s what makes you so appealing as person. I smile every time I read your comments. 🙂
Wilted limp spinach vegetation? I think you’ve been looking in the dark corner of my shower, not on walls. 😛
I don’t think I ever had the frumpy wallflower image.
I was always an introvert, but kind of arrogant one. I was sure what was going on in my head was far more interesting than what the surrounding crowds of people were blathering about. 🙂
I did spend most of my school years with my head in a book–a great way to avoid social interaction completely, heh.
Hi Lindsay!
I like the way that you think. I bet you’re some kind of fun! Though remind me not to look in your shower when I visit your house the next time. 🙂